Bring The Noise

The latest fashion for drinking water from a bottle with a “sports top” has caused an epidemic of slurp sounds as people release the bottle from thier lips and air rushes into the bottle.

As an aside, I would have to say that the bottled water industry is an utter con. In the UK practically all tap water is potable. It is such a waste of resources and CO2 that water is put into plastic or glass bottles and then moved around the country by truck to be sold in shops as an alternative to the (often purer) water that is supplied into every home by the kitchen tap. Bottled water should be taxed greatly to compensate for the waste. The marketers of bottled water have done a marvellous job and the environment is going to suffer. I can’t think of a single argument for selling bottled water in the UK.

So, the prefered delivery recepticle for bottles of water at the moment is the sports top. A bottle top that doesn’t have to be turned to open the bottle, just pulled with the hands and teeth. This, in itself, is not a problem. The problem is the small aperture for the movement of water into the mouth. When squeezing the bottle to force liquid refreshment into the mouth the bottle compresses and sometimes crackles as it does so, this is reasonably noisy. But the most annoying part is when the lips are removed from the bottle and the air rushing back into the bottle causes an awful slurping sound. The gust of wind pushing past the lips and teeth and through the aperture can make a sound that just grates.

When bottle tops were screw tops there was plenty of space for air to enter the bottle IF you chose to have a small gap for air at the top of your lips, just under your nose. Now, apparently, this is an incovenient method of bottle top. Everyone should be using the sports top but not everyone is doing sport. I think it should be renamed the common top for lazy people. Let’s have a new design top for proper sports people.

To stop the slurp you just need to blow air into the bottle and allow the water to flow out into your mouth without creating the negative pressure in the bottle. Simple.

Trying to be quiet

It seems that I find it impossible to be quiet when needed. Not an ADHD thing but just a clumsy thing.
My house is quite small (compact) and I am normally cooking while my wife is putting my youngest to bed. So I’ll be washing up and trying to stir food quietly. It just doesn’t end up being that quiet! I unintentionally bang saucepans, drop cans and crash into the furniture. The more I try and be quiet the more noise I seem to make!
The kids sleep fine if there’s a constant noise but struggle with sharp bangs and crashes. This is probably an evolutionary thing (evolution is real, get over it you religious morons), constant rain or rustling is not a danger but sudden noises spell the end so run away.
So I think this phenomenon is the “don’t think of your name in lights” syndrome. When you try not to do things you end up doing them because you are thinking about the things you shouldn’t do. Richard Wiseman mentions this in his book Paranormality. For instance, on the last lap of a GT5 race I am mostly thinking of not crashing but I tend to spin off more in the last lap than at other times!
Trying our best not to do something often ends with us doing that exact thing. Oh, I’m trying to not buy a 3D tv at the moment!