Tag: imdb

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The Favourite

Yesterday I took a saunter over to Rochester so visit the cinema. I’d been looking at what’s on during the week and there wasn’t a huge amount that impressed me. But, I decided to go and see an historical drama. I don’t really like any form of period dramas. The idea that someone has scripted what *might* have happened and been said really bothers me. It moves those imaginations into the common collective about what really happened. It seems that these sorts of things are really popular with The Crown on Netflix and other things always being watched on classic television. I don’t mind fiction period drama as much, although I’m still not keen, because you can say what you want, it’s your story.

I noted that the tide was pretty low as I arrived at the cinema. Lots of the mud bank on the west of the river was showing and the boats seemed below average protuberance. As is usual I rated the film on IMDB, there’s a system so perhaps you should read this communication which explains that.

While watching I normally fixate on three or four things and try to remember them to write here. This isn’t perfect and I often forget what I was going to say. I guess I could take a note book into the theatre but I’m quite convinced that would be rude and somewhat professional, I don’t want to raise these reviews of movies to a level where object criticism could be placed at me. These reviews are mine they don’t represent any form of global ratings. If you know me then they probably make sense, if you don’t then your experiences of a movie could be vastly different to mine.

For the first thirty minutes or so of this film I didn’t even think about what to write here. That probably means the film was pretty good. If it was terrible I would have been pondering my context of this communication for a long time. I wasn’t really sure where this film was meant to be set or when Queen Anne reigned over us. A quick Wikipedia reading left me to understand that the action takes place at Kensington Palace and she was queen at the start of the 18th century. I am slightly worried that this communication will descend into a rant about society, hierarchy and the feudal system but I will do my best. You can read previous film reviews to see what I mean.

My short summary about this movie would be thus:

More lesbianism than I was expecting.

There should be other things to say about this film and so I shall put them here. I had three main points to say once I left the environs of the cinema. Firstly, not knowing anything about the movie on the way in I was slightly surprised at the level of lesbianism contained within.

Next, there were quite a few establishing shots where a fish eye lens was used, which in itself is fine but then they moved the camera and it felt like watching a VR film somehow and if the shot had gone on much longer I think I would have felt slightly sick.

The next thing that surprised me, but I guess shouldn’t have, was the fair usage of the word “cunt”. I am not bothered by usage of this word and it is interesting knowing the general reaction of the populace now compared to what was probably common usage three hundred years ago.

This film was probably more “arty” than it needed to be. There were plenty of lingering, holding shots that could be different and I guess the director wanted to make a statement. I’m not sure what the intention was but a statement was made. At times the soundtrack consisted of quiet repetitive sounds that slowly increased and stayed in the scene minutes more than would normally be expected. This was slightly irritating and a purely artistic choice, possibly one that I would not have made. It made it feel quite “my first art film”.

A quick read of Wikipedia about Queen Anne and you can see how much of this film is fiction. How much of it is speculation rather than being a well sourced historical film. I would rather have an as-close-as-possible film than this, but I guess it made a good story. Queen Anne is a fascinating subject and more complex than could be shown on film. I will state that Olivia Coleman was stunning and her facial acting in one scene was outstanding, you can read the emotions and thoughts of this queen perfectly, it was all so subtle.

This is the second film with Rachel Weisz in period costume that I have seen in the last year. I don’t think that’s enough for a trend but given I didn’t know she was in the film I think I’m excused.

A lot of the filming was done at Hatfield House, which I have never been to see, but my mate’s mum used to work there so I’m claiming a personal connection to that. It turns out that Abigail Masham is buried in a village near where I grew up, High Laver, and so I think I will visit the grave and see the church as it turns out that John Locke is buried there too.

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Bumblebee

The other day I went to see the Michael Bay film Bumblebee at Rochester Cinema. On the way to the cinema the tide was low, but was lower on the way out, possibly at a minimum, all the mud banks were showing. Out in the river there’s a crane on a barge! A proper crane with wheels and stuff, just sitting on a large barge. I do love the big stuff we make. So, I started looking for a satellite picture of the mud flats at the edge of the river and ended up getting excited about the historical photographs available in Google Earth. I probably owe them something for using these clips.

1940 Pre Motorway
1940 Pre Motorway

If you move slightly further east from this picture you can see the Shorts Brothers Flying Boats resting on the river Medway, that must’ve been such an amazing sight. Sunderlands taking off from the Medway before Shorts was relocated to Northern Ireland.

1940 Shorts Flying Boats
1940 Shorts Flying Boats

Next up are the 60s decade of sex and drugs and rock and roll. No motorway though.

1960 No Motorway Yet
1960 No Motorway Yet

The original Medway motorway bridge opened in 1963 and on closer inspection I think the construction work in the photograph is the building of the supports.

1990 M2 Bridge
1990 M2 Bridge

By 1990 you can see the bridge and then the area that will be reclaimed for the entertainment complex.

2003 New Bridges
2003 New Bridges

In this photograph the cinema and nightclub are there, along with the new Channel Tunnel Rail Link bridge for the high speed train network and another road bridge. I think the original is also being “beefed up”.

2006 Bridges Complete
2006 Bridges Complete

The bridges are complete and it looks like there is a trail bike track the other side of the railway.

2015 Medway Gate Houses
2015 Medway Gate Houses

This last picture has the new housing estate in the Medway Gate. I’m not sure what their sunlight is like as they live in the bottom of a pit.

Back to the process of writing this film review. I rated the film on IMDB, as usual, and there’s a communication buried in this site to explain the rating process. I tweeted this result, because it makes this site look prettier than me just writing the result.

Well, this film was the usual mess of a Michael Bay film. It starts somewhere and leads us in the knowledge of how Bumblebee and the others got to Earth along with some stuff about saving the world. It really wasn’t an interesting film and I got bored with the middle hour. Worth a watch if you want to complete your set of Transformers movies. But much like the very first movie the transformers were too “busy and quick”.

Would robots fight each other the same way that humans do? Would they try to hit each other about the head until they pass out? Would they have a voice module in the same place as a human? Would they have independently developed bullets and missiles that look like our Earth weapons?

I think not.

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Aquaman

I’ve got to stop doing this. I think to myself that I’ll go to the cinema and there’s not a lot on that I want to see so I go see the superhero film. Even though I know superhero films annoy me. Even though I know I don’t like them. Even though while I can appreciate the canon, I don’t care. Film versions annoy me. There was even a guy in the cinema wearing a jacket with patches all over it, each one was a superhero patch. Gosh I hate these films.

That score isn’t really a surprise is it? This film is about privilege, it’s about the firstborn child born to a queen out of wedlock who then claims the throne to be his own. If this was a true patriarchal society then the half-breed usurper wouldn’t have any grounds for complaint. This, once again, is a film to reinforce the idea of our position in society is one we are born to. I don’t want to rant again like one of my recent movies and so I shall pour a glass of red wine instead. Read my rantings here.

There were two female characters? Out of thousands.

One of the women imprisoned the father into a daily ritual of being at the dock at sunrise just in case she came back. What utter psychological abuse.

This is another film about how beating up people and asserting your physical strength over every other aspect of your personality will win. What a load of bullshit. It was annoying and stupid.

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Die Hard 30th Anniversary

Last night I went to the cinema in Rochester [not in Rochester] to see the latest action film release – Die Hard 30th Anniversary edition. This was an utter delight but there are conventions I need to follow here and although I broke them for the review of Skyscraper I shall not be doing that now.

It was dark driving along the promenade road but I could see the state of the tide reflecting lights from the houses and boats on the other side of the valley. The water was not covering the mud flats at the edges of the river and so that tide was definitely not in.

I also rated this film on IMDB and there’s a communication that deals with the rating system, you should probably read it and the follow up.

What is there to say about this film? It’s iconic and brilliant. It has so many moments that are captured in the collective psyche that there were many times the entire audience [the cinema was full] giggled or laughed or just huffed a sound of appreciation at the film. It’s worth watching and seeing over and over.

Yippee ki-yay

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Mortal Engines [1400]

Before you read this review of a terrible film please be aware this is published Fooyah.net communication number 1400!

This afternoon after a break of quite a while I went to the cinema. The last film I saw was First Man and that was pretty shit. When I was browsing which film to see this weekend there weren’t really any that moved me but out of all the choices I chose the one with massive cities roaming the Earth. Normally about this time I also mention the state of the tide. It’s one of those things that has developed over the last few years, I mention Rochester or wherever else I went and then I also comment on the tide. I think it was low, but when I was driving along the road I did see a lovely lighting of the river:

River Medway And The Sun
River Medway And The Sun

This picture perfectly sums up what the view looked like. The sun was glowing through the clouds and created a great light, but you’ll have to trust me as you can see that I took the photo with perfect timing to block the sun with the CCTV warning sign. What a terrible photograph!

I also rate all the movies I see on the IMDB website. There are warnings and you should read this communication which deals with how that rating system works.

I’m not sure that 6/10 is right. This film left me feeling oddly empty. It didn’t do anything for me. Let’s get a few things out of the way first this movie is based on a stupid, but fun premise. The story was full of clichés. The love story was boring. The terminator was a bit of a surprise and didn’t really fit in any of the plot. In fact it could have been removed and the story would have worked perfectly well. This movie even had a “I’m you father” moment. What shit!

Overall this film was quite boring and dull. It did nothing to excite me or make me feel there was danger or any imposing sense of doom. Terrible. Normally when I see a film I get snippets of sentences and words I am going to write in this communication. Not a lot came to me during this film. The only thing that did bother me was the suspension on these cities. It seemed impressive to be smooth enough to keep the buildings standing through all manner of surfaces and turns.

Perhaps this film should be interpreted through the lens of Brexit and political leadership. A massive city [London, for it is she] is heading to destroy the known world and ruin everything the world has because the “leader” is determined that his mission must succeed. The “leader” is willing to ensure that his plan works at all costs. He is willing to destroy the peaceful land-dwellers using a weapon of ultimate power. The city can’t be turned and must be kept on course no matter how deranged the plan.

This film also illustrates the problem with “class” and being born to the right family. It’s not really dealt with towards the end of the film but it is very clear early on that people born below should stay there and have nothing to do with the leadership of the city. We have that in our own society. This is built into our collective psyche from a young age. We are bred to accept our position and that those who come from certain families are there to serve the country and look out for us.

Think about how many fairy stories and pantomimes have someone born to rule who gets lost and resumes command once their birth story is discovered. Think how many princesses end up poor and in the shit until their true identity is discovered. Think how many poor people are only allowed to get to power if they are beautiful and marry a prince. Think about all those Disney cartoons designed to keep women and the lower classes away from dreaming about doing good and ruling.

Then, you have the royal family. From an early age we look in awe at these people. These poor fucks, whose own human rights are abused, are born into such a one-way life that they don’t dare escape. The role of these people is to rule over us. We fawn over their lives and loves and we have books about their children and photographs in all the newspapers. Their weddings and childbirth are treated like national celebrations because we have even more people to rule over us. It is in our nation’s psyche to be subservient to those in authority. Look at the power projecting from all the TV shows about the royals. Those gold trappings, the army, the flypasts, the glitz, the carriages, the clothes the fucking bullshit. It’s all designed to enforce their position and authority over us plebeians.

The houses of parliament are designed to keep reminding us that they have the power. That they deserve the power. That we are subservient to them. Nothing has made this clearer to me over my existence than the petty bullshit infighting in parliament over this Brexit bullshit. A broken system of representatives who are failing to do the best for the country as a whole. They’ll be ok in the end. I’ll be ok in the end as I have a decent profession. But it will fuck our country over. I mean we already have millions in poverty and families relying on foodbanks. This country is a disgrace and the time for revolution is nigh.

I honestly have come to the conclusion that we need riots and mass civil disobedience to force a change in the way this country is governed. We need to remove the barriers to social progression. We need all people to be represented equally and we need those in charge to do what is right for the country as a whole and not just play bullshit games with the future of the country because it serves their own egotistical ambitions.

But this won’t happen. Not here. We aren’t citizens. We are SUBJECTS. We have been trained to obey and follow the rules. We all believe that those in power are there because it is their right. That they will do the best for us. Look at the last two years. What a shit-show.

I read recently that one of the main reasons the first world war ended was that there are a massive popular uprising in the German empire and that the Kaiser resigned because of that. The next day the war ended. It wasn’t anything to do with us winning or being better than the Germans. It was because their people decided to revolt. Do you know what our ruling classes did? They forced our society to become more observant of the ruling classes and forced large parades on the people to force the masses to forget about revolution. It happened in Russia, in France many times and Germany. We were next but it was all suppressed. The ruling classes held us down and created more generations of subjects. Women only got the vote because they fought for it. Our collective experiences as SUBJECTS forces us to accept these pathetic imperialist ways.

Look at our national obsession for stately homes. I go around them and my anger increases all the time. These massive houses built on the profits of the poor and downtrodden. All that money used for a few while the many have to accept their fate to living a life of shit and misery while the ruling classes continue to benefit.

While I’m on this I’ll have a side swipe at religion. Mostly because it reinforces this whole idea that there is a plan for us. That there is destiny and no matter how shit life is down here once you die and, as long as you’ve followed their rules, you get to live forever in heaven where the big boss will rule over you. Religions are great. It’s how you keep the power. It’s how you enforce the populace to be subservient to you.

In summary. We are screwed because we so readily accept the idea of class and being born to elevation.

God, I’m such a lefty on some matters that it surprises me so much. I thought we were meant to become more selfish and cunty [sorry, I spelt conservative wrong there] as we got older. All I see more and more is the delusion our people are under and the pain and suffering of those oppressed by the rulers of this land.

And O you mortal engines whose rude throats/Th’immortal Jove’s dread clamors counterfeit

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First Man

Days ago I went to the cinema at Rochester to see the film First Man. It has taken me this long to process what I thought about it along with being away and in an area of limited data coverage. Before I explain what I thought about the film there are some formalities to cover.

I have no idea on the state of the tide that evening. I didn’t particularly look at that tidal area of river as it was dark and raining. I could look it up but that’s not the point. I also rated this film on IMDB and you should see this particular communication which explains the rating system, I’ll give you a hint though, I broke the system for this film.

I’ve a slight feeling that this is going to be a little controversial. But then again, it’s my view and I’m not a professional critic so I don’t make or break movies.

I’m not sure I liked this film.

I wanted to like this film. I wanted to love this film and be amazed at it and learn a bit about Neil Armstrong. I’m not sure I did and that pains me. I think it took me two days before I rated this film on IMDB as I wasn’t sure what score to give the film.

So, we know I am a nerd and I know a fair bit about the moon landings and space travel. I didn’t mind that I didn’t learn anything new about those aspects of the film. I also knew that Mr Armstrong was quite private and quiet but also a professional and extremely clever man. I’m not sure this film captured that.

Here’s what I did like. The emotional aspect of Armstrong attempting to deal with the death of his daughter. This film heavily places that at the centre of the story telling and I am fine with that but it’s almost fiction as the man himself never really opened up about it. I loved the final touch of his offering to the moon and would love that to be true.

What I didn’t like was all the shaking camera work. This film was like watching a tense emotional marriage drama with episodes of shaking camera and stress. I guess that’s what the astronauts’ lives are like but I just don’t like blurry screens.

I didn’t like the way the film side-stepped the knowledge and understanding and skill that is needed to be an astronaut. I like the technical stuff. I know that’s just me and so I get why this film has rave reviews.

So, in the end this film has a 5/10 from me. I didn’t hate it. I just didn’t like it enough.

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Johnny English Strikes Again

Well, today I took a trip to the Cineworld cinema in Harlow. Not the one in the Harvey Centre but the one on the edge of town. I can’t remember the last time I went to Harlow town centre but I’m pretty sure I thought it was shit. Harlow, you see, is a new town. It’s a classic example of 1960s urban planning with a concrete town centre to boot. It may have improved I guess but don’t know because I didn’t go there.

The cinema I patronised was close to the river Stort but that isn’t tidal. In fact there are no tidal reaches close by so I can’t give you a decent idea of where the tide was at. I can tell you it is pretty much a full moon out this evening. Also, a new one for me in the 40 odd years that I’ve lived and moved around this part of Essex I actually saw deer in the first field coming out of the village.

I should probably get on with the film and the review type stuff. I rated this film on IMDB and there’s a communication here detailing the scoring process. You can even search in the little box on the right to see more reviews and things or use the drop down menu directly below my header picture. I tweeted my IMDB score:

So, as you can see, 4/10 is a pretty pants score. There’s been a few others recently that scored that and there’s even a film where I went completely away from this trusted format. Why did this film get a 4? Mostly because it was shit.

I did like the idea that they were trying to train Johnny English into understanding that the world has moved on and that women can have jobs of power although they could have gone into this much more. The idea that women should be treated the same as men, although it probably doesn’t work so well in this movie franchise compared with Bond because Johnny English is generally a fool whereas Bond is full of misogynistic toxic behaviour that deserves to be corrected and then consigned to the rubbish heap of shit things.

No, this film was pretty shit. Other people in the cinema laughed plenty and I chuckled a couple of times but it wasn’t far enough on the dinosaur discovering a new world idea and it wasn’t enough Mr Bean.

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King Of Thieves

Last night I went to Rochester cinema [not in Rochester] to see King Of Thieves. It was dark so I don’t have any information about the state of the tide for this communication but I can tell you it was raining. I can also inform you that the JD was very pleasant while waiting to go into the theatre. I did see a really cool device developed by Guinness that took a poured glass of Guinness from a can and then made bubbles appear so it looked like a draught pint. This device is apparently called a Guinness Surger and I will let you Google that for yourself.

I rated this film on IMDB and you should sneak over to this communication to see how the system works.

Well, that seems quite a low rating for a crime caper! I just didn’t really like it. This movie starts off with likable characters trying to get one over on The Man. Although that is what they have always done, being professional thieves. But, you see, this means they are scum bags unwilling to work for the things they want. Stealing isn’t a thing to be celebrated, even though we love those movies. I would also rail against those who make money by taking advantage of people. I’ve a simple mantra in life, let’s be nice to one another.

In this film you have what looks like a bumbling group of old guys with a lovely camaraderie who slowly develop and show their greed and mistrust of each other because they have always lied. They start playing off against each other. They just aren’t nice people. You see, thieving:

IT’S NOT A NOBLE OCCUPATION.

It’s for assholes and scumbags driven by a sense of inequality. Whilst they are right to have that sense of inequality they should be trying to change things through the proper channels, not breaking the law. Arrrgh, I’m stuck now because the law works in favour of those with money and those who take advantage of everyone, especially while the Tories are in power.

Do you know what? Go and watch the Jonathon Pie thing on iPlayer. That’s good.

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Mile 22

Yesterday I went to the Cineworld cinema at Rochester to see the film Mile 22. I didn’t know what to expect but as it was rated 18 I thought it might be better than some of the other films currently showing. As I journeyed the sun was shining and it was a lovely day, only ruined by my need to tidy the garden and pull some weeds. The tidal state of the river Medway was quite high.

River Valley
River Valley

You can’t see a great deal of the river in this photograph but it is there and was lovely and still giving nice reflections of the valley sides opposite.

As is usual I rated this film on IMDB when I left the cinema. I also then share stuff via Twitter because once it’s embedded in this page the tweet looks pretty good! You should see something written about my rating system and it just so happens I have an explanation in this communication.

Why the low score? Well, this film was shit. That’s why. I didn’t actually walk out although I did think about it. I was less than enthused about ten minutes in. After that the film just kept getting worse.

I don’t like shaky hand-held camera work. It’s lazy because it means there’s more space in the choreography of fighting than there should be. Hand held cameras give the idea that you are part of the fight and therefore you can’t see all the fight. You have no fucking clue what is going on. I gave up trying to track what was happening at times and let the scene play out and I would back-fill the fight from who was left standing at the end.

Some of the vocals were so poorly recorded or had such terrible accents that I couldn’t understand what they were saying. Had I been watching at home I would have put the subtitles on. Which wouldn’t have made a huge difference to my understanding of the film because the plot was fucking terrible.

The Mark Wahlberg character was a piece of shit. We had some back story about him being really gifted and using “pain” to stop his mental thoughts but he was just an abusive person. I hoped he died. As a group of my friends would say “he’s a right proper Cynthia”. He was the leader of a super-secret cell of USA government hard bastards who went in and did the job and got out. Except we saw them resign their posts before using this super-power and therefore weren’t members of the CIA while they were blowing shit up.

One of the female characters was so cool under fire that it was highlighted by the film but then she couldn’t hold her emotions together when she was talking to her ex-husband. What a load of toss. Bullshit.

I don’t even want to go into all the problems with the plot and how it doesn’t really fit together or make sense. This film was terrible. I hated it.

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A Simple Favour

As part of an entertainment weekend I booked a seat to see A Simple Favour. A film about something. I didn’t know really, it was a film on at the right time for me to get to the cinema. There are things to be done you see. Also, hopefully it would stop me overdoing it at the SITD gig. There was a method to my planning. The last thing I needed was a big hangover.

It was raining as I drove to the cinema and so I did not notice the status of any solar-lunar effects on the Earth. I can tell you the tide was just below high when I drove away as the skies had cleared to sunshine.

I rated this film on IMDB and there’s a communication which covers the rating system called IMDB Ratings. Then my customary behaviour is to share my score via Twitter.

So, what did I think of this film? It was alright I think. It wasn’t super stunning or scary. It was a little full of too-perfect people, although I guess they had their flaws exposed as the movie went on. I guess my problem is I’m not sure who was the baddie. I am pretty sure both the main female characters were not heroes.

I think I saw a movie similar to this a couple of years back. A woman gets all scheming and fakes her own death. Etc.

Maybe we are meant to find both women horrific in their own ways.

I think I have one comment about the rest of the school mums and dads. This film had school mums and also a single dad who was probably a gay character. Perhaps the film-makers could have realised that there are life situations where the dad might be staying at home in a heterosexual relationship. I don’t think there was a need to make him gay. Unless, of course, there are quotas. On second thoughts, well done movie for showing a gay dad in a positive light and messing with the heads of all those crazy christians in the USA. Anything to get in their heads.

This film was a good waste of two hours. It’s worth a watch but maybe don’t pay for it.

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The Predator

This glorious afternoon I opted to stay in a darkened room and watch a film. The room was screen 7 at Rochester Cineworld cinema. You see, when you have a subscription you need to make sure you go enough to make that worth while. I could have stayed at home and learnt the songs for the next Disaster Area gig but I chose not to.

I failed to notice the state of the tide on the way to the cinema and it is quite unlike me to do that. Ever since I started mentioning it I have been a little obsessed although it is a quick and easy way to connect with nature, the sun and the moon. The tide was low when I left the film.

I rated this film on IMDB using the system explained within the words of the communication called IMDB Ratings.

This film was quite terrible. I only stayed until the end to see what would happen. I’m a big fan of the original movie Predator. It had Arnie and an alien and a misfit group of hard-core homo erotic troopers who all died one by one until Arnie had beat up the alien enough it decided to nuke itself out of existence.

This film had a misfit bunch of soldiers who were all bad men and heading to prison [I think, I’m not sure why they were all in the same bus]. There was a chap with Tourettes so that rude things could be said and blamed on Tourette’s syndrome when really he just said the toxic-masculine bullshit that the script writers really wanted to say. I’m pretty sure he had some stuff to say about “eating pussy”. It’s a shame because the actor playing the Tourette’s chap is really good and could probably pull that character off in a serious film.

There was a kid with ASD or high functioning autism. He seemed to cope pretty well when all the guns started going off. There was a brilliant throwaway line that autism is the next evolutionary level to let the movie goers know that this kids was the future.

There was a female scientist, a kind of Tia Carrere clone, who apparently:

“wrote the book on evolutionary biology”

I always thought that was Charles Darwin. When we first meet this actress she looks EXACTLY like a make-up advert with her head turned 1/4 on and hair flawlessly flowing down her shoulders. It was pissing ridiculous.

I looks as though the script writers just had gaps in the script with the words “insert science sounding shit here”. On that train of thought apparently a helicopter can “track another helicopter’s frequency”. Jesus.

It was disclosed that the Predator had been before in 1987 and another year. Predator 2 was in 1990. I’m not sure what year they said because they then claimed that it was coming to earth with an increasing frequency which is a pretty spectacular claim to make given just three datum points. Also, the predator was being chased to Earth and crash landed so I’m not sure that “intention” could be claimed.

This movie was enough for conspiracy dicks. It had secret aliens, a massive under dam base where thousands of people work on alien artifacts and secret government organisations run by a young man who seems to have extrapolated way too much from the limited data available. Also, this movie had

GUNS

Now, I know the original was full of guns and macho bullshit but it was an Arnie film. What the fuck did you expect? In this film it shows the American obsession that violence can cure anything. The gun can kill all things and rectify the problems facing the country. Got an alien dog running at you which doesn’t go down with a couple of bullets? Just shoot more bullets at it. This movie does not celebrate genius or alternative thinking. It celebrates a culture fantasising completely over small arms, and sometimes bigger weapons.

Arnie used his ingenuity to harm the Predator enough. This movie uses guns.

So, the primary female character explains at one point that the Predator left her alone when she was completely naked in the decontamination room. Does this come back to be used? Does this have any explanation later in the film. No! Because, fuck you. Don’t expect us to tie together all the plot points or even let this film make sense.

Save you money. Find Predator with Arnie on a streaming site and watch that. It’s awesome.

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Ant-Man and the Wasp

Earlier today I went to the Cineworld cinema in Rochester to see the film Ant-Man and the Wasp. I’m not really into superhero movies, they bore me and are too outrageous. I was curious to see what I would think of this one. There are some administrative duties I must attend to first though. The tide was pretty full when I got to the cinema, maybe just before high tide. On the way out the river was definitely flowing towards the see and the tide had turned. I rated this movie on the IMDB website and there’s a guide to those ratings within this communication which was written over four years ago!

Well, as you can see I rated this film well. I would watch it again. It had just the right amount of character and humour to make everyone likeable, even the Ghost. I don’t have any real problems with any of it. I recognise there must be many plot holes and don’t get me started on being able to shrink smaller than the molecules of which you are made but I liked it all.

The were even TARDIGRADES ffs. Those little beasts are mean motherfuckers! I really did enjoy this film. Well worth a watch.

My main criticism would be that the Ghost character could have been more developed. I would like to see a film with just her in it. The Ghost was played by Hannah John-Kamen who also stars as Dutch in Killjoys. As a superhero, whether good or bad, the Ghost had a wonderful costume and interesting back story.

If you do see this film, make sure you stay around to see that little bit after the first set of credits. It tied in very nicely with another film. Very interesting.

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The Festival

Went to the cinema at Rochester last night to see The Festival. I arrived a little before time because I wanted to complete some more steps towards my daily total. Earlier in the day I had needed to buy some work shoes and I visited that Mecca of shopping: Bluewater. Before buying the shoes and doing a classic man-shop: walk to the shop, try a single pair of shoes, buy them, walk back to the car; I walked around the shopping centre thrice.

Medway Views
Medway Views

You can see that the view is just lovely and the light was nice last night. Plenty of sunshine to round out a cooler day that we’ve had all summer. The tide was also quite low with the mudflats showing to the edge of the river. I rated this film on IMDB and there’s a communication explaining the rating system.

This film was OK. There were some wonderfully grossed out moments that made me chuckle out loud. The basic plot is that an incredibly selfish chap gets dumped by his girlfriend and goes to a music festival as part of his recovery I guess. Over the course of the festival he learns just what a selfish prick he is and tries to make amends for that.

The set-up of him slowly learning all the things he did while he was high on MDMA was quite funny. This film is your usual “teen” gross humour and situational comedy taking the worst of human behaviour and placing all that in a single person or weekend. It’s relate-able to everyone I think because we’ve all grown up. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never been to a festival, many of the set pieces in this film can be found in our collective pasts. I guess that makes it quite clever.

I’ve been to five festivals over the past six or so years and I would say that I have had a wonderful time at all of them. Even the muddy one. I mean, yes, I broke down in tears after my car got stuck in the mud and I was worried about it, and the walkways were ten centimetres deep with mud, but overall I had a good time.

This film encapsulates a sense of growing up and mini-experiences that we’ve all had. Well done.

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The Spy Who Dumped Me

Yesterday I drove to end up on a vector almost directly north from where I had started to end up parked near the Medway river to watch a film. It was a choice of this, The Spy Who Dumped Me, or The Festival [not that fussed] or The Equalizer 2 [even less fussed], also, Mila Kunis is in The Spy . . . . Yesterday I utterly failed to observe the state of the tide sorry about that. As is custom I rated the film on IMDB and there’s a communication explaining the rating system.

Look, this film is not great. It’s not that clever and I still am not sure who was a good person or not or on the side of whatever side was meant to be good. I’m not entirely sure the film made sense, I don’t know why the object was left where it was etc.

But, let’s ignore all that. This was a reasonably amusing film with some almost laugh-out-loud moments. It also has Mila Kunis. I don’t think there needs to be anymore explanation.

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The Meg

This afternoon I traveled to the Cineworld cinema at Rochester to see The Meg. The tide was high and the Medway looked nice and pretty as I drove by various parts of it. I rated this film on IMDB and you should read about the scoring system in this communication. Here’s my tweet showing my score:

Well, what can I say about a film that is almost an exact remake of Jaws? It’s not exactly Jaws but it’s pretty close. Firstly, before I give spoilers about the film, I want to make a point about one of the adverts. It was for Facebook and it was trying to say that Facebook is sorry for the way they have allowed selling of data and fake news type things. They are trying to rebuild the trust in the company. Look, I don’t want to seem stupid, but Facebook makes its money from advertising and selling your data. If they full stopped your data being used then the company would have to find another income stream. Anyway, they say that they want Facebook to get back to doing what it was originally for. Keeping in touch with families and friends.

Except that’s not what Facebook was originally about. I mean it is for most users but Facebook started as an online way to rate the attractiveness of students at a university. Just saying.

So, the film? It was a pretty good fun film. There were, of course, many moments where I thought it was absolutely bollocks but those were easily ignored because the story was kinda OK.

So, the idea there is a thermal layer below which more species lurk is pretty fine, placing it so far down isn’t though. Ships and submersibles can’t get there. Also, there’s a massive issue with the nuclear submarine at the beginning being so far down, they can’t get there. Along with the idea that they were attacked above the thermal layer by a Megalodon which couldn’t get above the layer or the sub was below the layer but no-one at that point knew about the layer. That occurs in the first few minutes. But, let’s ignore that shall we?

When they track the Meg attacking boats they decide to go and investigate in their own boat. But they had a HELICOPTER on the research platform. Strange choice really.

Their ship can travel faster than a Meg through the water, this seems pretty poor. I love the fact that they had twenty minutes to get to a shallow area to trap the Meg and in those twenty minutes they managed to rig up many extra gadgets to try and kill the shark.

How come when they got to the shallow area it was really deep for the underwater shots?

How come you can see really far in water? Pretty sure you can’t.

Anyway, I still enjoyed it. Those you expect to die, do. Those you want to live, do. They all seem pretty happy at the end of the film even though there has been massive death and destruction. I guess we ignore all the pain.

Right at the end of the film they projected the French word for the end:

Fin

I laughed. I didn’t notice anyone else laughing. Oh well.

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Incredibles 2

Yesterday I sauntered over to the cinema. It is a large quiet room with air conditioning. It is a good place to visit during this heat. If only I could bunk off work to get there also! There are two films I’d be interested in, Skyscraper [which will be terrible] and Ocean’s 8 [which would be fun]. I noticed that many of the boats were up on mud flats and that means that the tide was quite low. When I went for a run 9 hours later the tide was still quite low so I must’ve missed high tide.

I rated this film on IMDB after watching it and I’m not sure about my rating this time. You should read this communication for an explanation of the grading system.

So, what about this film? It was good, but not good enough for a score of 8. I’m not sure what I thought. It left me very slightly cold. Perhaps that is more to do with my current mood and feeling with our politicians and global leaders who are arseholes. This film was a good Pixar movie. It had your classic baddie, although I’m not really sure what she was trying to achieve. I think I need to go and read some reviews by proper journalists so I can focus my thoughts.

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Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Last night I went to see the latest Jurassic Park film. I travelled to the Cineworld Cinema in Rochester. The tide was low, I could see the whole mud back. The place looked quite picturesque in the dimming sun. As is my custom I rated this film on the IMDB site and you should read the rating system within this communcation.

Do you know what? I just tried to settle down and watch this film and enjoy it. Yes, it was terrible. The plot was shocking. The script was poor and everyone can outrun a volcano. They did get Jeff Goldbloom in for a couple of shots in the studio but they left the action to the younger actors. I just tried to enojy it as an action film and not be too picky.

There must be some form a rule that indicates that sequels are really bad, except for the Godfather and I haven’t seen those movies. This is film number 5 is the series and it was as you would expect for the fifth film in a series when there is only one plot.

Was it film four when they designed a new type of dinosaur? It wasn’t long before the capitialist pigs would take that dinosaur and then try to create an army with them. There was a lot wrong with this film. But I suspended an awful lot of disbelief and managed my best to enjoy the experience.

I remember seeing the first film in Harlow and it was an utter rush. Spielberg did an amazing job creating a world where dinosaurs exist. The original film made me so excited and scared I loved it. Unfortunately for kids these days they get to follow it up with tripe.

Oh, why were there kids under the age of 10 in the cinema when it’s a film that finished at 21:45?

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Solo: A Star Wars Story

Today I went to see Solo. A film from the Star Wars universe but nothing really to do with the Empire and the Star Wars films. It was set before Han meets Luke is Mos Eisley. I went to the Plaza cinema in Workington and it was a very pleasant experience. The cinema was a good multiplex with decent prices. I liked it. I now need to include some form of information about the tide and I am afraid I have no visual information about it. I can inform you of what it was like at a similar time the day before:

This was the view over the River Esk slightly further down south. Just north of the Eskmeal Ranges used by the MOD to test rockets and shit out to sea.

As is customary I rated the film on IMDB and you should know by now to see this communication with information about the rating system.

So, there we go! A resounding 8/10. That’s pretty good for me. I went to see the film without any real expectation and I just wanted to be entertained. I struggled at the beginning because it seemed to be Oliver Twist for the first fifteen minutes but things settled and I enjoyed the remainder of the space romp.

I’m not going to go into detail. I enjoyed the film and I liked the action sequences. Could it have been better? Yes, loads. But it was good enough. I think what makes it survive a roasting here is that it didn’t have anything to say about the Darth Vader issue. It’s not a prequel and it doesn’t mess with the original films. I enjoyed it.

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Avengers: Infinity War

After hearing from plenty of people that Infinity War was really good I thought I should go and see it. Even when I have said “I don’t like superhero movies anymore” they still seemed insistent that this film was worth it. So I went to Rochester to see Infinity War. The tide was waning but still quite high at 19:00 last night.

Rochester
Rochester

Once I came out of the film I rated it on IMDB, as is my custom. I had to think a while because I was thinking about what single number could offer my sum total of thoughts and sometimes that’s a hard thing to do. There’s a communication somewhere about what these numbers mean.

There are two versions of this review. The first, tldr, is below:

Whatever.

 

The second is more subtle but will make a mild attempt to expand on my thoughts in the tldr version:

The first ten minutes had me confused that I was watching the wrong movie. It started with a fight off world straight away and I was a little lost. After that the pattern was

  1. Have a scene with a few quips.
  2. Have a big fight.
  3. Repeat.

Thanos seems to have a rather Malthusian view of the universe and I have to say I agree with him. I would go further than halving the population though because EXPONENTIAL GROWTH. He sets out with a good plan.

The glove is just a glove.

About three of the male characters had beards and I COULDN’T tell them apart. I think that one is on me, I really struggle with faces sometimes.

Is one of the stones the All Spark from the Transformers movies? Have I spelt that correctly?

I don’t think nano-tech works the way the film shows it happening.

Were the dog things from Resident Evil??

Bashing people into buildings is really important.

Also, this film shows us that hitting people is important and fighting is the solution to everything.

I could have quite happily left this movie as I didn’t care about anything in it.

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Rampage

Went to the cinema this evening to see Rampage. Now, I hadn’t seen any of the trailers – I don’t tend to watch them. All I had was the film poster. Before the film I went for a walk along the wharf, not a Worf that would be weird, and noted that the tide was neither in nor out. There was a low level bubbling sound from the mud banks slowly draining their contained water, it was a relaxing sound.

Tidal Medway
Tidal Medway

As is usual I rated this film on IMDB. You should see this guide to the system within this communication.

It was a terrible film and got worse as it went on. I didn’t even notice one of the main plot points although the camera shot at that exact spot struck me as strange but I didn’t work out why they had done that. I had to ask my neighbour at the end of the film how the antidote got into George.

Chicago didn’t look a whole lot different at the end of the film. Still a trashy place.

The tide was in when I left. The water level was higher than two hours previously.

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