penguin – Page 13 – Fooyah

April 6 2021April 5 2021

Not Just Myself

I’ve been removing social media apps from my phone as I’ve found that their form of distraction from the real world wasn’t enough of a distraction and a waste of my time. I still check-in now and then just to see what is happening but I try to do that on the PC and not waste my other time staring at my phone. This is really about me trying to not get too upset at all the shit that is going on in the world. I can only just about cope with my own life at the moment and so reading about all the crap that is going on wasn’t helping. I’ve had to change my approach and be a little more selfish about the things whirling around my head.

So, I removed Twitter and Reddit from my phone. I still subscribe to Private Eye but I find I don’t read much of it as it’s all about the corruption and bullshit in the world of politics and as much as PE does really important work I can’t have all that other stuff going around in my head. So, I am trying to read more books on my kindle which I love. I’m using the Kindle app on my phone to try and read some technically dense writing about the NASA F-16XL supersonic laminar flow boundary layer investigations. I’m trying to improve my own levels of knowledge and understanding while avoiding the shit-heap of politics.

I still care of course and so balancing it all is hard. I think it’s why I like Minecraft so much. It’s a world where I have control over most things except for bloody creepers and what my kids do in the world. I’m building a beach house at the moment and I’m looking forward to the results. So, instead of me having to think about all the issues going on in the world I do this by proxy. I give money [not that much but enough] to organisations I think are doing the right thing. I put my energies into work and getting money to live and then I give some of my time and money [mostly money] to people whose values agree with mine. So, here’s who I give money to:

British Humanist Society – because if I had to describe myself it would be as a humanist or as a pastor of the Church Of The Flying Spaghetti Monster.

National Secular Society – because I don’t believe any religion has the right to be a part or have influence over laws and government.

Green Party – I used to be a part of the Liberal Democratic Party who I joined just after the Brexit vote. But since then they elected a bigot as their leader and I no longer found my values aligning with theirs. The Green Party do seem to have all the right policies. I am concerned that many people my age still think of the Green Party as a bunch of unrealistic hippies but the party values align with mine more than any other party.

Puzzle In A Thunderstorm Productions – These guys take the piss out of religion and it is well deserved. I like their shows and so I donate money to them. Over the years they have been a source of comfort through some tough times and I align well with their values.

Extinction Rebellion – I honestly think these people are doing the right thing. The climate is going to be a disaster soon and so these people get my money because I’m not in a position to do much myself.

British Problems on Reddit has been one of my favourites over the last couple of years. Like minded people pointing out the problems about living in Britain and while it’s very much a list of first world problems it does make me smile. Recently I noticed a post [?] complaining about usage of the terms “myself” and “yourself”. The post seemed to think it was just estate agents who use the term incorrectly and I have pointed out that the educated professionals I work with [in a grammar school] mostly seem to use this incorrect construction. Things like:

“if you aren’t sure come and see Dave or myself“
“please email myself if you want more information”

It’s one of those little things that really annoys me. It sounds pretentious and is just plain wrong.

“if you aren’t sure come and see Dave or ME“
“please email ME if you want more information”

These are the grammatically correct ways of saying these sentences. Please help me change the world so that everyone speaks properly. Yes, I know the title of this communication is wrong, it’s called humour.

March 23 2021March 23 2021

The Homeland

In 1996 I did something I had never thought I would do at any point before. I moved to live south of the river. I grew up in Essex and went I went to university I lived in Knightsbridge, Fulham, Earl’s Court and Ealing. None of those places were south of the river Thames and I rarely went there. I always considered the south to be full of poorly maintained roads and areas less nice than I was used to. When I eventually got a teaching job I was happy but also somewhat full of trepidation as I had a job in Kent and I was not going to travel across the Dartford Crossing every day. So, I moved to live in Gillingham. A Medway town. A working class town full of history and pride. I’m trying to think of a nice building in Gillingham and to be honest I’m struggling. The whole area of Medway had really struggled since the closing of the dockyard in the 80s.

I lived in Gillingham for three years before a short dalliance back in Essex when I taught at a school in Brentwood which has since closed. Then I came back to Kent. I’ve been here since living in Rainham, Maidstone and now the village of Eccles. I quite like it down here. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt that “home area” feeling you get when you are a kid and I also know that I don’t have that feeling when I return to the village in Essex where I grew up. I wonder if that ever returns. I think I still feel a little like an imposter. But then I’m not sure what feelings I am seeking.

How long do you have to be somewhere before you feel “at home”. I do love my little house and I really enjoy the scenery around my house but I don’t often feel “at home”. Maybe adult life is always about feeling transitory. I’ve been involved with the community so I don’t think it’s that. In the past I’ve been a trustee of a local charity and I’m currently involved with the cadets. Maybe we all feel a little lost sometimes?

The photograph I above is from Queenborough on the Isle Of Sheppey. There’s a small lump in the middle distance and that is Grain Tower Battery – a war defence platform. Then, behind that you can see the skyline of Southend. A famous coastal town in Essex. I’ve been there and I can sometimes see Southend when I go for a run. I look at it almost wistfully but also in the knowledge that I’ve only been there a few times as a person older than ten years old and have no anchorage there.

March 20 2021March 20 2021

Mid March Already

This whole lockdown thing has really messed up my internal calendar. There are times when I think it’s coming up to autumn and other times when it could be May? I have to keep looking at an electronic device to make sure I know what month it is. But then again, a bit like when we change the clocks, I’m never really sure I trust the programming on any devices until I can check with a third party official source [normally the radio].

I’ve had a mostly administration day. I’ve looked at updating computers and making sure things work properly along with setting up various cloud storage devices. It’s one of those jobs that needs doing every now and then. It’s almost fun. Also, for some reason a few of my albums within iTunes were labelled as compilations and that put them somewhere strange in the music app on my phone so I’ve been doing some admin making sure they are all correctly organised and labelled.

Friday night I didn’t fall asleep at 2000 so that was nice, being able to watch a television show all the way through!

Well, I’m sure other important stuff happened this week but I have no recollection.

March 14 2021March 14 2021

Not Sure Why – Just Do

I had a realisation a few weeks ago that I really missed wearing odd clothes and makeup. I was watching the series Umbrella Academy and the character Klaus was wearing a skirt and I thought – I want one, I want to be at a place where I can wear one. Smith and I have travelled to Germany every summer for the last few years and we’ve planned costumes and things long beforehand. There are small gigs we used to go to where people are more free to express their wants and delights, in terms of clothing and look, than they are in the dreary offices where they work. None of these things has happened for over a year now and I think a part of me is missing.

Back when I was young, and that’s quite a while ago now, there was the first ever Red Nose Day. I was in school and I want to say I was in something like the fourth or fifth year. I will check in a moment to see when it actually happened. Now I don’t recall why I decided this but I chose to wear eye shadow and paint my nails when I went to school. We must have had a non-uniform day. Why I chose to do the makeup thing I honestly have no idea. What I do remember is liking the feeling that I looked slightly different and I also liked the look of my painted nails, I think I felt more “me”. [Just looked up when the first comic relief was and it turns out to be 1988, so I was in the fifth year].

There are some later events which made me think about the whole makeup thing a little more. I dressed in drag at a show performed by cadets at RAF Coningsby in the summer of 1988 and I had some makeup on. I remember the eyeliner didn’t really wash off easily and I got some funny looks in the JRM the next morning. I can remember going out to pubs in Bishop’s Stortford in my late teens and early twenties when I was already wearing eyeliner [badly I would say because I am terrible at putting it on]. Most of my friends were just accepting and didn’t care. Which was nice. I enjoyed wearing this stuff and as much as I didn’t have these terms I do think I felt more me when doing that.

Skip forward a long way and the rediscovery of wearing makeup occurs with attendance at the M’era Luna festival and going to Club AC a couple of times. The smaller gigs that Smith and I have attended also help as many dress up and a lot of the time the gigs run into the Slimelight club. I went through a phase of wearing nail varnish each week and while I stopped that while my kids grow up and go through school it is something I think I will return to. I just like it. One of my favourite things is when Smith and I are in the Eurotunnel waiting to get to the continent and I put on my black nail varnish. It feels like coming home once that stuff is on. Yes, I know that psychologically it’s linked to being “out” or seeing bands or having a great weekend away at a festival but I think I genuinely do miss wearing it and would like to wear it all the time.

Fancy Dress For Fun But Wanting To do It All The Time

So, I love the look and feel of makeup, I really feel at home surrounded by freaks and geeks when at a gig or festival. Walking up the stairs at Electrowerkz and entering the main venue to the sights and sounds of a gig and people just being who they are and accepting it – this feels like home and there’s a calmness that descends on me, a feeling of belonging. We are all people of contrast and the flip side to me is that I also really enjoy being part of something super restrictive about clothing and rules – RAFAC. I can dress up in uniform and I do it well, I do it to look smart and I do it to show the dedication I have to the organisation. I can spend time away on RAF bases or spend time at the RAF Club and still feel at home. So, I suppose part of me is constantly rebelling and trying to be subversive while another part of me loves being in the establishment. Perhaps I secretly like the feeling of being in the establishment but also having that other rebellious part to me. I’m quite open about how I dress and my outfits. I think it takes a few people by surprise and some just write it off as “dress up” but I honestly feel as though it’s more than that. It’s a part of me.

I am fortunate to live in a time when most people don’t care about these things. I am lucky to be able to live in a society where you can dress like this and attend your events and most people aren’t that worried about it. There are social rules that are broadly tolerant. It must be very difficult to want to dress up or wear make up or do things that are considered subversive by the country’s leaders and you don’t have the freedom to be what you are. It is such a shame that some people will judge and be disapproving, unaccepting, scared or even violent towards those who are different. I imagine the newspapers and societal need for shaming others for their behaviour when I remember the sort of thing where “MP caught wearing women’s clothes” or kink shaming would regularly make the headlines and there would be scandal. I don’t think that society has moved on from that particularly. People’s lives are judged by a set of rules which don’t fit all. Imagine a cabinet member being discovered to live within a threesome. A lot of people would lose their shit. For me the question would be – are they all consenting and are they all happy? If that was the case then I care not. It feels that society expects its leaders and people of prominence to behave like the “perfect ideal”, which doesn’t exist, but we grow up hearing so much about mum+dad+family that a lot of people struggle to be accepting of anything else.

Just think about the hoo-hah that occurs when a Hollywood celeb announces that their sexuality is not hetero. We have lots of news articles and the world seems to be up in arms for a short while. Many people seem obsessed with who puts what body part into whom and where. I would hope that one day we reach the point where you don’t have to “come out” because no-one gives a shit. You be as you want to be and we don’t care. That is a place I would like to live.

March 13 2021March 13 2021

That Was A Week, That Was

Absolutely bloody shattered. That’s how I ended this week. Last night, Friday, I ate food and then tried to watch a film. Fell asleep at 2000 on the sofa and then went to bed at 2230 when I woke up. I’ve not even really had the hardest of jobs in the organisation. There are others who are running the testing centre and track and trace and all that and all I have to do is our core business of teaching. Knackering. But also nice to be able to see faces again. Kinda.

I bought a new cafetiere and it came with a coffee grinder so I’ve been grinding coffee beans and testing that type of coffee out. It’s fun, I guess, but not sure if it’s worth it. Especially as I bastardise my coffee with sugar and milk. I then decided to get a filter coffee machine instead of a new kettle. My kettle looks worn out but a bit of descaling has meant it still works fine so I can live with it for a while longer. The coffee machine has a timer and so I can set everything ready in the evening and come down to fresh coffee when I wake up every work day. I will say that having everything done when I walk through the kitchen is a sheer delight.

My home boiler, hot water and heating, has issues and I can’t let the heating work automatically. This has been like this for two months now. I pay money for a boiler fixing service and my initial appointment was to be about four weeks after I initially called them, and while that seemed a long time to me I had to remind myself this is Covid and my system still works to an extent. Then they cancelled that appointment because – reasons and pushed it back to mid March. Now the service company have cancelled that and pushed it to beginning of April. I will have been waiting approximately four months for something to be fixed with a house that is mostly cold. This isn’t the sort of service I pay for. Screw them.

I got a new mobile phone a while back and while it’s the same brand as I normally get it still feels new. Which is nice. Normally I get a new phone, you transfer all your data and you look at it and go “Oh, works the same then” which is exactly what you expect when devices run the same OS. This one feels and looks different somehow and that’s even after one month of owning it! Oh, I also upgraded my sim only contract and now I have 160GB of data a month. I use around 5GB. So, I’m going to have to see if I can max this out. Time to start downloading films and streaming lots of video. There was only one time in my past when I think I went over my data allowance and that was at Linton when I was trying to stream an F1 race.

I also had a bad headache this week and woke at 0200 in pain and not able to get back to sleep. I had to get up and take pills in the night, which I can’t remember ever having to do in the past. Fortunately the pain had gone by the morning and I was able to head in to work. But trying to sleep and having thoughts running through about how to organise work and cadets when you aren’t going to be there is not nice. I think I need to change one of my life rules. If I think I might take some tablets then I should take them there and then. Don’t wait to see if it gets better. Just get those drugs into my system. I have a similar successful rule about work. If I think I’m not sure I can make it to work because I feel ill then that is when you don’t go in to work. That particular rule doesn’t always work because there are other social pressures when working in my sector.

Minecraft Bedrock ran an update which also included a server update so it was a nice distraction to put the updated server on my PC. It’s not a hard job but there’s a list of things that need to be done correctly to make sure everything works properly. Which it does and so I got a nice sense of satisfaction from that. I did have a small panic when the ray tracing didn’t seem to work on the PC but it did after a short wait and so thankfully I don’t have to investigate why. I quite enjoy fixing PC things but sometimes the time involved can be quite high. Things are generally fixed either within fifteen minutes or three hours.

I hate selling stuff on eBay. I recently went through a cupboard and found some old tech items and thought I would either throw them away or sell them. So, I decided to sell them on eBay. I wasn’t sure how much I’d get but it seemed more responsible than just chucking them out. Once tech items sell I’m always worried they decided to stop working in transit and arrive broken. I would never knowingly sell something that doesn’t work [unless I labelled that clearly]. So, once things are posted I have a week of background stress until I get my positive feedback. One item I sold I accidentally labelled it as the wrong model and so that is coming back to me which is perfectly fair because that’s my mistake. I’m happy to correct that. The other item the buyer wanted to return because “it didn’t work”. Now, he had already messaged me asking for the software download and how to get the item working. This indicated to me that he didn’t understand the tech side of things. Then he wanted to return it saying it didn’t work. I messaged him asking if he had followed a detailed list of steps to get it working on his system and I haven’t heard back at all. I suspect he was hoping it was plug and play and I also suspect he was connecting it directly to his PC and not to his router. There are many things it could be and I’m not his personal tech support. So his request to return was denied.

Time to get out for a run and burn off the calories of my take-out last night.

March 6 2021March 6 2021

The Good, The Bad and The Whoops!

Below I have arranged some screenshots from me playing X-Plane. I’m not really going to give any commentary. I should be writing a summary of this week of lockdown here but I genuinely am not sure what I can say without breaking my own website rules.

February 28 2021February 28 2021

Exploring The Curves

I headed out in the glorious sun yesterday afternoon for a bike ride. My intention was to not climb any hills which limits the routes I can take given that the village is almost at river level – although I’m not at future risk of future flooding due to sea level rise unlike most of the new houses being built on flood plains in this country. I decided to investigate a riverside path which looked iffy. The were definitely marsh conditions but it is the other-side of the river to my normal running routes. I didn’t know how far I was going to go but I headed out to Brooklands Lake and found my way from there.

The footpath would have been better on foot. There were times when I had to get off the bike to avoid diving into the river and also a number of trees over which I had to decided either to climb over or go under. I felt like I was exploring and it was good fun. I may have ended up with bleeding legs and hands from the thorns but I didn’t care. Along the way I found three pillboxes built in the second world war much like the one along the Medway from last year.

The first pillbox was a surprise to me as I’d never been that way before and now I’m tempted to chronicle all along the lower Medway – even though that’s been done on other pages. Holborough Marshes was a surprisingly nice place with the sounds of running water and a lovely calmness. Apart from the motorbike racing up and down behind the river defences. I’m never sure what I think about bikers off roading around the villages. Part of me gets annoyed as they shouldn’t be doing it, but the other side of me thinks that as long as they are out of people’s way then it’s up to them. I guess the overarching societal decision is they are wrong and should go to specific places to enjoy their sport, there are tracks around here where they could go. It’s like those wankers who dump rubbish in places around our gorgeous countryside, they don’t think the rules apply to them or they don’t want to pay for the proper disposal.

This one at Brooklands Lake was rather a surprise and I didn’t expect to find anymore pillboxes as I travelled further up the Medway towards Allington. I apologise that the photographs aren’t that great but I have two excuses. Firstly I’m using a new camera app and getting used to how it works and secondly, I had polarising sunglasses on [which I didn’t remove] and that messes with what I can see on the screen.

This pillbox was in quite a nice position with some open ground towards the river. I remember thinking it would be a nice picnic spot. There were other spots which were quite nice but I saw the remains of around two tents and some air mattresses and the usual human detritus. This was a shame as it ruined the area. I do think sometimes that I should become a litter picker and collect this trash but time is the limiting factor there.

Overall this was a lovely cycling route, thorns excluded and somewhere I think I could run possibly one day if I can get my distances up to 18km or so. I’ve recently been running around 15km and found it quite good although my feet hurt. I’m going to try some new inserts in my trainers.

February 26 2021February 26 2021

Somehow Not The Same

Until recently I owned a Bodum Cafetière and it worked fine. I mean it’s just a French Press coffee maker and there’s not a lot that it could do wrong. As an aside I just went over to the Bodum website to see if I could grab a picture of what the cafetière looked like and it turns out there are far more variations on these devices than I thought possible, what a rabbit hole! Then one day while washing the cafetière the glass cracked. I’m not sure how and I didn’t hear anything but it broke. Now, I like my morning coffee and so I wanted to get another French press as soon as I could.

Imagine me now walking down the “home stuff” aisle in Sainsbury’s and I spot a cafetière. It’s not made by Bodum and is branded as Sainsbury’s. Should be OK I tell myself, there’s not a lot you can do wrong with a device like this, and if I’m being honest they seem far more expensive than need be. So, I bought the Sainsbury’s cafetière.

That turns out to have been a mistake. Apparently not all French presses are the same. With this new one there is no way to remove the glass from the surround and so I can’t clean the outside of the glass properly. The gaps between the surround and the glass mean that stuff gets in-between and looks horrible from the inside of the cafetière. I guess that’s liveable with but then the bigger issue is that the lid design has less rim and does not align well so when pouring the coffee it regularly spills down the side of the cafetière and ends up on the kitchen counter.

When this leakage of the nectar first occurred I could hear something in the recesses of my brain from before, when I owned a not-Bodum and it just wasn’t as good. I had flashbacks to another time thinking that I should have spent the extra on the Bodum because the one I bought at half the price was shit.

So, the moral is sometimes the better brands are better.

Oh, and I ‘m still searching for a decent can opener. The latest one works, as in it opens cans, but I’ve got cuts on my fingers because it uses the outside of the rim rather than the safer inside part. Ho hum.

February 23 2021February 23 2021

Somewhere Else

It’s almost a year since I went somewhere else. If I look back over my journeys since March 2020 I can recall visiting my parents twice, I think in the summer when we were allowed to visit people in gardens. I went to the white cliffs at Dover in early September I think. I had a walk along the river Medway sometime recently. And that is it. I’ve not been to anywhere vaguely military for a year. I’ve not seen friends and colleagues for about a year. I did return to work Sept through to Dec and saw those people then and it was nice. But I haven’t been somewhere else for a long time. All of a sudden I am very aware this is a modern world problem and that I am quite lucky in reality. No-one I know has died from this virus and I have a home which is somewhere palatable to be. There are plenty out there who have no idea how to feed their families or how to keep a roof over their head.

I am looking forward to being somewhere else. Just to experience other things. The mental aspects of constantly doing the same things and not being able to improve or learn new things has taken a toll. I guess I’ve been doing gaming videos in a bad way over on my YouTube channel and that was quite fun but not the same as actually being outside somewhere else. I haven’t used my camera for quite a while and I think I should. Maybe I need to start doing still life compositions? I don’t know. I guess I could do some sort of project to make sure my camera still works!

I’m not sure that the current moves by the government are the right ones. I’m not in charge and I’m sure they’ve got their reasons I just don’t think public health is at the top of their list. I also worry about the ability of these people to absorb technical and nuanced information about the ‘rona and how it affects us all. The covid recovery group are cunts. I guess we always knew there were a lot in that party but this group have clearly defined themselves as such.

I’m going somewhere else today. I’m looking forward to seeing other things. But I also know from the other times I have been to this “somewhere else” that after about thirty minutes it feels normal. I’m actually looking forward to being somewhere with jet noise and the smell of fuel. Hopefully that will happen later this year.

February 20 2021February 20 2021

Even The Kitchen Sink

I’ve decided that the life of things in a house is around ten years. Things apparently wear out after that length of time or at least the high use things do. Given my hatred of decorating in now comes to the point in the house when I need to make some decisions and get myself prepared to reboot the rooms. I recently noticed that my kitchen sink was dripping water into the void underneath and I found it was the tap causing the issues. The tap was also rusted to the sink quite completely. This necessitated a new sink and tap which I was OK with. I found a sink that was the same size so that hopefully removed the necessity to cut the counter top and with luck the waste pipes would line up well to avoid plumbing issues.

The old sink also had a fresh water tap that I had removed and so it was possibly time to rejig it anyway. All the limescale is me just not having cleaned the sink for a while but there is a lot around the tap and it leaked into the basin but also through into the pipe system. The limescale in this area of the country is pretty harsh and things die after a short time. A friend bought one of those clear kettles to see the water boiling but every week it would need descaling, it’s best not to be able to see these things.

Kitchen Sink - Halfway — Kitchen Sink – Halfway

This level of piping is quite frustrating I think. Most of it isn’t used anymore. I used to have a water softener but after a while I noticed that it wasn’t plumbed in correctly so I removed it. There are also spare pipes for cold water access to the bathroom as the hot water pipes to the bathroom were replaced a few years ago. I kind of know what all the pipes do and the ones that aren’t needed are clearly shut off. Oh, and two stop-cocks because apparently you need one before the water meter.

The new sink fitted snugly and that pleased me. There would be less hassle and no cutting of the counter top. The waste pipe could be aligned with a tiny amount of force so officially I have a pre-stressed pipe system, but that stress is low. I did have to cut some of the support wood to get the sink screwed in properly but I’ve been gluing that back and have a plan to secure it more. The new sink feels smaller but I don’t have a huge amount of washing up to do.

Overall this all went well and I will have to start planning the next thing in the house which needs sorting. There’s also the loft and I’ll have to tidy and sort that at some point.

February 19 2021February 19 2021

Clean Up

I’m just about to start writing this communication and I have realised the irony involved, however, I shall continue and ignore the double standards I so clearly employ.

As I come out of a two day migraine which was probably required by my body to make me do nothing I have realised a few things. I guess what I mean is that there are a number of things that I knew separately but I have only very recently put them all together to come to a conclusion, which I suspect is that actual definition of how a realisation works.

I’ve been spending time trying to change my behaviour for the improvement of my mental health. I have times when the weight of the world rests on my shoulders and I need to learn that there are some things I can do very little about. So, I have stopped obsessing with the news and feeling anger at all the terrible things that are happening. I have removed the Twitter app from my phone and I even deleted two of my Twitter accounts. I’m toying with the idea of deleting the final remaining account but I’m not sure about that yet. I’m failing at overcoming the “sunk Cost” fallacy where I feel that the Twitter account contains details of my life and I’ve put effort into it. However, I don’t look at my historical tweets often and I only check that place once a week or so, primarily to see if Pom has been in touch. The grander idea behind all of this Twitter removal is that no-one else cares what I think. Literally. People might be curious to see my reactions to things but the truth is no-one cares. Chucking ideas and thoughts onto Twitter doesn’t change the world and more than likely won’t change anyone’s mind about anything. It just allows me to join the faux outrage at whatever thing I should be outraged about.

Twitter used to be a place where I kept in touch with friends. But nearly all of them are now connected via WhatsApp! which is problematic in itself but that’s for another time. Oh, I learnt recently that the developers of WhatsApp! came up with the name first and then tried to work out what the app would do. So, the opinions and thoughts of people I genuinely care about are accessible to me via other methods that web based social media. I don’t expect I can change any of their minds about things, we’ve all known each other for too long to know our own thoughts on issues but if I want intelligent conversation then I can chat to them on the messaging app. I don’t need to have Twitter to chat to the few people within my “circle of trust”. By that I mean those people whom I consider to be absolute trustworthy friends. I’m fortunate to have people I trust implicitly and the only downside to those groups is that we aren’t physically close enough to meet up once a month to get wasted.

I’ve been clearing out my email inbox and I have removed all the email subscriptions that I just “mark as read” without even reading them. Why should I get those emails if I don’t care about the content? Am I worried I might miss out on something that I want? Probably but maybe I should wait for the natural processes rather than be pushed into buying something because the marketing department thinks I should. It’s curious that outdoor clothing shops keep sending me emails telling me that this new jacket is great or these shoes are brilliant but I’m expecting my current jacket and shoes to last twenty years. Why would I want to know about more of them?

I’ve cleared out all the cookies within my browsers. This is so that I can refuse all the tracking cookies that come along with visiting most sites. I don’t really want advertisers to know what other things I have looked at. I’ve also been over to turn off the custom advertising that Google wants me to use and while I was doing that I have set a time limit on the browsing data that Google keeps on me. So, this means that I’ve got things in my history in case I need to find them but also anything older than 18 months goes away. If I haven’t looked at something for a year and a half then the chances are I don’t need to keep it in my history.

I’ve deleted the Reddit app from my phone. I found I was spending around thirty minutes a day browsing through Reddit and none of it really added to my life experience. Most of what I looked at was aircraft and things designed to kill other people. I’m having a bit of a break and trying to use my time more productively. Which, I guess, also includes writing this stuff which is read by approximately three people. I found that most of the time I could avoid looking at Reddit but once I opened the app that was at least twenty minutes gone and maybe more if I didn’t keep an eye on the time. It would be a better use of my time if I read Scientific American instead.

I would like to remove or close my Facebook account. But I can’t really. There are two communities I belong to who only seem to use FB. First the 360 Radar bunch use FB as their main way of sending information out to people who contribute. So if there is an update that needs to be completed I need to have access to that information. Also, my friends within the CCF all are on FB and if I want to get in touch with them then I need to maintain that access. I only check my account once a week and that is within a browser that is used only for that. The browser also has add-ons to remove tracking. This way I hope to minimise the information that FB can gather about me, although I suspect I would be rather surprised at what they do have.

I’ve also turned off the Google Advertising customisation options. I can’t quite remember what URL is used to do this but you can access this in your Google account settings. This way, I will no longer see adverts aimed specifically at me. I will just see general adverts. I can cope with that. If I want to buy or spend money on something new then I would like to leave the choices to my own flawed thinking modes rather than relying on someone else to point me in their direction. Yes, I know this whole argument is flawed but it feels good to lower the amount of tracking information that these very large companies keep about me.

Interestingly there is, of course, the problem that this website contains an awful lot of information about me. You can find my interests, purchases, bands, travel and political ideas. But this is a site that I control and the information you see is just the information I want you to see. It is very rare for me to delete a communication and if I adjust them then my policy is to try and make sure that those changes are clear and open. This site also runs counter to the convention that no-one else cares about what I think or feel about the many issues I have written about. Again that is true. But as I say on the homepage, this site is about me and how I think. It’s got nothing to do with looking for approval. I know people don’t care what I think. But for me, this is my diary, sort of.

February 15 2021February 14 2021

The World Championships

I’ve been meaning to write something about the NFL on here for a long time. I love American Football and I know that a lot of UK people don’t really get it. They say stuff like “but you’re allowed to throw the ball” and “watch rugby it’s not for girls in pads”, you know things like that. I’m also a bit of a stickler for being correct in language and so when people ask me about football I ask them which code. This doesn’t not normally end well because I use the term “soccer” for Association Football and that in generally disliked in the UK. I mean, it’s the most correct term for that particular game but you know British people! When I’m not at a live match I watch the NFL using their Gamepass App.

Sidenote: I dislike the term App. I think you’ll find the thing is a program or Application or Executable file but “App” seems lazy. This is similar to my dislike of the term “folder” for a directory but I’m old and the world moves on.

Gamepass on a browser, on iOS and PS4 works really well. By really well I mean it works. There are some silly things which you would have thought a massive organisation would have fixed like which PS4 buttons can be used for fast-forward etc. But, once you accept some of the basic issues the app seems to do what I want. The Android version though is a piece of shit. There is no option on the Android platform to hide the finals scores of matches. WHO WANTS TO KNOW THE SCORE BEFORE YOU WATCH A MATCH? If I know the result of a match I can’t watch it. The match is spoilt. If I want to watch a match using my [quite expensive] Android TV box then I have to hold my hands up in front of my eyes as I browse the matches hoping that I cover the part of the screen where the scores appear. I tend to use the PS4 instead because I don’t have to blind myself.

At the end of each broadcast there is a warning from the NFL declaring that any use of the imagery and descriptions thereof is a breach of copyright or something like that and so this really made me want to get permission to write about something I had watched on Gamepass. I wrote to the NFL and I got a load of legal waffle back which, I think, says that I can write about things I have watched online as long as it’s not for profit. This little site is definitely not for profit and so I am going to write a little and risk the wrath of the NFL.

“You may use the Services and the contents contained in the Services solely for your own individual non-commercial and informational purposes only. Any other use, including for any commercial purposes, is strictly prohibited without our express prior written consent. Systematic retrieval of data or other content from the Services, whether to create or compile, directly or indirectly, a collection, compilation, database or directory, is prohibited absent our express prior written consent.” – I’m pretty sure that this part means I can write something here as I won’t be making any money off it.

Superbowl 55. The “World” Championship. Which is a bit like me saying I’m the world champion of racing from my lounge to my kitchen as I’m the only person able to partake in that particular activity.

I haven’t yet watched LV on the full replay and I will at some point [even though I know the result] but I have watched the full live action replay of all the action [this show is 40 mins long, which means for a game of 1 hour I’m being shortchanged]. I can say the following with confidence. The Kansas Offensive line was terrible [maybe the Buccs were amazing] and Mahomes wasn’t protected at all. The O-line broke so often that Mahomes was under so much pressure he just couldn’t land many passes. This wasn’t his fault. He also threw some amazing passes under pressure and I was very impressed with him. To win a Superbowl with different teams is impressive and so I will acknowledge that a certain person has done well. I still don’t have to like the cheating fucker, but I can say I’m impressed.

KC seemed to give up an awful lot of yardage through penalties and I’m not sure if these were called for as I haven’t watched the full match. But maybe the KC defense was getting frustrated which would make sense. Maybe I’ll check back here once I’ve seen the full replay.

February 13 2021February 13 2021

Week Six – Completed

Here we are a whole half term [I refuse to call them terms] completed. I thin I passed through a tough stage about two weeks ago. I was annoyed at everything and I needed to change my behaviours because I couldn’t change all the things that concerned me. I stopped looking at the news multiple times a day. I stopped looking at Twitter so much which was already reduced from the old days, I now check about two or three times a week and because I don’t follow many people not a lot happens there. Facebook is something I don’t really do, except I do for certain things. Facebook is there so I have contact with the RAFAC and the aircraft tracking people. I do understand why they all use Facebook, it’s just I never really have and won’t.

I’m still trying to read more science news with my Scientific American subscription. The first paper copy came last week and while I’ve been quite busy I’ve not had the chance so far but I will next week. There are some articles I’m looking forward to reading using the app as I have access to the last four years of editions. I can’t currently read Private Eye because they highlight all the shit going on at the moment and I can’t cope with that. Oh well. I won’t be cancelling my subscription though.

I had to get my car seen to because there was a dodgy rattle noise and I suspected the exhaust. I was hoping for a bracket that could be replaced, that would be a few pennies. Then, the coolant level on my inverter system was dropping quite a lot and I asked for that to be looked at. Well. New inverter radiator needed. The exhaust was indeed a bracket that was removed but the radiator needed replacing and that means the whole front end of the car needs to come off. I’m half a grand lighter. Not exactly pennies but at least it’s fixed.

The other big thing this week I guess has been the snow. It’s been nice. A week’s worth of snow. It’s not really bothered me for travelling reasons because the last time I was away from my house was a year ago on some WHST weekends down at SMP. The snow has been nice but the cold has highlighted how chilly my house gets when outdoor temperatures dip below 4C. Anything above that and my house can maintain a reasonable warmth. Below that and I need the heating on permanently. Such are the issues of living in a Victorian two-up two-down. The bathroom and kitchen both stick out of the back of the house and are extremely cold. It’s best not to go out there!

I am in the process of persuading myself to buy a new kitchen sink, tap and kettle. Yes, I know they aren’t all connected but those are the things I am contemplating. My sink and tap combination leak a little and I guess it’s time to stop that. I’ve found a set that will work, it’s now just a case of buying them and doing my best to use screws and bolts and things. The kettle is required because my current kettle just looks a bit old and tired and covered in limescale. Short of letting it rest overnight in a bath of lemon juice I think the easiest thing to do would be to get a new one. I should, I suppose, get a Dualit one to match my toaster, but I don’t like the Dualit kettles. So, I will get one on other aesthetic grounds.

I’ve been practising going through checklists in X-Plane and I’ve printed off a book concerning flying and how it all works. I’ve got a degree in Aeronautics and yet and I know little about the actual processes. I’m looking forward to spending some time learning that. The issue is that during the working week I am spending eight hours a day in front of a screen and I don’t want to spend any more time doing that in the evening. My Minecraft rate has dropped a lot along with my Gran Turismo progress. This week will prove to be a return to form though.

February 7 2021February 7 2021

Why Give Me The Option?

Updated a piece of software just now and it needed a complete install rather than just having a module that updates itself. Which is fine. I’m happy with that. But the install gave me language options which looked like this:

I was teased with the notion that there may be different English options within the software and maybe I could change the install version to English (UK). But, no. You aren’t given that choice. Maybe they are specifying that the English I install is American English and not any other kind. That I suppose makes sense given the Portuguese and French options? I’d be quite surprised if the other languages there don’t have their own versions and therefore each needs to be specified. I can’t imagine that Mexican Spanish is the same as Spanish Spanish. Maybe it is and I’m wrong but given how much the English language varies over parts of this small island I rather suspect I’m right. Interestingly the idea of a standard language is relatively new in concept and dates from printed copies of the bible.

As I write this I await the onslaught of snow to this county. I’m hoping it gets terrible after midday as I’ve got places to be before then. I’m hoping it settles enough for sledging and fun. I’m gutted that schools will never have another snow day. Perhaps I could make the case for all lessons tomorrow or Tuesday to be “go out and have fun”? I might suggest ti and see what happens. A blanket of snow is so rare in this part of the country and I’m not surprised everything grinds to a halt. If we had snow for thirty days a year then sure, we would be able to cope with it more and the infrastructure would work. But it doesn’t matter for the maybe two days a year that the snow really hits.

February 6 2021February 6 2021

Week Five – Completed

This week doesn’t seem to have been as bad as the one a fortnight ago and I’ve generally been well although I think my relationship with food is struggling a little and I had a day of monster-eating. I starting shoving food down my throat after trying to exercise and getting the shakes. Not sure what that means I probably need to check with Doctor Google but it led to me eating a LOT. I guess if that happens once a week that’s not too bad but I’m terrified of putting on weight that I’ve worked so hard to lose. I don’t want to head backwards. It’s bloody hard getting mass to go away and while I know I have to be in the right headspace I also know I will be rather irritated with myself if it starts going back on.

Yesterday I was in work supervising keyworker pupils and I didn’t see too many other people which was deliberate. I also didn’t really have the free time to wander and chat. It would have been nice to see how others are doing. It is my duty to remove myself from circles of potential infection, especially in ME15 where the government are carrying out extra testing, and I should keep myself and my family safe. This also helps keep the community safe by removing vectors for the disease. It’s not just about me and those closest to me. It’s about society, it’s about the tribe.

I keep thinking about spending money. But I don’t know what I want. I also have nearly everything I could want. So it seems silly to want more. I would quite like a Garmin Instinct Solar and oddly recently I’ve been toying with the idea of an iPad or similar such thing. But I suspect that’s just because I would like a gadget. What would I use a tablet for? Browsing the internet and social media while I think I’m watching TV? I already know that multitasking is not a real thing and so I don’t want to encourage myself to spend more time looking at bullshit. I’ve been trying to cut that shit out of my life. It doesn’t do good for people. I think I just want something shiny and new. With my birthday in a month that might form enough of an excuse but we shall wait and see. It has to be something that will make a positive difference to my life. Maybe a PS5? Are they in stock anywhere? You see, the problem with that is that I would really only play one game and that isn’t out for that platform yet.

Other things that have happened this week. I’m trying to get used to having my PC mouse on 9000dpi. I think by trying to learn new skills I can keep my brain going well. Rather than just think 1500dpi is enough I want to try and keep some dexterity along with thinking about cognitive issues in the future. That’s a touch depressing I suppose but there you are. I bough a new lampshade for the lounge. It’s PlayStation themed and looks good. I’m happy with it and I’m happy to have spent that money on the person from eBay who has a good product. I bought some photos from a favourite seller on eBay too. They are of the Avro Vulcan [which doesn’t really bother me] but also a couple of the RAV VC-10 and I do think that is a very sexy plane. It’s also the first jet powered aircraft I ever flew in and holds a special place in my heart.

I’m practising X-Plane following a checklist and am hoping to post that video to YouTube sometime in the future. I’ll be flying the Beechcraft Baron on a simple circuit around the Lake District. The next thing I need to learn is basic navigation instrument techniques and to serve that purpose I’ve printed off a book from Airbus on those techniques. It might help. It might not. It’s always good to keep making the old dog learn new tricks. I need to buy a folder for the document but I have at least hole punched it. I borrowed a hole punch while I was at work and I woke in the night convinced that I didn’t take it back to where I borrowed it from and I left in the room where I was supervising students. I think I’m going to have to send a silly email asking the next person to check for the hole punch and return it for me. Which I might have already done but I have zero memory of doing that. Mind you, memory is a harsh mistress.

This week I’ve bough a few musical items. An album by Feindflug which is mostly instrumental and good for when I’m working. It’s a good purchase. I’ve also bought the latest single by Aesthetic Perfection called “Party Monster” it’s ok but not as good as “S E X” which was his last single. Leaether Strip is also releasing an album in a month or so and I’ve pre-ordered that. There’s something about his music that seems really primordial and is good stuff.

Lastly, how do you know if you are meditating correctly? I have no idea at the moment.

February 4 2021February 4 2021

Into The Woods

I recently set up a virtual competition at work. The idea is that everyone tries driving the Brands Hatch GP circuit in a game and records their best time. That seems simple I guess. The only rules are that the vehicle must be closed wheel and exist in real life. It would be too hard to specify [and then check] other settings like traction control, gear ratios, engine mods, aero packages etc. So basic rules and hope everyone plays by them. Yesterday I had a go in the Porsche 919 Hybrid. I thought I was doing really well and I was aiming for a time of 1:12 ish [this was my best lap time from composite sector times] only when I decided to quit did I notice that my Audi R16 had gone faster [close wheels cars that exist irl].

I’m reasonably convinced I should be able to get somewhere in the 1:11s with either the Porsche or the Audi. I’ll have another go tonight I guess and try. I’m not really bothering with the suspension set up and I’m not upgrading the engine [yet] the only thing I have adjusted is to tune the gearing to the Brands Hatch circuit. This makes the acceleration as effective as possible for all of the not-straights that Brands has. I took a photograph of my lap times because I thought it looked quite good. I’m not sure how consistent is a good consistent but I think it’s quite good to be in the low 1:13s.

As you can see my fastest lap was on lap seven of this particular run. I do think I should be able to get it down another second though. But this requires everything to be good on a lap and Paddock Hill bend is really annoying. On lap 8 you can see I was really pushing it and went off, I think at Paddock, I then used the rest of that lap to try some corners in different gears to see if I could take them a little faster or change the acceleration profile on the exit. Quite clearly after lap 12 I rage quit and decided that I wouldn’t get any better in that session. Let’s see how I do later today.

February 2 2021February 2 2021

Where Am I Now?

I’m honestly not really sure. We are two days into week 5 of remote teaching. I know the papers and media seem to be saying that schools aren’t open and give the impression that teachers aren’t teaching. But schools are open to those children whose parents are key workers and helping everything in this country function. Teachers are teaching and working hard. I know I am. I am live teaching my lessons via Teams and, as is usual, always thinking of how to improve and engage and generally do what I do. The bad thing at the moment is that I am doing this from my house and as much as some people have considered me a touch autistic with my relationships I definitely do miss the day-to-day contact with people and intelligent conversations I would have. I don’t mind talking to myself but it’s weird.

I’m trying a mediation app. I feel like I’m not doing it right at the moment but I suspect that is how it starts for everyone. I’m curious to see if I find it useful and keep it up. At the moment it just feels a little strange and I am almost removed from the process. I’m listening to the voice guiding me and I try to concentrate on doing the things I should be doing. I can tell you that I feel as though I’m falling or rotating at times. I suspect that’s just low blood pressure.

I tried getting a good time around Brands Hatch GP circuit earlier but I had to stop after a short while as I felt motion sick. This is bad. I hope it doesn’t last. I had this feeling last Friday when I played some Minecraft after a day of staring at a screen for work and I suspect that I am just screen-tired and I shouldn’t worry about it too much. The only problem is that I’ve created a competition for fastest times around Brands Hatch GP circuit and so I need to practise. We shall see how that goes.

I had a run earlier and I think I might need new trainers. These ones were making a funny noise as I ran and I haven’t noticed it before. My current pair were bought in December 2019 and so I suspect it might be time for a new set. I’ll have to try and figure out how far I have run in them. I’ve just managed to export the data from my Garmin account and I have run 1162km since then. I think all of my activities are recorded on there. I go through phases where I can’t be bothered to record on various apps. I’ve just finished a non-deliberate month off Strava but I’m back on now.

I do know that when I feel like this I tend to eat and also spend money. I eat more than I should. I spend more than I have. One good thing about the current times is that I have spent money in the past and so there isn’t a huge number of things I would still like to get. I would like a Garmin Instinct Solar, but I have a standard Garmin Instinct. So the upgrade would be silly. I mean, I still want it, but it’s not easily justifiable to even me! I would like a new phone, just to have a new thing I think. But my current phone works pretty well and I don’t really want to spend extras on all the ancillaries. Maybe I would like a PS5 but the only game I could justify buying it to play isn’t out yet and is unlikely to be out for a few years yet. I kinda would like to upgrade my CPU but to be honest I’m not limited by that really and I wouldn’t notice the upgrade so I won’t bother.

I would like a new kettle and that is justifiable as my current one is a little scaly now. But, I want to be able to pick up and hold the new kettle. I’ve owned kettles in the past where the handle isn’t designed right and the kettle seems to turn/twist in the vertical plane and I don’t like that. The new kettle, I suspect, will have to wait. Maybe. I now what I do need. A tin opener that actually works. A tin opener that will open a tin. That would be nice. I’ve tried a few and they are all shit. I’m not getting an electric one so manual it must be. I’m sure tin openers worked when I was younger. What’s changed?

Where am I now? I’m at home. I’ve been at home for most of the last year. Yes, I am fortunate to be in this position where my job is secure and my environment is (currently) quite Covid safe. My family is healthy. I can exercise. I am in the countryside and can see fields and animals on a short walk. I’m at home. But I don’t like it.

January 30 2021October 1 2021

Week Four – Completed

So, I survived another week, but around 7000 people didn’t. It’s saddening to see these numbers and to think it all could have been avoided. “But surely those in charge are finding it tough to make the right decisions, what else could they have done?” I hear you cry. They could have followed other countries who were already successfully combatting this pandemic. This article explains how it’s done well. At least BJ will have killed as many people as Tony Blair and his illegal war, just BJs people were all white and we don’t like that – or I bet we don’t care as I am willing to put money on the Tories winning the next general election.

I had a moan on Twitter about a news headline on the BBC. I read a headline and then I read the article and apparently teachers aren’t any more likely to die of Covid than the general population. I wonder if that’s because we are a mix of people and similar to the general population? Also, the article says absolutely nothing about the rates of transmission and covid positive cases. Just deaths. Not about increased risk of death because of increased cases.

This is not the best thing for me to do but I need to shout about this headline. pic.twitter.com/37MF1AplmI
— Ian Parish (@iparish) January 25, 2021

The worry for me is that the BBC seem to be putting forward an agenda based on trying to keep their funding because most other media is anti-BBC because it’s funded centrally and they see the BBC as their competition. Also, the government hate the BBC News because tories are pro-business [really that should be pro-making money for themselves and their mates but not pro looking-after-people] and they see the BBC as a left leaning organisation that stops fair competition in this country. That’s the same reason they don’t like teachers. They think we are left leaning. I think they don’t understand people who would want to help and care for others and not just be out for themselves. Also, it turns out that a secondary effect of teachers is that we look after your children and tolerate their selfishness and try to help them understand the world. This means you parents don’t have to worry about doing all the things you should [how many times do you see that schools should teach about – sex, religion, caring for each other, how government works, how to cook, how to clean, how to look after money] and you can go out and work and grow the wealth of the richer strata of society.

This week British Gas phoned me to say that my boiler technician appointment was going to be moved because of covid restrictions. I guess that’s reasonable but it’s moved from 3 Feb to 31 March. I just hope my boiler doesn’t fail completely in that time. I think it’s the pressure vessel. I also wonder if I’ll need a new boiler due to lack of spare parts. This boiler was installed in 2004 so I’m not surprised it’s starting to fail. And if I need a new boiler that’ll get me thinking about how I could try to go greener rather than burning fossil fuels right in my kitchen. It’s something I need to look into.

Anyway, to keep myself distracted from this bullshit I've just paid $100 for a subscription to Scientific American so I can read print versions of their magazine and use the cold hard science to distract myself from reality.
— Ian Parish (@iparish) January 25, 2021

I’ve been looking into my phone habits this week, trying to start to block out things that I know do not aid my mental health. I have removed BBC News from my main tab in my browser. I have deleted the Guardian app. I have removed the Apple News App. I am going to try and make sure I don’t look at the news too much. Nothing really changes and I’m no longer able to shrug off the things I read. So it has to go. There are other things I would do when I am not great mentally but because of Covid I am unable to do those. I would go to the cinema a lot. While I’m waiting for a film to start I read books on my phone because I don’t care for adverts or trailers. These are books about aviation and I’m currently reading one about the F-16XL which was free from NASA. I haven’t read any of it since my last trip to the cinema which was [checks this website] in October 2020. I should probably start seeking out films to watch at home but I am making do, at the moment, with NFL and The Expanse.

To help with distractions from political news and the pandemic I have subscribed to Scientific American again. I even paid extra so I could get the print versions of the magazine. I find that the technically dense articles really help distract me from the horror of the real world, even though the science covers all the real world better than any other form of news. I don’t have the first print edition yet but I do have electronic access and so I am reading articles on there. I also read Private Eye and I won’t cancel my subscription but I have found the last few editions just too depressing to read – they explain the corruption and cronyism better than all the other newspapers combined. I’ve just finished an article on Sci Am about social media and how we seek out views that support our ideas etc. The article was called “The Attention Economy” and it backed up many conclusions I had been coming to over the last few months.

In a short while I’ve got to look into car insurance as mine is due soon. II haven’t changed supplier recently and so I guess I’ll be able to save £100 by shopping around. I’ll go have a look. I need to remember that I want to make sure Europe is covered as I’m hoping to get to Germany this year even if there’s no music available to see.

Here’s a view of the North Downs over a pond that shouldn’t exist. The water is a flooded field and spends about a month underwater each year. The road to the left floods too and ironically this is right next to a water works plant.

I wouldn’t have clicked on the link anyway but I did enjoy sending this text.