Tag: imdb

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Morgan

Took a little trip last night to see the film Morgan at the Cineworld cinema in Rochester. I haven’t been to the cinema as much as I would want recently because there just haven’t been the films on that encouraged me. This choice was more of a “I’m not that fussed but I’ll go anyway and see what it’s like”. As is custom I rated this on IMDB and you should read this communication about my system.

So why did I rate it as a 4? Because it wasn’t that good that’s why. The first forty five minutes were boring and nothing particularly special. There was lots of exposition from the usual cast of terrible scientists. I didn’t find Morgan particularly creepy although I thought making it wear a hoody all the way through was quite a good touch.

Perhaps I’m just too old to find these kind of stories interesting or new? It felt like a film I had seen too often and there wasn’t anything that was new or interesting about this one. I would recommend you watch Blade Runner instead. It’s the same overall story but just done in a far better way.

While watching Kate Mara in House Of Cards I always thought she was pretty and sweet but her face seems incapable of any form of expression, which, as it happens, was probably the perfect thing for this movie but it distresses me about her. I do hope she can smile or frown and I am sure she can but I haven’t ever seen evidence of that.

Mild spoilers: when escaping the “room” Kate Mara manages to climb up a shaft to a window and kick that window out. If Morgan was so intelligent why didn’t she do that much earlier. How did Morgan know how to drive?

It turns out this film was produced by Ridley Scott who made Blade Runner. Hmmm.

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Pete’s Dragon

Went to the cinema beside the tidal river Medway to watch Pete’s Dragon [tidal rounds down the number of cinemas to one]. As is the custom I rated this film on IMDB and readers are directed to this explanation of how that rating system works.

I have a long history with this film. It was the first film my father took me to see at the cinema and I cried my eyes out for ages at the end because the dragon leaves. I can remember nothing else about the story, just that the dragon left and it hurt. My dad explained that he was leaving to help out other children now that Pete was sorted. I don’t remember what was wrong with Pete. I do remember that the dragon was a cartoon creature who could disappear.

So to the new version of this film. SPOILERS THERE BE.

It starts with a car crash where the parents die. What the fuck?? You know, it’s done well but fuck, what a start. Shortly after that we meet the dragon. I am going to suspend my disbelief about dragons, I don’t like the aerodynamics or mass to wing area ratio etc. The dragon was very well done. Not a big scaly thing but with fur (poor aerodynamics) and magic and smiles.

This is quite a good film. The rest of the story isn’t up to much. The way I interact with films is to imagine what I am going to write on this website. That way I am always thinking about what is going on. I am not quite at the point of writing notes during a film but I did consider it today.

After the initial car crash nothing really stuck in my head about what to write. It ended up being your standard film about a creature captured by men. You know:

Let’s kill it.

Let’s look after it.

That sort of thing. It feels rather harsh to have taken children to a film that made me sob when I was younger and one of them was affected similarly. But it didn’t last long. The ending of this movie seemed more positive than the one I remember!

Overall, apart from the horror of the first few minutes this was a good film.

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Bad Moms

Took a trip out to the riverside down at Rochester last night. A good way to avoid the heat is to go to the cinema. Two hours in a nice air-conditioned room being entertained. I went to see Bad Moms and rated it afterwards on IMDB, please see this communication regarding my rating system.

Right, this wasn’t a critically acclaimed film. But I laughed at points and I didn’t hate it. It has Mila Kunis in it! I haven’t seen any of the other “Bad” series, I don’t even know or care if they are made by the same people, but this one cheered me for a short while.

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David Brent: Life On The Road

I took at trip to the West Country and that meant I needed to go to the cinema. I went to the Vue cinema in Plymouth. It was quite nice, although there were long queues for the concessions, mind you it was a Saturday. I watched David Brent: Life On The Road and as usual I rated it on IMDB, a ever you should read this communication about my ratings system.

So, this film was hilarious and excruciating at the same time. I found it really funny but I also found the original series very funny but also much like watching a car crash. David Brent is an amazing character, someone who really shouldn’t be. I would not be surprised if there are many like him!

I know there is a soundtrack but I’m not sure I would buy it. I love the songs as a one off but to listen to them more than that would be sadism.

Overall, this film is worth seeing if you are a fan of The Office. If you’ve never seen The Office then you will be in for a shock and may not find it that funny! I laughed out loud, a lot and I never really laugh in the cinema [except when no one else does].

A couple of extra things that have come to me. There was an advert for beer. The advert reckons beer goes with any food type and it was a general purpose “drink beer” advert, I thought it rather strange. Also, the were about four adverts telling people to look out for rivers and the sea, to take care around water. This is an admirable cause [especially given recent events] but I don’t think I see these in Kent.

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Star Trek Beyond

Last night I went to Cineworld, Rochester to see Star Trek Beyond. It was a curious start to the film as the cinema showed trailers that were all kids’ animated movies and then the classification certificate showed up and said we were about to watch the BFG. After five minutes they had started projecting the correct film. I rated this on IMDB, as usual and here’s a communication that covers my rating system.

Now, you might think a 6 is a little low but film enjoyment is subjective so fuck off.

I saw this in 3D and I don’t like 3D. It adds nothing to a film. If you have good cinematography then you get depth of field from your standard projection, you don’t need 3D. It’s a big bad gimmick. My reaction to this may also be because I have a low 3D perception in these films, I seem less affected by 3D effects, they don’t really stand out much with me.

This film was OK. It had good effects and humour in the right places. I didn’t really like the action sequences. I think they suffered from Transformers Syndrome – too much shit going on at the same time. Just because we have CGI doesn’t mean using it more and more makes a film better.

Here There Be Spoilers

I didn’t like the bad character being human. And a war mongering human at that. A man so annoyed at peace after the wars that he wanted to destroy the human race. Fucking bullshit and lazy.

PHYSICS
We just have to assume that everyone has access to inertial drive technology. I can suspend my disbelief for physics, you get to break a couple of rules. I do wonder if the 5 Year Mission is relative to the Enterprise or to a Base station, given time dilation.

BREAKING THINGS
The Franklin, constructed in space and not meant for atmospheric travel works perfectly well after fifty years on an alien planet? Bullshit. Also, when they drop the Franklin off the cliff top they accelerate and then hit some rock towers on the way down. The ship absorbs these perfectly well like it was designed to smash through rock and mine diamonds. Hated it. The ship would have been torn apart from the first load of rocks. The Franklin hits about four of these mounds and just carries on with no problems. Utter crap. Curiously there was someone in the cinema behind me who was gasping whenever it hit the rocks, this I found amusing. It’s a Hollywood movie, of course they’ll be ok. It reminded me of the people gasping and crying at The Passion Of The Christ, such bullshit.

The Franklin then crashes into the Star City and everyone seems to survive. An entire quarter of the city is evacuated with absolutely no problems. The Franklin seems to be built like a brick-shit-house.

FIRE
When Kirk returns to the disk to collect the magic weapon the whole thing is on fire but he considers it safe to enter and wander around. Bollocks.

MOTORBIKE
Why? A motorbike that works perfectly after 50 years on another planet. Why? Why not a speederbike. Why not anything else? Also, Kirk can see a route down to the base through the caverns and chasms? Hated it.

STAR CITY DESIGN
Why would you design a spaceport that has a large tunnel for the starships to travel through to get to a docking area? The docking area would be somewhere to minimise potential damage to the Star City. Also, why is this tunnel only just wide enough for the Enterprise. There are surely going to be larger ships? Perhaps they have a Panamax type system. Seems very silly to me.

FUCKING USA NAMES
The Enterprise sums up the “American Dream”. Star City was called York Town and the other star ship was called the Franklin. Of these possibly Franklin is the only one with any merit but is really USA-centric. There are other greats of invention and leaders of countries. The arrogance to consider your names will be the names of the future.

Perhaps I’m reading too much into this whole film?

 

And . . . . calm.

I have tried to find my other reviews for the first two Star Trek films on this site and I can’t find them. I possibly didn’t write about them, I don’t know! I can remember reading a lot about the first reboot to try and make sense of why I didn’t really find it brilliant. Much like my issues with Prometheus.

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The Jungle Book

Busy cinema week for me I guess. Took another trip to Cineworld, Rochester. This time to see The Jungle Book. I rated this on IMDB, always look at this communication to explain the system I use.

I have to say that I hadn’t seen the other films. I knew the songs but most Disney stuff is not on my radar. There are many “classics” that I just don’t know. I watched some Disney films over the last year but I wasn’t really that impressed.

This film looked bloody gorgeous. It was worth seeing just to marvel at the animation. The animals are spectacular. It was brilliant.

The story was largely dull, not really something that I thought was brilliant. I was concerned that the animals seemed quite happy to forgive their jungle being burnt down. The overall story is that man is superior. So sad really. Humans may be in charge but we are also fucking the planet over rather well. Sod all this Brexit stuff, we have a much bigger problem to work together and minimise but the current political system won’t allow that.

I was really impressed with the Apocalypse Now! references and I wanted to laugh out loud but I don’t think that would have been understood!

I wasn’t that surprised that some of the songs were kept in the film but would rather they weren’t. Although they may have been the only songs in the animated film, I don’t know, I’ve not seen it.

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Ratchet And Clank

Tool a trip to see Ratchet and Clank [The Movie] at Rochester Cineworld. I’m feeling somewhat let down by this film. Anyway, before looking at a Parish Rating you should read this communication about my rating system. As is custom I have also shared my rating using twitter.

This film was a disappointment. Especially after playing the game quite a bit!

The game is brilliant. It’s just about my level of intelligence and playability. I really liked “A Crack In Time” or whatever it was called and I thoroughly enjoy and love the latest game.

The game is based on the film which is based on the game. The problem is that the game is much much better than the film. I wouldn’t recommend any one to see the film. Such a shame really it could have been brilliant.

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The Legend Of Tarzan

I went to the Cineworld cinema at Rochester to see The Legend Of Tarzan. As usual I have rated this film on IMDB and if you aren’t sure of my rating system then you should see this communication.

I thought the film was enjoyable. A good romp with those pesky colonial Belgians in charge. I was largely impressed with the CGI animals, very impressive and realistic. The story was ok but nothing special. My one quibble would be with the physics of swinging on vines and catching a train doing so, simply unrealistic, but a minor infraction for this particular film. I guess I should read the book.

By the way, the first corner at Zandvoort race track is called Tarzan. It is named after the man whose garden was used to create that part of the track.

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Ghostbusters

I took a wander out to Rochester Cineworld cinema last night and watched Ghostbusters. I had to see it in 3D to get a convenient start time, I don’t like 3D I don’t think it adds anything to films and is very much a gimmick, a well-made film will be well-made whatever and doesn’t need 3D. Anyway, I rated this film on IMDB, please see this communication regarding my rating system.

So, this is quite a high rating from me. Essentially I really enjoyed the film. I thought it was well made and funny. The story was OK. I’d probably see this again if it appeared on TV, hence my rating of 8.

This was an enjoyable couple of hours. I’m not going to go into specific points or plot areas. Everyone surely knows the story. I will say that when I was walking towards the car and rating this on IMDB I saw that it had a terrible average “user” score. A score which was much lower than the “critics” metascore. This was quite strange as normally its the other way around. I wonder if loads of old people saw the film first and then rated the film, unable to remove the genius of the original film. Who knows.

For whatever reason I managed to spill some of my onions and tomato sauce from my hotdog onto my lap and so I spent most of the trailers and (shitty) adverts trying to clean my phone/lap/seat.

Addenda:

A chap at work said he didn’t think the film would be any good because the main characters were played by women. However he then claimed that he wasn’t being sexist. I explained that what he said was the absolute definition of being sexist!

I went to see the original Ghostbusters when it came out in 1742. I remember I really enjoyed it. I also bought “Ghostbusters” the single by Ray Parker Jr as well as the 12″ remixed version. The soundtrack to the film was the first album I ever bought and I can remember my mum saying to me that I had to be sure I wanted it as it was expensive and did I know I would like all the songs? Well, she was right about albums being expensive (probably about £2) but how was I meant to have listened to all the songs without owning the album yet? I bought it. I enjoyed it.

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Money Monster

Last night I traveled to the Odeon cinema in Royal Tunbridge Wells, or rather on the outskirts of RTW. The Odeon website doesn’t list this cinema as Royal Tunbridge Wells, it’s listed as Tunbridge Wells which is a little confusing because there’s also a town called Tonbridge close by. Have a look at this map and see the naming conventions in Kent:

I tweeted my rating of 6/10 on IMDB, you should read this communication about my rating system.

I felt remarkably not bothered emotionally by this film. From the trailers I thought it was going to be an expose of how companies and banks and the entire financial system is designed to screw the normal person out of money. I thought it would be something along the lines of The Big Short. But no.

This film was based on a fictional fraud committed by your classic British baddie. There be spoilers ahead. A young but not very clever man invests his inheritance in a company and then loses it all, or most of it, these being shares and all rather than an investment fund as far as I can tell. This annoyed the man and so he decided to take a TV show hostage to figure out what went wrong.

The company was claiming it was a software “glitch”. Others were more cynical. It turned out to be fraud and dodgy stuff. It wasn’t a glitch.

In the end the stupid guy gets shot dead.

Then, the world goes back to normal. Every just starts again. People stop watching this live drama and go back to being people. No-one GIVES A SHIT.

This was an odd film. In the end NOTHING had changed. The world kept going. Someone had died. People went back to being money makers and shakers. The TV show went on.

This was more a film about a TV show than about people and financial crises. A shame. It could have been great. Instead it got a 6 on my scale.

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Captain America: Civil War

You know me by now. If there’s a big film then I’m likely to see it. Except for Batman V Superman that I couldn’t care about. I’m not that big on superhero films and I can’t quite figure out why. I remember the “first” Batman by Tim Burton and leaving thinking “meh” or whatever the early 90s version of “meh” was. I think now I recognise it as brilliant but not so much back then. Perhaps it’s Batman films? I don’t enjoy them.

Avengers Assemble was different, it had a good script, good action and a good director. I really enjoyed it. Some of the other superhero films have been OK, mostly the Marvel ones, although I don’t like the Spiderman films either. Perhaps it’s a solo-crime-fighter thing? I am very not sure.

So, to this. I watched this at Rochester Cineworld and rated this on IMDB. You should see this communication about my rating system, which I broke for God’s Not Dead 2.

I guess there needs to be a slight explanation as I feel this could be controversial, not that I care. The film was OK. Nothing special. Really, I mean that, nothing special. I enjoyed one bit and that was the fight scene at the airport. I only like that because there was humour. My overall impression was that there was too much fighting, one on one. Yes, I know it was called Civil War and war involves fighting, but there was too much in this film.

That’s it really. I don’t have a lot else to say. Except this should have been called Avengers 3. It was mostly an Avengers story.

Tony Stark would seriously want more regulation? Seems improbable, he’s an arse and totally self-interested.

Why, when fighting Ironman, do people swing at his chin? Why use a fist. I don’t understand.

Also, every time Ironman lands his body would be broken apart inside the suit through the deceleration.

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God’s Not Dead 2

This is Part Two of Bullshit Saturday. Part one is here.

While looking through the cinema listings in the afternoon of Saturday 30 April I booked a ticket to see Bastille Day and then looked what, if anything, to see in the evening. If I didn’t find a film my plan was to listen to some live music in Maidstone. I had decided to leave Captain America for a few days and had a look at the Bluewater listings.

Oh goodness, they were showing God’s Not Dead 2. I got very excited. I had heard a lot about this film and thought it would be brilliant to actually see it. So, I booked a ticket.

As you can see I was excited. Now, there needs to be some explanation.

I listen to a number of podcasts, mainly while running or driving. My favourites are:

  • Scathing Atheist
  • Skepticrat
  • GAM Cast
  • Skeptics Guide To The Universe
  • Skeptics With A K

I have listen to these for quite a few years and they have enlarged my knowledge and appreciation of science and humanism. I also have learnt a lot about the politics of the USA.

Now, the Scathing Atheist is hilarious and rage inducing at the same time. There is also a lot of swearing and jokes about puppy rape. I love listening and recently became a Patreon. The guys who produce this podcast also make God Awful Movies. This is a weekly podcast in which they VOLUNTARILY watch christian cinema/films and take the piss out of them. It’s funny and opens up a new world of film and beliefs.

They have reviewed a number of films about the rapture and having listened to about twenty episodes I decided it would be a good idea to sit through a film, to understand just how bad they are. I watched Left Behind, click to visit the podcast page. I will admit that almost any film can be reduced to rubble when critically appraised it’s just that these guys stick with christian cinema [mostly]. Left Behind is a terrible film, it makes no sense. At all.

Gamcast episode 33 covers the cinematic marvels of God’s Not Dead 2. I listened to this and thought it would be good to see a film with a decent budget. However, it seemed unlikely that this would head out to Kent and as much as I like a day out in London I am NOT going to see christian cinema when I go there. It seemed I would have to wait to try and download this some time in the future.

I headed to Bluewater shopping centre and bought a pair of shoes in the time between arriving and having to endure watch the film. Now, I don’t like buying shoes or spending money on clothing and the such. It seems a waste. Yes, I do appreciate wearing clothes though. Anyway, new shoes were purchased. I headed to the Showcase cinema. Upon entering the auditorium it turns out some dude was in my seat. I’m not sure how that happens but he moved and sat next to me.

I was very curious as to the make up of the audience and whether they were there purely to take the piss and experience cinema shittery. The chap next to me seemed potentially mentally ill or possibly had a terrible headache, every ten minutes he would lean forward and rub his head, almost like praying, very odd. The rest of the cinema seemed normal I guess. There were about 30 people in the theatre, some families with teenage kids and some couples. I couldn’t get the measure of it.

So, I rated this film on IMDB and you should see this communication about my rating system and then return here to see how I broke the rules.

This was a bad film. The legal aspects of the film were bad. Everything was bad. I have also broken my system for rating films. But the lowest anyone can give is a 1 and so that is what I gave. Maybe I need to update my system, I don’t know.

Normally I would give you a run down of the movie and what I thought but instead you should go and listen to the God Awful Movie podcast episode covering this. Or see this tweet.

Also, you should go and buy the parody song written about this film. You can find it here. Or see this tweet:

This film did not disappoint. I honestly want to thank GAMcast and Scathing Atheist for giving the chance to experience this. I was really excited and it live down to expectations.

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Bastille Day

You know me. Always going to the cinema and this weekend there’s quite a good choice. There are definitely three films I fancy seeing and so I will spread them out. First up was Bastille Day, which was watched at the Cineworld Cinema in [not] Rochester. As usual I have rated the film on IMDB and tweeted about the result.

Now, this seems harsh according to the scale I have explained previously in this communication. To be honest this film wasn’t that great. It wasn’t a funny film, it lacked a chemistry in the buddy-buddy aspect and the action scenes were too long. The roof top running got boring. Nope, just terrible and potentially the whole thing was in bad taste.

Perhaps I was struggling to cope with made up stuff after having spent an hour in the delightful environment of mystical stuff. I’m not sure but this film didn’t deliver.

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Eye In The Sky

Took a trip to Strood to watch Eye In The Sky. You should know by now that I will have rated this film on IMDB and that there is a certain system and method involved which I explained here.

So, this is a film dealing with a hypothetical capture of fighters by the UK on Al Shabaab members in Kenya. Now, I have no idea about the types of technology used in this film. I don’t know how good camera zooms are on drone planes. I don’t know how good calculating collateral damage is and I don’t know how good communications are. The facial recognition bit seemed most unlikely to me, but then I’m not an expert.

This is a Reaper drone, the type used in the film. From looking at the photos on Wikipedia the film seems to have reconstructed the control room quite well along with the weapons and camera capabilities of the Reaper.

Initially this film is about the capture of some of the most wanted list of Al Shabaab. But the situation changes when the naughty people move suddenly from one house where the Kenyan army are waiting to another in an Al Shabaab controlled area of town. This changes the plans considerably. Also, once the beetle bug gets inside the house there is a clear justification for a Hellfire strike.

This film follows the discussions between the UK Army, USA Air Force and politicians as the UK contemplates essentially assassinating five people including two UK subjects and a USA citizen.

Oh, yeah British people. You aren’t citizens. You are SUBJECTS. You are subservient to the Queen. God Save the Queen, fuck you.

The problem with the air strike is caused by a 10 year old girl selling bread just outside the wall of the target house and so she will likely die if the hellfires are released. I won’t give away the end, I’ll just say this. This film is worth watching. All actors are good. I didn’t like the US pilot and observer and I’d like to point out that not all men and women in the forces are that good looking.

At this point I wanted to write something like RIP Alan Rickman, but that implies that he is resting or his soul is elsewhere. That’s bullshit. So, perhaps I should say he’s dead. He was good.

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Hardcore Henry

I actually spent time and money going to see Hardcore Henry. It was showing at Rochester and I had seen the trailer and was curious. It was an 18, which normally means decent violence and/or language. I rated the film on IMDB, click here to see my ratings profile.

Look, if a film has a unique thing to it, then that gets accepted very quickly and simple things like script and storyline still have to be good. A bad film is still a bad film when it is shown in 3D. 3D isn’t enough to make a film good. First person filming wasn’t enough to make this a good film. It was shit. I hated it. The filming was ok, the violence was of a dark calibre and yet the story and script were terrible.

As the New York Daily News said:

You could see Hardcore Henry or you could gulp down vodka, put on GTA, strap the TV to your face and fall down the stairs.

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Midnight Special

I had an afternoon at the flicks. I went to see Midnight Special at Rochester Cineworld. I have, as usual, graded this film on IMDB, please see my ratings guide here.

Now, a lot of the time I watch a film and I have parts of what I write here going through my head. It’s kinda how I experience the movie. I expect that I forget most of what I want to write as I don’t take a pad in to make notes. I do take my phone but suspect I’d get kicked out for having it on all the time. Also that would distract from the film.

Things have changed recently. I no longer hear my own voice or see my website when I watch films. Rather I head Eli, Noah and Heath from the GAMCast. I hear them arguing and making jokes about puppy rape and fat people.

The GAMCast is a podcast I regularly listen to while running or driving. God Awful Movies takes three hilarious atheists and they poke fun at terrible Christian cinema. Sometimes they even take down a good Christian movie! You can find them here:

God Awful Movies

So, this film, Midnight Special. It was a nice science fiction kinda film. I enjoyed it. There were a few moments where I thought “what?” but on the whole the film held together well. The pace is nice and slow, the action and tension builds slowly. Unlike most modern films this one takes its time and ends up being quite satisfying. Well worth a watch.

There, you are. Not a great deal to say. I liked it. Perhaps you should read about films I didn’t like, I tend to write much more!

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London Has Fallen

I feel ashamed. I was told not to see London Has Fallen but still I went. I went to see White House Down and Olympus Has Fallen a few years ago and they were both quite terrible films. They seem to make out that terrorists are superbly intelligent people able to undertake huge operations involving hundreds of people. In reality terrorists are rarely that clever or good at terrorism. So, as ever, I rated this on IMDB and you should read the guide to my system here.

This film was terrible. It replaced plot and intelligence with gunfire and explosions. It didn’t make sense. Perhaps I was hoping for too much realism and not hoping enough for shooting everywhere with guns that have a LOT of ammunition. Holy crap the Gerard Butler character and POTUS seemed indestructible. If you have ninety minutes of your life that you want to waste watching London get blown up while people mill around [the background people don’t react how I would if there were explosions and gunfire] then please watch this.

So, Morgan Freeman turns up playing the Vice-President. Which confused the hell out of me as I was sure he played the president in the previous film and I spent about five minutes trying to figure out what happened politically that would cause the President to swap places with his VP. Then I remembered: that was the other shitty terror film! I was in the wrong franchise!

[So I fucked up. The other film franchise had Jamie Foxx in it. I feel like I’m a racist old fucker now. Shit, damn and bollocks. I was still confused.]

There’s an MI6 man who is part of the CATERING for the wedding at the beginning and confirms that the EVIL MAN is present, at his own fucking house. The wedding is blown up and the USA is surprised that there’s a lot of civilian death. It was a WEDDING. It was clearly a WEDDING. There was a man on the ground who was catering for the WEDDING. The overhead views CLEARLY showed a marquee and many people around who wouldn’t have been there a week before. It was a WEDDING. Anyone with half a brain would have known it was a WEDDING, you know, where lots of people gather to celebrate and probably have not a lot to do with the evil man. The explosion was HUGE. And yet evil man and two of his sons survived? Really?

There was an MI6 safe house in London. Why would MI6 have a safe house in London? They don’t do domestic. That would be MI5.

“The President doesn’t go anywhere without a satellite overhead recording him”. Really? That’s some fucking observation system you have there! I’m impressed. You can manoeuvre a satellite to make it overhead of the President all the time? Haven’t you heard of orbital mechanics?

Gerard Butler makes a hand signal that is spotted by the satellite and interpreted correctly by the bods in the situation room? What? How? What? Seriously what? I laughed, out loud, by myself, in a packed cinema.

“The terrorists have hacked into all communications”.
VP calls Gerard Butler telling him a SEAL team are on their way.
Looks surprised when a SEAL team turn up too quick and then determines they are baddies because they aren’t SWEATING. Nothing to do with brown skin and a beard. No, this film isn’t racist.

The explosion at the end was HUGE. It killed all the terrorists but didn’t get POTUS or Butler? Really?

This film replaced any form of sense and fun and action with gunfire and bullets. Too much gunfire and bullets. And I quite like action films.

My lessons from this film are that white people are OK. Black people are OK. The British are incompetent. Brown people are bad, especially if they have beards or are over 50 and look distinguished. Pakistan and Yemen are really bad. POTUS knows how to handle ten different types of gun and is indestructible.

This is a terrible film and I need to stop pointing out the bullshit.

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Ratings

After a short discussion at work today involving films and my ratings system I decided to look at what films I had rated and what I gave them. First I had to rate True Lies. Yes, the Arnie film. I saw it twice at the cinema on consecutive evenings and have watched it since a couple of times. Therefore it gets a 10.

That then got me to review my ratings over time. I try to make sure I rate films just after I have seen them. That was you still get an “excited about the film” rating rather than one I have time to consider! Here’s the current latest list of scores:

Title My Rating IMDb Rating Year
2001: A Space Odyssey 10 8.3 1968
Akira 10 8.1 1988
Alien 10 8.5 1979
Aliens 10 8.4 1986
By Dawn’s Early Light 10 7.2 1990
Godzilla 10 6.5 2014
Gravity 10 7.9 2013
Guardians of the Galaxy 10 8.1 2014
Human Target 10 7.8 2010
Human Target: Kill Bob 10 8.4 2010
Interstellar 10 8.6 2014
La Luna 10 8 2011
Lost and Found 10 8.3 2008
Serenity 10 8 2005
Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens 10 8.4 2015
The Princess Bride 10 8.1 1987
True Lies 10 7.2 1994
Warehouse 13: Love Sick 10 7.8 2009
The Imitation Game 9 8.1 2014
A Most Wanted Man 8 6.8 2014
Avengers Assemble 8 8.1 2012
Big Hero 6 8 7.9 2014
Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) 8 7.8 2014
Chappie 8 6.9 2015
Continuum 8 7.7 2012
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes 8 7.6 2014
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story 8 6.7 2004
Intermission 8 6.9 2003
Kingsman: The Secret Service 8 7.8 2014
Mad Max: Fury Road 8 8.2 2015
Not Going Out 8 7.9 2006
Pacific Rim 8 7 2013
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan 8 7.7 1982
Sunshine 8 7.3 2007
The Abyss 8 7.6 1989
The Amazing Spider-Man 8 7 2012
The Amazing Spider-Man 2 8 6.8 2014
The Heat 8 6.6 2013
The Judge 8 7.4 2014
The Trap Door 8 8.1 1984
Veep 8 8.1 2012
Warehouse 13 8 7.6 2009
12 Years a Slave 6 8.1 2013
2 Guns 6 6.7 2013
American Hustle 6 7.3 2013
Astro Boy 6 6.3 2009
Avengers: Age of Ultron 6 7.5 2015
Battleship 6 5.9 2012
Before I Go to Sleep 6 6.3 2014
Black Swan 6 8 2010
Captain America: The Winter Soldier 6 7.8 2014
Deadpool 6 8.5 2016
Divergent 6 6.8 2014
Ender’s Game 6 6.7 2013
Escape Plan 6 6.7 2013
Ex Machina 6 7.7 2015
Focus 6 6.6 2015
Fury 6 7.6 2014
Gone Girl 6 8.1 2014
Green Lantern 6 5.6 2011
Hawaii Five-0 6 7.4 2010
Horrible Bosses 6 6.9 2011
Insurgent 6 6.3 2015
Jupiter Ascending 6 5.4 2015
Lone Survivor 6 7.6 2013
Love Actually 6 7.7 2003
Machete Kills 6 5.6 2013
Man of Steel 6 7.2 2013
Pain & Gain 6 6.5 2013
Rise of the Guardians 6 7.3 2012
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World 6 7.5 2010
Selma 6 7.5 2014
Space Station 76 6 4.9 2014
Steve Jobs 6 7.3 2015
Ted 6 7 2012
The Boxtrolls 6 6.8 2014
The Danish Girl 6 7 2015
The Equalizer 6 7.2 2014
The Expendables 3 6 6.1 2014
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey 6 7.9 2012
The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies 6 7.5 2014
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug 6 7.9 2013
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire 6 7.6 2013
The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1 6 6.7 2014
The Man from U.N.C.L.E. 6 7.3 2015
The Railway Man 6 7.1 2013
The Two Faces of January 6 6.2 2014
The Village 6 6.5 2004
Thor 2: The Dark World 6 7.1 2013
World War Z 6 7 2013
47 Ronin 4 6.3 2013
American Sniper 4 7.3 2014
Capture the Flag 4 5.8 2015
Iron Man 3 4 7.3 2013
Jurassic World 4 7.1 2015
Lucy 4 6.4 2014
Need for Speed 4 6.5 2014
Now You See Me 4 7.3 2013
Oblivion 4 7 2013
Plebs 4 7.9 2013
Prometheus 4 7 2012
Rambo 4 7.1 2008
Riddick 4 6.4 2013
Rio 2 4 6.4 2014
RoboCop 4 6.2 2014
Sabotage 4 5.7 2014
Skyfall 4 7.8 2012
Spectre 4 6.9 2015
Star Trek Into Darkness 4 7.8 2013
The Call 4 6.7 2013
The Lone Ranger 4 6.5 2013
The World’s End 4 7 2013
Total Recall 4 6.3 2012
Transcendence 4 6.3 2014
Transformers: Age of Extinction 4 5.7 2014
White House Down 4 6.4 2013
Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus 2 2.5 2010
Noah 2 5.8 2014
Sharknado 2 3.3 2013
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The Danish Girl

I recently went to see The Danish Girl at Cineworld in Rochester. We were in screen 8 which means comfy seats and a nice auditorium. Sally hadn’t been in there before and was somewhat shocked at the tables between the seats downstairs and the size of the chairs upstairs. The rail in front of the front row upstairs was slightly too high to allow proper slouching in the seat.

As ever I rated this film on IMDB and you should read my page explaining ratings here.

So, this was a good film. It was very enjoyable and it is surprising how good and effeminate Eddie Redmayne is. This is a film about tolerance and understanding, it has lessons that much of the world could use to understand their population. All these countries with non-liberal views should just fuck off this planet.

So, the film. It’s worth watching. What I would definitely recommend is that you then read the Wikipedia pages about Lili Elbe and Gerda Wegener. The real story is far more interesting than the film and more fascinating. You should also check out this page of Gerda’s art.

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Star Wars : The Force Awakens

So, before I start you should be aware that there are going to be SPOILERS in this page. Please go away if you don’t want to read anything about the plot or what I thought about the film.

You have been warned.

As normal I rated this film on IMDB and tweeted my result. You should read this communication about my rating system as it explains quite a bit.

So, I rated this a 10. You MUST be made aware that according to my rating system a film which I will definitely buy or pay money to see again gets a 10. I am going to buy this film on Blu-Ray and I will watch it with my sons. By default this film gets a 10. Not because I thought it was great but because I am going to buy it. Damn.

I went to see this film on Boxing Day [2015] in Milton Keynes. Sally and I went to the 4DX screening, mainly because it would make it more enjoyable for her. 4DX is a cinema system with moving seats, jets of air and water, scents, fog and rattles in parts of the seat.

You can trust me that the experience isn’t really like the promotional picture. It’s quite good fun, it doesn’t add anything to films really. If it’s a good film you won’t really notice the effects and if it’s a shit film then it will still be shit. We first saw Jurassic World in this screen.

If I had to honestly rate this film then I can easily and categorically say it is better than episodes 1,2 and 3. After that I would probably say it is worse than any of the originals, 4,5 or 6.

The film itself looks lovely. It would have been so good if it was the very first film. There wasn’t a great deal of prior knowledge required. I suppose a vague understanding of the family trees would have been helpful but mostly it could stand alone. All of the effects looked organic and the whole feel of the film was one of pleasure for the eyes. Thank god that they didn’t use all the CGI backgrounds, if they did the technology has come on leaps and bounds. The film looked lovely.

Now, here’s the tricky bit. The story itself was bollocks. Yes, it was a Star Wars story and it was always going to make a fuckton of money. But it was a shit story. The further I get away from seeing the film to more annoyed I get at them wasting the opportunity to really add to the Star Wars universe. Let’s just take some of the plot bit by bit, just indulge me, or if your indulgence is not forthcoming then go ahead and read a random communication within this website.

Orphan (?) girl lives alone on a sandy planet making her living in the desert [episode 4].

Cute robot, who everyone understands, befriends girl [episode 4]. Now this is OK, the whole point of the original was that the film was about the robots.

Droid holds secret plans/map to find something important [episode 4].

Bad man in a mask [episode 4,5,6].

Bigger bad man appearing via hologram [episode 5].

Good girl gets interrogated but manages to resist and not give away secret family history to interrogator who is a very close relation [episode 4].

Pimped up light sabre [episode 1].

Giant spacecraft to destroy large things [episode 4].

Shield of giant spacecraft needs to be destroyed and this can only be done from within enemy system [episode 6].

Girl has to be rescued from big bad spaceship [episode 4].

Girl who has the force looks in a basement and experiences the dark side of the force and foreboding [Luke in the cave episode 5].

Big bad spaceship has to be destroyed by a single X-Wing fighter flying through a trench to get to the centre [episode 4 and 6].

Angry teenage boy is annoyed at his parents [episode 4].

Big bad space ship blows up and rebels celebrate [episode 4,6].

Last Jedi who failed in his training of young Jedi disappears off to far flung planet to live alone [episode 4,5].

Bad man who might be dead but probably got away [episode 4 (kinda)].

So, overall the film is just a rehash of the good films from before. It looks beautiful. The story is terrible. I have more moans and groans and things that annoyed me. I will probably keep getting these over the next few weeks so you might find that I add to this page quite a bit.

Kylo Ren is a spoilt child who needs a slap and his allowance should be removed. What an utterly terrible character. He desperately wants to be like the grandfather he never knew. What a twat. I apologise to the actor who played him but he looked really annoying once he removed the mask. He also looked nothing like his parents. NOT SCARY. He could have at least been seriously disfigured in a childhood accident, there could have at least been some form of credible back story to him.

Rey [which I first heard as Ray and thought “oh, that’s a little odd”], grows up on a sandy planet and then escapes with a droid with a secret map. She then discovers she has the force and learns really quickly to use it to her advantage. I am pretty convinced she is going to be the twin sister of Kylo, she wasn’t aware of who her parents were. Boring. It’s been done before. [Jase has just text to say he thinks Rea will end up being Luke’s daughter which does make more sense than my theory].

I did almost audibly cheer when the Millennium Falcon appeared in the film. But WHY oh WHY did they have to include reference to the terrible and incorrect line about making the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs. Everyone knows that a parsec is a unit of distance. Arrrrrgh. I have just looked at Wookieepedia and they use some awesome apologetics (perhaps as good a biblical twats who try to explain why the incorrect stuff in the bible is true) to justify the use of wrong units in the films. I’m not impressed, it’s a clever argument but it’s made after the fact to justify bullshit (again, like the bible and ALL other holy books). Also the Wookieepedia page claims that you have to use distance because of the problems with relativistic time, well, I’m sorry but if you are going to include a correct reference to relativity then all the Star Wars films have massive time dilation issues. It’s classic apologetics, creating an explanation post hoc and then ignoring other factors.

Why was Luke’s light sabre in a trunk in the basement of a bar on a forest planet? How? What?! Also, Rey found it so the entire Star Wars universe is pure coincidence.

I thought the battle scenes looked very good, however, I am somewhat concerned at the g-forces experienced by the pilots of X-Wings and TIE Fighters. They seem to overcome these without any major tech to help them.

When the star is consumed by the new Mega-Death Star shouldn’t everything pretty much freeze straight away? There wouldn’t be any external source of light energy.

Why did R2 suddenly wake before Luke had returned? He seemed to come to life at a random time. Perhaps I missed it but I’m sure that BB-8 had already been near R2.

C3PO has a red arm. What? The rebel alliance are so tight fisted that they have no replacement arms for a historically important droid who was hand made by Anakin?

The military control base for the attack at the end seemed to look a lot like the base at Hoth. I guess we are to assume that technology hasn’t moved on and that it is the best possible organisation of systems.

Finally, for my initial communication about this film I wish to bother you about the communication system the rebels have with the Mega-Death Star. They seem to have a link to the Empire’s secret base and understand its operational procedure because at the end of the film the countdown to firing and status of the weapon is known by the rebel HQ. How do they get this information in real time? At least in episode 4 the count down was provided by line of sight and Yavin being in the way. It was irritating.

 

 

 

So, here’s the thing. It’s a Star Wars film and it’s better than 1,2 and 3. I enjoyed it. It looked good. It just doesn’t make a great deal of sense and has a stupid plot. I would rate this film a 6/10 if I hadn’t already defined my rating system.

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