penguin – Fooyah – Ian Parish

June 25 2026

Scary Movie

This trip to Strood was more to get out of the heat and to be somewhere environmentally comfortable than to actually watch a movie. Also, I have just finished some extra-curricula work marking mathematics exams for an exam board and this was my first evening of freedom for a while so it needed to be noted in some way. I noticed that the tide was middling on my way to the cinema. I parked in the shade but neglected to take account of the lack of hills in the distance so, although I was aware the sun would move, the car was in the direct sunlight when I left to drive home! It was around 34C in the outside air but because the cinema can be a bit chilly sometimes I did carry a fleece with me to the showing, just in case my legs got cold.

The custom since around 2013 is that I rate each film I’ve watched on IMDb and there’s a system to it to try and make my ratings consistent with something. You should read about that system within this communication. I ended up giving this film 6/10. In the past I would have tweeted my result, but I left twitter when it started to become a cesspool and I’m glad I did. So, no embedded tweets within these pages anymore.

The film itself was childish, stupid and very much in a category of “american stupid humour”, a categorisation that I use for this genre. The forth wall was broken within a minute and without it’s self-referential themes this film would be nothing. I kinda enjoyed it and it made me chuckle a few times. There was a lot going on visually as well as within the script and it kept me busy looking around for the jokes.

The n-word is used a lot in this film but in appropriately suitable contexts and never in hate, even so it still made me feel slightly uncomfortable – I think that’s probably some type of white-guilt that I feel. There were many jokes about a gay character and they were funny but I wasn’t sure if they amount to homophobia. The character isn’t aware that he is gay, but it’s obvious. There wasn’t any hate towards that character I think the jokes were more playing on his saying inappropriate things at the wrong time. Part way through the film I found myself checking the jokes and then decided whether I should find them funny. It removed me from the film a little bit.

One of the characters is a less-mentally-developed person and, again, there were jokes around that. But, I don’t think any of them were aimed at the disability. The stereotype was harsh, as all stereotypes are, but again, this removed me from the movie and made me consider the ethics of what was happening on the screen. As it happens this character had some of the best and most pertinent lines in the movie, pointing out the stupidity of the current government of the USA.

The film was full of references to popular culture and I’m sure I didn’t spot all of those. There were jokes about the state of social discourse in the USA along with sketches that highlight the inerrant racism in the american culture and government agencies. Overall I enjoyed the movie and the way it took the piss out of the USA. It certainly has made me think about what is appropriate to be shown on the big screen.

There was a trailer for the last Jackass movie and I think I will go and see that. I tried showing my kids some scenes from the film and they just didn’t find people deliberately getting hurt that funny. I was crying! maybe it’s because of the era in which I grew up.

June 15 2026

Disclosure Day

I went to the Medway Towns to watch this film, the trailers had made it look pretty good. On the way to the cinema I found Temple Manor, again, a very old building in the middle of an industrial estate and open at “various times” but not the day I visited. I think I’ll have to keep my eyes open to head over on a day it is open. The tide was waning and about two thirds height upon entry to the cinema. After watching this film I rated it on IMDb and there is a guide on this communication to explain the scoring system. I rated this film 4/10.

I wonder if I have a psychological limit for the length of films? I know I was watching this one and at some point, I didn’t look up how long into the film, I thought “can’t this be over already”. Maybe it is a length of film thing or maybe that was a measure of what I thought about this particular film? This is a well-made film. All the components are there. For some reason I just wasn’t grabbed and carried along. Maybe it was too long, maybe the film itself couldn’t hold me enraptured, but the film is just a bit “meh”?

The background of this film was one of impending world war. This was subtle until it wasn’t. It played out in a couple of scenes but it wasn’t there for others. It was inconsistent. The idea that the world would be convinced by some video appearing on a news show is somewhat childish. I look at online sources these days and part of me wonders how much of the footage or photographs is just wrong. There are some good news sources at the moment, places we can trust, but there’s so much out there that is incorrectly labelled or blatant lies that I don’t think people would be convinced. Then again, the lies do convince a lot of people. Perhaps I’m wrong about this.

The action scenes in this film were suitably actiony. But at the same time they felt somewhat overused and tired. Oooh, maybe that’s how I’m feeling at the moment. I’ve seen too much of the world and now nothing really surprises me anymore? Films need to be clever to make me feel good about them? I don’t think it’s that. I watched The Godfather recently for the first time and that held my attention and I really enjoyed it. It is also a rather long film. So maybe the fault is modern cinema?

I left this film feeling underwhelmed. I pretty much shrugged it off. It was remarkably “meh”.

June 9 2026

Does The Uniform Mean He Deserved It?

May 31 2026

Waterway Protections

For quite a while I had been interested in visiting Tilbury Fort, it’s got a gorgeous footprint and is close enough that it should be on the list of things to do. As the crow flies it’s not that far away, the problem is the River Thames is in the way and that means using the Dartford Crossing. This is a road route that is permanently congested, the queues are normally a few miles long and I don’t think I’ve ever really figured out why. The government are going to try and fix this by digging a new tunnel under the river further out from London, this is called the Lower Thames Crossing and I think it’s one of the largest infrastructure projects in Europe.

So, I went to the Fort and it was lovely. The weather was pretty good, warm but not overly sunny. I wandered around the buildings and looked at the views. There’s something quite fascinating about waterways. There were a number of ships nearby because Tilbury is a freight port. I do like the humming throbbing sound of engines that rumbles through the air and ground. I find it therapeutic.

While wandering Tilbury Fort I found out about another fort not too far away and so I decided I would head there after this place. Tilbury Fort was very interesting. It was used as a defence of the river along with another fort on the south bank of the river that could cover the entire waterway. The fort is no longer used as a garrison and some buildings had to be demolished because of bomb damage from the second world war but the gunpowder magazines still exist.

The magazines were very interesting as there has to be protections from sparks so everything inside was made from wood and rope. There was no ironworks around because of the risks of explosions. The doors were made from copper and workers in these places were not allowed to wear “outdoor” clothes. There were special clothes and footwear at the entrances to these places to reduce the risk of sparks. There were even separate tunnels for lights. These would be where candles and flames could be safely transported and then placed behind glass so they were insulated from the actual magazine. Very interesting.

Shortly after that I drove through some very interesting roads to get to Coalhouse Fort. This was also set up to defend London from attack by the river and it was another very interesting building. Some of the outhouses were used to check the degaussing of warships during the second world war. Ships were degaussed at Tilbury Docks but then checked as they headed out to sea using under river electrical tests. If they failed these then the ships were sent back.

While I was at Tilbury Fort I could hear what seemed like cars racing constantly. Initially I thought this was because “Essex” but it was so constant it couldn’t be racers rushing around the streets of Grays. Also, at times it sounded as though it was coming from over the river in Kent but because of the consistency of the noise I knew it couldn’t be boy racers. While driving to Coalhouse Fort I passed the construction sites for the Lower Thames Crossing and I’m pretty sure the engine noise I could hear was coming from there. The new tunnel will enter somewhere near Thong in Kent and appear between the two forts I visited. Maybe that will stop the eternal congestion? Personally I don’t think we should be building new roadway infrastructure because it will only encourage more traffic. What we need is massive investment in public transport so that people start ditching cars, but that’s just me – wanting to solve all the worlds’ problems.

May 30 2026

Backrooms

I nearly wanted to cancel this trip to the cinema. I was happy enough at home, wanting to play a PS5 game, and thought “I’m not interested enough in this film”. I’d booked the tickets ass something to do but I had already had adventures outside earlier in the day. At the moment I decided to cancel it was ninety minutes before the showing and it turns out cancelling is ok more than two hours before the showing so the only way to not go was to not go. I would have felt bad doing that so I went. The tide was very low as I drove along the esplanade. On the way home after the movie the tide was still low so I wonder if it was a special low tide? Ah, now it’s nearly full moon and so I think that means the tides are greater than normal, something I’ll look into.

After watching this film I rated it on IMDb. There is a system to the rating system and I explained that many years ago within this communication. I gave this film 4/10. But, the film was getting quite rave reviews, so I read a bit about it afterwards. I don’t think this changed my enjoyment of the film. To be honest I just don’t really care for horror films. Also, it turns out this film was made by some YouTuber person and that makes this the second film by an YouTuber I’ve seen recently, the other one was also a stupid horror type movie. The thing about horror movies is they portray events that can’t happen. There’s always some jump in the narrative that means supernatural stuff exists and that’s pure bullshit. Thinking about it now it’s curious that I love science fiction even though a lot of that can’t happen. I will spend some time thinking about this to create a position.

The theatre was quite full and that was nice although it was also irritating as there was more noise and movement than normal. I think I prefer the quieter screenings. Also, the audience skewed young but maybe that’s the YouTube thing happening. Maybe I’m the strange one for being this old and watching these films. Backrooms was the only film of vague interest I could even be bothered to watch – although I couldn’t really. Let’s cover the film:

Two losers get lost in a surreal world. This would have been interesting if it turned out to be quite mundane but I think the ending implication was that this world was some supernatural existence that was being investigated by a “dodgy” local company. There was quite a lot that wasn’t explained which I guess is to be expected with horror films and if there was an explanation then it wouldn’t be as scary. I don’t know why the extra-dimensional building needed to be “scary”. I think you could create an unsettling world without the chase and violence aspects of this film. Maybe I’m just old and grumpy, I don’t know. Right, the film wasn’t interesting, I didn’t care for either of the characters and some aspects seemed quite laboured. Film review done.

I was quite interested in the behaviour of some people in front of me. They were young. I’m not sure they were watching the film they seemed more interested in doing whatever else. One of this group of four was recording quite a lot of the film. This person was using their phone and sending lots of messages while also using an old style digital camera to film some parts of the film. I don’t think they were going to pirate the video because they couldn’t hold their camera still and it was only facing the screen most of the time, not all of it. I couldn’t figure out what this person was doing. While curious I was also aware that I’m an old fart and any intervention or questioning by me would be seen as a grumpy man interfering rather than the genuine curiosity I had. I found it strange behaviour worth of a film itself.

May 29 2026

Star Wars Jedi: Survivor

I’ve recently been getting into story based games on the PlayStation. So far I have played Horizon Zero Dawn and Hogwarts Legacy. I can only really play these during breaks from work because I find them so addictive and I love the exploring element. Sometimes the cut scenes are too long and I don’t care enough. I have a certain amount of time and I want to enjoy that doing things I like to the fullest – not watching some character building back story. Anyway, this game is fun and I thought I’d share a couple of screen shots I took.

Playing these sorts of games is like watching a film but being far more involved. They are growing on me.

May 27 2026

Star Wars: The Mandalorian And Grogu

I went to Rochester Cineworld Cinema to watch the latest Disney output concerning the Star Wars saga. At this moment I have to say I’m more influenced by a film I watched a few days ago on Prime called The Apple. A podcast I listen to “reviewed” this film and I decided to watch it before listening to the review. It was a glorious film, so delightful and wonderful, I even tolerated the fact that it’s a musical. On the way to the cinema the tide was low, also the mud looked strangely smooth and I wonder if that’s the result of it being so darn hot this week. It was 34C yesterday in these parts of the land. After watching a film at the cinema I rate it using a scale I devised when I started this website. I rated this film 8/10. I’ve stopped adding a picture to these communications as I actually couldn’t be bothered. There was a time when I was on Twitter and all the film scores were shared on Twitter and then embedded, but I left that cesspit.

I really enjoyed this film. It was good because it didn’t have much of the “force” bullshit in it. For similar stories see Rogue One which is probably the best Star Wars film and that doesn’t have any “force” stuff. This latest story was just good fun, rather derivative really, but it all worked. I do have some thoughts but I didn’t really think about writing this review when in the theatre so that’s a sign that the film was actually quite good.

On a grander social scale it amuses me that “seedy” entertainment and a sign of illegal happenings is the classic fight pit. In this film some dude runs a fight pit. I reckon people look on this as a barbaric form of entertainment and we tend to assume that it’s a form from Earth’s past, the Romans etc. It’s literally happening this week in front of the White House. Ahhh, so maybe it is a good predictor of illegal behaviour. When fighting other species why do humans always try to hit the head? When fighting drones and robots why do humans always hit the head? I think science fiction would be troubled if we ever met a species that doesn’t have its sensory and thinking equipment in the head. Why would a fighting robot have the processors in the head? You’d put them deep somewhere safe.

Overall I really enjoyed this film. It’s worth the watch.

May 25 2026May 25 2026

Chez Kane – The Underworld

It was one of the hottest days of the year (so far) when I took the train to Camden Town. I had options for travel and I could have tried a newer method into the big smoke parking at Greenwich North and then tubing it for the peninsula. On the day, though, I decided to stick to super fast travel from slightly closer to home and I used the Javelin train from Ebbsfleet. My thought process was mainly that the train was more likely to have air conditioning than the tube line and I could also walk from St Pancras to Camden and enjoy the sights and sounds of the city.

I was attending this gig because Dave, the photographer, had mentioned it. After a short perusal of videos on YouTube I decided it might be a laugh and Smith came along too. The Underworld itself was lovely and cool very much unlike when we saw Combichrist there a few years ago. The crowd was definitely older than most other gigs I have been to recently but that matched the music style really – 80 cock rock.

First band on were a local band made from regulars to the Underworld. Steff Voxx played pretty decent heavy rock. They seemed to be enjoying themselves and they played well together, just what you would expect with a bunch of seasoned rockers like that.

Star Circus were the second band on and they played a solid set. Pretty much all of the music would be described as “rock”. There wasn’t really much metal but I enjoyed their set. Also, the singer/guitarist was a lefty and I have to appreciate that. The bassist is the latest in a long line of female bassists I admire.

Headliners were Chez Kane. That is the name of the singer and the rest were “her band”. If you look at the picture and feel you’ve been transported forty years into the past then don’t worry. It really was like that. The songs had a warm 80s feel to them and Chez explained that she was deliberately keeping that sound going, the songs of the 80s inspired her and she loved it. I can’t argue with that. The whole evening was nicely enjoyable. I went home with songs by Kenny Logins and Vixen running through my head.

May 19 2026

Top Gun

So . . . . I went to the cinema. The local theatre seems to be showing a lot of old films as a tribute to those films, I don’t know if that’s a countrywide thing but I guess it makes sense and gets bums on seats. I recently went to see Highlander and although it was a terrible film it was also amazing. So, it’s forty years since Top Gun was released and the cinema had a showing. They also had a double bill of the two films but I didn’t want to spend that long at the cinema. I decided to miss the last half hour of the Nürburgring 24 hour race and I drove to the cinema.

Upon driving along the wharf I could see that the tide was lovely and high. The waves were lapping at the sea wall, the tips of greenery poked through the surface and the shopping trolley embedded in the mud was hidden. Everything looked good for the world. I did rate the film on IMDb as those are the rules but because this is a film I have owned in multiple formats I had to give it 10/10.

I have written before about how bad this film is. The first 4’06” are pure genius and cinematic glory. It was enjoyable to see this film on the big screen. The flying scenes sure look amazing and the F14 is a stunning aircraft. I will give a big shoutout to the F5 though as, while the F14 looks aggressive as hell, the F5 is sleek and pretty. In the film they pretend to be Mig-28s. If you ever want to know what plane is in a film then it’s always worth looking at the Internet Movie Plane Database. Also, whenever I see an aircraft I search its registration just to get an idea of where it’s been hired from.

So much of this film shows emotionally stunted men trying to grapple with life and flying. The amount of “macho” is pathetic. We have a bunch of people who are really unsure about their masculinity and so have to act as hard as possible. It is trite. The romantic interactions are so poorly written it borderlines on abuse. I know this was the 1980s but please, let’s try and create realistic characters.

The story is pretty bad.

But, there are aircraft and that’s lovely.

May 17 2026

The Christophers

I popped to the cinema yesterday to watch The Christophers. I had zero clue of what the film would be about. The tide was pretty low on the way in to the cinema but it turns out it was even lower when I got out of the building so maybe my tide-judgement is slightly flawed. After watching the film I rated it on IMDb and I gave it 6/10. I’m not going to post a picture of the rating, what’s the point? It’s just a thing that shows the score I’ve just told you.

This film was a delight. I really enjoyed it. The story was compelling, the acting was fabulous and overall it was just lovely. Well worth a watch. The only thing I didn’t like was James Cordon turning up a few minutes into the movie and I was startled. Overall an amazing film.