How Many Bottles?

The latest Robinson’s Juice promotion involves handing over some profit to transform playgrounds around the country.

Transform your patch

Here’s what it says on the back of a large juice bottle:
From the back of a squash bottle
Sometimes people get caught up on this sort of thing and don’t think about the numbers involved.

Let’s consider a small playground of size 6 metres by 4 metres, which might just be enough for a set of swings. To pay for the transformation of this mediocre patch of land Robinson’s would have to sell 600 x 400 = 240 000 bottles of juice. SERIOUSLY?
If Robinson’s sell nearly a quarter of a million bottles then they would have to cough up for the transformation of a patch on land into some swings and soft surface. I reckon this conversion would cost about £6000 (a severe guess but probably about right) and this represents a cost per bottle of 2.5p and given a profit margin of, say 40%, this means Robinson’s are laughing all the way to the shareholders’ meeting.

Essentially this is an ingenious piece of marketing and I think they should be congratulated. Well done Robinson’s. It looks like they are doing wonders for the community but in reality they are doing little.

A similar scam, sorry marketing ploy, was run by Pampers when they said that for each pack of nappies sold they would donate a single vaccination to UNICEF. This is marketing at its worst. Trying to make companies seem like they care when in reality they are just doing it to make more money (the basics of capitalism I know!).

If these companies were truly serious about changing playgrounds or helping vaccinate the world they would publish something along the following lines:

We have decided to turn ALL profits for one year over to XXXX charity so that they are able to further our combined missions to improve the health and well-being of the children of this fragile Earth.

If a company did volunteer ALL the profits from one product line then I would happily buy them over another but when it’s just part of the marketing campaign then be cynical.

Mutiny?

Had a naughty thought last night. Having heard that DTM will be broadcast on ITV4 and if that coverage is any good and if it’s in HD and if Eurosport keep showing FIA WTCC then I might, just might, give up watching Formula 1.
I only have so much time to myself to watch these things and I try to drag myself away from F1 but keep going back to that mistress. I feel kinda sick just thinking about leaving. Mind you I only watch about half the races all the way through and trying to avoid the result is very tricky. Oh no, where is this argument going?
Right.
Let’s see what Hockenheim is like on ITV4. Then I’ll think about deserting again! More to follow. . .

Published

In November 2009 I was moved to write a letter to the editor of Private Eye after the architecture critic, Piloti, suggested that living near electricity transformers was dangerous to human health. The letter was published and I have kept that copy of Private Eye for the future. Looking back through my emails it would appear that I have written to Private Eye 5 times. So that’s a 20% hit rate so far.

Sir,

I was disappointed to read that Piloti (Eye 1249) has reinforced the incorrect view that magnetic fields from electricity substations are a danger to health. There is no scientific evidence to link electricity substations with an increase of ill health. Piloti’s use of the specific term “radiation” only reinforces peoples’ prejudices against such structures. EM radiation covers everything from radio waves to X-Rays and beyond and does nothing to describe what is actually emitted. Should your excellent staff of humanities graduates want to further their knowledge I point you in the direction of: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Risk/magnetic-fields

I shall, however, not be cancelling my subscription for this minor transgression.



BBC Headline #8

Headline from the BBC website.

Scientists create “Dr Who sonic screwdriver”

This fails on the following levels:

Quotation in Headline
Extrapolation
Bull

Quotation in Headline
I’m pretty sure they used the quotation marks here to show that they “just made it up”. Having looked at the article the reference to Dr Who was made by one of the researchers who is obviously trying to get into the news cycle so he can keep his research grant. In reality it’s an ultrasound device that can turn objects under specific conditions not just make them move backwards and forwards as sound waves would normally do. Now this is very clever but I’m pretty sure that Dr Who doesn’t use an ultrasonic screwdriver. All the references in the shows are to a sonic screwdriver that is the biggest deus ex machina device I have seen and turned me off the show.

Extrapolation
The BBC writers researchers obviously got a little excited and decided that if they followed the technological line for a few thousand iterations then we could link this current device to the Doctor’s sonic screw driver. This is rubbish. It’s like saying that because cars have improved their fuel efficiency over the last decade we should be able to travel miles on a thimble of fuel some time in the future.

Bull
It’s just rubbish to suggest that this device is anywhere near a sonic screwdriver.

Looking Forward to Watching

I am really looking forward to watching the following things with my children when they are old enough.

  • Star Wars episodes IV, V, VI
  • The Back To The Future trilogy
  • The Fifth Element
  • Star Trek films
  • Firefly – tv series
  • Akira
  • Battlestar Galactica

I hope they get the same enjoyment out of them that I have done for ages. The biggest problem is knowing when to introduce them to these wonders!

BBC Headline #7

BBC headline from the iPhone app from a while ago (18 March 2012).

Neutrinos “slow down” in new test

This headline suffers the following issues:

Quotation in Headline
Oversimplification
Bull

Quotation in Headline
As I have demonstrated many times you can get any old crank to say any old shit and then put it in a headline. Heck, you could even ask the desk jockey next to you to say something and then include their quotation. “He has a double direction reversible torch to see daylight, he’s that far up his own arse” says industry insider!

Oversimplification
Science and the method of science doesn’t follow a simple narrative or allow for simplification of its ideas. The original neutrino results were released because the scientists wanted criticism of their experiment, not because they believed the results to be true. Now, after nearly a year, they are closer to understanding the problems with the original experiment and are ready to try again. One scientific result does not a whole new paradigm make.

Bull
The neutrinos NEVER went faster than the speed of light and so they can’t have slowed down!