Month: March 2016

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London Has Fallen

I feel ashamed. I was told not to see London Has Fallen but still I went. I went to see White House Down and Olympus Has Fallen a few years ago and they were both quite terrible films. They seem to make out that terrorists are superbly intelligent people able to undertake huge operations involving hundreds of people. In reality terrorists are rarely that clever or good at terrorism. So, as ever, I rated this on IMDB and you should read the guide to my system here.

This film was terrible. It replaced plot and intelligence with gunfire and explosions. It didn’t make sense. Perhaps I was hoping for too much realism and not hoping enough for shooting everywhere with guns that have a LOT of ammunition. Holy crap the Gerard Butler character and POTUS seemed indestructible. If you have ninety minutes of your life that you want to waste watching London get blown up while people mill around [the background people don’t react how I would if there were explosions and gunfire] then please watch this.

So, Morgan Freeman turns up playing the Vice-President. Which confused the hell out of me as I was sure he played the president in the previous film and I spent about five minutes trying to figure out what happened politically that would cause the President to swap places with his VP. Then I remembered: that was the other shitty terror film! I was in the wrong franchise!

[So I fucked up. The other film franchise had Jamie Foxx in it. I feel like I’m a racist old fucker now. Shit, damn and bollocks. I was still confused.]

There’s an MI6 man who is part of the CATERING for the wedding at the beginning and confirms that the EVIL MAN is present, at his own fucking house. The wedding is blown up and the USA is surprised that there’s a lot of civilian death. It was a WEDDING. It was clearly a WEDDING. There was a man on the ground who was catering for the WEDDING. The overhead views CLEARLY showed a marquee and many people around who wouldn’t have been there a week before. It was a WEDDING. Anyone with half a brain would have known it was a WEDDING, you know, where lots of people gather to celebrate and probably have not a lot to do with the evil man. The explosion was HUGE. And yet evil man and two of his sons survived? Really?

There was an MI6 safe house in London. Why would MI6 have a safe house in London? They don’t do domestic. That would be MI5.

“The President doesn’t go anywhere without a satellite overhead recording him”. Really? That’s some fucking observation system you have there! I’m impressed. You can manoeuvre a satellite to make it overhead of the President all the time? Haven’t you heard of orbital mechanics?

Gerard Butler makes a hand signal that is spotted by the satellite and interpreted correctly by the bods in the situation room? What? How? What? Seriously what? I laughed, out loud, by myself, in a packed cinema.

“The terrorists have hacked into all communications”.
VP calls Gerard Butler telling him a SEAL team are on their way.
Looks surprised when a SEAL team turn up too quick and then determines they are baddies because they aren’t SWEATING. Nothing to do with brown skin and a beard. No, this film isn’t racist.

The explosion at the end was HUGE. It killed all the terrorists but didn’t get POTUS or Butler? Really?

This film replaced any form of sense and fun and action with gunfire and bullets. Too much gunfire and bullets. And I quite like action films.

My lessons from this film are that white people are OK. Black people are OK. The British are incompetent. Brown people are bad, especially if they have beards or are over 50 and look distinguished. Pakistan and Yemen are really bad. POTUS knows how to handle ten different types of gun and is indestructible.

This is a terrible film and I need to stop pointing out the bullshit.

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Gentle Death – Excessive Force

This band was a side project of KMFDM. Excessive Force is a electronic industrial album with undertones of heavy guitar work. It’s actually quite a calming album and a good listen. I recommend this as a starter into the heavier stuff.

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Not A Roundabout

I have a complaint. This own’t surprise anyone. I’m pretty sure most communications within this website are complaints or me moaning or ranting on about something reasonably inconsequential. I’ve a feeling most people will think I’m just a little bit over the top on this one. It IS a valid complaint though.

Feast your eyes on this:

This clearly looks like a roundabout just south of Rugby. Here is another view of the “roundabout” within Google Maps:

Roundabout5

It looks like a roundabout doesn’t it? How about these signs [stolen from Google Street View], these clearly show a roundabout:

Roundabout1

Roundabout2

Roundabout3

Roundabout4

Here’s the thing. IT’S NOT A FUCKING ROUNDABOUT. A roundabout means you give way to traffic from the right as you approach. Look at the following picture:

Roundabout6

The road markings CLEARLY show that traffic on the NOT ROUNDABOUT has to give way to traffic approaching the NOT ROUNDABOUT.

The first time I drove this I nearly hit cars. You see the signs and you subconsciously know what is going to happen. Except it doesn’t because it’s NOT A ROUNDABOUT.

I’ll be going for a run soon to rid myself of stress and anger. Don’t even get me started on Cameron saying this country has christian values, Tony Blair saying shit about the middle east or the pope calling for world peace while his establishment STILL covers up priests who fuck kids and hasn’t handed over information to the police so these bastards can be prosecuted.

And, calm [not really].

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Allegiant

I went to Rochester Cineworld cinema to see Allegiant. This is the third in the Divergent series. I reviewed Divergent and Insurgent before. It looks like there’s going to be another of these films, I can’t wait [sarcasm]. I rated this film on IMDB and, as ever, you should read this communication about my rating system.

So, the inhabitants of Chicago get to go beyond the wall, except they don’t because the new leader, 4’s mum or something like that, doesn’t want them to. Do you know what? It’s not worth explaining the plot. It wasn’t worth it. Kids escape one city to be moved to one with exactly the same problems. It’s the same film again. Like my review for Insurgent this future world is a bit shit. It’s not thought through. It doesn’t work.

My issues with this film are numerous. Tris is genetically PURE. What the actual fuck does that mean? Is this a film that is meant to fit in with a Trump world view? If only PURE people can get up to the upper levels at O’Hare then why is everyone else allowed up there too? I think I missed something.

The people at O’Hare and Providence have awesome technology but there isn’t anywhere that has the industrial base to produce that. Where is this stuff made? How does this economy work?

Red rain. Red rain in the badlands or whatever they are called. But there’s a magic forcefield around Chicago to stop this rain from falling on them or even them noticing it when they are up in the towers looking over the badlands.

It’s not actually that far from Chicago to O’Hare airport. I know there is a force field thing protecting Chicago from seeing the airport but they never noticed all the flying things?

chicago

If the population of O’Hare is made from children stolen from tribes living in the badlands then the badlands can’t actually be that bad? If there are adults reproducing healthy children then it seems the outside is OK. Also, what do these people eat?

I need to stop. The film “looked” nice. Other than that is was poor.

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10 Cloverfield Lane

I went to see 10 Cloverfield Lane last night at the Cineworld cinema in Ashford. New cinema for me, about half an hour away, but will probably stick with Rochester in future. The screen auditorium was pretty small although busy for the showing. As usual I rated this film on IMDB but please see my ratings guide.

This film was quite good. Not sure I’d bother watching it again, hence the six. I actually jumped at the initial crash which was just embarrassing.

SPOILER ALERT –  do not read beyond.

Initially this seems to be a thriller about the main man potentially being wrong, the world hadn’t ended and he was just a fuck-head. The woman turning up halfway through disperses with the theme that it wasn’t the end of the world. After that point the film had to end somehow with this “end of world” theme.

It would have been nice for the film to play up the abduction more. I’m not sure it added enough “creep” to the main man, but then again, maybe it was just right. I think I would like to have known definitively.

Killing the young man was a cool point in the film. It showed the crazy just enough. And from there we jump to the last ten minutes. As far as I could see there was a lot of running and panic by the girl when there was no need to. I know it kept the cinematic theme but she wasn’t being threatened by anything at the time and so her panic was stupid. I liked the ending, it had to be either aliens or CHEMICAL WARFARE [cue Slayer song].

My main gripe with this film was that it would take more than an aerosol can to break a frozen brittle padlock. Just sayin’.

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Gardens Of Seth – Reaper

After getting into aggrotech I was searching for music. Reaper was an artist I really liked, the album The Devil Is Female is pretty awesome. So, I found some more albums by Reaper. But, it turns out there are three artists called Reaper. I’d downloaded all of them. The Gardens Of Seth is labelled as “METAL” on my phone to remind me that it is an album of metal and not hellectro.

Do I like the album? I haven’t listened enough. It’s pretty hard and heavy with large themes overall. It’s an occasional listen.

AFAIK the band are Italian.

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Garage Inc – Metallica

I do own both CDs of this double album, but I have no idea what is on the first one. I didn’t want to listen to it. I was more interested in having a digital version of Garage Days Re-Revisited. I used to listen to a tape of these songs when I was younger and I was always impressed by the songs and the sound. The songs are cover versions, played to introduce Jason Newsted to the band.

Garage Days Re-revisited:

  • Helpless (Diamond Head)
  • The Small Hours (Holocaust)
  • The Wait (Killing Joke)
  • Crash Course In Brain Surgery (Budgie)
  • Last Caress / Green Hell (Misfits)

All of these are great songs and I am happy to have seen Diamond Head play and also Killing Joke.

Other songs of note on this CD are:

  • Am I Evil?
  • Blitzkrieg
  • Breadfan
  • The Prince
  • So What

The rest are boring.

All of these written in this communication are worth listening and playing over and over obnoxiously loud.

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