Just Wrong

Maps eh? This is the picture of a wall chart by Michelin (the French company but for their English cousins). It is a Van Der Grinten projection with changes made by Michelin. I’m not sure it’s ethical to change a map projection but they did.

This map makes Great Britain look the same size as France. The real multiplier is that France is 2.2 times the size of the UK, let alone GB.
Spain is really twice as big as Great Britain.
Although it’s not on this picture Kenya looks about the same size as GB but is in fact 2.4 times bigger.

What have Michelin done? They’ve made it appear that Great Britain is larger than it is really. Oh dear. Perhaps we should all watch the

Somebody’s Going to Emergency, Somebody’s Going to Jail

episode of the West Wing. It will explain it all, I assure you.

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By the way, the last time I saw this episode of the West Wing was summer 2013 in Keswick while I was visiting penguin.

Umbrella

In 1988 I went to the British Formula One Grand Prix with my sister and friends. We were four in total, Nick, Andy, Tracy and me. It was pretty exciting and one of the first “big days out” I had done as a teenager (I was 16).
I remember about five things about the day:

  • It rained
  • We watched from the Hangar Straight
  • Nigel Mansell came second
  • Andy and I bought an umbrella
  • We couldn’t hear the radio commentary because the cars were too loud
  • A car came to a stop right in front of us

Ok, wow, that’s six things about the day. I also want to say that we drove there in an Austin Allegro but I don’t think that is correct. I shall check and get back to you.

According the to Wikipedia page on this race it did rain, which is reassuring for my memory cells and Mansell did come second. It’s the umbrella I want to focus on.

As it rained so much Andy and I decided to buy an umbrella. We didn’t have enough money to each buy one so we put our funds together and bought a Marlboro McLaren umbrella from a stall. This umbrella served us well during the day and from then on we agreed we would share the umbrella between us as we both owned it.

I think this arrangement may have lasted about a year until I lost the umbrella. It’s something I feel a little bad about even to this day [when I remember to]. I had a strange canvassing job for Eissman who were trying to build a business of home delivered frozen food. A group of us would wander crappy (and some not-so-crappy) housing estates delivering the catalogue of frozen delights and then two days later we would ring every door bell and see if we could have the catalogue back, preferably with an order. It was commission only.

For this particular week I was getting a lift with the son of the vicar of Ugley in Essex. We were working in Letchworth in Hertfordshire. The weather must’ve been bad because I had the umbrella with me and then left it in his car when he dropped me off from another unsuccessful day at work. I’m pretty sure he quit and didn’t turn up again. As a job it was pretty bad, I lasted two weeks. What is more annoying is that I lost the umbrella which meant quite a bit to me.

I remembered this recently when I was teaching ratios to a class of mine. I told the story and then text Andy about it. He had forgotten what happened to the umbrella, but for me, I feel the loss nearly every day!

Such A Waste

I had a lovely time at a wedding in June or at least people tell me so, I don’t remember much of it at all. Anyway, the hotel room had sugar lumps for coffee and tea but each one was individually wrapped in plastic. What a waste!

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Who shall I address this too?

Yes, I know it’s grammatically incorrect. But that’s the point, read on dear Fooyah follower. I am sure that this is wrong and someone should be sacked for putting this on posters [if this poster is written correctly then tweet me or something and I’ll withdraw this post in shame]:

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The correct version of this is:

Who’s stolen our lions?

I’m never really sure who to blame in these situations. It’s a bit like the problem with sign writers. If they are given instructions telling them what to write and it’s grammatically incorrect do sign writers have a duty to correct the English or to put what the customer has written on a sign? It probably doesn’t matter as most people wouldn’t be bothered by something as trivial as a spelling mistake or grammar. But these things are important. There’s a proper way to write information to ensure that meaning is as accurate as possible.

Language is there so we can communicate effectively. What happens to society when newspapers are unable to write properly?

H.G.

It was nice to see a plaque up on the side of a building in Baker Street that wasn’t dedicated to a fictional detective.

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I have to say that for half the time I was looking at this I had an image of H.G. from the television show Warehouse 13. A good programme.

Parking Signals

This Fooyah.net communication is to give some advice on how to give signals when someone else is parking their car. To me this seems an obvious thing to do, but so many people don’t do it so it needs explaining. This is partly made irrelevant by “parking sensors” but then I don’t really agree with them in the same way I don’t agree with automatic headlights. If you can’t park your car you shouldn’t be driving. I know technology is there to make life easier but let’s face facts: some people aren’t good enough to warrant owning a driving licence.

The Situation

You want to park in a tight spot and need someone to give you hand signals so you know where your car is in relation to other (fixed) objects, another car or fence post.

Bad picture of car parking

The Wrong Hand Signal Method

The person guiding you into your parking spot waves their hand backwards and forwards. This gives you, as the driver, absolutely no information and all the power and control is in the hands of a potential moron who is helping you park.

Bad Parking Signals

The Correct Hand Signal Method

This method relies on the helper being able to indicate distance by just looking at the gap but it gives you are driver information and the ability to control the situation. The hands are held apart roughly the same distance that is between your car and the obstruction. As a driver you now know distance and rate of closure. You, as the driver, can decide when you are close enough and also have overall control of the situation. This method should be taught to everyone.

Good Parking Signals

So, there you have it. How to give parking signals. I don’t even want to begin to explain what bumpers are for!

Shame On The BBC

It’s a crying shame.

I had intended to use this site to moan about various BBC news articles where the reporting was poor. It is quite clear to me now that if I pointed out every problem with just the news section I would have to leave my current job and spend all my time informing you about how bad the News section of the BBC is. It is truly awful. However, it is the least awful source of news within the UK. I occasionally look at the HuffPo app on my phone and it reports complete bollocks and also has blog articles masquerading as news items. The BBC quite clearly feels it is in a free market and that readership or just spouting news for 24 hours a day is the most important thing. Well, it’s not. I would quite happily watch BBC news if it was only on twice a day and not around the clock as it currently is. Let’s get this straight, for most of the day: nothing happens. Nothing worth reporting.
Breathe.
Calm.

My latest problem is with one line in the new Atlantis series. Jason says to Pythagoras something along the lines of

Well, you and your triangles have been boring school children silly for thousands of years.

This is utter populist arse. Pythagoras’ Theorem occurs everywhere and is even used within relativistic equations. The music work Mr P did founded European music. All the great things that have happened can be linked in someway to Pythagoras and the early pioneers of the importance of mathematics. Perhaps Jason should have said:

We owe so much to your thoughts and insight, it’s a crying shame most people don’t value mathematics.

There are enough problems caused by a pride in how poor we are at mathematics and script writers don’t need to add to the perception that this is ok.
Wake up and smell the importance of mathematical literacy.

Rock is my life and this is my song
It’s a crying shame
That some of us have not survived
No use in asking how it happened
But very few are left alive

Bachman Turner Overdrive

How It Works

I had a new washing machine delivered this morning. The old one was making noises as though it was grinding cutlery everytime I used it. The new one is pretty quiet! The water draining away is louder than the machine on a spin cycle. Anyway, that’s not the point of this communication.
I asked one of the men installing the machine if all new washing machines only had cold water input. Yes, was the reply. Ok. I’m fine with that but he went on to explain why they don’t need hot water.

You know that jet engines spin around and they have hot air coming out of them, it’s just like that, the spinning makes the water warm. It’s just a shame that washing machines just don’t have after-burners.

Holy cow. I must have been wrong all these years to assume it was an electric heating element that warmed the water! Gosh. The fuel in jet engines must just be to make the turbines turn and then the spinning does the rest.

Now, a washing machine with an after-burner is something I would pay a lot of money for.

Sexy Stuff

I don’t follow many people on Twitter. It’s a conscious decision that means I actually have the time to read tweets by my friends (see here). I have, however, recently added a couple of new people/things to follow.

  • @Scienceporn
  • @CombinedHistory
  • @MilitaryPorn

I find these generally fascinating and I feel that they actually add something to my life. I’m a complete science whore and so @Scienceporn is awesome. I am unsure about some of the sources and tweets, but the replies to @scienceporn normally ask for references and so it’s a self-sorting system, much like science.

@Combinedhistory is a really clever concept of matching famous pictures with modern backdrops and fusing the two together to give a brilliant time-displacement view of scenes.

@MilitaryPorn is awesome. I’ve always been a fan of military aircraft and in my teenage years I went to lots of airshows. Most of the aircraft that I find gorgeous aren’t really flying anymore and so this tweeter gives me a chance to drool over pictures of planes I’ve always enjoyed. Here’s a selection:

Four B1s
Four B1s
F4 being a bit naughty
F4 being a bit naughty
B2
B2
SR-71 and F4
SR-71 and F4

 

Headlights

I first drafted this communication after a couple of long drives around the country. I travelled to the Lake District for a fleeting visit and then to Cornwall for dinner! Give I live in Kent this was quite a way to go for food but the company made it worth it.

One day, whilst driving, the weather had turned from particularly sunny to showers and full on rain. I was curious to see the number of drivers who didn’t think it necessary to turn on headlights while driving in reduced light conditions. “Are they really all that stupid?” I asked myself. Then, of course, you remember that half the population is below average intelligence.

There were grey cars I could barely see without lights on. It wasn’t that dark but the fine rain and spray severely restricted visibility. I thought many people were being irresponsible on the roads with their inability to turn the lights on.

One excuse might be that some of the cars had automatic headlights. It possibly wasn’t dark enough for the computer to turn the lights on but the spray and rain made it a necessity. This could explain why so many people didn’t turn on theirs. I have had cars that have automatic lights but I turn that function off. I am perfectly capable of deciding when to turn my lights on. It seems that these additions to cars are meant to make our lives easier but they just make us more stupid. Automatic choke, synchromesh gears, power steering, ABS all make driving easier. I won’t deny the safety benefits of some of them, but it wouldn’t hurt the general population to make them

THINK

once in a while. Stop living in your cocoon for now and think about your actions and how to make your life (and others) as safe as possible.

Another reason for disliking automatic headlights is that they come on when driving under a bridge. If you are behind someone it looks as though they are braking and it makes you more hesitant as a driver for a short while.

It seems that most modern uses for technology are great at making our lives simpler but they also stop us having to think and understand what is going on. This is a dangerous trend for a stupid world. As Carl Sagan said (the gist not a perfect quote):

We live in a world more and more reliant on technology but where the technology is understood by fewer and fewer.