Tag: imdb

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Ready Player One

Foremost, be warned I am struggling with this one. I have spent the last 18 hours wondering what rating to give it. I’m concerned I’m in a bad mood but don’t think so, I’m just puzzled by this film. But first, there are routines to get through.

I went, on a glorious sunny day, to sit in the dark at the Cineworld cinema in [not] Rochester. I now comment on the tide, as the river is tidal, at this point. The tide was in and I took a pretty picture to confirm that. If you look carefully you can see the historic Rochester castle and cathedral.

High Tide Rochester
High Tide Rochester

I rated this film on IMDB and you should read this communication about the scoring system. This is where the controversy starts I think:

So, I should now go ahead and explain my rating and thoughts.

Bad Thing

This film started by playing “Jump” by Van Halen. This is a good song, it’s iconic, but I was instantly reminded that a good soundtrack does not make the film. Suicide Squad was a shit film but had a great soundtrack of classic 80s songs that everyone knows. So, let’s ignore the music.

Bad Thing

I don’t think the voice over was necessary. Films are made better without exposition. Build your explanations into the film, release the details slowly. Make the audience earn the story. Let’s ignore that.

Good/Bad Thing

There were so many 80s cultural references, along with a glaring one from 1991 and Terminator 2, that these were unsubtle. They were rammed into your retina. I guess I missed many as I’m not a massive 80s whore, but my mate Pom would get more. I think he’d like that part of the film. This film is like a greatest hits of popular culture.

An Aside

If pop-culture is the stuff that is popular does culture mean all that upper class shit that critics like? The stuff that isn’t popular? Should that be called culture?

Impressive Thing

The CGI was hugely impressive. We have been at the point of photo-realism for years now and there are many parts of films that are CGI but I don’t think people realise. It’s a cheap way to lend credibility to a film by adding small details. So, the virtual world looked and felt fantastic. Well done [although it’s not outside the realms of technology or new].

Annoying Thing

The avatars of the characters were remarkably like their IRL characters. Their facial features were quite Cameron’s Avatar like. This is probably to avoid the uncanny valley. The oriental characters were played in-game by oriental builds. The large kid chose to be an over-modded large character and the lead turned out to be white kid. They all played their own gender and they all kept their real life features. This was bollocks. It was Hollywood.

More Annoying Thing

All the clan in the game came from pretty much the same area of the USA?? What utter rubbish. The idea that online players in this game would be anywhere near each other was appalling.

While We Are At It

The girl didn’t think she was “pretty” in real life. She didn’t want to meet the lead character. Well, it turns out she IS pretty. All she has is a birth mark that covers here eye. IT’S NOT EVEN A BAD BIRTHMARK. What bollocks, this was very annoying.

Slums

The futuristic slum area was essentially just a trailer park made futuristic. Do you know what? I’m happy with that. I liked it.

VR

There has to be a point where developers decide whether to include force feedback into suits and movement or not. I suspect it will go ahead because: porn. So, the IRL people have walkways so that their movements are mimicked in the game. But, how does the flying and dancing work? What about INERTIA? Why are people in the streets playing the game? Are they walking form one place to another? Can they see the real world while they are in the game? I don’t understand.

Being in a computer game doesn’t give you superhuman reactions. You just can’t run, race, fight, fly, drive at those speeds and still react as a human. It might be that the apologetic is that the game avatars have extra modifications that allow them to react within the game to threats. This I guess is a good explanation but the speed of the gaming and fight scenes along with the driving section was implausible.

Beating The Game

When you are facing a bigger opponent in a game and you are going to lose all your coin why don’t you just quit and leave the game. That makes sense to me.

Story Arc [SPOILERS]

White american kid takes on a corporation with his friends. He gets the girl. Wins riches beyond his dreams and frees the world. Such bullshit.

It was nice to see Hannah John-Kamen again.

 

Now, I’ve been writing this stuff down I can see that I just wasn’t impressed. Yes, there are great songs and brilliant references to other films but once you remove that stuff the overall story and ideas are just pretty poor.

Maybe you can understand my struggles.

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Isle Of Dogs

I took a trip to see the Isle Of Dogs recently and as is custom I will now comment on the level of the tide: It was out. The journey was long and winding, Bull Lane, Pilgrims Way, A229, M2, A2, Blackwall Tunnel Southern Approach, East India Dock Road, A1206 and then you are there. A rediscovered cool place of London. The bit that dangles like a testicle from the north shore of the river Thames.

Dangly Bits

I have spent a few lovely times here, I have also spent some shit times here. But that, I guess, is how life goes. It’s almost like I’m teasing you for future stories and communications, which I am, but I’m not sure I’ll ever get around to writing them.

I also went to see a film called the Isle Of Dogs, perhaps I should really have seen the film while on the Isle Of Dogs, I missed an opportunity there! I rated the film on the Internet Movie Database and you should probably look over the scoring system in this communication.

This film was an utter delight.

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Tomb Raider

Having ranted and raged about the entitlement in the film Peter Rabbit you might be interested to know that I’m going to completely ignore the quantities of privilege in this film.

I went to the cinema. We know the drill. I write something about the tide without even knowing when that started, but knowing it was a coded reference to the time of day within a movie review because I went when I shouldn’t have. The tide was middling. For a while I was the only person in the cinema and that would have been nice for the whole film but people came in. I think my record for a film is me and one other person, two sad gits together, not that we were together but you understand.

My routine in the cinema is to normally stuff my face with either ice cream or hot dogs [don’t tell the vegetarian police] and then I read a book on my kindle-phone app while stuff non-feature-film occurs on screen. I don’t watch adverts and I watch each trailer once unless it’s an important film [Star Wars, Blade Runner] in which case I don’t watch. Some trailers I watch a little of before ignoring them because I know I won’t be going to see it [Mama Mia 2]. The book I am reading currently is

Dressing for Altitude, U.S. Aviation Pressure Suits-Wiley Post to Space Shuttle – By Dennis R. Jenkins

It’s a free e-book from Nasa and it is quite fascinating. It’s technical enough to challenge my understanding and written well enough to keep me interested. I have read a book on the X-15 program mostly while waiting for films to start and that one was brilliant. Quite technical writing has also helped when I’ve been broken and unable to think about things properly. Having decent technical challenging data and writing restores the balance of logic in my mind when it’s been screwed over. I do still intend to write about the two main times I’ve been quite mental but getting that stuff down in text is going to be hard.

So, the film, Tomb Raider. I rated it on IMDB and now is where I point you to the communication discussing the rating system and then I normally comment that the scoring system is broken and I may get around to addressing that at some point.

I enjoyed this film. I didn’t enjoy the two women behind me talking constantly through the film but I still enjoyed the film.

Let’s face facts: it’s a film based on a best selling game. Therefore we don’t expect it to be great. We expect it to be clichéd and full of stupid action. Guess what? It is. It was a perfect film covering a good game series. It was probably better than the Jolie version and that’s saying something as I can be a bit of a Jolie fan.

In all honesty, if you want a decent movie in this genre then you should watch Raiders Of The Lost Ark. It does all the things that this film does but far far better. But. Indiana Jones isn’t female.

A couple of minor points that struck me in this. When Lara is riding her bike around London, which is looking lovingly cosmopolitan and resplendent, her chain/gears creak. I’m not sure if this was designed so that we know she’s cycling, I mean she is peddling, but no decent biker would put up with that creaking. They would fix it.

The next point is people in these movies seem to get punctured in many un-sexy ways and yet they don’t bleed out or get infected. It’s almost like they are fixed within minutes and able to run around at 100%.

Finally, Hannah John-Kamen was in this movie for about 3 minutes and it was lovely to see her in something where she isn’t playing Dutch. I am currently watching Killjoys on Netflix and she stars in that show.

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Peter Rabbit

I’m trying to realign my IMDB scores with the initial intention rather than score higher than where the films should be. I have been concerned with ratings-inflation for a while now and feel I am getting back to where it should be. There is a chance this one is going to be quite controversial but message me if you are bothered.

I went to see Peter Rabbit. The tide was halfway in the river and on the way in I guess as it was fully in on the way home. I rated this film on IMDB and you should probably see this communication which goes someway to explain how the grading system works.

I didn’t really like this film. I will admit that I found it funny at times, but humour doesn’t make a good film. I will also admit that I have never read any Beatrix Potter and have no emotional attachment to Peter Rabbit or any of the rest of the folks.

This is likely to descend into a discussion about the role that film plays within our society and for that I apologise in advance. There is a argument that this is a kids movie, it’s meant to be entertaining, the deeper lessons from this movie don’t need to be analysed because it’s meant for entertainment and we love these sorts of stories.

After the opening credits I was quite distressed as four birds flew across the sky singing and my thoughts were “Oh, shit. No one told me this was a musical, I will hate it”. The singing didn’t last long and that went on to become a running joke.

If I was being generous then I would say this is a cute family film with some slap-stick violence. I’m not in the mood for being generous though. I want to look at this film through the lens of social change in influence.

The messages from this film are mostly about the acceptance of illegality, violence and lies. The two human characters fall in love even though the male lies constantly for ninety percent of the film. The female is unaware of how obvious these lies are and yet she fully accepts this man at the end of the film. The rabbits in this film are vermin, much to their consternation. They invade and steal property consistently throughout the film, it’s ok to steal if what you take is “definitely yours” by a thought process of seeing things and so wanting things.

The bullying by Peter on his family is pretty bad. He’s a tearaway character, acting on impulses with little regard for the welfare of those he drags through his capers. He only stops to think once the damage has been done and even then he self-justifies his actions as the proper course. He is an horrible character. He gets away with these things in the eyes of the audience because he is cheeky and winks at times.

This film showed it’s OK to fight and to electrocute people to get what you want. It’s perfectly OK and even justified to harm humans if you are an anthropomorphised rabbit. You actions are deserving of praise because you are stealing the food that grows in someone else’s property. They live in the luscious countryside of the Lake District and yet these rabbits couldn’t find food? I don’t want to defend property ownership entirely. I have massive issues with the few who own the majority of everything. But, I’m just looking at the messages in this film.

In the end the woman still falls in love with the liar even though she knows he’s a liar. The violence of the rabbits gains them acceptance in the human world and the man changes. Perhaps in some ways this narrative is about the struggle of the small and weak to gain recognition. But, I’m not convinced. The ambitious toff keeps control in the end, restoring the natural order of things where the british love being subservient to the higher born.

It’s curious the level of violence that is normalised in TV and film. It starts early with Tom and Jerry. Then it moves to the Tom and Jerry satire which was the Itchy and Scratchy Show. Stop and have a look at cartoons and superhero films and examine the motives behind them. Do they teach fighting is OK? Do they teach about a natural order of human behaviour with hereditary leaders making decisions for the rest of us? Do they reinforce the current standing of your class?

Perhaps it will always end up with a few families controlling this planet not matter where we start. Maybe it’s because humans are nasty, violent creatures who need to have a sense of order and place-in-society to function. The issue is that it’s always the little man who gets crushed by this.

Maybe this film is just a fun-filled family caper but I do suspect it’s more sinister than that.

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Red Sparrow

I went to watch Red Sparrow at the cinema in Rochester. I definitely did check the state of the tide and it was neither fully in nor fully out. I have no idea which way it was travelling. I rate the films I see at the cinema on IMDB and there’s a guide to the scoring system in this communication.  With the current score I believe I am shifting the scores I give back to a proper system. I’ve been worried that my scores have been creeping.

So, clearly I didn’t like it. I am going to sneak over to some reputable websites and read a few reviews of this movie because I found it mostly poor. I’m probably going to end up with spoilers in the following text so you may want to not read on.

The premise that Russia is using sex and honey-traps to entice people into betraying their country isn’t new or exciting. In fact the whole “training” section of this movie had absolutely zero effect on the rest of the movie. You could remove that entire section and the movie would still make sense. This means it was pointless. It wasn’t even insightful. It encouraged spies to be rape and get raped. It was pretty shit. All it did was set up the idea that our heroine wouldn’t sleep with just anyone. Oh, that and allow a gratuitous nude shot of the lead.

I got about 75% through this movie and ended up confused about who was going where to do what and I stopped caring. It seemed remarkable that the Russian spy agency wasn’t watching their own spy as she travelled around screwing them over. She was a famous person being a spy. This is utter rubbish. We all know spies blend in. They don’t stand out.

Who can open a bank account in another person’s name with just their passport number? Really?

This movie contained violence, torture porn, blood, and overall was a bit shit. I don’t recommend it.

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Coco

This weekend I took at trip to the local cinema [possibly not the closest, will check . . . . . yep, second closest, about two miles further than the Odeon in Maidstone] to see Coco. Here’s a picture so I don’t have to write about the state of the tide:

A Cold Medway
A Cold Medway

Today the weather is back to boring grey. I preferred the white and cold. At least now I can turn the heating off for a while!

I rated the film on the IMDB website and there’s a guide to the rating system within this communication.

I have to say I thought the film was far better than the trailers had made it out to be. I was concerned it was going to be a religious load of rubbish but it turns out to be a lovely touching film about death. Seriously, that’s what it is about. It tells the story of how Mexico copes with death. It allows the world to picture that death is coming for us all and we only live on in the memories of those we leave behind. Coco tells us how fleeting this life is and how ultimately useless our lives are if we can’t get to be with those we love.

Along with looking just lovely, it’s Pixar, this film made me laugh and smile and want to cry. It was very good.

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Black Panther

Yesterday I went to the Cineworld cinema at Rochester to see Black Panther. I left work a little later than I had hoped and arrived at the cinema fifteen minutes after the show start, but I was still there easily in time for the start of the film. That did mean that I didn’t have too long to read my book, which is what I do while waiting for the adverts and trailers to pass. I am currently reading a NASA book about the development of pressure suits. It’s called Dressing For Altitude and is on this page. I will admit that I failed to notice the condition of the tide this trip.

For a long while now I have rated the films I see on the IMDB website and I did the same with this film. I didn’t rate it straight away as I wanted the film to settle in my head, so I scored it this morning. I believe I have to re-align my rating system as it is failing the purposes of use. I seem to give too many films a “6” and initially the system was designed to differentiate more than that. There’s an explanation of the scoring system in this communication.

I think it is quite clear to me now that I don’t really like Marvel movies. I go see them as they are a nice way to observe the passage of time but I don’t think they are very good. It is true they are sumptuous and sometimes well scripted but superhero movies leave me flat. I’m always willing to let movies have a get-out-of-reality free card for a couple of things as long as the rest of the universe it creates is consistent and this one managed that. But my overall thoughts are “meh”.

Some things about this film were important I guess in this canon. There were many strong black characters who were fighting against the injustice of treatment against black people around the world. There were many strong female characters who were intelligent and fought well. So, there are good aspects to this film. A part of me thinks that if we want suffrage and racial equality then a superhero film isn’t going to change society but maybe it’s a start. Maybe Hollywood has to start somewhere.

I’m not aware of the original stories and so the following comments may seem harsh and too reality based but they are valid.

Why didn’t the tribes all drink the special purple juice to all be super-powered and therefore subjugate the entire white world?

Why was it necessary to have black tribes fighting black tribes, showing a constant rift in the collective power of Wakanda. I wanted more. I wanted the tribes to unite and over-rule the whites.

Riches for countries come from trade and education [once we got past the enslaving black people and stealing their natural resources]. Not apparently so for Wakanda. They had a city and flying machines but no-one knows about them.

It was nice to actually see Andy Serkis.

What does vibranium do?

Does nobody else notice the blue glow on the inside of the lips?

This film reinforces that to be great you have to be physically strong and fight well. Such bullshit in this modern liberal world where we recognise talent and brains [that’s my own little bubble, there are many twats out there who still celebrate the ability to hit people].

There was a lot about this film that was inconsistent. But, it’s a comic conversion and I guess I’m thinking about it too much.

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The Shape Of The Water

I journeyed to see The Shape Of The Water, and while I usually comment on the state of the tide during these reviews I am afraid I cannot this time. I went to see this film in Boston. That’s the Boston in Lincolnshire which gave its name to Boston, Ma. There is always tide but all I could see in Boston was canals. As is also customary on this site I rated the film on IMDB and there’s a communication here about the scoring system. I do still think it’s time to update the rating system but that’ll happen when I get around to it.

So, I should probably say what I thought about this film. I really enjoyed it. The word that kept running through my head as I watched it was “sumptuous”. Everything about this film looked lovely. The re-creation of the 50s worked well along with the well designed flats where the main characters live above a cinema, which seems to be an ideal place to live.

The merman was brilliant and the scene where we meet him and see his eyes and lids was lovely. The whole structure of the research facility was brilliant if rather cliche. It seemed very comic-book. The love story was fine as a love story. This filmed had me smiling throughout, it was nicely put together.

One thing really annoyed me and that was that for some reason the merman had to wait until the rains had come and filled the canal before being released to the sea. This is rather strange. I’m sure he could have been released straight into the river the other side of the dock gates. The whole idea of canals is that they generally are full all the time. That’s why we build them.

The cinema I went to was quite a change from the multi-plexes that exist in the south east. This cinema was in the centre of a town and looked as though it had a long history. The screen was quite small but I’m not one to be bothered by size. Perhaps a good thing was the GBP7.45 for a ticket.

As another member of the audience left he walked past me and declared:

“What a load of bollocks”

I do not share that sentiment, but masterpiece this was not.

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Status Update

This early evening I took a trip out to Rochester Cineworld, next to the river Medway. I don’t have to remember the state of the tide, I’m not even sure when this thing started, because I took a photo.

Medway State Of Tide
Medway State Of Tide

You can clearly see the mudflats and so the tide was not fully in or high or whatever the term is.

After watching a film I normally rate it on the IMDB website and you can read how those ratings work in this communication.

I guess I ought to tell you what I thought! I did give ti a 4/10 which I think means, I stayed just to see how it ended.

This film is, meant to be, a warning about the dangers of social media and the fake or edited lives that you see on them. They didn’t go with a subtle metaphor they just hit you in the face with it. Also, NO ONE GETS HURT IN THE END.

So, answer me this, Batman. Why are pupils in USA schools always in their mid-twenties? The whole school. There were no young kids. None. Just a school for backward twenty somethings who are trying to hold on to their youth for as long as they can while slowly accepting the fate of being grown up.

This film was just cliche bullshit. The jock were bullies. The fat kid was lonely. The swanky new blonde haired kid from California ended up being the most popular kid in town. There were no ugly people.

The bullying was horrific and this film pretty much normalises it along with telling kids that it’s your fault for getting bullied. Don’t tell anyone, don’t get back just sit there and take it. Accept the humiliation. FUCK this film.

This film normalises the pretty girls liking the jocks. FUCK this film.

This film normalises the gay kid being the drama and singing student. FUCK this film.

This film normalises shitty dads being a waste of space. FUCK this film.

This film normalises fighting to solve a problem. FUCK this film.

This film normalises humiliating your friends and closest female friend but it’s OK because after you’ve done that they will come back to you and you get the girl. FUCK this film.

This film normalises chasing and chasing means you get the girl. FUCK this film.

This film normalises that being really popular, a great singer and excellent hockey player will get you laid. The lead character ends up with all he wanted after being a real cock. This film overwrote the pain and suffering with a shitty happy ending. This film says: it’ll all be ok if you hassle people. FUCK this film.

This film was an atrocious piece of white ass trash cinema that normalises all the crappy behaviour that we don’t accept and shouldn’t accept. This film is a sad excuse for being every little small town American cliche.

 

Wow.

Didn’t think this review would go that way. I got all annoyed there. This film is why people have self esteem issues. This film reinforces all of those stupid high school memes about being popular and getting loved. IT ENDS HAPPILY. WITH ALL PEOPLE LIKING EACH OTHER. Fuck it.

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The Post

Yesterday I went to the Rochester Cineworld cinema to watch The Post. Going to this cinema during popular times, Friday evenings and Saturdays, often means a struggle to get parked. There are plenty of spaces but I think some people can’t park straight or in the spaces and then it’s a ripple effect across the car park after that. It doesn’t help that the lines as guidance for parking are virtually indistinguishable from the rest of the surface. It’s best to arrive at the car park just as one film finishes then you get an outpouring of cars and hence spaces.

I went to watch The Post. After the film I rated this movie on IMDB and perhap, you could have a look at the scoring system communication. The application then tweets my result:

This film touches on so many issues that I hope to do it justice. Firstly, this film covers the release of secret documents from the DoD about the Vietnam war and the subsequent publication of them in newspapers followed by the government attempting to silence the newspapers. The newspapers were publishing the papers because they clearly showed that the government was lying to the public about many issues.

As the film is based around the Washington Post there is a small disgruntled group out there that think it trivialises the publication by the New York Times, but that is not the impression I got. It is clear in the film that The Times was publishing before the Post and that they had worked on it for much longer. This story is about power, women, suppression, and integrity.

The duty of the press to report the Truth outweighs their duty to friendships or the state. This film deals with the friendships of the owner of the Post and its editor. They know the main politicians within the plot and there’s the deliberation of them over-coming the friendships to print the story that needs to be in the public domain. This is a struggle but the message is clearly that politicians have always, and still do, cosy up to press barons to ensure a more biased hearing in the print. It happens today. The press seniors want to feel close to the powerful but they get drawn to the dark side.

There are a few scenes where we see Meryl Streep acting the part of a woman in business in the early 70s. She struggles against the object sexism in the boardroom. She is bullied by men who teat her as a lower form of life and force their own greedy ideas on to her. We learn that business is not what she wanted to do but it was forced upon her. Her performance was brilliant, I felt for this woman of the establishment, even though she was part of the establishment.

Watching the scenes where the paper is going to press and seeing the machines used to make newspapers was fascinating. I doubt very much it is done like that now and I’d be impressed to know where they found the machines for this film. I suspect some of the shots were CGI from previous “how it works” films. I love the complexity that humans can create to serve a good purpose.

This film was the story of an over-powered president of the USA bullying and shouting down the newspapers because he didn’t like the truth that they were printing. This was 1971. He hoped to shut down the press using the courts. It turns out that what the newspapers printed didn’t harm the soldiers fighting in Vietnam or damage the reputation of the USA anymore than trying to win that stupid war. The current situation is strange I think. The president in the White House is an over-powered racist with no political knowledge who is trying to shout down the truth the newspapers are trying to print because he wants to be loved and popular and “the best”. The methods have changed, he uses social media to get his ideas out there, but it is the same thing. Except, over the last year there have been SO MANY lies that I doubt the press can keep up and hold the executive in check. Many in the US population don’t care and aren’t bothered but reporting the truth is important. I hope the press continues to do so.

So, we have a film portraying a newspaper informing the public about the lying in the White House and exploring themes of sexism and oppression. Just like the current situation. It is a timely film for Hollywood to make and important to have its place in history. The entertainment world, which is largely not-republican, is fighting back. Notice who gets the awards and for what reason. Hollywood is using its position to push ideas through to the public, to help them see the chaos their country has become.

I gave this film a 10. Which is slightly surprising. I probably won’t watch this film again, but I am likely to follow it with All The President’s Men sometime soon. I gave this film a 10 because I am angry. I am angry at what I see this country, the UK becoming. I am angry at the utter incompetence of the political leaders in this land. The shit and shock of Brexit and the hatred that is being fuelled by social media and some elements of the press. I am angry at the self-destruction. Part of me, every now and then, stands back and says “go fuck yourself UK, you brought this on yourselves. I’ll keep my head down in my own little world and hope I can manage the next 30 years as this fucking stupid shit-show plays out”. I really wish I could pull away and be less caring about society and this country but it turns out I used to like this place. I used to enjoy the fact I could be me in a liberal, progressive country. I think I used to like this place. I liked the freedom to moan about the country without fear of reproach. I liked the freedom to not stand for the anthem. I look around and see a sad little island self-harming in the dark corner afraid to seek help or change its behaviour. My anger meant I want all people to see this film. To see how politicians use the press. To see the self-righteousness of those in power and how fragile they are. Look, I’m just angry at the “system”, the self-serving politicians and how they are destroying this country.

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Darkest Hour

This review is terribly late! I’ve been a little busy trying to watch the National Football League and my team are out. I feel sad. Except that it all starts again in September. On Saturday I went to the Cineworld Cinema at Rochester. I honestly forgot to pay any attention to the state of the estuary as I approached so the tide status will have to be forgiven this time. I was running slightly late and so was more worried about parking than where the saline stuff was. It’s always so busy in the evening at the cinema and the only way to get a parking spot is to arrive just after a film has finished. Mind you, it would help if people could park properly and keep within the guidelines on the ground.

I went to see Darkest Hour and I rated the experience on IMDB following the scheme described in this communication, although I need to update the rules and regs. I then tweeted my rating.

Well, it is safe to say I really enjoyed this film. The acting seemed impressive and while I am unaware of the historicity of it all it was a very good show. Gary Oldman was recognisable at times but you just believed it was Churchill. The relationship with Clemmy was brilliant and showed a tenderness.

Of all of the film I am unsure if Churchill did ride the tube one stop to Westminster but it was good for the story anyway.

An impressive film.

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Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Last night I went to an “Unlimited Screening”. I’m not really sure what that means but I was glad of the opportunist to see this film. As I drove along the riverside road I could see birds standing in groups out on the mud flats. The tide was not in.

Mudflats
Mudflats

So, I went to see Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri. [pause while I look up US states because I only know those on the coast]. I rated this film on IMDB and you should read this communication about the scoring system [although I think it needs updating, the system is slowly failing].

This film shows what can be done in the cinema. We arrive part way through longer story arcs and leave before the finish. The characterisation and humanity in this film is created through dialogue and situations. This film is how it should be done. It shows just how simple and obvious many other films are. It shows how to do “people”.

The story is touching, sad and just works well. The acting is brilliant. The photography is perfect. It all works. This is a film people should see because it exposes the shitness of all the other stuff you watch.

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Paddington 2

The other day I took a trip to Rochester cinema along the esplanade. For some reason these communications now have references to the state of the tide as I visited. I’m not sure when this started but I do know it was used as a coded reference to the time of day I went. So, if you can find my first reference to the tide then you can work out what time I went to see that particular film. Instead of telling you I can show you what the tide was like:

Medway Tide
Medway Tide

Normally all the green in the foreground is covered with water at high tide. Maybe next time I’ll get a shot of the mud flats?

Anyway, I went to see Paddington 2. I haven’t seen the first one, maybe I should watch that now? But I can say I enjoyed this film. Here’s my scoring tweet:

So, I really enjoyed this film. This and Jumanji have helped me get over the December slump and the mess that was Star Wars. Paddington 2 was a delightful little film full of the great and good of British film and television. It was, essentially, a very clever little film using all the techniques and plots from cinema over time. It was a detective story, a story about adoption and family, a story about identity and immigration, a prison break, a musical, a cop caper, and also a train race with a circus and treasure.

The humour in this film was carefully used and suitable for all ages. Overall this was a great little film and deserves to do well.

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Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

I took a trip last night to see Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle last night. I had flip-flopped about going for a good hour or so earlier in the day but decided to get out and stop playing Gran Turismo. I pay money to get to the cinema and so I should go, even if there aren’t really any films I’m that bothered about, December was a bleak month for films on my list.

I don’t recall what the tide was like but I have sought out that information online and let me tell you, the sine curve is lovely.

Rochester Tide
Rochester Tide

I know this doesn’t show the actual day I went to the cinema but just work backwards. I think it only changes by about an hour per day.

HW Times
HW Times

So, on to the film. As is custom within these pages I rated the film on IMDB. See this communication for an explanation of the rating system.

So, I really enjoyed this film. It was enjoyable, funny and well written. It was a little one-dimensional and obvious, but really it’s a kids film so I can let that pass. I do like the fact that the kids in the original film had the surname “Parrish”. They even get a shout-out in this film.

There were a few times when I thought the action was a little over-the-top, but then I realised this is based on a computer game and those things are what you would do in a game. I mean, flying a helicopter forwards at 90 degrees of roll!

I’m happy to say that I really enjoyed this film.

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Star Wars – The Last Jedi

YOU ARE WARNED: There may be spoilers ahead. I don’t know yet. I haven’t written this article!

A few days ago I went to the Rochester Cineworld Cinema by the river Medway to see the latest Star Wars film and I have waited a few days before writing this as it could have been a very negative review and I didn’t want to put my dear readers off the film [unlikely].

I’m not sure about the state of the tide this time as it was dark and I didn’t pay attention as I drove along the esplanade. I have rated this film on the IMDB website and I think it gained two stars from my immediate reaction as I left the theatre. Read this communication to get an idea of scale.

And, on to the important bit:

I walked out of this movie really pissed off with it. In the initial battle [YOU WERE WARNED] why did Dameron continue to attack the Dreadnought? He is fucking stupid and shouldn’t be a leader of troops. Why do space ships have to attack in a straight line? Why didn’t the Star Destroyers just shoot the Rebel ship? Surely you disable the enemy’s escape plan first then finish them on the surface? Why do the bombers drop bombs as if there is gravity? I have so many more questions about the military tactics of the film. It was all very much lambs to the slaughter. If I rated the film when leaving the cinema I would have given it a 4! Hence I wrote this communication.

A day later I spoke to a friend about the film. He said it was pretty good fun. I wasn’t sure I agreed. We ranted about all the stupid plot elements and how much of it didn’t make sense. It took a good 40 minutes of us ranting to iron out the problems with this film. That’s not a good sign. I don’t have the time or inclination to write it all here. Clearly my problems with the opening sequence are pretty bad and I’ve not even put them all down!But, here’s the thing:

IT’S JUST A STAR WARS FILM

It’s not meant to be brilliant. It’s meant to make money. I let go of Star Wars a few years after episodes 1-3 were released because I just couldn’t stand the constant disappointment. I haven’t learnt really either!

So, here’s the best bit:

IT’S STILL MUCH MUCH AND MORE LOADS BETTER THAN EPISODES I, II, and III

I have, over the last week, relaxed in my view of this film. Yes, there was loads of bullshit and plots that were shit. The humour was OK and I quite enjoyed that. I even quite liked the porgs. So, I have rated this film an 8. I will watch it again and try to be less bothered by plot and serious things and just try to enjoy the cinematic experience.

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A Star Wars Film

I have just returned from watching the latest Star Wars movie. This communication is a holding-communication as I have friends who haven’t seen the movie yet. When I do review the movie there will be spoilers. I will also rate the movie on IMDB.

I need to let thoughts settle in my head before I write.

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The Lego Ninjago Movie

I went to Rochester Cineworld to see the latest Lego movie. I’ve seen a few of them before. I reviewed the Batman one in this communication. The tide was quite low and the mudflats were exposed. I wondered about dredging for a while and whether there is a natural deepwater channel in the centre of the Medway. I rated this film on IMDB and the discussion about the ratings system is in this communication although I may have to change the system.

I just didn’t really think this film was very good. It suffered with quite a bit of “too much in it” which I first noticed with the Transformers movie where the CGI is so fast and too much it’s hard to really see what’s happening on the screen. This problem could also be a side effect of me getting old, hence I loved Blade Runner because of its lingering shots.

The plot of this film was rudimentary and certainly wasn’t anything new. Largely it bored me. While I understand the Lego are on a massive expansion programme with loads of new sets being created and sales increasing I think that sometimes it’s OK for a company to say “You know what? We are doing OK. There’s no need for massive expansion, we can concentrate on doing what we do and do it well”.

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Blade Runner 2049

Last night after work was complete I headed to Rochester Cineworld cinema with trepidation. I note that the tide was high as I drove along Chariot Way. I had booked in to see Blade Runner 2049. I knew it was a long film and I knew that a friend had seen it and loved it. Would I agree? I needed some food and now because of this I chose nachos. Blade Runner was such a gorgeous beautiful film of my teenage years and holds so much sway with my heart that this film could ruin it. I was nervous.

As is usual I rated the film on the IMDB database and tweeted the result.

I loved this film. It actually worked very well with the original film. If you aren’t sure what sequels can do for a franchise then just understand that I care not for Star Wars after episodes 1-3 and 7. I forced myself to stop being bothered by them.

There’s a lot I could write but in essence I don’t want to spoil this film for anyone. Let me just say that the look, feel, sound, atmosphere and smell of this film is similar to the first. It is a gorgeous piece of film. It all works. The length of the film is entirely justified. I loved it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t know how Jo got from San Diego back to his apartment.
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Kingsman: The Golden Circle

I spent a lovely Saturday afternoon on a slightly wobbly chair in Rochester cinema watching the latest Kingsman movie: The Golden Circle. The tide was about halfway. I’m not sure if it was coming in or leaving. This morning on my run it looked as though it was coming in. Have just used the UK Hyographic Office Tide Predictor.

Rochester Tide
Rochester Tide

That picture shows how little I know or perhaps I just can’t remember a lot about the state of the river when I see it! I’m not really sure when this whole tide-cinema thing started. I know I was attempting to indicate the time of day that I went to the cinema but I can’t remember why I wanted to be so obscure.

I also rated this film on IMDB, please read this communication about the ratings system. I then “share” my scoring with twitter and those who follow me there:

I should probably explain what I liked about the movie. Well, it’s a good action comedy romp around the world. I laughed and found the whole film an enjoyable experience. There’s a lot of blood and gory ways to die. But then there are great actors who all look like they are enjoying themselves.

I actually wrote some notes down at the end of the film as I was sure I’d forget some things. I usually try and hold on to my snarky comments as I drive home ready to type this, but there were some nice touches through the film that made me smile.

  • I liked the dogs’ eyes and how they looked modelled on Cylons and KITT.
  • Elton John was actually pretty awesome.
  • The graphic matches from scene to scene were lovely.
  • Above the Kingsman shop there was a Blue Plaque to a physicist.
  • Jeff Bridges’ character isms when smelling or tasting the whiskey were really funny while subtle.

Tomorrow I am heading into town and if I have time, I’m off to see the blue plaque.

Richard Bright blue plaque.jpg
By Gareth E Kegg – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, Link

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Mother!

I went to see Mother! to try and make up for the mistake that was American Assassin. The tide was in and the river was quite still. In fact it has been a calm day here altogether in this part of Kent. As is usual I rated this film on IMDB and you can read a description of the rating system in this communication.

So, this could be controversial. . . .

I did not enjoy this film. I watched it to the end just to see what happened and hopefully answer some questions like WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON?

A more accurate title would be “Following Jennifer Lawrence around a house for two hours”.

 

 

In the past, when I have encountered a film I hated or didn’t get I have read through reviews and explanations before writing this. Not this time. I will go and look after this is published.

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