Month: September 2011

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Cars

We tried searching for films suitable for a sensitive 2 year old and all the interwebs came up with were:

  • Winnie The Pooh
  • Cars

    • So we bought Cars from eBay.
    It’s brilliant. The sons love it and have watched it about 10 times in the last week.
    As expected from Pixar this film is really well written and directed. The artwork is fantastic and the detail is awesome.
    I said to wonderful wife that I thought the cars suspension moves the wrong way when they go around corners. She replied

    that’s your issue with a film with talking cars?

    Fair enough. Although I guess they could have cool active suspension so the side of the car on the inside of the corner is lower rather than higher than expected. Essentially a car rolls to the outside of the corner not the inside, hey you could have cool lever linkage also!
    Anyway, great film and sons obsessed with racing cars! Brilliant.

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    Tesco are rubbish

    I had to take a toy back to Tesco as I had found it 20% cheaper at Argos and Tesco say you can just change your mind and return an item. So I checked the T&Cs at the back of the catalogue and took the required items back to Tesco Grove Green.

    • The product with original packaging
    • The order confirmation email

    from the catalogue

    My wife had ordered the toy and paid using her card but she was out that day but the catalogue and email said the card wasn’t necessary.

    I go to Tesco and hand back the toy and show the email.

    Do you have the card used to pay for the toy?

    No, was my reply. The instructions in the catalogue say you don’t have to bring it back with you.

    It will say somewhere in the email that you need to bring the card. You always need the payment card when you return items.

    After looking through the email, I suggest that the person serving me have a look as it says exactly the same as the catalogue: just bring the product and the email confirmation. Could I possibly have the returned money as a giftcard?

    yes, but only this once and as a goodwill gesture.

    My problem with this is that if the return instructions had said I needed the payment card then I would have taken it. Why was I made to feel like an idiot when I was following instructions from Tesco.
    The person serving me refused after that point to look at me. I was trying to point out that perhaps she could talk to someone senior about the fact that the emails and catalogue are wrong. I tried to say this in as helpful manner as possible but obviously failed.

    Tesco: you have messed up.

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    The origin of wine

    A foible of mine:

    I only buy and drink wine from regions I have visited

    Fortunately I have been to Bordeaux and other great wine producing areas but I just decided about a year ago that I might as well impose a restriction just for the hell of it. Should someone offer me wine then I will drink it from anywhere. For me, this rule just makes choosing wine a little more interesting.
    Places I can’t drink:

    • South America
    • North America (apart from Florida)
    • Asia (apart from Hong Kong and Singapore)
    • Africa

    Individual areas that I can drink:

    • Most of France
    • Bits of Spain
    • Cyprus
    • South East Australia
    • Southern Portugal
    That’s about it. Hey, as the Great Sheldon said “if your going to have foibles you might as well make them bizarre”.
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    Extras

    I’ve given up treats such as chocolate, crisps and donuts bought in by other department members.
    Essentially I’m not bothered by crisps but I do like chocolate. I have decided to give up all “treats” for around six months or so. I won’t eat them at home or buy them.  If they are offered as food at a friend’s house then that is fine.
    Really this is about losing (or not gaining) weight and proving I have some willpower. Now I just need to promise that I’ll play the PS3 a bit more.

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    LED Car Lights

    When Audi put super bright LED lights on the front of their cars I was really impressed. They looked cool and were possibly a good safety feature.
    Then everyone got in on the act. Citroën, Porsche, VW and the other day I swear I saw a KIA with these lights.
    Now I’ve changed my mind. They aren’t cool. They are annoying. Always on and too bright if these lights were the reason you bought a car then get your head examined. They are the automobile equivalent of a snake shaped belt buckle.
    I’m not convinced of any safety argument either. If manufacturers want lights on all the time because they know that most drivers can tell when to flick the switch then change your name to Volvo.

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    Bands I have seen

    This is a memory test. Trying to list the bands I have seen live. I guess this page will be edited as I remember the hazy days of long ago before children.

    1st Concert
    Iron Maiden (support: White Dwarf) 10 December 1988, Wembley Arena

    After that:
    AC/DC, Wembley Arena, Donington, Wembley Stadium
    Aesthetic Perfection, The Underworld
    Alice in Chains, Cambridge Corn Exchange twice, Download ’13
    Asking Alexandria, Wembley Arena
    Bon Jovi, Wembley Arena, Wembley Stadium, Twickenham
    Bullet For My Valentine, Wembley Arena
    Combichrist, Wembley Arena
    Dan Reed Network, Wembley Arena
    Diamond Head, Milton Keynes Bowl
    Elvis Presley (kind of), Wembley Arena
    Evile, Brixton Academy
    Faith No More, Wembley Stadium
    Gary Moore, Wembley Arena
    Great White, Wembley Arena
    Guns ‘n’ Roses, Wembley Stadium twice and Milton Keynes Bowl
    Iron Maiden, Cambridge Corn Exchange twice and Earls Court
    Jose Gonzalez, Shepherds Bush Empire
    Killing Joke, O2 Academy Islington
    King’s X, Wembley Arena
    KMFDM, O2 Academy Islington
    Level 42 (the shame), Wembley Arena
    Lostprophets, Brixton Academy
    Madonna, Wembley Stadium
    Megadeth, Wembley Arena, Cambridge Corn Exchange, Milton Keynes Bowl, Brixton Academy
    Metallica, Wembley Arena, Earls Court, Donington, Milton Keynes Bowl
    Ministry, Brixton Academy
    Motley Crüe, Wembley Arena, Donington
    Nine Inch Nails, Wembley Stadium, Brixton Academy
    Prince, Earls Court
    Peter Green – Chatham Theatre
    Queensryche, Donington
    Rammstein, Wembley Arena
    Senser, Portsmouth somewhere, Underworld
    Skid Row, Wembley Arena, Wembley Stadium
    Slayer, Wembley Arena Earls Court
    Suicidal Tendencies, Wembley Area
    Testament, Wembley Arena, KoKo
    The Almighty, Cambridge Corn Exchange, Milton Keynes Bowl
    The Black Crowes, Donington, Brixton Academy
    The Darkness, Wembley Arena
    Treponem Pal, O2 Academy Islington
    Ugly Kid Joe, Wembley Stadium
    UK Subs, The Square
    Van Halen, Wembley Stadium
    Wat Tyler, The Square
    White Lion, Wembley Arena
    Winger, The Astoria
    Wolfsbane, Cambridge Corn Exchange twice, The Marquee
    Yngwie Malmsteen, Shepherds Bush Empire

    For the Download 2013 list click here.

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    Hot Air Balloons

    Here’s a photo of four hot air balloons gliding over the Kentish sky one evening. Trust me, there are four. See if you can spot them.

    Sunset and balloons
    Sunset and balloons
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    Negative Quesitons

    This is another of those annoying language things that stems from my rather literal language processing unit. See my previous post about starting letters. I am not far enough into the spectrum to follow instructions or comprehension literally but I do struggle trying to answer negative questions in a true manner. Once again there common usage issues that I believe to be amazingly wrong but most people seem to accept them.

    If something is amazing then the following:

    Is that an amazing aircraft manoeuvre?

    is easy to answer. Yes for agreeing with the statement and no for disagreeing. However the question:

    Isn’t that an amazing aircraft manoeuvre?

    is remarkably hard to answer. I believe the vernacular is to answer “yes” if I am saying that it is an amazing manoeuvre. But if I answer “yes” then I think I am agreeing with the statement which is

    Is that not an amazing manoeuvre?

    and that reverses the meaning of my answer. Arrrrggghhh! Similarly other questions can confuse me enough that I answer very differently. So, if I had just seen an amazing manoeuvre then the following would be the conversation:

    “wasn’t that an amazing manoeuvre?”
    “It was amazing”

    This means I have not answered an impossible question and also managed to keep my head from exploding with diverse logic implications.
    Other examples are:

    “aren’t you going to the cinema?”
    “isn’t that band great?”

    So, please don’t ask me perfectly normal questions, it just hurts.

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    PS3 Insurance no more

    The other day I got a letter from Domestic and General who are the people who underwrite my PS3 insurance. My payments are to increase from £4.99 to £7.99! That’s a 75% increase! Now even given the ironic situation of times past I have phoned D&G and cancelled my policy. Somehow £60 a year seemed ok but nearly £96 is ridiculous. I’ve also cancelled my Sky+HD insurance as I’ve just had a new box.
    Now, if the PS3 dies I’ll buy another. They are cheap enough. Then I’ll do my best to fix my classic 60 Gb model. It’s lovely! Lots of USB ports, PS2 backwards compatibility (suck on that you later model users), multimedia card slots and SACD playback because, yes, I bought some of those!
    Now I just need to remember to back up my game saves regularly.

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    Patriotism

    I always feel a twinge of patriotism whenever I see the Union Flag or Cross of St George on the back bumper of a car. Seeing the red, white and blue or just red and white makes a touch of “proud” run through my blood.
    The person who spent around £5 on a bumper sticker or magnet obviously has a price limit attached to their patriotism because the vehicle is more often than not built in a different country. BMWs with the England flag, Mercedes with the Union flag and Chevrolets with a Cornwall flag.
    I believe that if you are that patriotic then your car should reflect your taste in flag adornments!
    Actually, I’m not that patriotic. I have some teams I follow and watch mainly the Essex cricket team, the England cricket team and the New Orleans Saints. I wouldn’t say I’m a fan. I tend to watch on tv and have a little emotional investment but it’s not the end of the world if they lose.
    Following a team or patriotism or religion just satisfies our human need to belong to a tribe. None of them can be suggested to be a better form of tribalism than the other. Country, Jesus, town, county, country, football team It’s all the same thing really.

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    Looking in the mirror

    Here’s a tip for some of you drivers out there. It stems from my experiences as a motorcyclist and now as a driver, although now I’m not travelling quite as fast. The bike was an 1100cc machine and my car is a diesel estate!

    I noticed in the past that whenever I was coming up behind a car on a motorway and that car was indicating to pull out into my lane that the driver would (I assume) check the rear view mirror or door mirror. Now, if the driver looks once and gets a snapshot of the road they would see me in the outside lane. What would be interesting is that the driver would have no idea of how fast I was travelling unless he/she spent a long time staring in the mirror. To get an impression of speed the driver would have to look again in the mirror to see how my position relative to him/her had changed in the time that had passed.

    I believe it is for this reason I had cars pull out in front of me causing me to brake many times. It is quite simple that to judge a speed you need two reference times to see position change. Hence drivers need to look in their mirrors twice before pulling out in front of traffic in the next lane. Most drivers are ignorant of this fact of physics given that cars still pull out in front of me and I’m now in a car.

    Perhaps drivers don’t care about other road users and I’m in the minority. Gosh, I think I’m better than most.

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    I am writing

    Two minor things that annoy me are symptoms of my inflexible understanding of language. I will talk about negative questioning, which troubles me, another time but for now here are two main methods of starting a letter:

    Dear Sir,
    I am writing to inform you that the programme you showed . . .

    Dear Sir,
    I wish to inform you that the programme you showed . . .

    Both of these annoy me. In the first case it is obvious you are writing so there’s no need to state that. Just start by saying

    “I found the programme you showed the other night rather sexless”.

    The second method of starting a letter would have me reply

    “you can wish all you like but you won’t get it”.

    I do understand that language is fluid and evolves but we could always force a correction in usage if we insist on decent use of the English language.

    I must be on the spectrum somewhere but I don’t interpret language literally it just annoys me when people are inaccurate.

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    No pak choi ahoy

    So my vegetable plot grew well but my pak choi are gone! Not eaten by humans though.
    See the carcass of my work:

    20110901-193022.jpg

    All done by these:

    20110901-193051.jpg

    Mind you it’s been a good talking point with my son. Haven’t trapped any in a jam jar, will do that next year when he’s older.

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    Whose next top model?

    My wife and I have finally given up on %%%%% Next Top Model, where %%%%% is a variable string representing one of the following:
    America’s, Britain’s, Canada’s, Australia’s

    I estimate I have seen fourteen series of America’s Next Top Model, three seasons of Australia’s Next Top Model, two of Canada’s and four of Britain’s Next Top Model. Now I will watch no more. Finally I have become bored with the format. It was fun watching young women argue and shout at each other while living in the same apartment. It was fun learning about the industry of fashion, which is still one that I think is mostly a crock of shit. I don’t see that fashion does anything useful. It was fun watching girls cry when their hair is cut short on the advice of the experts, but finally I am bored and moving on to other things.

    It always struck me as interesting that the girls who shout the loudest are usually the ones who fail. See also X Factor and other such shows. Those who have humility are usually the ones who succeed.

    No MORE. Thanks Tyra Banks for the show but it is time to move on.

    An aside: whenever I have spoken to pupils at work, it is a boys’ school, they like to claim I am “gay” for watching a modelling programme. This is interesting, as I explain, because what I am watching is half naked women and commenting on how they look and NOT getting hit by my wife. They don’t get it.

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