Tag: film

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Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

I took a trip last night to see Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle last night. I had flip-flopped about going for a good hour or so earlier in the day but decided to get out and stop playing Gran Turismo. I pay money to get to the cinema and so I should go, even if there aren’t really any films I’m that bothered about, December was a bleak month for films on my list.

I don’t recall what the tide was like but I have sought out that information online and let me tell you, the sine curve is lovely.

Rochester Tide
Rochester Tide

I know this doesn’t show the actual day I went to the cinema but just work backwards. I think it only changes by about an hour per day.

HW Times
HW Times

So, on to the film. As is custom within these pages I rated the film on IMDB. See this communication for an explanation of the rating system.

So, I really enjoyed this film. It was enjoyable, funny and well written. It was a little one-dimensional and obvious, but really it’s a kids film so I can let that pass. I do like the fact that the kids in the original film had the surname “Parrish”. They even get a shout-out in this film.

There were a few times when I thought the action was a little over-the-top, but then I realised this is based on a computer game and those things are what you would do in a game. I mean, flying a helicopter forwards at 90 degrees of roll!

I’m happy to say that I really enjoyed this film.

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Star Wars – The Last Jedi

YOU ARE WARNED: There may be spoilers ahead. I don’t know yet. I haven’t written this article!

A few days ago I went to the Rochester Cineworld Cinema by the river Medway to see the latest Star Wars film and I have waited a few days before writing this as it could have been a very negative review and I didn’t want to put my dear readers off the film [unlikely].

I’m not sure about the state of the tide this time as it was dark and I didn’t pay attention as I drove along the esplanade. I have rated this film on the IMDB website and I think it gained two stars from my immediate reaction as I left the theatre. Read this communication to get an idea of scale.

And, on to the important bit:

I walked out of this movie really pissed off with it. In the initial battle [YOU WERE WARNED] why did Dameron continue to attack the Dreadnought? He is fucking stupid and shouldn’t be a leader of troops. Why do space ships have to attack in a straight line? Why didn’t the Star Destroyers just shoot the Rebel ship? Surely you disable the enemy’s escape plan first then finish them on the surface? Why do the bombers drop bombs as if there is gravity? I have so many more questions about the military tactics of the film. It was all very much lambs to the slaughter. If I rated the film when leaving the cinema I would have given it a 4! Hence I wrote this communication.

A day later I spoke to a friend about the film. He said it was pretty good fun. I wasn’t sure I agreed. We ranted about all the stupid plot elements and how much of it didn’t make sense. It took a good 40 minutes of us ranting to iron out the problems with this film. That’s not a good sign. I don’t have the time or inclination to write it all here. Clearly my problems with the opening sequence are pretty bad and I’ve not even put them all down!But, here’s the thing:

IT’S JUST A STAR WARS FILM

It’s not meant to be brilliant. It’s meant to make money. I let go of Star Wars a few years after episodes 1-3 were released because I just couldn’t stand the constant disappointment. I haven’t learnt really either!

So, here’s the best bit:

IT’S STILL MUCH MUCH AND MORE LOADS BETTER THAN EPISODES I, II, and III

I have, over the last week, relaxed in my view of this film. Yes, there was loads of bullshit and plots that were shit. The humour was OK and I quite enjoyed that. I even quite liked the porgs. So, I have rated this film an 8. I will watch it again and try to be less bothered by plot and serious things and just try to enjoy the cinematic experience.

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Rare Event

Last night I went to see Blade Runner 2049 again. I’m not sure the of the last time I went to see a film twice at the cinema. I definitely saw True Lies twice and there are some others I have seen deliberately twice, normally with friends. I think I watched Star Wars 3.5 and it was better on the second viewing.

If I could rate this film again I would still give it 10/10 I love it.

The pace, the cinematography, the look and feel of this movie are all brilliant. It makes such a change to have a lovely, gorgeous pretty film that works at a sensible pace. I know there’s CGI but plenty of it just fits. I loved the whole thing and I look forward to sitting with my family in the future and watching this.

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The Lego Ninjago Movie

I went to Rochester Cineworld to see the latest Lego movie. I’ve seen a few of them before. I reviewed the Batman one in this communication. The tide was quite low and the mudflats were exposed. I wondered about dredging for a while and whether there is a natural deepwater channel in the centre of the Medway. I rated this film on IMDB and the discussion about the ratings system is in this communication although I may have to change the system.

I just didn’t really think this film was very good. It suffered with quite a bit of “too much in it” which I first noticed with the Transformers movie where the CGI is so fast and too much it’s hard to really see what’s happening on the screen. This problem could also be a side effect of me getting old, hence I loved Blade Runner because of its lingering shots.

The plot of this film was rudimentary and certainly wasn’t anything new. Largely it bored me. While I understand the Lego are on a massive expansion programme with loads of new sets being created and sales increasing I think that sometimes it’s OK for a company to say “You know what? We are doing OK. There’s no need for massive expansion, we can concentrate on doing what we do and do it well”.

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Blade Runner 2049

Last night after work was complete I headed to Rochester Cineworld cinema with trepidation. I note that the tide was high as I drove along Chariot Way. I had booked in to see Blade Runner 2049. I knew it was a long film and I knew that a friend had seen it and loved it. Would I agree? I needed some food and now because of this I chose nachos. Blade Runner was such a gorgeous beautiful film of my teenage years and holds so much sway with my heart that this film could ruin it. I was nervous.

As is usual I rated the film on the IMDB database and tweeted the result.

I loved this film. It actually worked very well with the original film. If you aren’t sure what sequels can do for a franchise then just understand that I care not for Star Wars after episodes 1-3 and 7. I forced myself to stop being bothered by them.

There’s a lot I could write but in essence I don’t want to spoil this film for anyone. Let me just say that the look, feel, sound, atmosphere and smell of this film is similar to the first. It is a gorgeous piece of film. It all works. The length of the film is entirely justified. I loved it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t know how Jo got from San Diego back to his apartment.
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Kingsman: The Golden Circle

I spent a lovely Saturday afternoon on a slightly wobbly chair in Rochester cinema watching the latest Kingsman movie: The Golden Circle. The tide was about halfway. I’m not sure if it was coming in or leaving. This morning on my run it looked as though it was coming in. Have just used the UK Hyographic Office Tide Predictor.

Rochester Tide
Rochester Tide

That picture shows how little I know or perhaps I just can’t remember a lot about the state of the river when I see it! I’m not really sure when this whole tide-cinema thing started. I know I was attempting to indicate the time of day that I went to the cinema but I can’t remember why I wanted to be so obscure.

I also rated this film on IMDB, please read this communication about the ratings system. I then “share” my scoring with twitter and those who follow me there:

I should probably explain what I liked about the movie. Well, it’s a good action comedy romp around the world. I laughed and found the whole film an enjoyable experience. There’s a lot of blood and gory ways to die. But then there are great actors who all look like they are enjoying themselves.

I actually wrote some notes down at the end of the film as I was sure I’d forget some things. I usually try and hold on to my snarky comments as I drive home ready to type this, but there were some nice touches through the film that made me smile.

  • I liked the dogs’ eyes and how they looked modelled on Cylons and KITT.
  • Elton John was actually pretty awesome.
  • The graphic matches from scene to scene were lovely.
  • Above the Kingsman shop there was a Blue Plaque to a physicist.
  • Jeff Bridges’ character isms when smelling or tasting the whiskey were really funny while subtle.

Tomorrow I am heading into town and if I have time, I’m off to see the blue plaque.

Richard Bright blue plaque.jpg
By Gareth E Kegg – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, Link

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Mother!

I went to see Mother! to try and make up for the mistake that was American Assassin. The tide was in and the river was quite still. In fact it has been a calm day here altogether in this part of Kent. As is usual I rated this film on IMDB and you can read a description of the rating system in this communication.

So, this could be controversial. . . .

I did not enjoy this film. I watched it to the end just to see what happened and hopefully answer some questions like WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON?

A more accurate title would be “Following Jennifer Lawrence around a house for two hours”.

 

 

In the past, when I have encountered a film I hated or didn’t get I have read through reviews and explanations before writing this. Not this time. I will go and look after this is published.

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American Assassin

So, I went to the cinema to watch American Assassin. It was that or Mother and I plumped for stupid action. I rated this film on IMDB, as usual, and there’s a communication that deals with my rating system here.

This movie was a piece of fucking shit american macho bullshit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love the way all physicists can put a nuke together and that Turkish bad people drive landrovers. It was shit.

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It

This morning [just, it was an 11:50 showing] I went to the Rochester Cineworld Cinema down by the Medway’s edge. Earlier in the day I had run along a stretch of the tidal Medway and also the non-tidal part above Allington lock and then later I found myself parking alongside the river but on the western bank.

I went to see It and after the film I rated it on IMDB, you should see this communication as it deals with the ratings system.

Before the film started there were trailers for a weather disaster film called Geostorm. This looked absolutely terrible. The timing of the trailer with its gratuitous floods and storms was pretty poor given Harvey and Irma this month. Another trailer for a horror film was called Jigsaw and I couldn’t give less of a shit for watching it. I’m not a horror movie fan. Mostly because they don’t scare me, I just think they are stupid. Then there’s a film trailer with an interesting guilt start which I thought should be called “We should have gone to Vegas” but was really called The Ritual. That looked hilarious too. AND there was a trailer for a modern Flatliners!!!!!! Along with The Lost Boys, Flatliners is one of the seminal films of my teenage years, it scared me senseless! The new film looks just ok.

IT

I’ve read the book a long time ago. I’m not sure I could tell you a great deal about it. Certain things stick in the memory but who knows? I also watched the original TV series with Tim Curry as Pennywise and remember it being good. I remember the adult characters but not a lot else.

This film turned out to be chapter one. You can’t do a Stephen King film in two hours. Especially It. Mazza and I once watched all of The Stand on video back in 1994/5 and that was a whole evening job, six hours I think. Good but long.

I recall the book being about the adults remembering the summer previously but I could be wrong about that. The overall set up was good. The film was good. Jump scares are boring. For a truly terrifying experience there needs to be a film with little incidental music. As it was so long ago that I read this story I don’t know how faithful it was to the book. It served memory well. Apart from the child orgy.

In the book there is def a thing where Beverly Marsh has sex with all the survivors of the experience. I think it happens in the barrens. It’s written in a very sensible way. This film version avoided that. Maybe the 1990 version did too!

I would be tempted, if I had the time, to go back and read the book or watch the last version of the film. The book is significantly more detailed. But then it would be.

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Cars 3

I went to see if Pixar had restored their story abilities yesterday by going to see Cars 3 at Rochester cinema. The tide was in and the mud flats were hidden from view. I was really disappointed with Cars 2, while it was a fun film it was a shockingly poor sequel to Cars. So, could they do it properly this time?

I was borderline between giving this film a four or a six, see my ratings explanation communication. You see, this film was pretty predictable. It was the same as the first film. I guess that’s the best way to make a sequel, you can just look at The Force Awakens. This film was OK in terms of plot. It seemed a little obvious towards the end, but it worked. I was surprised they bought the voice of Doc Hudson back, but they needed it for the film – just had a quick look and all the quotes were from the first film, so they didn’t need to resurrect Paul Newman.

I liked the idea that Hamilton was played by Lewis Hamilton. There were many other stars of the road included but when you remember this is based on NASCAR you’ll understand why I have no idea who they were.

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