Today I went to see Solo. A film from the Star Wars universe but nothing really to do with the Empire and the Star Wars films. It was set before Han meets Luke is Mos Eisley. I went to the Plaza cinema in Workington and it was a very pleasant experience. The cinema was a good multiplex with decent prices. I liked it. I now need to include some form of information about the tide and I am afraid I have no visual information about it. I can inform you of what it was like at a similar time the day before:
This was the view over the River Esk slightly further down south. Just north of the Eskmeal Ranges used by the MOD to test rockets and shit out to sea.
As is customary I rated the film on IMDB and you should know by now to see this communication with information about the rating system.
So, there we go! A resounding 8/10. That’s pretty good for me. I went to see the film without any real expectation and I just wanted to be entertained. I struggled at the beginning because it seemed to be Oliver Twist for the first fifteen minutes but things settled and I enjoyed the remainder of the space romp.
I’m not going to go into detail. I enjoyed the film and I liked the action sequences. Could it have been better? Yes, loads. But it was good enough. I think what makes it survive a roasting here is that it didn’t have anything to say about the Darth Vader issue. It’s not a prequel and it doesn’t mess with the original films. I enjoyed it.
After hearing from plenty of people that Infinity War was really good I thought I should go and see it. Even when I have said “I don’t like superhero movies anymore” they still seemed insistent that this film was worth it. So I went to Rochester to see Infinity War. The tide was waning but still quite high at 19:00 last night.
Rochester
Once I came out of the film I rated it on IMDB, as is my custom. I had to think a while because I was thinking about what single number could offer my sum total of thoughts and sometimes that’s a hard thing to do. There’s a communication somewhere about what these numbers mean.
There are two versions of this review. The first, tldr, is below:
Whatever.
The second is more subtle but will make a mild attempt to expand on my thoughts in the tldr version:
The first ten minutes had me confused that I was watching the wrong movie. It started with a fight off world straight away and I was a little lost. After that the pattern was
Have a scene with a few quips.
Have a big fight.
Repeat.
Thanos seems to have a rather Malthusian view of the universe and I have to say I agree with him. I would go further than halving the population though because EXPONENTIAL GROWTH. He sets out with a good plan.
The glove is just a glove.
About three of the male characters had beards and I COULDN’T tell them apart. I think that one is on me, I really struggle with faces sometimes.
Is one of the stones the All Spark from the Transformers movies? Have I spelt that correctly?
I don’t think nano-tech works the way the film shows it happening.
Were the dog things from Resident Evil??
Bashing people into buildings is really important.
Also, this film shows us that hitting people is important and fighting is the solution to everything.
I could have quite happily left this movie as I didn’t care about anything in it.
Yesterday evening I journeyed to watch Deadpool 2 at the Cineworld cinema in Rochester. The tide was very definitely low, I could see deep channels in the mud banks along the edge of the river and I was reasonably surprised at spotting them, they aren’t something I’d noticed so much before.
It is customary for me to rate films I see on IMDB and then tweet the result. You might want to read the comments on my rating system contained within this communication.
Look, I’m really off superhero movies. I just do’t find them interesting. You could say I’m continually searching for the ONE that breaks new ground. The one that merges three genres and everyone goes “holy shit! That is the film we were waiting for!”. I haven’t seen that film yet.
This Deadpool film was much like the first. It’s a superhero film with naughty words and some gore. It’s not clever and it doesn’t make it grown up [says the man who swears too much]. I’m not even sure the plot was up to much. There was some time travel aspects and trying to keep that in line is hard work and this film fails at that. Yes, I guess I laughed sometimes, but I think that’s only because of the swearing and sarcasm. This isn’t a good film in the genre of “film”, this is just the naughty boy in the corner.
At one point the word “cunt” was used in this film. I had thought at the beginning that I better hear that word at least once for this to be a decent film and they managed it. This usage of that word didn’t elevate the status to decent though. What surprised me was the gasps of surprise in the rows behind me when cunt was used. I don’t understand why people are shocked when they hear it. I guess the social-causing aspects of this film make it interesting. But not good.
Went to the cinema this evening to see Rampage. Now, I hadn’t seen any of the trailers – I don’t tend to watch them. All I had was the film poster. Before the film I went for a walk along the wharf, not a Worf that would be weird, and noted that the tide was neither in nor out. There was a low level bubbling sound from the mud banks slowly draining their contained water, it was a relaxing sound.
Tidal Medway
As is usual I rated this film on IMDB. You should see this guide to the system within this communication.
It was a terrible film and got worse as it went on. I didn’t even notice one of the main plot points although the camera shot at that exact spot struck me as strange but I didn’t work out why they had done that. I had to ask my neighbour at the end of the film how the antidote got into George.
Chicago didn’t look a whole lot different at the end of the film. Still a trashy place.
The tide was in when I left. The water level was higher than two hours previously.
Foremost, be warned I am struggling with this one. I have spent the last 18 hours wondering what rating to give it. I’m concerned I’m in a bad mood but don’t think so, I’m just puzzled by this film. But first, there are routines to get through.
I went, on a glorious sunny day, to sit in the dark at the Cineworld cinema in [not] Rochester. I now comment on the tide, as the river is tidal, at this point. The tide was in and I took a pretty picture to confirm that. If you look carefully you can see the historic Rochester castle and cathedral.
High Tide Rochester
I rated this film on IMDB and you should read this communication about the scoring system. This is where the controversy starts I think:
So, I should now go ahead and explain my rating and thoughts.
Bad Thing
This film started by playing “Jump” by Van Halen. This is a good song, it’s iconic, but I was instantly reminded that a good soundtrack does not make the film. Suicide Squad was a shit film but had a great soundtrack of classic 80s songs that everyone knows. So, let’s ignore the music.
Bad Thing
I don’t think the voice over was necessary. Films are made better without exposition. Build your explanations into the film, release the details slowly. Make the audience earn the story. Let’s ignore that.
Good/Bad Thing
There were so many 80s cultural references, along with a glaring one from 1991 and Terminator 2, that these were unsubtle. They were rammed into your retina. I guess I missed many as I’m not a massive 80s whore, but my mate Pom would get more. I think he’d like that part of the film. This film is like a greatest hits of popular culture.
An Aside
If pop-culture is the stuff that is popular does culture mean all that upper class shit that critics like? The stuff that isn’t popular? Should that be called culture?
Impressive Thing
The CGI was hugely impressive. We have been at the point of photo-realism for years now and there are many parts of films that are CGI but I don’t think people realise. It’s a cheap way to lend credibility to a film by adding small details. So, the virtual world looked and felt fantastic. Well done [although it’s not outside the realms of technology or new].
Annoying Thing
The avatars of the characters were remarkably like their IRL characters. Their facial features were quite Cameron’s Avatar like. This is probably to avoid the uncanny valley. The oriental characters were played in-game by oriental builds. The large kid chose to be an over-modded large character and the lead turned out to be white kid. They all played their own gender and they all kept their real life features. This was bollocks. It was Hollywood.
More Annoying Thing
All the clan in the game came from pretty much the same area of the USA?? What utter rubbish. The idea that online players in this game would be anywhere near each other was appalling.
While We Are At It
The girl didn’t think she was “pretty” in real life. She didn’t want to meet the lead character. Well, it turns out she IS pretty. All she has is a birth mark that covers here eye. IT’S NOT EVEN A BAD BIRTHMARK. What bollocks, this was very annoying.
Slums
The futuristic slum area was essentially just a trailer park made futuristic. Do you know what? I’m happy with that. I liked it.
VR
There has to be a point where developers decide whether to include force feedback into suits and movement or not. I suspect it will go ahead because: porn. So, the IRL people have walkways so that their movements are mimicked in the game. But, how does the flying and dancing work? What about INERTIA? Why are people in the streets playing the game? Are they walking form one place to another? Can they see the real world while they are in the game? I don’t understand.
Being in a computer game doesn’t give you superhuman reactions. You just can’t run, race, fight, fly, drive at those speeds and still react as a human. It might be that the apologetic is that the game avatars have extra modifications that allow them to react within the game to threats. This I guess is a good explanation but the speed of the gaming and fight scenes along with the driving section was implausible.
Beating The Game
When you are facing a bigger opponent in a game and you are going to lose all your coin why don’t you just quit and leave the game. That makes sense to me.
Story Arc [SPOILERS]
White american kid takes on a corporation with his friends. He gets the girl. Wins riches beyond his dreams and frees the world. Such bullshit.
It was nice to see Hannah John-Kamen again.
Now, I’ve been writing this stuff down I can see that I just wasn’t impressed. Yes, there are great songs and brilliant references to other films but once you remove that stuff the overall story and ideas are just pretty poor.
I took a trip to see the Isle Of Dogs recently and as is custom I will now comment on the level of the tide: It was out. The journey was long and winding, Bull Lane, Pilgrims Way, A229, M2, A2, Blackwall Tunnel Southern Approach, East India Dock Road, A1206 and then you are there. A rediscovered cool place of London. The bit that dangles like a testicle from the north shore of the river Thames.
I have spent a few lovely times here, I have also spent some shit times here. But that, I guess, is how life goes. It’s almost like I’m teasing you for future stories and communications, which I am, but I’m not sure I’ll ever get around to writing them.
I also went to see a film called the Isle Of Dogs, perhaps I should really have seen the film while on the Isle Of Dogs, I missed an opportunity there! I rated the film on the Internet Movie Database and you should probably look over the scoring system in this communication.
Having ranted and raged about the entitlement in the film Peter Rabbit you might be interested to know that I’m going to completely ignore the quantities of privilege in this film.
I went to the cinema. We know the drill. I write something about the tide without even knowing when that started, but knowing it was a coded reference to the time of day within a movie review because I went when I shouldn’t have. The tide was middling. For a while I was the only person in the cinema and that would have been nice for the whole film but people came in. I think my record for a film is me and one other person, two sad gits together, not that we were together but you understand.
My routine in the cinema is to normally stuff my face with either ice cream or hot dogs [don’t tell the vegetarian police] and then I read a book on my kindle-phone app while stuff non-feature-film occurs on screen. I don’t watch adverts and I watch each trailer once unless it’s an important film [Star Wars, Blade Runner] in which case I don’t watch. Some trailers I watch a little of before ignoring them because I know I won’t be going to see it [Mama Mia 2]. The book I am reading currently is
Dressing for Altitude, U.S. Aviation Pressure Suits-Wiley Post to Space Shuttle – By Dennis R. Jenkins
It’s a free e-book from Nasa and it is quite fascinating. It’s technical enough to challenge my understanding and written well enough to keep me interested. I have read a book on the X-15 program mostly while waiting for films to start and that one was brilliant. Quite technical writing has also helped when I’ve been broken and unable to think about things properly. Having decent technical challenging data and writing restores the balance of logic in my mind when it’s been screwed over. I do still intend to write about the two main times I’ve been quite mental but getting that stuff down in text is going to be hard.
So, the film, Tomb Raider. I rated it on IMDB and now is where I point you to the communication discussing the rating system and then I normally comment that the scoring system is broken and I may get around to addressing that at some point.
I enjoyed this film. I didn’t enjoy the two women behind me talking constantly through the film but I still enjoyed the film.
Let’s face facts: it’s a film based on a best selling game. Therefore we don’t expect it to be great. We expect it to be clichéd and full of stupid action. Guess what? It is. It was a perfect film covering a good game series. It was probably better than the Jolie version and that’s saying something as I can be a bit of a Jolie fan.
In all honesty, if you want a decent movie in this genre then you should watch Raiders Of The Lost Ark. It does all the things that this film does but far far better. But. Indiana Jones isn’t female.
A couple of minor points that struck me in this. When Lara is riding her bike around London, which is looking lovingly cosmopolitan and resplendent, her chain/gears creak. I’m not sure if this was designed so that we know she’s cycling, I mean she is peddling, but no decent biker would put up with that creaking. They would fix it.
The next point is people in these movies seem to get punctured in many un-sexy ways and yet they don’t bleed out or get infected. It’s almost like they are fixed within minutes and able to run around at 100%.
Finally, Hannah John-Kamen was in this movie for about 3 minutes and it was lovely to see her in something where she isn’t playing Dutch. I am currently watching Killjoys on Netflix and she stars in that show.
I’m trying to realign my IMDB scores with the initial intention rather than score higher than where the films should be. I have been concerned with ratings-inflation for a while now and feel I am getting back to where it should be. There is a chance this one is going to be quite controversial but message me if you are bothered.
I went to see Peter Rabbit. The tide was halfway in the river and on the way in I guess as it was fully in on the way home. I rated this film on IMDB and you should probably see this communication which goes someway to explain how the grading system works.
I didn’t really like this film. I will admit that I found it funny at times, but humour doesn’t make a good film. I will also admit that I have never read any Beatrix Potter and have no emotional attachment to Peter Rabbit or any of the rest of the folks.
This is likely to descend into a discussion about the role that film plays within our society and for that I apologise in advance. There is a argument that this is a kids movie, it’s meant to be entertaining, the deeper lessons from this movie don’t need to be analysed because it’s meant for entertainment and we love these sorts of stories.
After the opening credits I was quite distressed as four birds flew across the sky singing and my thoughts were “Oh, shit. No one told me this was a musical, I will hate it”. The singing didn’t last long and that went on to become a running joke.
If I was being generous then I would say this is a cute family film with some slap-stick violence. I’m not in the mood for being generous though. I want to look at this film through the lens of social change in influence.
The messages from this film are mostly about the acceptance of illegality, violence and lies. The two human characters fall in love even though the male lies constantly for ninety percent of the film. The female is unaware of how obvious these lies are and yet she fully accepts this man at the end of the film. The rabbits in this film are vermin, much to their consternation. They invade and steal property consistently throughout the film, it’s ok to steal if what you take is “definitely yours” by a thought process of seeing things and so wanting things.
The bullying by Peter on his family is pretty bad. He’s a tearaway character, acting on impulses with little regard for the welfare of those he drags through his capers. He only stops to think once the damage has been done and even then he self-justifies his actions as the proper course. He is an horrible character. He gets away with these things in the eyes of the audience because he is cheeky and winks at times.
This film showed it’s OK to fight and to electrocute people to get what you want. It’s perfectly OK and even justified to harm humans if you are an anthropomorphised rabbit. You actions are deserving of praise because you are stealing the food that grows in someone else’s property. They live in the luscious countryside of the Lake District and yet these rabbits couldn’t find food? I don’t want to defend property ownership entirely. I have massive issues with the few who own the majority of everything. But, I’m just looking at the messages in this film.
In the end the woman still falls in love with the liar even though she knows he’s a liar. The violence of the rabbits gains them acceptance in the human world and the man changes. Perhaps in some ways this narrative is about the struggle of the small and weak to gain recognition. But, I’m not convinced. The ambitious toff keeps control in the end, restoring the natural order of things where the british love being subservient to the higher born.
It’s curious the level of violence that is normalised in TV and film. It starts early with Tom and Jerry. Then it moves to the Tom and Jerry satire which was the Itchy and Scratchy Show. Stop and have a look at cartoons and superhero films and examine the motives behind them. Do they teach fighting is OK? Do they teach about a natural order of human behaviour with hereditary leaders making decisions for the rest of us? Do they reinforce the current standing of your class?
Perhaps it will always end up with a few families controlling this planet not matter where we start. Maybe it’s because humans are nasty, violent creatures who need to have a sense of order and place-in-society to function. The issue is that it’s always the little man who gets crushed by this.
Maybe this film is just a fun-filled family caper but I do suspect it’s more sinister than that.
I went to watch Red Sparrow at the cinema in Rochester. I definitely did check the state of the tide and it was neither fully in nor fully out. I have no idea which way it was travelling. I rate the films I see at the cinema on IMDB and there’s a guide to the scoring system in this communication. With the current score I believe I am shifting the scores I give back to a proper system. I’ve been worried that my scores have been creeping.
So, clearly I didn’t like it. I am going to sneak over to some reputable websites and read a few reviews of this movie because I found it mostly poor. I’m probably going to end up with spoilers in the following text so you may want to not read on.
The premise that Russia is using sex and honey-traps to entice people into betraying their country isn’t new or exciting. In fact the whole “training” section of this movie had absolutely zero effect on the rest of the movie. You could remove that entire section and the movie would still make sense. This means it was pointless. It wasn’t even insightful. It encouraged spies to be rape and get raped. It was pretty shit. All it did was set up the idea that our heroine wouldn’t sleep with just anyone. Oh, that and allow a gratuitous nude shot of the lead.
I got about 75% through this movie and ended up confused about who was going where to do what and I stopped caring. It seemed remarkable that the Russian spy agency wasn’t watching their own spy as she travelled around screwing them over. She was a famous person being a spy. This is utter rubbish. We all know spies blend in. They don’t stand out.
Who can open a bank account in another person’s name with just their passport number? Really?
This movie contained violence, torture porn, blood, and overall was a bit shit. I don’t recommend it.
This weekend I took at trip to the local cinema [possibly not the closest, will check . . . . . yep, second closest, about two miles further than the Odeon in Maidstone] to see Coco. Here’s a picture so I don’t have to write about the state of the tide:
A Cold Medway
Today the weather is back to boring grey. I preferred the white and cold. At least now I can turn the heating off for a while!
I rated the film on the IMDB website and there’s a guide to the rating system within this communication.
I have to say I thought the film was far better than the trailers had made it out to be. I was concerned it was going to be a religious load of rubbish but it turns out to be a lovely touching film about death. Seriously, that’s what it is about. It tells the story of how Mexico copes with death. It allows the world to picture that death is coming for us all and we only live on in the memories of those we leave behind. Coco tells us how fleeting this life is and how ultimately useless our lives are if we can’t get to be with those we love.
Along with looking just lovely, it’s Pixar, this film made me laugh and smile and want to cry. It was very good.
