Slippery When Wet – Bon Jovi

I’m not really that sure where to start with this album. It has been such an influence on me since I bought it in the 80s sometime. I was about 14 or 15 when I got this. I guess I bought it after seeing something on Top Of The Pops or hearing one of the singles a lot on the radio. This was the beginning of my descent into metal. I will have played this album over and over again. There was a time period when I had this projecting from the speakers and I was using a rowing machine because I must have become self-conscious about my body. As I write this I’m getting the feels for around Brize Norton camp which was 1987 so let’s place this in summer the of ’87. My discovery of Iron Maiden and AC/DC would have been around this time too.

The keyboard opening of this album amazed and still amazes me. I love it. The way it links in with the main riff of Let It Rock is brilliant. The song itself is a slow and heavy celebration of everything about the genre.

I’m not that much of a fan of rock ballads and I think I pretty much tolerate them nowadays but historic me loved them and always wanted a decent ballad on every album. This album has them and they are good if disturbing. Without Love explains that “she” is not young, but still a child and also a prostitute – the 80s were troubling for lyrics and anything approaching female equality in movies and songs. If this communication gets read in Cornwall I’m sure I’ll be corrected if I’m wrong about anything within these words. Never Say Goodbye makes me want to slowly bleed to death these days but it would have affected me emotionally when I was a moody teenager. It celebrates fucking in a car, I’m pretty sure.

Social Disease starts off with sound effects from a porn set and I always gave a wry smile at that point in this album. It felt rebellious and bad to be listening to something this rude. Nowadays who cares? I’m sure there are plenty of folk who will be shocked by what exists but now I’m older not a lot shocks me. Even stuff made to shock doesn’t shock me. Partly I think it is because “I’ve seen things” and so extreme stuff can get shrugged off but I also think it’s about my politics. There’s that idea that as you get older you become more conservative and selfish [although I could argue they are the same thing]. I find I become more and more left wing as I get older. Anyway, this song is a good’un.

Want a happy song? Then Wild In The Streets is for you. Such an upbeat and happy tune. I’m sure there’s some cowbell in there at the beginning. If it isn’t then it should be, I reckon I could write songs better than Jon. This is another song about fucking in a car. I guess that must have been a thing that happened.

Get the crowd going and waving their hands with Raise Your Hands. I have no idea if I’ve ever seen them play this live but it’s an upbeat song with a great chorus and obviously written to be played live and get the crowd going. Always include a list of all the places you want to visit so you can shout out to them on the world tour. It’s lovely.

I’ve played You Give Love A Bad Name on stage and it was great fun. A good song. We played it terribly. But it was still fun. Oh, do you remember those days? When people could gather in safety and enjoy something collectively. I so look forward to those days again but I will be sad that people will forget the pain and suffering that this government caused through inaction and incompetence. Don’t you go telling me that it must have been a tough job and they did their best – it is quite clear that their best isn’t up to the job of governing. They are a shit-show of people and should be replaced. A pandemic isn’t the time to push your petty ideas of social change. Fuck them.

I think I’ve played Living On A Prayer too. I seem to remember asking for a count in to the song from the drummer and then completely ignoring that count and playing at my own speed. There’ll be a version of it somewhere on my YouTube channel I guess. Everyone loves a song where they can pretend to sing the chorus. Just watch out for the key change. Oh, and fuck key changes. I’m convinced they are lazy writing and mean you could think of a way to change your song. I know people love them but to me they are like fade-endings. Lazy. Yes, I’m being critical of skills that are far ahead of mine and I should say anything but I have!

Go and get this album. Try not to worry about the 80s lyrics and learn the history of rock.