It’s No Collapse

“Oh it all falls apart when it snows”

“An inch of snow and Britain can’t cope”.

Bullshit.

Firstly: We’ve had plenty of warning that there was going to be snow. It wasn’t a surprise.

Secondly: People should have been prepared for the roads to become bad and for transport to be cancelled. BECAUSE WE HAD WARNING.

But, why doesn’t anything work when it snows?

Because you don’t spend LOADS of money on services that are going to sit idle for 360/365 days of the year. If you want everything to work “just fine” when there’s a lot of snow then bloody well pay for it. It will cost a lot of money. It just doesn’t make economical sense.

Hopefully, many services have plans for getting through the snow. Hospitals and emergency services are important and I somewhat suspect that they HAVE plans. Being forewarned about the snow means those plans can be enacted.

Simple really.

Winter Views

The weather over the last few days has been stunning. There’s a load of snow around and the whole of the county looks stunning. It has rather messed with my professional plans but, hey ho, I’m sure I’ll figure it out. The opportunity of being at home in daylight has meant that I have been for a couple of tentative runs since fucking my right Achilles. I am still walking and the Achilles seems intact. Not sure when I’ll next have a run but I’m pleased with the results so far.

So, these are the details of one of my runs. While I have been out I’ve taken many photos. I think they are gorgeous:

Frozen
Frozen
Cold Day
Cold Day
Lense Flare
Lense Flare

The countryside is stunning and I think that a couple of sub-zero temperature runs is just the way to celebrate the gloriousness of the whole thing. Ever wanted to know what snow does to trainers? The trainers are old, but waterproof and actually reasonably warm. I did notice today though that the sole is coming away so once they are dry I am going to glue them (again)!

Cold Trainers
Cold Trainers

I’m not too happy with having the heating on full time but it is the only way to keep my house warm. I guess I’ll have to pay for it over the rest of the year.

I also took some photos with the DSLR. This morning there was mist over the valley and it all looked just bloody gorgeous.

Mist and Snow
Mist and Snow

There was a dog walker out in the chill.

Winter Dog Walker
Winter Dog Walker

This concludes my winter pictures, until next time!

Black Panther

Yesterday I went to the Cineworld cinema at Rochester to see Black Panther. I left work a little later than I had hoped and arrived at the cinema fifteen minutes after the show start, but I was still there easily in time for the start of the film. That did mean that I didn’t have too long to read my book, which is what I do while waiting for the adverts and trailers to pass. I am currently reading a NASA book about the development of pressure suits. It’s called Dressing For Altitude and is on this page. I will admit that I failed to notice the condition of the tide this trip.

For a long while now I have rated the films I see on the IMDB website and I did the same with this film. I didn’t rate it straight away as I wanted the film to settle in my head, so I scored it this morning. I believe I have to re-align my rating system as it is failing the purposes of use. I seem to give too many films a “6” and initially the system was designed to differentiate more than that. There’s an explanation of the scoring system in this communication.

I think it is quite clear to me now that I don’t really like Marvel movies. I go see them as they are a nice way to observe the passage of time but I don’t think they are very good. It is true they are sumptuous and sometimes well scripted but superhero movies leave me flat. I’m always willing to let movies have a get-out-of-reality free card for a couple of things as long as the rest of the universe it creates is consistent and this one managed that. But my overall thoughts are “meh”.

Some things about this film were important I guess in this canon. There were many strong black characters who were fighting against the injustice of treatment against black people around the world. There were many strong female characters who were intelligent and fought well. So, there are good aspects to this film. A part of me thinks that if we want suffrage and racial equality then a superhero film isn’t going to change society but maybe it’s a start. Maybe Hollywood has to start somewhere.

I’m not aware of the original stories and so the following comments may seem harsh and too reality based but they are valid.

Why didn’t the tribes all drink the special purple juice to all be super-powered and therefore subjugate the entire white world?

Why was it necessary to have black tribes fighting black tribes, showing a constant rift in the collective power of Wakanda. I wanted more. I wanted the tribes to unite and over-rule the whites.

Riches for countries come from trade and education [once we got past the enslaving black people and stealing their natural resources]. Not apparently so for Wakanda. They had a city and flying machines but no-one knows about them.

It was nice to actually see Andy Serkis.

What does vibranium do?

Does nobody else notice the blue glow on the inside of the lips?

This film reinforces that to be great you have to be physically strong and fight well. Such bullshit in this modern liberal world where we recognise talent and brains [that’s my own little bubble, there are many twats out there who still celebrate the ability to hit people].

There was a lot about this film that was inconsistent. But, it’s a comic conversion and I guess I’m thinking about it too much.

Range 1

I spent some of the time at the weekend being the controlling officer of my first range. I ran the SMP DCCT range with cadets teaching them about marksmanship. It was good fun, the cadets learnt a lot and I learnt a lot. I’m looking forward to running my first live range soon.

53.08 Degrees and 40 Kilometres

While visiting Lincolnshire it’s hard to avoid RAF bases and do some aircraft observation. So I spent some time at RAF Coningsby, one of three fighter bases, hosting squadrons of Typhoons. I also visited the air museum at Newark, which I had driven past a few times before but never stopped at. Here’s a selection of the best photos for you.

Before this weekend I had seen Typhoons just twice before. Once at RAF Marham performing a touch and go and once at a Duxford air show. The noise was marvellous.

The name of this communication represents the fact that both Coningsby and Newark are 53.08 degrees north and pretty much forty kilometres apart.

Boston – Not New England

I wrote about watching a film in Boston in this communication and I also mentioned the place when explaining how far you can see from Tattershall Castle. I went for a proper look around, just to see what this place was like. Boston made its fortune many years ago and some parts of this town show that age old wealth. I guess the main problem at the moment is that the wealth is no longer around. This town struggles somewhat.

While driving back after seeing the film the other night I got a little bothered by the canals and roads and the utter straightness of this place. There were roads which were perfectly straight for about three miles, it’s a strange sensation when you are from the south east of this country.

Canal or Fen drain
Canal or Fen drain

This view gives an idea of the canal/drain, not the river Witham, I particularly like the roads either side and the tree lined avenue. Also, the complete lack of safety barrier which I’m sure would be knocking around down in my usual haunts. My first discovery was driving out past the windmill, somewhat a surprise, and I drove back in using this route to see the windmill in the daylight.

Boston Windmill
Boston Windmill

After I got parked in the town centre I went on the hunt for stuff. Also, I wanted to see the Stump up close. There was an area next to the river where the old customs house stands with a buoy for display. This lump of red steel was an original from The Wash and looked pretty. Boston had an unusual tidal surge in the past and the buoy was nearly covered in water, giving an indication of how bad floods can be for towns.

Saint Botolph’s Parochial Church of Boston wasn’t open by the time I got there and I suspect that I wouldn’t have been able to climb the tower but I am keen to have a go. It’s always worth getting up high in any town, it lends such perspective to human geography. There were plaques around the church celebrating the pilgrims who had headed off to the new lands of America to practise their religion freely. This country got rid of them because they were so damn weird and so they were sent away.

Boston Stump
Boston Stump from the River Witham

The Stump is certainly impressive in this barren flat landscape. It stands proud.

I’m not sure if it’s me but I noticed some strange things around the town. I’m possibly being slightly snobby here and I will have to declare that I haven’t really been in any town centre for probably a year, especially during the day time. I just don’t go into my local towns. There’s no need for me to head into the town centres and so my data set is rather limited.

There were many people using cash points. There were queues for the cash points. This was around 15:00 hrs on a Friday and maybe that is what happens in many towns but for some reason I was surprised and thought it was odd. I’m happy to be told I’m wrong, that this is a common occurrence around the country.

There also seemed to be many people smoking. I rarely go anywhere with a huge number of smokers and I suspect that my experience is somewhat limited. I could even smell smoke on me when I was back in my car. If I was so bothered I would go into towns near me during the daytime to get some comparative data, but this is unlikely, I doubt I will go. I don’t care enough about being wrong to want to check. This general hypothesis is not important to me.

Skywards
Skywards

Here’s the stretch of straight road, almost 5 miles but with a very, very slight kink.

Straight
Straight

The longest part of this road had warning signs saying that the road was uneven and the speed limit was 40mph. This, is a good thing. The road was very uneven and any faster could cause losing control of the vehicle. I doubt this will be fixed as it acts as a deterrent to driving with excessive speed.

While driving around Boston I noticed some red signs marked “out ER”. I wasn’t sure what these were but a quick Google informed me that they are Evacuation Routes for when there is a high risk of flooding. This seems pretty reasonable to me. It is sensible to have these routes planned so that people are aware of how to escape. It’s also sensible to have plans in place, here’s a link to the Lincolnshire council explanation [this link was removed as the page location was changed, Jan 2020].

Shootings

So, there’s been a shooting in the USA. There are always going to be shootings in the USA while guns are so easy to access. It’s really that simple. If you make guns easy for any idiot to purchase and use then they are going to use them. There should be a cooling off period and background checks. Oh, that and Mr Trump-Cunt removing the rules about the mentally ill buying guns.

It’s important to make sure that when news is presented that it is accurate and (preferably) unbiased. Even BBC R4 annoys me nowadays with John Humphries’s leading questions and stupid un-scientific knowledge. If I can shout at the radio “irrelevant” or “leading” or “biased” then the interviewer isn’t doing their job well.

I screen grabbed this from twitter:

News Issues
News Issues

I am not trying to point out that there haven’t been enough school based shootings, but I do want to point out that if you are trying to make an argument then you should be correct in your figures. I do not know what the actual number is for school shootings. Honestly, the fact that there is a number for JUST THIS YEAR means something is fucked. But all news people surely have a duty to represent the truth as best as they can find it. It doesn’t take much research to get that the 18 figure is misleading and that’s when the NRA will fuck you over.

NOTAM

In a previous communication about Tattershall I said that I had heard that the RAF Typhoon display pilot was going to practice his display. This sort of information is publicly available through NOTAMS, Notices To Airmen. There are websites that give this information in map form. Basically if a crane is erected or there are runway issues or events coming up that might affect flying then information about that thing is posted to NATS.

Typhoon NOTAM
Typhoon NOTAM

This is the Typhoon NOTAM with information about where and when. That way, if you are planning to fly there you can avoid CGY.

Here’s what the pilot had to say about his display:

He went up in a two seater so I wonder if he was being assessed. I remember being at Linton-On-Ouse when the Tucano display pilot was having his assessment to get his display ticket for the season, you could hear the engine pulling the plane in high-g turns just above the airfield. It was very impressive.

Flat Of The Land

I’ve been on a trip to Lincolnshire and the Fens. The journey up here was surprising from Peterborough onwards as I hadn’t really realised just how far these low lands and fen lands go. I haven’t seen a hill for a whole day now and while that might not seem strange you only have to come here for it to freak you out. The roads here a remarkably straight following the line of the irrigation canals, the highest points are road bridges over the canals or railways. Houses here are dotted around, few and far between with a loneliness that seems saddening. My initial thoughts about this place are that the four walls poking out from the ground must be expensive to heat, there is nothing to stop the winter winds. The landscape must be fantastic in winter although I would imagine it’s a struggle, a 4×4 is definitely required. I wonder what the broadband bandwidths are like?

Tattershall Castle is not far from where I am staying and so I visited. It’s a pretty large building that protrudes out from moated grounds to accentuate the plane aspects of this countryside.

Tattershall Castle
Tattershall Castle

This castle is pretty old and the high ceiling rooms are impressive. The beams used to support the floors above are immense. I didn’t go for the audio tour, I didn’t want to be stuck to a particular routine. I actually wanted to get to the top to see RAF Coningsby. The flight line is quite a clear sight from the top of the castle, along with the hangar that houses the Battle Of Britain Memorial Flight. Unfortunately nothing took off or landed while I was in a suitable place to see.

I was surprised that the Boston Stump was clearly visible to the south along with Lincoln Cathedral almost directly to the north. The Stump was about 19 km away and the cathedral is 27 km to the NE. This is how flat this land is. You can easily see for miles. The trees, houses and road signs punctuate this barren landscape. My normal “escape” is the English mountains in the Lake District and this place is the exact opposite.

The churchyard next to the castle had some early signs of spring grasping the sun light and air:

Spring Is Here
Spring Is Here

I didn’t spend ages at Tattershall. I had heard that the RAF Typhoon display pilot was going to have a practice and I left the castle with fifteen minutes to spare to get to a suitable viewing point. The morning practice had been cancelled, although reasons I have none.

My favourite part of Tattershall was the ramp going to an ante-room. The ramps takes you up the first step but look carefully at the picture and you can see where once up one step you are fucked because the second step is pretty much straight in front of you with no room to manoeuvre. It’s brilliant placement.

Inclined Plain
Inclined Plain

Yes, I know that plane is spelt plane and not plain in this case normally but I decided the ramp was boring and useless, hence plain.

The Shape Of The Water

I journeyed to see The Shape Of The Water, and while I usually comment on the state of the tide during these reviews I am afraid I cannot this time. I went to see this film in Boston. That’s the Boston in Lincolnshire which gave its name to Boston, Ma. There is always tide but all I could see in Boston was canals. As is also customary on this site I rated the film on IMDB and there’s a communication here about the scoring system. I do still think it’s time to update the rating system but that’ll happen when I get around to it.

So, I should probably say what I thought about this film. I really enjoyed it. The word that kept running through my head as I watched it was “sumptuous”. Everything about this film looked lovely. The re-creation of the 50s worked well along with the well designed flats where the main characters live above a cinema, which seems to be an ideal place to live.

The merman was brilliant and the scene where we meet him and see his eyes and lids was lovely. The whole structure of the research facility was brilliant if rather cliche. It seemed very comic-book. The love story was fine as a love story. This filmed had me smiling throughout, it was nicely put together.

One thing really annoyed me and that was that for some reason the merman had to wait until the rains had come and filled the canal before being released to the sea. This is rather strange. I’m sure he could have been released straight into the river the other side of the dock gates. The whole idea of canals is that they generally are full all the time. That’s why we build them.

The cinema I went to was quite a change from the multi-plexes that exist in the south east. This cinema was in the centre of a town and looked as though it had a long history. The screen was quite small but I’m not one to be bothered by size. Perhaps a good thing was the GBP7.45 for a ticket.

As another member of the audience left he walked past me and declared:

“What a load of bollocks”

I do not share that sentiment, but masterpiece this was not.

Commission Too

Yesterday I received a letter from the Air Commandant. It essentially says that my commission in the cadet forces has changed from being a member of the RAF VR(T) to now being a member of the RAFAC. I wrote about my original commission in this communication.

Commission Too
Commission Too

I also have to change the rank insignia I wear and I’ve got some stuff about that here. I now have colour matched rank slides for all my uniform.

Oh, a minor point, this communication is number 1250!

Arch Enemy – Koko

Last night I popped into town to see the band Arch Enemy. They are a Swedish heavy metal band [melodic death if you are interested] and played Koko, a theatre style venue about a mile away from Kings Cross. Koko is within easy walking distance of my terminus and so I don’t have to worry about getting the tube or missing my last train home. There were quite a few times when, as a teenager, I got stuck in London because once you get the tube back from Wembley to Liverpool Street the last train has gone.

Koko Glitterball
Koko Glitterball

First band up were Tribulation. I wasn’t too sure what to expect as the last metal gig I went to was Gojira and I had an awful headache that night. I’ve seen mostly EBM stuff over the last few years.

Tribulation
Tribulation

My main comment about this band would be that if Spinal Tap have already represented your style of music then you shouldn’t be playing it. This band were like the world hadn’t gone anywhere or done anything for about 30 years. I fully expected a Stonehenge to come down from the ceiling. My notes from the evening describe this band as “gothic metal” and then “epic long boring metal”. It was all witches and stuff. It was a giggle I guess.

Next up were Wintersun. My notes are “surprisingly good” very well constructed songs and played well together. There was lots of gang vocals and ooohing going on in the songs. It wasn’t quite viking metal but it came close in structure. Quite a few songs were fast with lots of double bass drumming [which is fine except when it’s over-used like it was]. The slow song was shit, it irritated me.

Wintersun
Wintersun

At one point the singer was drinking from what looked like a disposable Costa cup and we could see the tea bag label sticking out! TEA!! The guy was drinking TEA. Whatever floats your boat I guess. It’s probably better than alcohol for the throat. Here’s a short clip of stuff:

Headliners were Arch Enemy. I didn’t write any notes about them at the time because I enjoyed the gig enough. They were a tight band and put on a great show.

Arch Enemy
Arch Enemy

The crowd was really up for the mosh pit and I was on the edge of it for a short while but it soon became apparent that my leg injury wouldn’t hold up. I did something stupid to my Achilles about three weeks ago and putting weight onto my toes is not a good idea. The way the mosh pit moved meant I was regularly stepping back to get my balance and this eventually would ruin my ability to walk. Also, by this time my back was hurting so sadly and like an old man I went upstairs to watch from above and rest my weary body.

Alissa White-Gluz
Alissa White-Gluz

I’m not sure if this is the first metal band I have seen with a female lead singer but apart from being slim and curved there wasn’t a great deal of difference between her and a male singer. The band played for a solid ninety minutes and overall I was very impressed. I’d see them again. A very good collection of songs. This gig rates about a 7 on the Smith-Parish scale of GR.

Status Update

This early evening I took a trip out to Rochester Cineworld, next to the river Medway. I don’t have to remember the state of the tide, I’m not even sure when this thing started, because I took a photo.

Medway State Of Tide
Medway State Of Tide

You can clearly see the mudflats and so the tide was not fully in or high or whatever the term is.

After watching a film I normally rate it on the IMDB website and you can read how those ratings work in this communication.

I guess I ought to tell you what I thought! I did give ti a 4/10 which I think means, I stayed just to see how it ended.

This film is, meant to be, a warning about the dangers of social media and the fake or edited lives that you see on them. They didn’t go with a subtle metaphor they just hit you in the face with it. Also, NO ONE GETS HURT IN THE END.

So, answer me this, Batman. Why are pupils in USA schools always in their mid-twenties? The whole school. There were no young kids. None. Just a school for backward twenty somethings who are trying to hold on to their youth for as long as they can while slowly accepting the fate of being grown up.

This film was just cliche bullshit. The jock were bullies. The fat kid was lonely. The swanky new blonde haired kid from California ended up being the most popular kid in town. There were no ugly people.

The bullying was horrific and this film pretty much normalises it along with telling kids that it’s your fault for getting bullied. Don’t tell anyone, don’t get back just sit there and take it. Accept the humiliation. FUCK this film.

This film normalises the pretty girls liking the jocks. FUCK this film.

This film normalises the gay kid being the drama and singing student. FUCK this film.

This film normalises shitty dads being a waste of space. FUCK this film.

This film normalises fighting to solve a problem. FUCK this film.

This film normalises humiliating your friends and closest female friend but it’s OK because after you’ve done that they will come back to you and you get the girl. FUCK this film.

This film normalises chasing and chasing means you get the girl. FUCK this film.

This film normalises that being really popular, a great singer and excellent hockey player will get you laid. The lead character ends up with all he wanted after being a real cock. This film overwrote the pain and suffering with a shitty happy ending. This film says: it’ll all be ok if you hassle people. FUCK this film.

This film was an atrocious piece of white ass trash cinema that normalises all the crappy behaviour that we don’t accept and shouldn’t accept. This film is a sad excuse for being every little small town American cliche.

 

Wow.

Didn’t think this review would go that way. I got all annoyed there. This film is why people have self esteem issues. This film reinforces all of those stupid high school memes about being popular and getting loved. IT ENDS HAPPILY. WITH ALL PEOPLE LIKING EACH OTHER. Fuck it.

Garage Issues

Spent a short while last night reading through some discussion groups about how to fix my garage issues within Gran Turismo Sport mentioned in this communication. I found a good level of discussion over at GT Planet and came up with a possible method for returning my cars.

I am a member of Playstation Plus and so my saved games are backed up regularly to the PS+ servers. If the save data there is old enough I might be able to download that save file and restore my garage. There was an anxious wait while I started the PS4 and hoped that it hadn’t uploaded my save file anytime in the last 48 hours. When I could see the remote storage space I did indeed see that the game save file was over a week old. I think this is largely to do with me turning the PS4 off correctly rather than leaving it in stand-by mode all the time. I suspect that if I had left it in rest mode the remote save file would have been newer and I would not be as cheery today.

I was able to download the remote file and overwrite the local version. Then I had to start the game and wait.

The game loaded fine and the car shown on the homescreen was, in fact, one of those that had disappeared. So, I was confident that my cars were back. Shortly after that the game must have synced some information with the GT servers because I received 4 cars for completing my “daily workout”. My money wasn’t restored and the few races I had done over the last week were blank again but at least there was success in getting my cars back.

So, thanks to me turning off the PS4 and not using rest mode I think I have managed to restore the garage and my happiness. Once I did get into the garage it turns out I have over 200 cars and my initial estimate of 100 was quite low!

Now it’s fixed:

Here’s the photo that I wanted to take a few nights ago that started this all off:

EBM Ferrari at Monza
EBM Ferrari at Monza

What Use?

This communication replaces a page I did have on this site a while back.

 

Mathematics is used for everything!

Mathematics is used everywhere from telling us whether a drug’s effects are significant to calculating routes in satellite navigation devices. It also exists in the abstract, within the human mind and without practical use.

When will I use this mathematics I am learning?

In some ways if you feel the need to ask this question then you probably won’t. Arithmetic and basic number work will suffice for you.

However, we learn these things because they expand our understanding of the universe, because mathematics is a challenge and because we should learn for learning’s sake not because we are expected to. We learn for ourselves.

If you plan on becoming a scientist or engineer or similar then mathematics will be the language of your every minute’s work.

If you want more detailed examples and discussion about why there is mathematics then click here.

Garage Failure

I am annoyed. Very annoyed and if I make it through this communication without using expletives I will be fucking impressed.

Yesterday I logged into Gran Turismo Sport. I wasn’t going to play but you get bonuses when you’ve logged in for 100 days etc and I thought a couple of minutes looking at the new user content would entertain me.

On the screen the Monza scapes icon was glowing with a little red dot meaning I hadn’t looked at it since the last update. Well, I thought, I could take a couple of photos of my own cars around the iconic circuit. So, I opened up the Scapes option and then chose a decent corner with some nice rumble strips. Then I went to add one of my own cars to the scene and that is where rage starts.

I ONLY HAD 26 CARS IN MY GARAGE

I have spent a lot of in-game credits building up my garage with lovely new cars and a few of them I have used for a significant amount of races and set them up so they behave in a way that I can drive fast.

AND THEY WEREN’T IN THE GARAGE

Somehow, about 60 cars have disappeared from my garage. They don’t show up in my custom liveries as they aren’t IN MY GARAGE.

I am going to get in touch with support at some point and I hope they can fix this. I am quite annoyed. I have earnt around 20,000,000 in-game credits and so have spent around that much too. I am so pissed off I might even have to say “bollocks” to this game and just fucking quit.

If the magicians can get my data back then I will be happy. I’m not even sure why that particular group of 26 cars still exists in the garage. My main concern is that every time you make an action in the game it saves the data. It is possible that the save file with all my cars in has been over written many times. I’ve also tried rebooting the PS4 in case it has some bizarre reason to do with the machine itself but no success there. Fuck this shit.

EGWE

Last weekend was pretty busy. My cadets were taking part in the regional heats of a national competition. We decided to have a training day before and so headed to St Martins Plain on Friday afternoon.

SMP Block 20
SMP Block 20

Above is where the officers stay. The blocks are warm and good enough for a couple of nights. I wouldn’t really want to spend much longer than that there. To give you an idea here’s the inside view of a two-person room:

SMP Room
SMP Room

Yes, I do take a suitcase with me on these trips. It’s for holding stuff. I rarely have to carry things over distances so it makes sense to use it. The yellow lump is my boot polishing kit. You can’t see the carpet in detail but it is hard wearing stuff that also happens to be really sticky to fluff and stuff. Hoovering the carpet is a real chore! There is normally a single electricity outlet in these rooms so a multigang extension lead is a must.

After one night at SMP we got travelled to RAF Henlow in Bedfordshire. It was a journey of about two hours and Henlow was a place I hadn’t been to before. That Saturday night was spent in the Officers’ Mess which is a slight step up from the Army camp.

Officers' Mess Henlow
Officers’ Mess Henlow

Quite a few messes around the country look like this. They are lovely buildings with decent rooms and dining and drinking facilities.

Henlow Room
Henlow Room

The room comparison is obvious. I wonder where I’d rather stay?

A Bar
A Bar

Given these surroundings it’s hard not to want to live in a place like this. Lovely sofas and lovely prices.

Sunday morning we zoomed to RAF Halton for the cadets to take part in the Royal Air Squadron Trophy. They came second out of the contingents in the South East and so will represent the SE at the national finals in about a month.

My Voice Is My Passport

This calendar year my passport runs out, during July. I want to get out of this place in August and so I need a new passport.

So, I looked online and found the information about how far in advance I can apply, what documentation I need and how much it costs to get free passage across non-existent lines between countries.

I had to do the following:

  • Fill in the online form
  • Pay £75 or so
  • Take a new photo
  • Send old passport back
  • Wait

I have to say the whole experience was really good. I could use my phone to take a new picture and upload that via the website. Then the money thing was easy also. Lastly I had to send my old passport back via the standard post.

Within two days of posting I had a text message telling me they had my old passport and that the forms and pictures had checked out and I should await my new passport. I do think this is impressive service for a government department. One more day passes and I am told the new passport is posted and should be with me shortly.

It turned up and was shortly followed by my old passport with the corner cut out.

You’ll be pleased to know that I still look like a thug.