Tag: film

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Tomb Raider

Having ranted and raged about the entitlement in the film Peter Rabbit you might be interested to know that I’m going to completely ignore the quantities of privilege in this film.

I went to the cinema. We know the drill. I write something about the tide without even knowing when that started, but knowing it was a coded reference to the time of day within a movie review because I went when I shouldn’t have. The tide was middling. For a while I was the only person in the cinema and that would have been nice for the whole film but people came in. I think my record for a film is me and one other person, two sad gits together, not that we were together but you understand.

My routine in the cinema is to normally stuff my face with either ice cream or hot dogs [don’t tell the vegetarian police] and then I read a book on my kindle-phone app while stuff non-feature-film occurs on screen. I don’t watch adverts and I watch each trailer once unless it’s an important film [Star Wars, Blade Runner] in which case I don’t watch. Some trailers I watch a little of before ignoring them because I know I won’t be going to see it [Mama Mia 2]. The book I am reading currently is

Dressing for Altitude, U.S. Aviation Pressure Suits-Wiley Post to Space Shuttle – By Dennis R. Jenkins

It’s a free e-book from Nasa and it is quite fascinating. It’s technical enough to challenge my understanding and written well enough to keep me interested. I have read a book on the X-15 program mostly while waiting for films to start and that one was brilliant. Quite technical writing has also helped when I’ve been broken and unable to think about things properly. Having decent technical challenging data and writing restores the balance of logic in my mind when it’s been screwed over. I do still intend to write about the two main times I’ve been quite mental but getting that stuff down in text is going to be hard.

So, the film, Tomb Raider. I rated it on IMDB and now is where I point you to the communication discussing the rating system and then I normally comment that the scoring system is broken and I may get around to addressing that at some point.

I enjoyed this film. I didn’t enjoy the two women behind me talking constantly through the film but I still enjoyed the film.

Let’s face facts: it’s a film based on a best selling game. Therefore we don’t expect it to be great. We expect it to be clichéd and full of stupid action. Guess what? It is. It was a perfect film covering a good game series. It was probably better than the Jolie version and that’s saying something as I can be a bit of a Jolie fan.

In all honesty, if you want a decent movie in this genre then you should watch Raiders Of The Lost Ark. It does all the things that this film does but far far better. But. Indiana Jones isn’t female.

A couple of minor points that struck me in this. When Lara is riding her bike around London, which is looking lovingly cosmopolitan and resplendent, her chain/gears creak. I’m not sure if this was designed so that we know she’s cycling, I mean she is peddling, but no decent biker would put up with that creaking. They would fix it.

The next point is people in these movies seem to get punctured in many un-sexy ways and yet they don’t bleed out or get infected. It’s almost like they are fixed within minutes and able to run around at 100%.

Finally, Hannah John-Kamen was in this movie for about 3 minutes and it was lovely to see her in something where she isn’t playing Dutch. I am currently watching Killjoys on Netflix and she stars in that show.

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Red Sparrow

I went to watch Red Sparrow at the cinema in Rochester. I definitely did check the state of the tide and it was neither fully in nor fully out. I have no idea which way it was travelling. I rate the films I see at the cinema on IMDB and there’s a guide to the scoring system in this communication.  With the current score I believe I am shifting the scores I give back to a proper system. I’ve been worried that my scores have been creeping.

So, clearly I didn’t like it. I am going to sneak over to some reputable websites and read a few reviews of this movie because I found it mostly poor. I’m probably going to end up with spoilers in the following text so you may want to not read on.

The premise that Russia is using sex and honey-traps to entice people into betraying their country isn’t new or exciting. In fact the whole “training” section of this movie had absolutely zero effect on the rest of the movie. You could remove that entire section and the movie would still make sense. This means it was pointless. It wasn’t even insightful. It encouraged spies to be rape and get raped. It was pretty shit. All it did was set up the idea that our heroine wouldn’t sleep with just anyone. Oh, that and allow a gratuitous nude shot of the lead.

I got about 75% through this movie and ended up confused about who was going where to do what and I stopped caring. It seemed remarkable that the Russian spy agency wasn’t watching their own spy as she travelled around screwing them over. She was a famous person being a spy. This is utter rubbish. We all know spies blend in. They don’t stand out.

Who can open a bank account in another person’s name with just their passport number? Really?

This movie contained violence, torture porn, blood, and overall was a bit shit. I don’t recommend it.

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Coco

This weekend I took at trip to the local cinema [possibly not the closest, will check . . . . . yep, second closest, about two miles further than the Odeon in Maidstone] to see Coco. Here’s a picture so I don’t have to write about the state of the tide:

A Cold Medway
A Cold Medway

Today the weather is back to boring grey. I preferred the white and cold. At least now I can turn the heating off for a while!

I rated the film on the IMDB website and there’s a guide to the rating system within this communication.

I have to say I thought the film was far better than the trailers had made it out to be. I was concerned it was going to be a religious load of rubbish but it turns out to be a lovely touching film about death. Seriously, that’s what it is about. It tells the story of how Mexico copes with death. It allows the world to picture that death is coming for us all and we only live on in the memories of those we leave behind. Coco tells us how fleeting this life is and how ultimately useless our lives are if we can’t get to be with those we love.

Along with looking just lovely, it’s Pixar, this film made me laugh and smile and want to cry. It was very good.

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Black Panther

Yesterday I went to the Cineworld cinema at Rochester to see Black Panther. I left work a little later than I had hoped and arrived at the cinema fifteen minutes after the show start, but I was still there easily in time for the start of the film. That did mean that I didn’t have too long to read my book, which is what I do while waiting for the adverts and trailers to pass. I am currently reading a NASA book about the development of pressure suits. It’s called Dressing For Altitude and is on this page. I will admit that I failed to notice the condition of the tide this trip.

For a long while now I have rated the films I see on the IMDB website and I did the same with this film. I didn’t rate it straight away as I wanted the film to settle in my head, so I scored it this morning. I believe I have to re-align my rating system as it is failing the purposes of use. I seem to give too many films a “6” and initially the system was designed to differentiate more than that. There’s an explanation of the scoring system in this communication.

I think it is quite clear to me now that I don’t really like Marvel movies. I go see them as they are a nice way to observe the passage of time but I don’t think they are very good. It is true they are sumptuous and sometimes well scripted but superhero movies leave me flat. I’m always willing to let movies have a get-out-of-reality free card for a couple of things as long as the rest of the universe it creates is consistent and this one managed that. But my overall thoughts are “meh”.

Some things about this film were important I guess in this canon. There were many strong black characters who were fighting against the injustice of treatment against black people around the world. There were many strong female characters who were intelligent and fought well. So, there are good aspects to this film. A part of me thinks that if we want suffrage and racial equality then a superhero film isn’t going to change society but maybe it’s a start. Maybe Hollywood has to start somewhere.

I’m not aware of the original stories and so the following comments may seem harsh and too reality based but they are valid.

Why didn’t the tribes all drink the special purple juice to all be super-powered and therefore subjugate the entire white world?

Why was it necessary to have black tribes fighting black tribes, showing a constant rift in the collective power of Wakanda. I wanted more. I wanted the tribes to unite and over-rule the whites.

Riches for countries come from trade and education [once we got past the enslaving black people and stealing their natural resources]. Not apparently so for Wakanda. They had a city and flying machines but no-one knows about them.

It was nice to actually see Andy Serkis.

What does vibranium do?

Does nobody else notice the blue glow on the inside of the lips?

This film reinforces that to be great you have to be physically strong and fight well. Such bullshit in this modern liberal world where we recognise talent and brains [that’s my own little bubble, there are many twats out there who still celebrate the ability to hit people].

There was a lot about this film that was inconsistent. But, it’s a comic conversion and I guess I’m thinking about it too much.

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The Shape Of The Water

I journeyed to see The Shape Of The Water, and while I usually comment on the state of the tide during these reviews I am afraid I cannot this time. I went to see this film in Boston. That’s the Boston in Lincolnshire which gave its name to Boston, Ma. There is always tide but all I could see in Boston was canals. As is also customary on this site I rated the film on IMDB and there’s a communication here about the scoring system. I do still think it’s time to update the rating system but that’ll happen when I get around to it.

So, I should probably say what I thought about this film. I really enjoyed it. The word that kept running through my head as I watched it was “sumptuous”. Everything about this film looked lovely. The re-creation of the 50s worked well along with the well designed flats where the main characters live above a cinema, which seems to be an ideal place to live.

The merman was brilliant and the scene where we meet him and see his eyes and lids was lovely. The whole structure of the research facility was brilliant if rather cliche. It seemed very comic-book. The love story was fine as a love story. This filmed had me smiling throughout, it was nicely put together.

One thing really annoyed me and that was that for some reason the merman had to wait until the rains had come and filled the canal before being released to the sea. This is rather strange. I’m sure he could have been released straight into the river the other side of the dock gates. The whole idea of canals is that they generally are full all the time. That’s why we build them.

The cinema I went to was quite a change from the multi-plexes that exist in the south east. This cinema was in the centre of a town and looked as though it had a long history. The screen was quite small but I’m not one to be bothered by size. Perhaps a good thing was the GBP7.45 for a ticket.

As another member of the audience left he walked past me and declared:

“What a load of bollocks”

I do not share that sentiment, but masterpiece this was not.

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Status Update

This early evening I took a trip out to Rochester Cineworld, next to the river Medway. I don’t have to remember the state of the tide, I’m not even sure when this thing started, because I took a photo.

Medway State Of Tide
Medway State Of Tide

You can clearly see the mudflats and so the tide was not fully in or high or whatever the term is.

After watching a film I normally rate it on the IMDB website and you can read how those ratings work in this communication.

I guess I ought to tell you what I thought! I did give ti a 4/10 which I think means, I stayed just to see how it ended.

This film is, meant to be, a warning about the dangers of social media and the fake or edited lives that you see on them. They didn’t go with a subtle metaphor they just hit you in the face with it. Also, NO ONE GETS HURT IN THE END.

So, answer me this, Batman. Why are pupils in USA schools always in their mid-twenties? The whole school. There were no young kids. None. Just a school for backward twenty somethings who are trying to hold on to their youth for as long as they can while slowly accepting the fate of being grown up.

This film was just cliche bullshit. The jock were bullies. The fat kid was lonely. The swanky new blonde haired kid from California ended up being the most popular kid in town. There were no ugly people.

The bullying was horrific and this film pretty much normalises it along with telling kids that it’s your fault for getting bullied. Don’t tell anyone, don’t get back just sit there and take it. Accept the humiliation. FUCK this film.

This film normalises the pretty girls liking the jocks. FUCK this film.

This film normalises the gay kid being the drama and singing student. FUCK this film.

This film normalises shitty dads being a waste of space. FUCK this film.

This film normalises fighting to solve a problem. FUCK this film.

This film normalises humiliating your friends and closest female friend but it’s OK because after you’ve done that they will come back to you and you get the girl. FUCK this film.

This film normalises chasing and chasing means you get the girl. FUCK this film.

This film normalises that being really popular, a great singer and excellent hockey player will get you laid. The lead character ends up with all he wanted after being a real cock. This film overwrote the pain and suffering with a shitty happy ending. This film says: it’ll all be ok if you hassle people. FUCK this film.

This film was an atrocious piece of white ass trash cinema that normalises all the crappy behaviour that we don’t accept and shouldn’t accept. This film is a sad excuse for being every little small town American cliche.

 

Wow.

Didn’t think this review would go that way. I got all annoyed there. This film is why people have self esteem issues. This film reinforces all of those stupid high school memes about being popular and getting loved. IT ENDS HAPPILY. WITH ALL PEOPLE LIKING EACH OTHER. Fuck it.

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The Post

Yesterday I went to the Rochester Cineworld cinema to watch The Post. Going to this cinema during popular times, Friday evenings and Saturdays, often means a struggle to get parked. There are plenty of spaces but I think some people can’t park straight or in the spaces and then it’s a ripple effect across the car park after that. It doesn’t help that the lines as guidance for parking are virtually indistinguishable from the rest of the surface. It’s best to arrive at the car park just as one film finishes then you get an outpouring of cars and hence spaces.

I went to watch The Post. After the film I rated this movie on IMDB and perhap, you could have a look at the scoring system communication. The application then tweets my result:

This film touches on so many issues that I hope to do it justice. Firstly, this film covers the release of secret documents from the DoD about the Vietnam war and the subsequent publication of them in newspapers followed by the government attempting to silence the newspapers. The newspapers were publishing the papers because they clearly showed that the government was lying to the public about many issues.

As the film is based around the Washington Post there is a small disgruntled group out there that think it trivialises the publication by the New York Times, but that is not the impression I got. It is clear in the film that The Times was publishing before the Post and that they had worked on it for much longer. This story is about power, women, suppression, and integrity.

The duty of the press to report the Truth outweighs their duty to friendships or the state. This film deals with the friendships of the owner of the Post and its editor. They know the main politicians within the plot and there’s the deliberation of them over-coming the friendships to print the story that needs to be in the public domain. This is a struggle but the message is clearly that politicians have always, and still do, cosy up to press barons to ensure a more biased hearing in the print. It happens today. The press seniors want to feel close to the powerful but they get drawn to the dark side.

There are a few scenes where we see Meryl Streep acting the part of a woman in business in the early 70s. She struggles against the object sexism in the boardroom. She is bullied by men who teat her as a lower form of life and force their own greedy ideas on to her. We learn that business is not what she wanted to do but it was forced upon her. Her performance was brilliant, I felt for this woman of the establishment, even though she was part of the establishment.

Watching the scenes where the paper is going to press and seeing the machines used to make newspapers was fascinating. I doubt very much it is done like that now and I’d be impressed to know where they found the machines for this film. I suspect some of the shots were CGI from previous “how it works” films. I love the complexity that humans can create to serve a good purpose.

This film was the story of an over-powered president of the USA bullying and shouting down the newspapers because he didn’t like the truth that they were printing. This was 1971. He hoped to shut down the press using the courts. It turns out that what the newspapers printed didn’t harm the soldiers fighting in Vietnam or damage the reputation of the USA anymore than trying to win that stupid war. The current situation is strange I think. The president in the White House is an over-powered racist with no political knowledge who is trying to shout down the truth the newspapers are trying to print because he wants to be loved and popular and “the best”. The methods have changed, he uses social media to get his ideas out there, but it is the same thing. Except, over the last year there have been SO MANY lies that I doubt the press can keep up and hold the executive in check. Many in the US population don’t care and aren’t bothered but reporting the truth is important. I hope the press continues to do so.

So, we have a film portraying a newspaper informing the public about the lying in the White House and exploring themes of sexism and oppression. Just like the current situation. It is a timely film for Hollywood to make and important to have its place in history. The entertainment world, which is largely not-republican, is fighting back. Notice who gets the awards and for what reason. Hollywood is using its position to push ideas through to the public, to help them see the chaos their country has become.

I gave this film a 10. Which is slightly surprising. I probably won’t watch this film again, but I am likely to follow it with All The President’s Men sometime soon. I gave this film a 10 because I am angry. I am angry at what I see this country, the UK becoming. I am angry at the utter incompetence of the political leaders in this land. The shit and shock of Brexit and the hatred that is being fuelled by social media and some elements of the press. I am angry at the self-destruction. Part of me, every now and then, stands back and says “go fuck yourself UK, you brought this on yourselves. I’ll keep my head down in my own little world and hope I can manage the next 30 years as this fucking stupid shit-show plays out”. I really wish I could pull away and be less caring about society and this country but it turns out I used to like this place. I used to enjoy the fact I could be me in a liberal, progressive country. I think I used to like this place. I liked the freedom to moan about the country without fear of reproach. I liked the freedom to not stand for the anthem. I look around and see a sad little island self-harming in the dark corner afraid to seek help or change its behaviour. My anger meant I want all people to see this film. To see how politicians use the press. To see the self-righteousness of those in power and how fragile they are. Look, I’m just angry at the “system”, the self-serving politicians and how they are destroying this country.

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Darkest Hour

This review is terribly late! I’ve been a little busy trying to watch the National Football League and my team are out. I feel sad. Except that it all starts again in September. On Saturday I went to the Cineworld Cinema at Rochester. I honestly forgot to pay any attention to the state of the estuary as I approached so the tide status will have to be forgiven this time. I was running slightly late and so was more worried about parking than where the saline stuff was. It’s always so busy in the evening at the cinema and the only way to get a parking spot is to arrive just after a film has finished. Mind you, it would help if people could park properly and keep within the guidelines on the ground.

I went to see Darkest Hour and I rated the experience on IMDB following the scheme described in this communication, although I need to update the rules and regs. I then tweeted my rating.

Well, it is safe to say I really enjoyed this film. The acting seemed impressive and while I am unaware of the historicity of it all it was a very good show. Gary Oldman was recognisable at times but you just believed it was Churchill. The relationship with Clemmy was brilliant and showed a tenderness.

Of all of the film I am unsure if Churchill did ride the tube one stop to Westminster but it was good for the story anyway.

An impressive film.

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Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Last night I went to an “Unlimited Screening”. I’m not really sure what that means but I was glad of the opportunist to see this film. As I drove along the riverside road I could see birds standing in groups out on the mud flats. The tide was not in.

Mudflats
Mudflats

So, I went to see Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri. [pause while I look up US states because I only know those on the coast]. I rated this film on IMDB and you should read this communication about the scoring system [although I think it needs updating, the system is slowly failing].

This film shows what can be done in the cinema. We arrive part way through longer story arcs and leave before the finish. The characterisation and humanity in this film is created through dialogue and situations. This film is how it should be done. It shows just how simple and obvious many other films are. It shows how to do “people”.

The story is touching, sad and just works well. The acting is brilliant. The photography is perfect. It all works. This is a film people should see because it exposes the shitness of all the other stuff you watch.

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Paddington 2

The other day I took a trip to Rochester cinema along the esplanade. For some reason these communications now have references to the state of the tide as I visited. I’m not sure when this started but I do know it was used as a coded reference to the time of day I went. So, if you can find my first reference to the tide then you can work out what time I went to see that particular film. Instead of telling you I can show you what the tide was like:

Medway Tide
Medway Tide

Normally all the green in the foreground is covered with water at high tide. Maybe next time I’ll get a shot of the mud flats?

Anyway, I went to see Paddington 2. I haven’t seen the first one, maybe I should watch that now? But I can say I enjoyed this film. Here’s my scoring tweet:

So, I really enjoyed this film. This and Jumanji have helped me get over the December slump and the mess that was Star Wars. Paddington 2 was a delightful little film full of the great and good of British film and television. It was, essentially, a very clever little film using all the techniques and plots from cinema over time. It was a detective story, a story about adoption and family, a story about identity and immigration, a prison break, a musical, a cop caper, and also a train race with a circus and treasure.

The humour in this film was carefully used and suitable for all ages. Overall this was a great little film and deserves to do well.

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