Tag: cinema

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Spider-Man: No Way Home

Yesterday I went to see this film. Given the omicron variant is being a bitch I had to balance out all the variables. I booked the largest screen/auditorium and made the the seats were definitely spaced from other vectors, facemasks were worn. A group of young men were there not wearing facemasks and I don’t think they were all exempt but there’s no folly like the stupid invincibility of the young. Wearing a facemask actually show that you care about others, you are reducing your airborne vectors, you are being considerate. These young men, quite clearly, aren’t aware of that or just don’t care. It’s easy, I think, to want to think about others and do your best for them. I really should remind myself that the tories have one a majority the last few general elections when the alternative was a society trying to help people.

It was dark, cold and foggy on the drive to the cinema and with roads closed near the village the journey was a bit longer than hoped for. The tide looked low on entry to the cinema. I could see all the mud flats and they were covered in seabirds having a rest from attempting to fly with almost zero visibility. After watching the film I rated it on IMDB and there is a communication that covers all the rules for the ratings here. I then tweet my result and because I have re-installed twitter onto my phone I could do that straight after the rating rather than having to use the PC to send it.

I didn’t hate this film. But I didn’t really enjoy it. But I was happy to see how the story was resolved and how they would figure certain aspects out. I don’t like superhero films and stories because it always ends up – who has the bigger fists wins – and that’s a lazy trope. It’s toxic masculinity class 101. Anyway, this film was mostly dull. I don’t like Dr Strange as a character and I didn’t really like most of the plot. It felt as though they had run out of ideas and just needed to bring back all the baddies because being creative is too hard.

From here on there be spoilers.

This is a film about selfishness. Utter selfishness. Peter Parker could have fixed it right at the beginning by not changing the spell every few seconds. Dr Strange could have stopped the spell and then re-started it but apparently the rules in this universe don’t allow for that. Peter Parker was selfish at the beginning and then ruined many people’s lives and cost millions of dollars of damage. He could have fixed this at any point by hitting the button on the McGuffin. The problems created in this film are so easily stopped. Press the fucking button.

The reason he doesn’t press the button is this universe Peter Parker believes that people should be given a second chance, that they have the chance at redemption. What christian wank this is. Just accept christ on your deathbed and say you are sorry to the imaginary man in the sky and you are redeemed and accepted into heaven. Parker wanted to fix these terrible people without their consent. I’m not sure what was meant to happen after that? Were they going to live in his universe? If you had the amazing power of being a bad superhero do you think you could go back to living in the suburbs? I’m not sure that would end well. The reason these people become bad is that they are egotistical cunts.

What was the end game? It seems Parker came up with a plan but with no idea how to resolve then ensuing issues. This is another classic modern trope taken from the real world examples of Iraq and Afghanistan. If you look back at the end of WW2 there were plans put in place to rebuild Europe and Japan. There was never a plan for Iraq and Afghan. Right, ok. This has gone political. I probably need to stop. Look, the thing is, Peter could have hit the button at anytime and fixed it all. He didn’t. He’s a selfish prick.

I was hoping we could see some Miles Morales, but it didn’t happen. I feel that the script could have been loads better with the other spidermen. I felt stale and slow. It didn’t really work. Perhaps the writers need to watch some buddy movies, or some where they get the team together.

So, this is communication 1998 and I’ve been writing a few things that happened in each year as I get through the publishing of communications. The last few have been interesting as nothing of note has stuck out at me on the wikipedia page and I so there’s this blank area when I wasn’t really into news as such. I just didn’t take that stuff in. Anyway, here are some things that happened in 1998:

  • Andrew Wakefield’s lying study into MMR vaccines and the lies told by the media of the day launch the anti-vaccination movement.
  • The second Congo war starts, it will leave 5.4 million dead.
  • Google Inc is formed.
  • An oil pipeline in Nigeria explodes killing 1,082 people.
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Ghostbusters: Afterlife

There wasn’t much choice at the cinema when I looked to book a ticket. Eternals was on along with some films I had already seen but I am not going to bother with Eternals. I don’t like superhero films and if I want to watch them I’ll do it on a streaming service. Ghostbusters: Afterlife was all that was left, but that doesn’t mean it was a poor choice, I wanted to see this. It was dark and stormy so I couldn’t see where the river water was for a tide report, but there were some reflections of lights high up the mud bank and, more telling, there were sea birds just resting all over the place, floating around, and I think they were taking shelter from the storm.

After seeing this film I rated it on the IMBD website and there is a guide to the rating system within this communication. I flip-flopped between a six and an eight because as much as I enjoyed this film and it gave me the “feels” I wasn’t sure I was going to see it again. But, let’s face it, for a film to make me happy and smile thirty five years since I watched the first version, it deserves a decent score. I then tweeted my score.

I really enjoyed this film. It felt like it was paced quite slow to start with but I think that’s because modern films are paced too fast in case the audience decide they hate the film. Making people wait for the “action” is perfectly good. There doesn’t have to be loads and loads of action all the way through the film. We don’t need films to keep racing to the lowest denominator of the public. There should be room for improving society and not just destroying it all the time.

I smiled at many points in this film and laughed [inwardly – I’m not a freak] in the right places and sometimes in this wrong places. The person three seats along my row seemed to laugh too loud and too much, but you know what? Each to their own. It’s better than the narcolepsy person I was near for one of the Matrix fims. I’m going to try and give little away about the film but that also means I can’t really talk about the ending. I will say that I loved the effects of the big-baddie, I thought they looked really good. The voice was interesting and in the credits it mentioned that Shohreh Aghdashloo had been the voice and that didn’t surprise me. She has such a unique voice and accent it really works in this situation.

The touches of music that plinked away in the background were perfect and hinted at the original film enough that I’m considering getting the soundtrack in digital form. The Ghostbusters OST was the first album I ever bought with my own money. I can remember my mum asking me to make sure I wanted it as it was quite a bit of money. Clearly I wanted it. If I want something then I always want it. I think.

I enjoyed this film a lot. It is nostalgic. It is lovely. It is worth seeing.

Comms#1992 and we get closer to the millennium each week. I wonder what number 2000 will contain? I’m not going to plan this, I’m just going to let it happen. Now, I’m one of those who can count correctly and so in terms of years I recognise 2001 as the start of the third millennium because that is very clearly when it starts. Here are some things from the year 1992 C.E.

  • The Maastricht Treaty is signed.
  • 263 die in a coal mine disaster in Turkey.
  • The LA riots following white cops being acquitted of beating a black man when a video clearly showed them doing so.
  • The Balkans are going to shit.
  • The first text message was sent.
  • The Fulham Five first lived together.
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Last Night In Soho

So, I used my last night of freedom in this mini-break we have from work to go to the cinema to watch Last Night In Soho. It was directed by Edgar Wright who also directed Baby Driver which I reviewed here. Driving along the south run towards the cinema I noticed that the tide was very low, I couldn’t see the mudbanks because it was dark but I could see the white of the seagulls standing on top of the mud all the way to the centre channel of the Medway. I don’t recall checking what was going on with the river levels when I left I was puzzling out what I thought about this film.

After watching the film I rated it on IMDB, there’s a whole thing about the rating system and that’s covered in this communication. Then, eventually, I tweet the result to my fans but not from my phone as I’ve had Twitter removed from my phone for a long time now. The only “scoial media” type app I have installed is Reddit and that’s only for times when I need distraction from the happenings around me because I’ll get too annoyed if I actually pay attention to anything.

I’ll try not to give too much away about this film but for the first 75% of the film it was heading for an EIGHT out of ten. I really enjoyed it and thought I might watch it again to see all the subtleties between each decade of happenings. Essentially a girl moves to London and experiences visions from the 1960s. I thought this premise worked really well and I liked the whole [first 75%] of the film. The music was great, the look and feel of London in the 60s was fantastic and the experiences of a Cornish girl heading to London were reasonably accurate but I’m not sure the “big city” is that much of a “thing to worry about”. Maybe I’m wrong because I grew up near London and regularly went there in my teens, I guess I also have to factor in that I am a male and places feel different to us depending on what sex we look like.

When people talk about the swinging sixties I tend to remember what my mum once said and that was “it was still a bit shit everywhere”. While there might have been an amazing scene in some cities most of the world was still a bit shit. The image of Carnaby Street and the Kings Road garnered feelings of freedom and liberation and I suppose while that’s true the men in charge were still assholes. I did like the fact that many of the male characters in this film were creepy as fuck. I guess that is what the world is like even now and the experiences of women were shown to be generally quite awful.

My problem with this film started in the last 25% of the run time. I had positively enjoyed the film until then, wondering whether the main character was crazy or experiencing some weird time displacement. I was hoping this would turn out to be a film where the mental health of the main character grew to be known and helped to be minimised with care and compassion. But, no. This turned into a plain horror film. I don’t care for horror films because they are clearly bullshit and the tricks they play on you are trope-like and mostly boring. Every now and then a film will come along that will be surprisingly different but then that spawns a load of shit.

Terence Stamp and Diana Rigg were fantastic in this film. The two lead characters managed to keep their eyes open in terror suitably long enough. This was a well made film but the crappy ending dropped the scoring down from an easy 8 to just a six and so this film gets lumped in with all the other sixes and there’s a lot of them.

I’d be curious to know just how good an Redruth accent the lead female had, @cornishpom?

This is comms#1984. Here are some things that happened in that year of our lord:

  • The USA and the Vatican restore full diplomatic relations.
  • The start of the Satanic Panic.
  • An explosion at a waterworks in Lancashire kills 16.
  • Liechtenstein finally grants women the right to vote.
  • Threads airs on BBC two and gives me nightmares.
  • Joe Kittinger becomes the first person to cross the Atlantic, solo, in a hot air balloon.
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Dune

I went to the cinema to see a film, a good one this time. It was dark as I approached the cinema along the wharf road but I could see lights flickering off the wavelet tops all the way close to the sea wall so I know the tide was in. How far I couldn’t quite tell but whenever I looked I saw streetlight reflections. This was Rochester cinema, which isn’t in Rochester, and my second trip this week although I suspect not my final trip this week.

After watching a film I rate it on IMDB and then tweet the result just so this communication looks quite good with an embedded tweet. I mean, you could head over to Twitter to see what I thought but now you are here, why would you?

This film was gorgeous. I already knew the story pretty well as I’ve watched the previous films and read a couple of the books. I’m sure that my friend, JH in Cornwall, gave me a copy of most of the books although I can’t remember how far through them I’ve read. I’m tempted to start again but I have too many unread books on my Kindle device thingy.

I wasn’t sure at first whether to rate this film as an 8 or 10. My reasons are that I don’t think I will pay to see this film again but I suspect that I will probably watch it again before the next film comes out. So, it gets a ten out of ten which is frankly what it deserves.

The whole look of this film is just absolutely gorgeous and the scale and vision is impressive. I guess it could be argued that given CGI and the skill of animators it is possible to make anything in a film these days but just to have the ideas of creating such things is still impressive to me. I really enjoyed this film and will one day make my kids sit through it all [ha ha]. I’m not sure they’ll be happy with the ending but I was very satisfied with it all.

When I entered the cinema I had to check which screen I was in as there were two teenage girls in the row behind me and I wondered what they were doing there. Dune isn’t really a teenage girl film I thought at first but then I told myself off and reminded my brain not to be too judgey about other people upon appearance. However, at the end of the film the two girls were not in the theatre so maybe they hated it, maybe they had to leave, maybe they just didn’t realise the film was over two hours long. I don’t know.

This is comms#1983 and so let’s see what things happened in the year I started secondary school:

  • ARPANET moves to the TCP/IP protocol.
  • Seatbelts become mandatory in UK for front row seats only.
  • Air Canada Flight 143 glides in to land in Gimli, Manitoba.
  • GPS is declassified for public use.
  • Kill ‘Em All is released.
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The Addams Family 2

I went to watch the film Addams Family 2. I can tell you the tide was low on the approach to the cinema, all of the mud bank was showing. What I don’t understand is that as we left the entertainment park the tide was pretty high so maybe there was some sort of time bulge or something while I was inside. The film didn’t feel too much of an eternity. I rated the film on IMDB and tweeted the result. This communication deals with the rating system.

Whilst I didn’t hate this film I also didn’t care for any of it. I don’t think I’ve seen Addams Family the first animated one and I very much doubt that I will try now. Maybe I’ll go back and watch Addams Family Values from 1993, I’m not sure, but it would be interesting to see my kids’ reactions to this one. For me the best part of this film was the trailers and adverts as I read some of my book about the development of the U2 and I was on the chapter about converting the plane to be carrier based. It was far more interesting than the rest of the film. Maybe my problem is that I’ve seen many films and seen many plots and nowadays there’s nothing new. idk.

This is communication number 1981 and recent tradition requires me to now write a list of a few things that happened in that year. I’m quite excited as we are in the region of time where I have consciousness and so these things will become more relevant to me.

  • The Indonesian passenger ship Tamponas 2 catches fire and capsizes in the Java Sea, killing 580 people.
  • The Brixton race riots.
  • AIDS first recognised.
  • Liverpool race riots.
  • Slavery is abolished in Mauritania.
  • The Church Of England votes to allow women to holy orders.
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The Last Duel

I went to the cinema to watch The Last Duel. It wasn’t on at a suitable time at my local cinema so I went to Ashford – even then I couldn’t book online and I had to just turn up and pay there because the Ashford cinema is in a different “booking category” to Rochester and the online website won’t let you pay the difference, you have to do it in person. So, I have no idea what the tide looked like as I drove to the cinema. I can tell you the M20 to junction 9 is as boring as ever and it feels like it takes ages but I think it’s only fifteen miles.

After I saw this film I rated it on the IMDB website. If, while watching a film, I’m starting to think what score I would give it, then the film isn’t holding my attention. It didn’t take long for me to wonder where on my scale of film scoring this film stood. I then shared this score in Twitter because it gives me something nice to embed right now:

This film was as boring as shit. I really didn’t enjoy it and I did consider leaving, but there was a person at the end of my row and I had driven more than normal to get here. Most of the characters were assholes and the only nice character was the lead female who, because of when the film is set, has all her rights fucked over.

So, this is a film in FOUR chapters. We get to see the same scenes over and over and I really didn’t like this aspect. No doubt someone will tell me how clever it was and how the mood really changed from one chapter to the next, but mostly, it was boring and while the differences were there they were over emphasised and could have been more subtle. Three times we got this whole story. Then the final chapter concerned the start of the film because, tension or something.

The first chapter seemed to be all castles and horses and battles and there were dates up on the screen but who is able to follow those and really piece together a time line? I don’t think a film should have dates, you should be able to make the film understandable without those things. Maybe just one at the beginning so we know what era of misogyny we are dealing with. Now, there might be a stroke of genius in the overall “feel” of each chapter but it wasn’t stark enough for me. The first chapter was horses and battles and boring as fuck. The second chapter was wine and fucking and the third was oppression of women. If the film was design with clear artistic differences between those three then they failed as I felt only the first chapter had a different taste.

I did wonder how many times can you have horses galloping up to castles and I got bored. Were we meant to recognise the different castles and the local politics of the time? I hated some aspects of this film. It’s also hard to recognise French named places when the cast constantly talk in American English but switch to French accents when pronouncing names, I could be being generous there, but I wasn’t “ready” for the French and it took me ages to finally get what they were saying.

How long would it take to bleed out from a femoral artery wound?? Not long and that’s what the final scene had for me. Do they not do first aid?

This film could have been so easily made to actually say something. It could have pushed the parallels between the legal system then and what happens now. It could have highlighted the plight of rape victims in modern times and it could have made so much more for women’s rights of the past and today, but it didn’t.

I just read something about Jean De Carrouges life and it turns out that he went to Scotland to garner support from the Scots to attack the North Of England. The film does not make this clear in the slightest and I left the film under the impression that he was fighting the Scots from the north of England. A small point, but actually quite a difference.

Anyway, all those irritations aside, the main character in this resided at Carrouges in France and this excited me as, when I finally understood the name, was somewhere I had been. I went on holiday near there in around August 2008 or so. I had a look around the chateaux in the village. The chateaux was built by Jean De Carrouges, the main chappy in this film. I don’t think I was aware of that side of the story when I visited it. Why would I be. It doesn’t seem that a duel from 700 years ago would interest the locals. I hope they get a reasonable source of income from the fame produced by this film.

Carrouges Chateaux
Carrouges Chateaux

There was an art exhibition on in the Chateaux while I visited and I remember liking it a lot. I can also remember that the day was chuffing hot.

Art in the Carrouges Chateaux
Art in the Carrouges Chateaux

This is Comms#1974 [+- 1] and so here are some things that happened in that year of the mostly common calendar used in business and governments around the world:

  • 174 die in a fire in Sao Paolo.
  • The F-16 Viper flies for first time.
  • India becomes the sixth nation to have and operate nuclear weapons.
  • The IRA bomb Westminster Hall.
  • Ceefax is started.
  • The Arecibo message is sent towards Messier 13.
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No Time To Die

Well, I did it, I went to see what is hoped to be a massive film at the cinema. I booked a midday viewing because that way I still get the rest of my day to do what I want – if that makes sense. I don’t really like getting home from the cinema too late and then going straight to bed, I like having a couple of hours before I have to end the day. I guess there’s a certain routine built in there.

The weather wasn’t that great as I drove to the cinema. It had been raining for an hour or so and it continued to do this for most of the day. I didn’t really mind, rain is a good thing, you just need to be dressed in the right gear. The tide was somewhere around two thirds, a little of the mud bank was visible at the higher parts but nothing else.

After the film I rated it on IMDB and then tweeted the result because I like embedding the tweets on this site. The history of tweets is one reason I haven’t deleted my twitter account. Anyway, there’s a communication written years ago about the rating system. This film trouble me a little because I didn’t think it was worth a six out of ten but I also didn’t think about leaving, I was just bored with some of the scenes.

Well, what did I think of this film? Did I enjoy it? Did it do what I want a Bond film to do? All these are very good questions, but I’m not sure if I’m going to answer them in here. So, shall we start at the beginning? Britannia crumbling to dust in the opening credits made me chuckle a little I suppose, I wonder if that’s what the world thinks of the UK, I mean they aren’t wrong. So, I guess I should do some general bits before I go into spoilers.

I think I liked the film. I don’t want to see it again and there are plenty of problematic aspects to it. I have found Bond films hard to follow for the last six years and I think that’s because I try to think too much about the plot and the what/where/whys of characters and vehicles. There is a lot in this film that I genuinely think doesn’t make sense once you get more than one layer down.

I don’t know why all the baddies have to have facial scarring of some kind. It has always been so. The chap with the scar is the killer. It’s bullshit. I also didn’t understand any of the motivations in the film, why was the bad chap doing what he does? It was really weird. Oh, and the ultimate plot being to kill most of the world with a plague amused me massively.

I wonder if I’m old and decrepit because at times I couldn’t understand what was being said. I would have liked some subtitles I think. It was the odd sentence here and there and while they ultimately don’t matter I wonder if the audio mix was a little off at times?

There be SPOILERS from now on.

How many concussions can you get before you are no good. I quite liked the fact that we saw Bond get hurt but the recovery was short as ever and there were no lasting effects. The film borrowed sound detailing from games when a grenade explodes we get the muffled ringing sounds as though we are hearing things from Bond’s point of view.

God damn they killed Felix. I liked Felix.

I really liked the glider/submarine that drops from the C17. Mind you, Q only puts on his oxygen mask after the doors are open and I think that’s a little late, he would have passed out. Oh, it takes more than a few hours to get a C17 around the world to near Japan.

I hated this film for making me feels when they played “All The Time In The World”, but that’s not a Bond thing, it’s the fact that the chosen music is fucking excellent.

I liked the ending.

I did not like that “James Bond Will Return”.

“M” would be arrested and put on trial for treason. MI6 only do as they are told by the politicians. It’s why the whole thing is fucked as the forces and spy agencies do what they are told to do. Hate the decision makers and not the doers.

I think Bond should have punched, shot, killed M.

I was bothered about the size of the ammunition holders in the DB5. I think they would unbalance the car a shit-load.

Spectre had a bomb waiting for all time at Vesper’s grave?? What?

This film seemed slightly too long, but I think that’s what the fans want. I am not a fan. I think I agree with Jase when he says he likes the really shitty Bond movies of the late 70s and early 80s when it was all so silly.

This is comms#1969 and so here are some things that happened in that year:

  • First flight of 747.
  • Concorde first flies.
  • The Harrier enters service with the RAF.
  • Humans land on the moon for the first time.
  • Probes are sent to Venus.
  • My Lai massacre.
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Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings

Well, I went to the cinema. It had been a while and I was starting to miss it. More importantly I was panicking because I thought I might miss Dune and the local cinema is showing it once a day, but it turns out they are only showing the David Lynch version so I haven’t missed the extravaganza. I went to see Ten Rings. On the way I noted that the tide was pretty low and discussed this with one of the children. I think they get mildly embarrassed or something when I explain what I’m doing noticing silly stuff.

After the film I tweeted my rating of the film, giving away what I thought of it. Although actually I think my position on the film is a little more nuanced.

I couldn’t leave the cinema as my children were with me, and if they weren’t I would probably have stuck it out. But, it wasn’t a good film. It was another Marvel film and mostly dull. We were the only people in the theatre and so spent our time checking out the view from different seats and generally having fun in the boring bits.

I will say this: this film is the biggest waste of Ben Fucking Kingsley I’ve ever seen. I hope he either fan-boy his way into the film or got fucktons of money.

Comms#1965, here’s what happened in that year:

  • The Gambia becomes independent from the UK.
  • 400+ killed in Chile after an earthquake causes dam failures.
  • What the fuck -the US launch a test nuclear reactor into low earth orbit.
  • 274 killed in a mining accident in India.
  • A 70mph speed limit is imposed on British roads.
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Free Guy

I took a trip to the cinema to celebrate the final day of freedom from work and I watched Free Guy. Before I let you know about this film there are certain aspects of the format that are required.

The tide as I drove into the cinema estate/area thing was very low. I could see the final edge of the mud banks and the boats moored close by were definitely below road level. I rated this film on IMDB and there’s a communication dealing with the rating system here. Now, I wasn’t sure how to rate this. I was border line between a 6 and an 8. This is the difference between me probably watching the film again and me not bothered about watching it again. I settled on a 6/10 for reasons given below but mostly because I’m in the middle on seeing this film again.

So, I really enjoyed this film. I laughed out loud and I loved all the contemporary references even though I didn’t recognise any of the YouTubers at least I was aware that popular Tubers exist. I will say that I think the trailer did a slight misjustice to the film and it didn’t pan out the way that I expected at all. I was expecting to be kind of bored but the film kept my attention and it worked. If you like computer games then I think you’ll love this film. I like computer games and I thought the film was really good.

Now for the – why is this a 6/10 and not 8 bit. As I left the cinema I wondered whether I would go and see this film again or download it to see if I can spot all the clever references that I know they put into it. My kids were trying to persuade me that it was worth an 8 and I would agree with them. I think the film is an 8/10 but the system I developed can’t be messed with and as I’m not that fussed about seeing the film again, it gets 6 stars from me.

This is communication number 1948 and so here are some things that happened in that year. I guess I should be planning what to do with communication number 2000 and also what do I do when I get past the current year IRL?

  • Railways are nationalized in the UK
  • The US Supreme Court rules that religious instruction in public schools violates the constitution. I want to point out that “In God We Trust” is nowhere to be seen yet.
  • The first motor race at Goodwood Circuit.
  • The Casimir effect is predicted.
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Reminiscence

Another day to fill and so I booked another trip to the cinema. What’s quite nice is that I book films without knowing a single thing about them. The previous film, The Night House, has been playing on my mind and I’m concerned for the main character. At the end of the film it was clearly implied that she was safe from the demon just because she didn’t kill herself, but if, as the film wants us to believe, a demon is after her then how can it be defeated? Oh, maybe it can’t affect her directly which was why it was using her husband to attempt to kill her? Nope, the film clearly shows the demon affecting her directly so it can’t be that. Maybe it’s because she didn’t kill herself and so the demon is giving up? Nope, can’t be that because that fucker had chased her from the shadows since her NDE following a car crash. This is the problem with supernatural horror films with demons and shit. You can’t make them internally consistent because it’s all bollocks. I’d still go for the mental breakdown version of this film, but then it has the neighbour seeing the “shadow” at the end of the film, so who knows what the intention was. Maybe a I care too much about this film? Maybe it deserves a higher rating? Nope, I’m not going to watch it again.

So, I drove to the cinema on this Sunday and actually got there before the showtime. This allowed me to take a photograph of the river. As you can see from the green plant layers on the nearest pillar that the tide is reasonably low [it was even lower when I Ieft the cinema]. Don’t look too closely at the nearest bridge otherwise you’ll see all the strengthening bolts and rods and start to get concerned about the integrity of the structure. A lot of bridges have this down this way and I think it’s because of the gradual increase in maximum limits of truck mass. I’ve written about the bridges before.

Three Bridges - River Medway
Three Bridges – River Medway

Sometimes after watching a film I have to think about the rating and what I consider to be “fair”, although this is cancelled out by the rating system that I created and you can read about here. This particular film soon dove down to a lowly rating while watching it. I’ll explain shortly. Here’s my rating, but Twitter based.

Oh, my god. This film was utter shit. I even think I might have been generous with a 4/10 rating. I hated it after about ten minutes and that hate did not dissipate as time went on. Even now, the day after, I feel angry at how bad this film was and I don’t have any connections to it.

Let me start off with a good thing. I quite liked the world that was drowned and how they played with Miami being under the sea. This was quite good. I don’t like the dams they created because they looked at though they were designed by a five year old and they wouldn’t work. I’m not sure the production designers had any concept of the depth pressure relationship and how much water actually weighs. I did wonder if I was meant to recognise the city from the skyline and before I knew it was Miami I had settled on Chicago but I was wrong in a big way. Oh, Miami and most of Florida is absolutely fucked when it comes to sea rises. As is New Orleans, another city featured in the film.

Another thing I quite liked about this film was that during a fight scene the camera stayed at a distance and actually followed the fight rather than get all “in the action” and blurry. The underwater scenes actually looked pretty too, but they suffered like all underwater scenes in movies that people can’t hold their breath for that long and the “action” is super slow.

Now it’s time for all the bad in this shit movie which I’m going to write as a stream of consciousness so watch out. None of the voice over was necessary. Why is he set up in a bank? How does the electricity still work? How did he get into the mansion at the end? Why is this such a tart with a heart film – it could have been better? How many times do I need to see the same scene? What the fuck was this film actually about? Who the fuck wrote this utter shit? How did it get 68 million dollars to be made? Why is more than 30 volts terrible? Why was the bad man facially scarred? Scarring is one of those things that is only on bad people in films, it’s terrible. Why is this film?

I absolutely hated this film, it was shit and I only stayed to see how they decided to resolve the film, which, much like the rest of it, was poor. Fuck this film, it’s a heap of shit.

This is communication number 1937 and so here, in keeping with recent tradition, is a list of some things that happened that year.

  • GM recognises a workers’ union.
  • Over 295 students and teachers are killed in an explosion in New London, Texas.
  • Police kill ten unarmed demonstrators in Chicago.
  • 724,000 people are killed in a Soviet “purge”.
  • The last Bali tiger dies.
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