Borderlands

I went to see this film, Borderlands, at the Vue cinema in Thanet. I have no idea of the tide even though I was surrounded on three sides by water but this was an early evening showing of the film. I knew it had been panned in reviews but the trailer still made me want to see it.

It’s rather tricky to embed an IMDb score these days since I left Twitter so I will just tell you that I rated this film a 6/10. There’s a whole communication where I explain the scoring system.

I quite enjoyed the film. I liked the look of it. The story could have been better within the film, the overall plot was good it was just poorly executed. I would not watch it again but I was happy to have seen the film.

Twisters

Yesterday I went to the cinema to see Twisters. I went to my “usual”, Rochester Cineworld, even though it’s in Strood and over the river from Rochester. After the film I rated it on IMBD using my rating system which you should read.

Twisters (2024) on IMDb

Look, I guess I’m meant to write what I thought about the film. It was alright. I guess it did what it said on the tin. Did I spend most the movie worrying about the relationship between a woman who looks 18 and a man who looks 40? Yes I did.

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes

I went to see a film at the Cineworld cinema in Rochester yesterday. As we drove alongside the river I noticed that the tide was very low. I really should, at some point, learn about spring and neap tides, or at least the timing of them. I understand why they occur I’ve just not investigated when they occur. After the film I rated this on IMDB. You should see the ratings system on within this communication. I can’t get the code to share my rating because it used to be on Twitter and I left that hellhole many years ago. So, below is the average user rating from IMDB. I rated this film 6/10.

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024) on IMDb

I didn’t hate this film. I didn’t really love it either. It kept my interest for its entire 135 minutes runtime. I did find myself constantly thinking why apes were the main characters and whether this film would be any different had all the cast been “human”. If it was set as ginger haired people against the rest of the world would it have made a difference? Is it ok to watch this as the apes being lead characters makes it ok rather than problematic. I do get that the whole premise is apes rule the world. That makes sense. But this was just a film with characters and their development. Maybe people wouldn’t see it if this was a human based story.

I quite liked it I guess. I am still thinking about it and I guess that makes it a good thing. However, I am thinking more about an episode of Dr Who, 73 yards, and trying to get my head around that more than I am this film. Like, why was the name of that episode in imperial units? Couldn’t they have made it 73 metres. There are bigger issues with that episode and so I will have a look online to see if there are answers.

Dune: Part Two

I went to the Cineworld cinema at Rochester to watch this film. It was a wet, murky, dank day. The tide was high with ripples tickling the wharf, the river looked imposing. After watching this film I rated it on IMDB and in the past I would have tweeted my result, but I don’t to Twitter anymore so I’ll just have to write the result here, and it’s a shocker, I gave this film 4/10.

Dune: Part Two (2024) on IMDb

I think I probably need to explain my rating, especially as I rated part one very highly. This film looks absolutely amazing. The cinematography is gorgeous and I reckon you can take any part of this film, put it in a frame on your wall and be proud. The film looks serious and sumptuous. The sound is excellent, I would have liked more bass-vocalisation stuff like the sentence at the very opening of the film, but it was so good I considered buying the soundtrack.

I think my problem is the story. And possibly Chalamet being not a great actor. And possibly an inability to tell two of the actors apart. And possibly the sexism, I don’t know. Maybe this should be rephrased to say that the problem is the story. I don’t think it’s my problem. Let’s start with the easy point.

We get introduced to the Emperor’s daughter, she may have been in the first film, I’m not sure. This lady is being manipulated by the Bene Gesserit to do their bidding and to work towards the “grand plan”. Shortly after her introduction we see a lady with very similar features discuss with the Bene Gesserit about how she seduced the Harkonnen nephew and that a daughter is assured. For most of this film I thought the pregnant woman was the emporer’s daughter and I found it quite confusing. From looking at IMDB there were two actresses playing different people.

There will be people saying this story has strong female characters but to me they were all witches whispering in the background to get the future they want. The men had all the power. Men are celebrated. Women work in the background and do their things sneakily, not out in the open and by fighting. This isn’t a positive look for the women of this film, it conforms to stereotypes.

The lessons from this film are that to maintain power and have freedom you have to be a man who fulfils prophecy and marries for political reasons rather than love. Oh, and you have to be as macho as fuck and kill your opponents in hand-to-hand combat. I hated the aspects of this film that glorified the feudal systems in society. My problem is that we still live in a feudal society where the rich and powerful maintain that money and power by giving the masses “democracy”. Yes, we vote. But money speaks and until we have a society where everyone has the same chances from birth and we actually care for each other then I will find these stories of power ridiculous and enraging.

Prophecy is a poor writing technique. It means that you can only succeed in life if everything is pre-destined. This is how the powerful like us to believe the world works. There is no caring about people in this type of society. There is no “working to be successful”, there is only pre-destiny. I hate this type of writing. I hate this type of story. I understand why people do it, but it’s bollocks. Don’t have your main character being born under the fifth moon of the year, have them actually work for it, have them call out the belief bollocks and have them care about people. In this film we see Paul turn from being a rich brat into a rich brat with an army of religious fanatics (mirroring Bin-Laden?). He is still a privileged twat who forgoes love for power and macho-kudos.

This film, nay story, envelopes everything that is wrong with current society and our mostly European views of history. Kings, Dukes, powerful Houses. Deference through birth right. Power through duels. Mating for politics. Using the poor as your army through religion. All of these things are bollocks. It left me cold. It left me wanting to tear down the fabric of our society and show people how they flock around their leaders as if we owe them something.

I have found a review of this film that resonates with me and I have ended up with the review in Private Eye. Issue 1619. Find it, read it. It makes sense.

Argylle

I went to the cinema to watch the film Argylle. There wasn’t much else on and although I wasn’t that bothered about seeing it, the film was the best choice possible. The Cineworld cinema at Rochester is alongside the river Medway and this part of that river is tidal. For a reason lost to time this is important as I now mention that the tide was low when we arrived at the cinema. I could see all of the mud banks at the side of the river. It was a lot higher when we left and travelled home.

After watching the film I rated it on IMDB and there’s a system for the ratings, you should read that here. I used to then tweet the result when I was on Twitter but I left that platform when Musk took over. It had already descended into a whirlpool of the worst of mankind and I’m glad I left because there’s only so much hate I can tolerate. I rated this particular film 4/10. It was a borderline 6 but it didn’t hold my attention enough and I only thought the film was worth watching for one particular scene.

Argylle (2024) on IMDb

This film was just about ok to watch. There were many plot “twists” along with many time when I wasn’t really following what was happening or who to trust. This was a Hollywood film and so it all ends up very happy. I’m not sure if I’d recommend this to other people, maybe only if they have a little time to waste and don’t mind a silly film.

My one recommendation is that everyone watch the scene where the two lead characters shoot their way out of the evil lair. The use of smoke in this scene was inspired and it looked amazing. It’s well worth watching that scene alone, but you don’t need the rest of the film that surrounds it.

Wonka

So, yesterday the Legend and I took a trip down to Ashford to watch the new Wonka film. Why Ashford? To experience the 4DX cinema there; moving seats and jets of air and water. I would normally use this section to explain what state the tide was in but as we didn’t drive near any tidal waters I can not. I guess I could look it up but what’s the point in that?

I rated this film on IMDb and I gave it six out of ten. For more information on the rating system please read this communication.

Wonka (2023) on IMDb

So, I enjoyed the film. I was a little put off at the beginning when there was singing and this turned out to be a musical but I coped quite well with that I think. The overall look and feel of the film was in keeping with previous versions and the story worked really well. The fact that this was written by part of the Ghosts team and it also had some amazing British actors in it meant that overall it was an excellent film.

As with previous 4DX experiences I think a good film doesn’t need the gimmick. It’s fun to experience now and then but I wouldn’t make it my usual cinema experience.

Godzilla Minus One

Well, this has been a while. I can’t even remember the last film I saw at the cinema so this review will probably not follow the standard procedure. I can tell you that I observed the tide on the way to the cinema and the tide was low. I could see all the mud banks along the Medway. As is customary I scored this film on IMDB and because I have deleted my twitter account I can no longer place those shared scores on this as an embedded picture. So, I rated this film 8/10 and you should read the scoring system here. I am able to share the average review score:

Godzilla Minus One (2023) on IMDb

So, now to the review. I find it curious that Cineworld emailed me to let me know this film was subtitled. When I checked with them before they said it stops people moaning at them once they realise they have to read actual words. There was a small child in the cinema and I don’t think they could read well and they got bored and made some noises throughout the film, but then that’s not really their fault, the parents should have been more thoughtful about their child’s experience.

I really enjoyed this film. I really liked the placement in time and place. End of the war Japan, which is when Godzilla first appears. The politics was very interesting and I think it’s interesting to see the burnt out results of Tokyo following the bombing by the USA. The overall story was fantastic, if a little sentimental, but it showed the social conventions and character development over time. The human story was, as ever, really important to the story and the monster is almost a by-product.

The fight scenes were great and I really enjoyed every aspect of this film. I will watch it again, but I’m not sure I’d pay money to do so, hence this film scores an 8. This is a good film.

Just An Annoying Ending

It’s been a while but it’s time for a rant. I’ve been thinking recently about the types of films and series that I like. They tend to feature space travel but ultimately end up being human stories. Science Fiction is just reality set off Earth. All the emotions and activities don’t really change. So, I want to posit a plot to you:

Aliens / discovered Earth creatures seem intent on destroying/enslaving/correcting humans/Earth. They justify this because they observe the terrible way humans treat each other with war and selfishness. But right at the last moment Earth is saved because humans have “love” or some other emotion or device that humans secretly produced and used because they are clever.

I have decided this is most likely an incorrect conclusion to all those stories. Humans are terrible creatures and I think the net morality of humankind is waaay over the side of the bad. Look at what we do:

  • We produce enough food to feed the world, but we don’t distribute it fairly.
  • We could solve disease problems across the world but we don’t.
  • We are very clearly destroying the climate of our planet, have known about it for years, but have done nothing.
  • We have individuals who are richer than the poorest countries.
  • We still have wars even though we recognised that there was a “war to end all wars”.
  • We look the other way from people trying to seek a better life and leave them to drown in the oceans.
  • We cause pain and suffering to children through adult-led organisations and yet allow them to shelter abusers – All churches and many youth organisations.

I don’t think that the feeling of love we can have for each other outweighs these things we do. I don’t think the central pillar of humanity is love. The central pillar of humanity is selfishness and power hunger. I’m not saying all people feel like that but I’m arguing the case that when observed from afar humanity is a pretty shit species. I don’t think the net result of humans being in the universe is anywhere near positive. I suspect the universe would collectively sigh with relief if an alien species decided we should be disappeared [now I’m thinking about the morality of destroying objects/things that have net negative contributions to the universe].

Maybe this is why we haven’t heard from aliens yet. They’ve seen what we’ve done and decided to shut us off from the universal trade system. We have been blackballed.

Men

I had a small window of spare time today and so I went to the cinema to watch “Men”. There are details I need to enter before we get to my review. First the tide was nearly full. I couldn’t tell if it was waxing or waning but it was close to high. Also, the M2 eastbound was at a standstill and I don’t know what that was about but I hope that people are safe. I didn’t travel that way as I don’t like having to go to the top of the Downs just to get back down the other side. I used the “new” bridge which has probably been in place for many years now. After the film I rated it on IMDB and there’s a page that covers the rating process here. Then, I tweeted the result:

Earlier today I had tried to screen grab a walk around of the new Minecraft base but the screen recording wasn’t working properly so I’m a little miffed by that. Perhaps I’ll try again tomorrow. I think what I’m trying to do is delay writing what I thought about the film. The problem is I don’t know what I thought about the film. I genuinely spent the last twenty minutes wondering what the fuck it was that I was watching. I wonder if the film was trying to be too clever, although having read the Kermode review in The Guardian I think my interpretation was in line with theirs. I think I’m reminded of Mother but less so, as I didn’t mind this particular film.

I might come back and write some more at another point but honestly at the moment I don’t think I have anything else to add.

This Made My Day

The other day when I went to see Top Gun Maverick it was a special showing for cadets and staff of Kent Wing ATC. We were invited and so I took some cadets. Being in a theatre with other like minded people was brilliant as we watched the film. But, the best bit was that before the film we had a personal message from Tom Cruise. Now, I’m involved with the Combined Cadet Force and traditionally they are based at private schools although my school has been state run since just after the second world war [not sure if that should be capitalised!]. Our cadets were the only CCF cadets there but we are still part of the Royal Air Force Air Cadets and are based in Kent. Although our direct command chain doesn’t quite follow the Wing structure it was still great to get this message.

Everything Everywhere All At Once

I went to see Everything Everywhere All At Once at the Cineworld cinema in Rochester. Usual observations on the tide soon but this is the forth film review in a row and I’m worried I’ve run out of shit to say! I’m going to have to make up some rambling communication to try and get out of this rut. I wonder if quite a bit of this has to do with the world at the moment. I’m bothered in no particular order by Ukraine, Boris Johnson and our ever more fascist government, Human rights in the USA, the climate being absolutely fucked. It does feel as though we are living through the warning signs of future shit that will one day be taught in history classes around the world. These were all the signs they will teach and the kids will be like “how couldn’t they see it coming”. The problem is some of us can see it coming and I’m not sure what I can do. I currently give money to various lobbying organisations I think deserve it. I’m almost in the mental position of having to try to do the best to survive in the hellscape that is coming, I don’t have the energy to fight.

As I drove along the riverside I looked to see that state of the tide and it looked very low. I could see the dips at the end of the mud bank, I could see a lot of the withies. This film was shown in screen 8 and that’s my favourite because it has the best seats and plenty of space. I think I’ve been to see a film just because it was in that screen! They don’t tend to put kids films in there so my offspring have only been in there once. I wonder if I’ll go and see Top Gun Maverick again at the cinema? I don’t think so. There’s an issue with films feeling a little too long for me and I wonder if that’s a me problem rather than reality. I’m going to try and get some information soon. After the film I tweeted the score I gave it on IMDB, for a discussion or explanation of the scoring system see this communication.

I really liked this film. It was wonderfully original and thought provoking. Absolutely great fun and laugh out loud in certain places. It’s a very good take on the multi-verse theory. It’s funny how some things are absolutely abstract or appear nice because of mathematics and then they go and appear in popular culture. My current fascination is that wormholes might exist. If they do then they might lead to another part of the universe. If they do that then we might be able to travel them. You ask the person in the street what a wormhole is and I’m sure they’ll think they are real and we know for sure what we can do with them, we just have to find one. Back to this film, it had set pieces which were wonderful and the story was great. I loved the introspective feel of the thing. The rocks were my favourite I think. How great was that? Rocks.

This film felt very slightly longer than I wanted and as I mentioned earlier I wonder if that’s a “me” issue rather than film itself. For a good seventy five percent of the film I was going to be hitting this one as eight stars on IMDB but something happened in the last twenty minutes or so and I downgraded to a six as I left the film. I don’t know why. I think it’s a “me” thing but that’s what this rating system is, a “me” thing. The rating system exists for me to rate a film on a consistent scale. The system has lasted nearly ten years so I think it’s worth keeping! I enjoyed this film and it was refreshingly different.

Top Gun: Maverick

I was always going to see this film, the big question was where and in what sort of cinema. That question was answered by an email from Kent Wing Air Cadets saying they were putting on a private showing of the film and would we like to go. The answer was a very easy “yes” and so we drove a school minibus down to Folkestone to watch the film in the Guildhall. I should normally waffle on about the tide here and even though we were in a port town I can’t tell you as I wasn’t close enough to the sea or local river to notice the state of the tide. I feel as though I have let you down slightly but also I don’t care because of this particular situation. After the film I rated it on IMDB, there’s a system so don’t quibble with me if you disagree.

There’s a lot to say about this film and I’ll probably add more after this is published. But I think it can be summarised thus: “it’s a Top Gun film”. I had a great time watching it and didn’t laugh out loud too many times at inappropriate places. I’m still amazed that before the film started we had a personal message from Tom Cruise to Kent Wing Air Cadets. How amazing is that? I’m super impressed with the people who organised this event and am slightly jealous too.

There are going to be spoilers in the following text. I don’t think I’m going to give much away of the story but I think I’ll be saying things that might spoil those little moments in the film. I don’t think I’m going to be able to do this justice so I’m just going to write the things I remember, they might be in the wrong order but I’ll try to make it match the film. Read on if you wish . . . .

The font to the opening titles was the same as the original. I liked this. I smiled. I was very excited and looking forward to the opening scene – which, let’s face it, is the best part of the original film. So, the opening scene did not disappoint, F18s launching from a carrier and “Danger Zone” playing over the top. It was bloody great. I loved it.

Cut to – Tom Cruise mechanicing with a spanner on his own Mustang. We know he’s good at this stuff because he has to wash his hands and so got dirty while doing stuff to the engine. Note we never see what he is actually doing, it’s just the spanner in some random part of the engine which was a Rolls Royce, of course. Then, Tom has dinner in his living room which is some chairs on some carpet in the middle of the hangar and I was struck by how stupid it was and how jealous I was at the same time.

Tom then rides his motorcycle along the taxiway on a major secret flight test location because they always let people just ride motorbikes on taxiways and he then pulls in a parks next to some super-good-looking plane straight into a conversation. Notice how, as a pilot, he never wears a crash helmet? In my experience pilots are some of the most safety conscious people I know. Anyway, actors don’t look good in helmets. Now let’s have some conversations about project in trouble and Ed Harris being amazing at some general or other. The plane taking off over the shitty little guardhouse is funny and stupid as fuck. Tom has to fly this new plane at Mach 10 or the programme is finished. So, Tom flies this plane at Mach 10. But then he can’t help being an immature prick so he pushes it a little faster and he breaks the whole thing and parachutes to safety. I think I genuinely would have loved it if they killed his character here and the rest of the film was about Rooster. Note – the Mach 10 plane could probably have carried out the secret mission perfectly well.

Next we have to put the team together. Cue “that one bar” where everyone goes in their full on uniform and drinks and talks shit to each other. Oh, it just so happens that this bar has been bought and is now run by some woman who Maverick used to fuck. The bar owner is also not too worried about the bottom line and owns a pretty neat yacht. I’m not sure what universe the economy is based in. There was some stuff happening with the Team.

My absolute favourite moment was the classroom scene. My god. I laughed. Military classrooms are the crappiest rooms thought about as an after thought and generally devoid of all decoration. The idea that a classroom would be placed in a hangar isn’t laughable. But. The idea that it would be a hangar on an operational flight line with the doors open and jet noise everywhere made me smile. Then, there was the flag. Or rather, THE FLAG. It was fucking massive. Just hanging there in the hangar. Being all stars and stripes. It was absolutely a laugh out loud moment. It was hilarious. Americans eh?

The hard deck of five thousand feet is always so close to the ground in the flying shots and I wonder if that’s because this is filmed in a mountainous region and the five thousand feet is AMSL? It always bothered me about the fist film and it annoyed me a little about this one. Also, if you fly an F18 between two other F18s they don’t really get “blown apart” from each other as they do in the film but then we need on screen action rather than reality here and I understand the choices made. I enjoyed the death spiral move that happened and I quite liked the flying scenes all the time. I mean, they are flying scenes.

I’m pretty sure some shit or other happens during the training and we get lots of machismo. There’s some love action with the bar owner who also happens to have a Porsche so this must be the only bar in San Diego and also just outside Fightertown and also next to the beach. Val Kilmer appears somewhere along the way and he was great. So nice to see him. I love the idea that Maverick is protected by this man. I’d say that’s quite realistic. The armed forces often come down to who you know rather than the rules sometimes, it’s just like life everywhere else.

I was amazed that the USA had valleys that exactly matched the ones in the Bad Place. We were told the F18s would have to fly down a twisty valley and follow an exact route. Fair enough. We were also told the computer would have the map but then, when training, they were flying down or up actual valleys. What an amazing coincidence. I didn’t mind, it looks much better to have aircraft flying near the ground or with clouds to give the impression of speed. I let them have this one. But I chuckled a little.

The target. The target. The target was the exhaust port on the Death star. I’ve nothing else to say.

The bomb run was great. Who cares that it was mostly bullshit? I loved it. The dogfighting was impressive. The SU-50s were amazing. The moves were cool. I liked the reconciliation scene between Maverick and Rooster and I also thoroughly loved the F14. The Tomcat clearly makes this Iran the Navy were attacking as they are the only country that still flies those gorgeous craft. But Russia are the only people with Felons. Oh well, who cares. I loved the F14. Bloody gorgeous. It was all amazing.

I really enjoyed this film. It was great. It was terrible but it was great. Just like the original. I’m not waiting for someone to make an “aircraft only” cut of the both films and put them together. Who cares about all the talk parts of the film. It is and always has been about the aircraft and cool things like that. I honestly don’t care about the story. The whole character arc of Maverick, if we can call it that, is an excuse to see the aircraft doing their shit.

Obviously, one B-2 Spirit and the movie would be over in two minutes.

Firestarter

After writing my review of the Dr Strange film I went to the cinema to see Firestarter. Why did I go see this film? It was the only film on that I felt like seeing, there wasn’t a massive amount of choice. But it would do. As I drove towards the cinema I had two opportunities to observe the state of the tide. The first happened when I drove over the Peter’s Village bridge. This view gave me the impression the tide was high but for a more finer grading on that I have to wait until I get to the cinema. The tide was indeed high but not covering all the mud bank so I would say around ninety percent height. I didn’t know whether the tide was rising or falling, the evidence for this would have to wait until I came out the cinema and could confirm by the changes.

After watching this film I rated it on IMDB. This was an odd experience as the metascore from critics was a lot lower that I had thought it would be. I opened the IMDB app on my phone and entered my score. It would appear I’ve moved the average up a little!

I quite enjoyed this film. I thought it made a pleasant change from the religious horror type film that I’ve seen recently. There was enough backstory within this movie to make it interesting. I enjoyed the overall plot. I think it worked quite well in telling a story, the characters worked well. I’ve a couple of gripes; who gets over the death of his wife in zero seconds? Should there have been more mind-reading? Why did the lead male have to crick his neck? Do people really bleed from the eyes?

The tide on the way out of the cinema was higher than when I went it. So two hours earlier the tide was ninety percent and rising.

The Northman

I took a small car journey to the Cineworld cinema at Rochester – not in Rochester – to see the film The Northman. As I arrive on the esplanade I check the state of the river to see how high the water is. This gives me an indication of the level of tide in this area of our watery world. The tide was low. I think it’s about time I started plotting the relative positions of the Sun and Moon to Earth in these communications to lend more of a visual representation of what a high or low tide means for this section of our Solar System. I will have a search for some software that gives me what I need, or, I could just figure it out somehow.

After the film, I pondered for quite a while before settling on a score to rate this movie on IMBD. There is a whole communication covering the rating system and it is here. I then tweeted the result.

As you can see from my score I didn’t really like this film. I keep thinking about it and what I didn’t like. I’ve even read some reviews of the film online to try and understand what it was that made this considered a good film. I have also been questioning my own taste in films and what do I expect from them. What does a film have to have for me to think it is good and has that changed over the (many) years of my life?

I didn’t like this film. I didn’t enjoy the story and I didn’t like all the mystical bullshit that was put into the story [that’s probably more my problem than anyone else]. I can admire the colour schemes and general cinematography but that’s only worth being excellent when the story is also excellent and I hated the story. I might have to include spoilers ahead because I’m not sure I can review the film and put over my objections without mentioning particular aspects of the story. So be warned.

There are spoilers ahead in this paragraph. Apart from the weird mother son part which I just shrugged at I was most annoyed by the fact that the whole story was for nothing. The Northman’s journey and needing vengeance was partly to make amends for his father’s killing but also the taking of his mother. Who, as it just so happens, had planned the whole thing. When our anti-hero discovers this I don’t think he questions his role in life and on this planet. He almost does the right thing which is to head off into the sunset with his pregnant lover but he doesn’t he goes back to make sure we get an excellently cinematic final fight off. There was always going to be one ending.

I know the film is based on folklore and most of that stuff is fucked up but I just don’t think it worked. The film felt like a 300 for this age. Vikings done stylistically. I hated the story.

The Lost City

I drove the short distance – too far to walk but possibly cycleable – to the cinema in Rochester, although really it’s in Strood. As are the rules since sometime in the past I check the state of the tide and this time I was quite excited as the last time I was here the tide was quite low and now it’s was actually pretty high and I had the chance to take a contrasting photograph.

Medway At Rochester Low Tide
Medway At Rochester Low Tide
High Tide In Strood
High Tide In Strood

When looking at the two images I can let you know that I cropped the low tide one a little to remove the vast areas of mud. But you can see the difference especially when you look at the footpath on the right of both images. They were taken from reasonably close to each other and I’m quite proud of that, I didn’t even look at the old image yesterday.

After I’ve watched a film I consider a set of questions to decide on the IMDB rating I’m going to give it. There’s a communication from ages ago that explains the rules. It’s nearly ten years of these rules and I think I’ll have to celebrate that somehow. Once I’ve rated the film I then generally tweet the result:

So, you know what? I enjoyed this film. I laughed [not always at the same things as everyone else] and I thought it was a fun silly lost treasure movie. I think it was loads better than Uncharted although one of my sons does not agree with that assessment. I had fun watching this and it was right mix of silly and action that worked. This film is essentially a modern version of Romancing the Stone which, I think, was a pivotal movie from my youth. I have watched Romancing the Stone recently and it does not hold up to the ravages of time. Anyway, back to The Lost City. How does Sandra Bullock do it? She’s 57 or so and yet she looks ageless. She plays this perfectly and is great at her job – I guess you expect an actor to be good at their job so not that surprising maybe.

The lead male character was played by Channing Tatum and I’m not fussed for him either way. During the opening scene I thought he was just an older Brendan Fraser and that would have made this whole movie amazing but it was Tatum, I just didn’t recognise him. Brad Pitt’s character was my favourite and I think I actually jumped at his final scene! I enjoyed this film, it was silly and fun and worth a watch.

Morbius

So, yesterday I took the short trip to Cineworld at Rochester to see the Sony Marvel film Morbius. I had booked to see something about a lost city but have decided to see that film over the weekend. I might try and find somewhere with a 4DX cinema to watch a film as it’s been a while since I’ve seen one of those. Luckily for me Ashford Cineworld has been upgraded to a 4DX. Unluckily for me Ashford is at the other end of Operation Brock – the massive queue of lorries on the M20 trying to cross the channel. I start these communications by saying what state the tide was in as I approached the cinema and I can tell you it was low. All the mud bank was showing, the barge was in its own little pool and the water was very low. See this picture.

Medway At Rochester Low Tide
Medway At Rochester Low Tide

After I watch a film at the cinema I then rate it on IMDB and there’s a whole system about how that works. See this communication about how I decide what score to give a film. Then, when I am active on Twitter, because I have times when I remove the app from my phone – it’s not a healthy place to be -, I tweet the result to my millions of followers so they can see what I thought.

So, what did I think of this film? It was boring and unimpressive. I wonder if we’ve reached peak superhero? I know that I generally don’t like superhero films and this one was one of the worst I have seen. It was all pretty standard and just “meh”. There are a couple of things I made a mental note while watching to try and remember to write about and so here we go: Morbius’ pin is the “last six digits of pi” reversed and I wasn’t sure whether to burst out laughing or not at this. Was this deliberate or a pure accident? Pi, when expanded in decimal number system, is an irrational number and so there isn’t a last digit of pi. Was this a clever joke or a stupid mistake? I’m not sure. Morbius requires human blood but there’s no explanation why it has to be human. The bats don’t drink the blood of other bats. Why would he need to drink human blood? This didn’t make sense. Also, at the end of the film his girlfriend – who appears at first just to be a co-worker but then they kiss on the roof tops and that was definitely NOT mentioned before that point – turns into a vampire thing because Morbius bit her. What? How did that happen? Why did that happen? This movie is a load of crap. Oh, and at the end in the final big fight the two chaps seemed to fall a good few thousand feet off a building which wasn’t really that high. I’ve no idea how this happened. Oh, Morbius gets a lab from come counterfeiters but then doesn’t really use that place for anything except building a centrifuge which he could have ordered from Amazon a lot easier.

I did watch Joker recently on Netflix after Smith recommended it. I was told there isn’t really any superhero stuff in it. This was a good film. Joker is more a social commentary than DC film and there are plenty of lessons within. Don’t waste your time with Morbius. Watch Joker instead.

Uncharted

So I went to see Uncharted at the third attempt! The first time I was due to go I had a migraine and so cancelled the tickets. The second time I thought I had double booked myself and so also cancelled those tickets and finally I went to see it yesterday. I suspect it seems like I was desperate to see this film but really it was the only thing on at the cinema that I even kind of wanted to see. The tide was quite high and coupled with the lovely sunshine the whole scene was particularly lovely, I was slightly annoyed I hadn’t left with more time to walk along the riverside and take some pictures but I was completing licence tests in Gran Turismo 7 and at the moment some things take priority.

After watching the film I rated it on IMDB and there’s a whole other communication somewhere on this site telling you how the rating system works. I then tweet the result at some point depending on whether I have the Twitter app on my phone or not. I am currently in a period of not-having the app on my phone so the tweeting has to wait for me to get to my PC and remember to do it.

Now what follows is traditionally where I write about the film and why I gave it the score I did. So I guess I should do that. I didn’t hate this film. I don’t know the game at all so I wasn’t that bothered by it following the storyline of that. There was a point where I was bored of the film and honestly just wanted it to end. I think I decided I didn’t hate the film by the end of it. There’s only so much treasure hunting you can do, especially when it isn’t interesting.

It’s amusing that scammers would be able to figure out where a load of buried treasure would be when academics who have studied these things for years have no idea. At least Indiana Jones was a university dude. I honestly have so many questions about how the movie makers think the world works, but I suspect they would just wave me off with “plot” or something. For instance, GPS underground? Two whole ships in a cave with a tiny entrance? Helicopters carrying said ships? No noise in a C17 with the cargo doors open?

On a larger matter I found it funny that the heroes were both white dudes. The bad people was one Spanish old guy, a Scotsman, and two women, the only women who just happened to be not-white. I’m not entirely sure what this says about the world and what we subconsciously think about it. Except, we most definitely know the world is a racist place.

So, this is communication 2022 and the list of things that happened in that year I guess must come to an end. It is March and we aren’t that far through the year but it’s already really fucking shit. There are some good things, I went to LA with my friends, but mostly it’s all shit. I want to replace the “things that happened in that year” but I’m not sure what with at the moment. I will ponder and let you know.

Dog

I went to the cinema to watch the film “Dog”. Let’s get something quite straight here, “Dog” is a shit title for a film. Even when the protagonist calls the dog “dog” all the time. The weather hasn’t been great and so a trip to a warm building to be entertained seemed a good idea. The river Medway was almost as high as I’ve seen it as the tide was high and there was a low pressure over this area of the world, causing tides to be a little higher. After I watched the film I really struggled to work out what score to give the film on IMDB. I had to think about the scoring system explained here and then I ended up giving a 6.

I’m not entirely sure this film deserves a “six” out of ten but I didn’t actively want to leave the cinema so I think it gets that score by default. I’m still not sure I enjoyed this movie or whether it’s any good. OK, well, it’s not a good film but is it terrible? This was billed as a buddy movie and the fixing of two broken animals. I found the first few scenes quite full of toxic masculinity while the man walked around the Rangers Headquarters which I assume are somewhere in the north west of the USA. I don’t know and I’m not that fussed. It was interesting as people were in all stages of militarisation while also getting ready to be deployed somewhere. I found it quite funny, it’s not how bases work.

Our lead character has brain problems and suffers migraines and fits. He’s desperate to get back to working for a “security company” so that he can earn money because there isn’t a social security net in the USA and they treat their veterans like shit. In my time of dealing with the military it is clear that people in the military love it and also absolutely hate the fuck out of it. Then, when they leave, they miss it and aren’t really supported or looked after. I find it frightening that the state can ask these people to do its bidding for them but then not give a shit afterwards. Very tory I guess.

This film was not as funny as expected, the trailer made it look better. So it wasn’t a comedy. It tried to be a social commentary with the hip Portlanders being funny and people living off grid on a cannabis farm, but it failed at that really. We should have seen our soldier struggling with life and he seemed quite switched on to me. If you want a better movie covering all of these issues then you need to see First Blood. It’s a far better film. Nothing in this film really surprised me or bothered me. It could have been so much better. Oh well.

This is communication number 2013 and so here are some things that happened in that year:

  • Chelyabinsk meteor.
  • Benedict XVI resigns, fuck the pope.
  • An industrial building collapses in Bangladesh and kills 1134 people.
  • Super Typhoon Yolanda kills 6241 in Philippines and Vietnam.

Moonfall

Going to the cinema within twenty four hours of a bender weekend in LA might not have been the best of ideas! But I went anyway. I’d like to convince myself that I watched a lot of this movie but, to be honest, you didn’t really have to, so there were definitely parts that I skipped through some voluntary eye shutting.

On the way to the cinema I took note of the tide and it was actually quite high. No mud bank to be seen. The water was a little choppy from the high winds being experienced. Driving over the Medway motorway bridge required more concentration as the car got blown around a little. I think there are storm warnings out for a few days this week. After the film I rated it on the IMDB website and there is a whole communication covering the grading system written here. I then tweeted the result from my PC as I’ve removed Twitter from my phone for mental health reasons [good ones].

I knew this film would be terrible but I didn’t really to be as bad as it was. It really struggled with the whole “I know something that everyone else thinks is stupid” thing. Most of the film was irritating. It looked great but that doesn’t really help when the story, plot and script are all pretty shit. At least I knew what I was getting myself into.

I did spend most of the movie wondering who the actress who looked like Halle Berry was and it turned out to be Halle Berry.

This is communication number 2010 and so here are some things that happened in that year:

  • The final CRT television is manufactured.
  • A magnitude 8.8 earthquake in Chile.
  • Deepwater Horizon explosion.
  • Germany makes final reparation payment for WW1.

The 355

So I went to Cineworld at Rochester to see a film. It was actual daylight when the film started and the weather wasn’t that bland grey that we tend to have all the time, there was sun. It wasn’t a warm day but it was a pleasant day. So, to help with the records I took a picture of the river and mud banks so I can say that the tide was low. There are other pictures I think and I might even, one day, walk further along the bank to take a picture of the mud banks that I look for. I wouldn’t be surprised if a photograph like that already exists on this site, there’s a lot of stuff on this site that I’ve forgotten exists!

Down By The River
Down By The River

In the photograph you can see the mud banks on the opposite side of the river, clearly showing that the tide is low. Also, if you look at the bridge supports you can see the green slime where the river covers and then exposes the concrete. Hence, the tide was low. Looking at the shadows and area of light on the far bank it is clear the sun is directly to the right of the bridge. The shadows are long. Both of these facts indicate winter – low sun – and time of image – early afternoon – due to the direction of the bridge – a little bit below east.

I went to see the film The 355. I didn’t really know anything about it before going except that it was an action film with women in the main roles. After the film I thought for quite a while about how to rate this film, there’s a guide to the ratings in this communication. I settled on scoring this film an eight out of ten.

I think I might watch this film again one day. Mostly I will be watching it to figure out what the fuck the plot was and what was happening. There was a general consensus of which city each section of the film took place. There was some aim for each scene to achieve and I think the film got there. What I didn’t really understand was who owned the MacGuffin at various points through the film. I’d quite like to see a diagram of what the film makers thought was happening at each stage.

There’s also been some criticism of this film because the lead actors are women. Well, those so called critics can go fuck themselves. What a stupid world we live in at the moment where people can’t accept the breakdown of traditional gender roles. All the people who think like that can fuck off and die. Well, I guess they will die eventually and with luck those thoughts will die out at the same time. We should be progressing as a society not constantly striving to go backwards.

My suggestion to make the film a little better would be to say that the MacGuffin is a quantum computer. The little USB box that turns any device into a super cracking computer able to shut down aircraft or power stations is just a silly looking USB device. It’s explained at various times that it’s a collection of algorithms or ransomware etc. That isn’t how any of those things work. An easier, and more correct, explanation would be that it’s a quantum computer. Once those babies are made and work all current security protocols are screwed. Everything we think about internet security won’t work. It would have been a more realistic explanation of what the device is.

I found it curious that the film thinks you have to have an actual auction to cover the fact that you are also running an auction on the dark web. Nope. You can just run an auction on the dark web. You don’t even need the product to be nearby. It certainly doesn’t need to be linked to a physical object in a real auction. The people bidding on your MacGuffin clearly don’t need to be anywhere near the real auction. The two events can be divorced entirely. This part of the plot made zero sense. It was worse than terrible.

Now, here’s a little more of a justification for giving this film an eight out of ten. The last few Bond films I have watched I have spent quite a while trying to figure out “why is he going there”, “what is going on”, and more generally “why?”. Plenty of Bond films are just as terrible as this film is with respect to plot devices, MacGuffins, characters, killing random people, shooting up cities in far away places, having coffee in Paris. I couldn’t really see any difference between this film and a Bond film except that I don’t really like Bond anymore. I think I grew up.

This is communication number 2007 and so here are some things that happened in that year:

  • The first iPhone is released. It wasn’t actually that good in terms of technical specs.
  • Live Earth concerts are held to raise awareness of environmental issues. How’d that work out?
  • Start of the financial crisis 2007-2008. The effects are still being felt.
  • A cyclone in Bangladesh kills 17,000 people.