review – Fooyah – Ian Parish

April 21 2026

Lee Cronin’s The Mummy

So, I took a trip to the cinema at Rochester [not Rochester] to see The Mummy, by Lee Cronin, not a reboot more a reimagining. But there are things to be written here before we get on with what I thought about the film. For some reason I mention the tide in these communications. I do know the reason I’m just not sure when I started doing this. I think I mentioned the tide to avoid mentioning the actual time I went to the cinema as I might have skipped off work or something a little earlier than I was meant to. The actual details are hazy now and so I mention the water levels in the river for completeness.

The picture was taken just before I entered the cinema. As you can see the water was lapping at the wharf edge and so the tide was high, probably at its highest. When I left the cinema the central river channel was obvious and the mudflats were prominent. After I watch a film at the cinema I rate it on IMDb, there are rules to this and there is a communication here that covers the system. I have started to rate every film I watch – so those on television / streaming – because I have, on occasion, found myself rewatching something I thought was rubbish but had forgotten about. It’s only about thirty minutes into the film that I realise I’ve already seen it. This especially occurs with rubbish science fiction films on Amazon Prime. So many films have storylines that seem familiar and so that’s why it can take a while to figure out if I’ve seen it before.

Lee Cronin's The Mummy - 4/10 — Lee Cronin’s The Mummy – 4/10

This film scored 4/10 in my system. It was close to a six for a while as I was watching it but it got slightly too gross for 6 and I stopped caring about the people and so I only watched to the end just to see how they ended it.

My first though while watching this film was “I don’t think birds have that much blood in them”. I’m not really sure what that scene indicated. Perhaps the awakening of the demon. I know I always want to kill pet birds when I wake up. After that the film progressed mostly gently and it seemed fine. I liked the silence of the crashing aircraft but the fact the explosion sound was instantaneous to impact and we were viewing from over a kilometre away really annoyed me. Like really annoyed me. Explosion noises take time to travel to you or the camera – get it right Hollywood.

This film didn’t have the colour or fun of the previous Mummy film. It was dark and gross rather than bright and fun and not scary. I mean this one wasn’t scary. Some make up and odd noises isn’t really enough to make a film a bother. I know I’ve seen a few horror films recently and they don’t really do much to me. The worst I felt in this one was when one of the old ladies throws up. It made me gag a little which I thought was an interesting reaction. The rest of the film just seemed to rely on loud stupid noises and “creepy” looking children and make up. Mind you, I loved it when the small daughter called their teacher a “cunt”. Always nice to hear that word from the “innocent”. But, I hasten to remind you, it’s been done before. “Jesus fuck my cunt” I believe was in The Exorcist and that’s a really old film.

This film just wasn’t that scary. It seemed a touch slow as well. I don’t know. A lot of my opinions have probably changed over time and I’m being affected by watching things on streaming services. Perhaps once you’ve seen a lot of films you get to feel blasé about most new films unless they really tell an interesting story. I did comment to Smith the other day that the last film that really disturbed me was The Omen, the original when it was shown on Channel 4. That’s probably because I was young and hadn’t really dismissed supernatural stuff by then.

April 19 2026

Akira (2026)

I recently went to the cinema at Rochester [Strood] to watch Akira, again. I have watched this film many times, firstly in the early 1990s and then whenever I feel like it. Smith and I went this time and this mirrored the time twelve years ago we watched it at the BFI. I also watched this film in 2020 when things were being shut down and cinemas were going to be closed for a long time. I’ve already rated this film on IMDb and so there’s no need for a rating here, but it obviously scores 10/10. I’ve seen it plenty of times and still really enjoy it. I did struggle a little this time with momentarily shutting my eyes in the last half hour of the film.

April 10 2026

Fuze

I took a trip to the cinema just to go really. The selection of things to see wasn’t great otherwise I would have gone a few times this week. Part of me wants to watch The Magic Faraway Tree but I think I’ll choose a late showing to see that if I decide to go. Fuze was the only other film I considered worth seeing and that’s mostly because I knew nothing about it. There was a “secret screaming” show on Tuesday and I considered going to that but I’m not really a fan of horror films and it’d be even worse as I had no idea what this one could be.

On the way to the cinema I noticed that the tide was halfway and the river looked pretty as it was coloured red by the reflection of clouds in the east that were coloured that way because of the setting sun. It took me a while to figure out why the river was reddish and it turns out it’s a double reflection. After watching the film I rated it on IMDb and there’s a whole communication about how the rating system works.

I quite enjoyed this film. It was really nice to see London being represented for all the good things about London. I would say this is a classic heist movie. However, I didn’t really like the characters who were doing the robbery so that made the ending slightly harder for me. Perhaps the film managed to get the complexity of criminals presented quite well. I also thought there was too much double crossing going on to the point of the complexity of the plan made the outcome unlikely. Plans never work and there were just too many extra parts to this movie that didn’t quite make sense. However, it’s worth a watch and was quite good fun.

March 29 2026

Phoenix Lake – Saltbox Nottingham

I have very mixed feelings this weekend as I was meant to be in Germany watching a bunch of my favourite bands in Oberhausen. Smith and I had to cancel that because the war in Iran caused him to have flight delays and that pushed his return from a holiday past this weekend. So, E-tropolis will have to wait for another year or so, band dependent. When I told Dave I was sad about this outcome he invited me to help him photograph some bands in Nottingham and I love a road trip so agreed. I guess I was the Best Boy for the evening! I helped set up video cameras and then guarded the equipment from people. I also was sent out to get emergency batteries and a USB memory stick for the audio desk output. The bands were ok, here’s my review:

7eventh Sea – shouty metal. Had a backing track that sounded electronic but this was drowned out while the rest of the band were playing. They had some good start-stop riffs.

Aethoria – my favourite of the evening. The singer had a great voice and looked like she was really enjoying the gig – which for me, makes all the difference. I want my artists to be involved and happy. One guitarist was supertechnical in his playing but from where I was watching the sound mix wasn’t great. I still enjoyed it though.

Black Lakes – It was core-metal I think. I didn’t really enjoy it as much as Aethoria but they were quite good – I liked the boxes they used to raise them up a bit at the front of the stage. The bassist played a left handed guitar but upside down and in a right handed way, this was strange. When I wrote a message to Smith about this I said the bassist looks like a middle-aged teacher, he was a lot less metal looking than the rest of the band.

Phoenix Lake – this was a home town show for this band and that meant it was a shame the venue wasn’t as busy as it could have been. Also, some twat-man shouted out “get your top off” a couple of times and that’s just cuntish. This band were melodic metal and it was ok. The guitarist was playing some whizzy stuff. There was a backing track that also had guitars on it so the single guitarist could play solos and things without the band losing the overall sound. Overall it was ok. If I had to see a band again it would be Aethoria.

It was quite nice to see the bands mixing around after the gig. I didn’t talk to any of them, that would be a major stress, so why would I? Dave chatted to them and as I was his assistant I stayed in the background, I’m not the one trying to make a career out of this.

Now, considering we drove from Maidstone to Nottingham the whole thing was really good fun. The journey home was a little more stressy as there were road closures on the M1, M25, and M11 which meant we had a few detours. I got home at 0300. The next day was not pleasant as this was the second late night in a row and it turns out my body does not react to that very well anymore. For pretty much all of Saturday I felt as though I was incredibly hungover – I wasn’t but that’s what it felt like.

March 20 2026

Project Hail Mary

I went to the Cineworld Cinema at Rochester to see this film. Apparently I went to an early preview because after watching the film I couldn’t rate it on IMDb and that’s a whole thing for me. I used to only rate films I saw at the cinema. But, over the last year I’ve been watching some terrible films on Amazon Prime and realised after wasting an hour that I’d seen them before. I’m a sucker for cheap science fiction films! So, now I try to rate everything I watch, cinema, films, series etc. I do this so I can see if I’ve watched a thing before and save wasting time and being disappointed (again). For instance I recently subjected myself to the Melania “film”. It was utter shit. Absolute shit. I will probably remember that I ‘ve watched that film but some cheap sci-fi films look the same. I did look at the level of the river when I drove to the cinema and it was definitely low.

After watching the film I eventually managed to rate it on IMDb. I have a communication from the dark, distant past where I explain how the rating system works. I rated this film 8/10. I’m not sure I’d pay to watch it again but I would watch it if it turned up in a streaming service.

This film is based on a book by Andy Weir. They’re the same person who wrote The Martian. I’ve read Project Hail Mary and I really enjoyed it. I know Andy Weir tries to make things as scientifically plausible as possible. They try to keep the tech within current knowledge and they specifically did that with The Martian. With this film, as it involves exotic matter from space, there are allowances made for the fuelling system. Also, there are going to be radiation shielding issues, but that’s minor really.

I thought this film was great. It stuck close to the book and that’s important as the book was well constructed and thought out. Possibly the film is a touch long, it was over two hours. But I know there are compromises to editing a film and it’s more likely this film got that correct. All the important stuff was there. All the major issues that I could remember from the book were present in the film. I guess I’d rather have a film with a coherent story that’s over two hours rather than something that’s a special effects promotion that adds little – think super hero films.

There was just enough humour in this movie. I laughed out loud a few times and that’s a good sign. There’s a certain humanity to the causes of humour, I think if you can make things funny then you’ve got a good view into the human condition.

March 13 2026

The Bride!

I went to an early evening showing of The Bride! at Cineworld, Rochester. It’s a film that had been on my radar because it looked so colourful and designed. The river level was low upon entry to the cinema. After watching the film I rated it on IMDb, there’s an old communication that explains the rating system here. I rated The Bride! as 6/10.

I really enjoyed this film. I liked the visuals, the sound, the acting, all of it. I don’t think I’d watch it again though and that is why this gets a “6” from me. Sometimes when I watch a film I’m constantly thinking about what to write on this site. This process improves my watching experience and allows me to interact with the film rather than be a passive watcher. While watching The Bride! it took quite a way into the film for me to even think about what to write here. That means I was engaged and enjoying myself. I wasn’t trying to work out criticisms or trying to remember specific parts of the film to comment on here. This is genuinely a good film.

I liked the pro-women stance taken by the movie. The way it empowers the female cast at tells their story was really good, it’s well written. The only thing that bothered me, and I’m still not sure what it was there for, was Mary Shelley. The story didn’t need her. Maybe I’m wrong and it’s vital but I think it works without that. Jess Buckley was fantastic in this and her characterisation was amazing. Overall, a great film.

March 8 2026

Sinners

I took a trip to the cinema. Cineworld are showing films that are nominated for awards so last night they showed Sinners which came out sometime last year but I missed it then. I think the tide was low as I drove along the promenade, I’m not really sure as it was quite dark, I think this was the latest I have been to the cinema for a while. On the way out I couldn’t really see either, oh well. I rated this film on IMDb and you should read this communication before ranting about the rating.

I really enjoyed this film. It took a surprise turn for me about half way through as I knew very little about the story. Lets take some things in order. First, I hadn’t realised the twins were played by the same person. This shows just what an amazing job they did filming the main characters. The differences between the characterisation and how they looked was amazing. The filming was perfect. I though they were just two actors who looked similar! I will admit that I’m not great at faces and struggle to describe people, maybe that helped the filmmaker.

The music in the film was stunning. The use of the blues in what felt like a historically accurate world was amazing. You could feel the music. The scene where the club opens and the music transitions through various genres, blending the visuals and sounds, left my jaw on the floor. It was so clever, so well filmed, so natural. It fitted exactly. It was impressive.

The film was a period piece and it felt utterly accurate. Now, I have no idea really what it was like in the 1930s. All I can say is that nothing removed me from that headspace. Even an electric guitarist turning up and wazzing away felt right. I was really impressed. Look, it was a great film.

Vampires. The surprise addition to what I thought was going to be a revenge film. At some point there was a strange scene involving someone turning up at a farmstead who was steaming – I hadn’t realised they were burning in the sun – and then they increase the clan membership by two. Some indigenous people show up and are refused access to the vampire because racism.

My general understanding of vampires used to be, before The Lost Boys, that they hated the cross and sunlight, also garlic. The Lost Boys opened me to the idea that a vampire needs to be invited into a building to be able to enter a home. To me, this is a “new” thing introduced by The Lost Boys. I hadn’t realised it was part of a longer lasting lore about vampires and it appeared in this film. It turns out that the whole invite thing is a very old tradition with vampires. Some older traditions have them impervious to sunlight! This film used garlic, invites, sunlight and the classic stake through the heart tropes. It was executed really well.

Some people left the cinema at the very start of the credits. I waited. I’m not sure why but I wasn’t in a massive rush to get anywhere. I’m glad I waited. There was a mid-credits scene that very nicely brought the whole story back together. It was a really nice touch.

February 23 2026

Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die

Fucking finally! I can write about a film I thought was excellent. First, let’s get through various formalities. I went to Rochester cinema, it wasn’t dark when I got there and the tide was high with wavelets lapping at the wharf. It was actually nice to see lots of water as over the last while it’s just been the mud banks. I rated this film on IMDb after I watched it and there is a system to the scoring so you should check out this communication.

I really enjoyed this film. Along with Rental Family it was actually good. Pretty much every other film I’ve seen was shit or meh. This film had the right mix of action, craziness, emotion and humour. I really enjoyed it. Some parts of it were obvious and some were not. It worked well. All the actors were great. Here’s the thing, I found the film so engrossing that I didn’t sit there drafting my comments for this site. Normally I ponder ways to explain my feelings as the picture motions but that didn’t really happen. I just enjoyed watching and being part of the spectacle.

I suppose the film has a warning about social media and AI. Much like Mercy that I also watched recently. There’s a lot of discussion about what we should do about AI but no one really has the guts to enforce things. In this country the government is too in love with business and so it doesn’t appear to sit back and discuss the moral issues. Like many things I think schools will get the blame or instructions to do things deemed unpopular by most. I’m starting to be on the side of regulation and rules about social media etc. I’m starting to be wary. I’m definitely on the camp of “let’s regulate the shit out of AI” because I don’t think it is being used for the purposes of good. Anyway, that’s probably all for another day. I really enjoyed this film.

February 14 2026

Shelter

I went to see a film, hoping it would be better than the last couple I watched. To be fair it was a Statham film and so I knew what it would be like and it didn’t disappoint. Let’s get the formalities completed now. The tide was low as I entered the cinema but was definitely higher when I left so that means it was flowing. I rated this film on IMDb and it’s important you see the communication that covers the scoring system.

This film was exactly what I expected. Except it was dark. And I don’t mean story type dark I mean filmed to be dark. This could be just me, I didn’t find Iron lung to be particularly bright but then to be honest it was set in a submersible. Shelter was different and it could have been bright in some places. Maybe I’m just getting old. Look, it’s an action movie but with feelings. There are conspiracies and Bill Nighy. That’s about it. Statham does Statham.

Part way through this film I realised it was a lot like Hanna, a film and TV series. I’ve recently watched the series on Amazon and it was much better than this film. It is a well-made well scripted, if confusing at times with all the double crossing, TV show. It’s worth the watch. Plus it’s got that Joel big bloke person in it from that other thing you saw him in.

February 8 2026February 10 2026

Ashbury Heights – Downstairs At The Dome

Smith and I went to see Ashbury Heights last night. I had seen them before at Mera Luna but this was the first time I had seen them headlining their own show. This was a new venue for me and the easiest way to get there was to drive into town. I booked parking at the Tufnell Park Tavern, which, when looked at from street view, looks like a shit pub. You know the type, Sky sports wall to wall and Farage voters inside. But, I have to say the pub was really nice and welcoming, we had a drink there after the gig and it was lovely. One of the staff explained that if I park there again then if I have a drink the parking is free – something I’ll think about for the next time I’m in this area.

While driving to the venue I noticed a lot of Arsenal Football Club fans and realised I must have been close to the stadium they use. They weren’t too much of a problem although there were some local road closures to ensure people could move between the transport links and the stadium safely. I didn’t mind this. I did mind being held at a T-junction by a police motorbike. It turned out I was stopped to allow a convoy of big vehicles through. I don’t know who it was, probably either the Prime Minister or the Prince Of Wales. I was annoyed because I don’t think anyone is important enough for a convoy like that. People are equal and I don’t care what anyone else says. I have just googled where the PM was and Facebook seems to think he was at the match. I guess being in a Range Rover isn’t as cool as the helicopters I saw flying Barack Obama when I was in DC.

Before the gig we ate at what I described as a bakery with a cheeky restaurant at the back but it turned out to be a Greek street food café type thing. It was genuinely really nice and good value it was called Pitta Republic but it was hidden in the back of Intrepid Bakers. We then found the venue and it was quite standard. Black painted walls, a bar, a merch area and basically an open space, hall shaped that can fit 300 people. There weren’t really any quirky aspects to the venue, which was actually nice. The sound system was good and the set up was well balanced. The only slight issue was any lighting from the front didn’t seem to be working, otherwise, impressive.

First band up were Promenade Cinema who were already playing when we arrived. It was fine. There was a keyboardist and a singer. The songs had no real variation in them, no tempo changes or melody changes. Like I said it was fine. I did find myself wondering what to do with my arms during their set. I wasn’t clapping along so my arms just felt oddly in the way, I didn’t know where they should be. I tried behind my back, crossed, hands in pockets but they just felt “in the way” during this band. I think that means I was bored.

Ghostbells were up next and before the gig they handed out a load of plastic bracelets that had pinkish- red lights in them. The whole crown had them on their arms during this set and I thought that was a really nice touch. This band were better, their songs had variation and guitars. The singer had really good microphone control to make her singing fit with the music and changes in volume – I don’t know why I noticed this but it made me happy. I enjoyed it. I’d see them again quite happily.

The headliners were amazing. Musically excellent, great personalities, really seemed to be enjoying themselves. I could stay close all through the set as my neck started aching and given it’s been rough for over a month I moved towards the back to relax and be able to move my head a little easier. Ashbury Heights played a lot of bangers. Songs I’ve heard before and some off the album I have by them. It was an impressive display of musicianship from a band who have been around a long time. I really enjoyed it.