Category: Film

Well, what to say about this film? We can start with the formalities. I went to the cinema at Rochester, the tide was very low. I could see all the mud banks at the edge of the river along with the dip at the end showing the main channel. We were late getting to the cinema because the junction on the motorway was closed so we had to go to the next junction and then return back. I didn’t mind being late because we missed most of the adverts. We did see a few trailers though. The trailer for F1 managed to make the film look as boring as fuck. So, back to Mission: Impossible. I rated this film on IMDB and there is a guide to my rating system here.

I really didn’t enjoy this film. Had I not been with other people I would probably have walked out after the first half hour and overall the film is 2 hours and 50 minutes. I turned to JCBFan after about half an hour and asked “do you understand any of this?”. The reply was “no”. Maybe there were loads of references to MI films I haven’t seen? Maybe I needed to learn a bit more about the characters but the first half hour was really disjointed and made zero sense. I think it was meant to be a “getting the team together” thing, but it was really badly done.

The rest of the over two hours of film was really just two large set pieces of action. Some submarine stuff which was done better in Hunt For Red October and The Abyss and also some flying stuff which was alright I guess. At least I now know how to punch someone piloting a biplane when I’m holding on to the side – the move was used twice and it annoyed me – although why change something that works. The set design for the submarine was pretty special and the way it rotated was impressive. But the story part of this was shit.

The general plot seemed to be that the internet is bad and it is going to kill the human race. This I agree with and if it was deliberate to warn of the perils of social media and untruths then that would be a good part of the film. There’s an AI going to destroy the world and is slowly taking control of nuclear weapons – which hilariously is shown on a giant map on the wall inside a mountain. WHILE at the same time people push little models of ships around on giant maps in the room which was very WWII. So much of this film was just stupid. I didn’t understand what they were trying to do and why.

The American Navy was scared of the Russian carrier but it’s a heap of shit so that wouldn’t really bother them. The USA also have a LOAD of carriers. I don’t think the naval tensions were really worth it. Did you know you can fly a DC3 from the Bering Straight to South Africa in less than twelve hours? Those DC3s are notorious for transcontinental journeys in no time. Oh, and they are super comfortable. Also, people seem to have normal volume conversations in loads of situations where the actual noise would be consuming. If you’ve ever seen pilots in little planes they wear headsets. There’s always noise.

We need to know a bit about the data transfer rates that work in this film. The “entity” – what a fucking shit name – could “move” very quickly. Even when a thingy was connected to a boggler in the middle of South Africa away from any form of internet connection. Did you know that pick pockets are really good at grabbing something and taking it within a 100 millisecond window? Human reactions are hardwired at best to 190 milliseconds so she wouldn’t have been able to take the dongle out in time. Why was there a woman who speaks only French which most people understand but she also understands all the English being spoken? Who was fighting who in the cave? Who turned up to start that fight? Why do people who live on an island in the arctic know the yield of atomic weapons and detailed specifications about how long you have to run after cutting the wires? God this film was absolute shit.

Angela Bassett was pretty good in it.

I went to the Cineworld cinema at Rochester to watch this film. It was a wet, murky, dank day. The tide was high with ripples tickling the wharf, the river looked imposing. After watching this film I rated it on IMDB and in the past I would have tweeted my result, but I don’t to Twitter anymore so I’ll just have to write the result here, and it’s a shocker, I gave this film 4/10.

I think I probably need to explain my rating, especially as I rated part one very highly. This film looks absolutely amazing. The cinematography is gorgeous and I reckon you can take any part of this film, put it in a frame on your wall and be proud. The film looks serious and sumptuous. The sound is excellent, I would have liked more bass-vocalisation stuff like the sentence at the very opening of the film, but it was so good I considered buying the soundtrack.

I think my problem is the story. And possibly Chalamet being not a great actor. And possibly an inability to tell two of the actors apart. And possibly the sexism, I don’t know. Maybe this should be rephrased to say that the problem is the story. I don’t think it’s my problem. Let’s start with the easy point.

We get introduced to the Emperor’s daughter, she may have been in the first film, I’m not sure. This lady is being manipulated by the Bene Gesserit to do their bidding and to work towards the “grand plan”. Shortly after her introduction we see a lady with very similar features discuss with the Bene Gesserit about how she seduced the Harkonnen nephew and that a daughter is assured. For most of this film I thought the pregnant woman was the emporer’s daughter and I found it quite confusing. From looking at IMDB there were two actresses playing different people.

There will be people saying this story has strong female characters but to me they were all witches whispering in the background to get the future they want. The men had all the power. Men are celebrated. Women work in the background and do their things sneakily, not out in the open and by fighting. This isn’t a positive look for the women of this film, it conforms to stereotypes.

The lessons from this film are that to maintain power and have freedom you have to be a man who fulfils prophecy and marries for political reasons rather than love. Oh, and you have to be as macho as fuck and kill your opponents in hand-to-hand combat. I hated the aspects of this film that glorified the feudal systems in society. My problem is that we still live in a feudal society where the rich and powerful maintain that money and power by giving the masses “democracy”. Yes, we vote. But money speaks and until we have a society where everyone has the same chances from birth and we actually care for each other then I will find these stories of power ridiculous and enraging.

Prophecy is a poor writing technique. It means that you can only succeed in life if everything is pre-destined. This is how the powerful like us to believe the world works. There is no caring about people in this type of society. There is no “working to be successful”, there is only pre-destiny. I hate this type of writing. I hate this type of story. I understand why people do it, but it’s bollocks. Don’t have your main character being born under the fifth moon of the year, have them actually work for it, have them call out the belief bollocks and have them care about people. In this film we see Paul turn from being a rich brat into a rich brat with an army of religious fanatics (mirroring Bin-Laden?). He is still a privileged twat who forgoes love for power and macho-kudos.

This film, nay story, envelopes everything that is wrong with current society and our mostly European views of history. Kings, Dukes, powerful Houses. Deference through birth right. Power through duels. Mating for politics. Using the poor as your army through religion. All of these things are bollocks. It left me cold. It left me wanting to tear down the fabric of our society and show people how they flock around their leaders as if we owe them something.

I have found a review of this film that resonates with me and I have ended up with the review in Private Eye. Issue 1619. Find it, read it. It makes sense.

Well, this has been a while. I can’t even remember the last film I saw at the cinema so this review will probably not follow the standard procedure. I can tell you that I observed the tide on the way to the cinema and the tide was low. I could see all the mud banks along the Medway. As is customary I scored this film on IMDB and because I have deleted my twitter account I can no longer place those shared scores on this as an embedded picture. So, I rated this film 8/10 and you should read the scoring system here. I am able to share the average review score:

So, now to the review. I find it curious that Cineworld emailed me to let me know this film was subtitled. When I checked with them before they said it stops people moaning at them once they realise they have to read actual words. There was a small child in the cinema and I don’t think they could read well and they got bored and made some noises throughout the film, but then that’s not really their fault, the parents should have been more thoughtful about their child’s experience.

I really enjoyed this film. I really liked the placement in time and place. End of the war Japan, which is when Godzilla first appears. The politics was very interesting and I think it’s interesting to see the burnt out results of Tokyo following the bombing by the USA. The overall story was fantastic, if a little sentimental, but it showed the social conventions and character development over time. The human story was, as ever, really important to the story and the monster is almost a by-product.

The fight scenes were great and I really enjoyed every aspect of this film. I will watch it again, but I’m not sure I’d pay money to do so, hence this film scores an 8. This is a good film.