Tag: imdb

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Kingsman: The Golden Circle

I spent a lovely Saturday afternoon on a slightly wobbly chair in Rochester cinema watching the latest Kingsman movie: The Golden Circle. The tide was about halfway. I’m not sure if it was coming in or leaving. This morning on my run it looked as though it was coming in. Have just used the UK Hyographic Office Tide Predictor.

Rochester Tide
Rochester Tide

That picture shows how little I know or perhaps I just can’t remember a lot about the state of the river when I see it! I’m not really sure when this whole tide-cinema thing started. I know I was attempting to indicate the time of day that I went to the cinema but I can’t remember why I wanted to be so obscure.

I also rated this film on IMDB, please read this communication about the ratings system. I then “share” my scoring with twitter and those who follow me there:

I should probably explain what I liked about the movie. Well, it’s a good action comedy romp around the world. I laughed and found the whole film an enjoyable experience. There’s a lot of blood and gory ways to die. But then there are great actors who all look like they are enjoying themselves.

I actually wrote some notes down at the end of the film as I was sure I’d forget some things. I usually try and hold on to my snarky comments as I drive home ready to type this, but there were some nice touches through the film that made me smile.

  • I liked the dogs’ eyes and how they looked modelled on Cylons and KITT.
  • Elton John was actually pretty awesome.
  • The graphic matches from scene to scene were lovely.
  • Above the Kingsman shop there was a Blue Plaque to a physicist.
  • Jeff Bridges’ character isms when smelling or tasting the whiskey were really funny while subtle.

Tomorrow I am heading into town and if I have time, I’m off to see the blue plaque.

Richard Bright blue plaque.jpg
By Gareth E Kegg – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, Link

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Mother!

I went to see Mother! to try and make up for the mistake that was American Assassin. The tide was in and the river was quite still. In fact it has been a calm day here altogether in this part of Kent. As is usual I rated this film on IMDB and you can read a description of the rating system in this communication.

So, this could be controversial. . . .

I did not enjoy this film. I watched it to the end just to see what happened and hopefully answer some questions like WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON?

A more accurate title would be “Following Jennifer Lawrence around a house for two hours”.

 

 

In the past, when I have encountered a film I hated or didn’t get I have read through reviews and explanations before writing this. Not this time. I will go and look after this is published.

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American Assassin

So, I went to the cinema to watch American Assassin. It was that or Mother and I plumped for stupid action. I rated this film on IMDB, as usual, and there’s a communication that deals with my rating system here.

This movie was a piece of fucking shit american macho bullshit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love the way all physicists can put a nuke together and that Turkish bad people drive landrovers. It was shit.

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It

This morning [just, it was an 11:50 showing] I went to the Rochester Cineworld Cinema down by the Medway’s edge. Earlier in the day I had run along a stretch of the tidal Medway and also the non-tidal part above Allington lock and then later I found myself parking alongside the river but on the western bank.

I went to see It and after the film I rated it on IMDB, you should see this communication as it deals with the ratings system.

Before the film started there were trailers for a weather disaster film called Geostorm. This looked absolutely terrible. The timing of the trailer with its gratuitous floods and storms was pretty poor given Harvey and Irma this month. Another trailer for a horror film was called Jigsaw and I couldn’t give less of a shit for watching it. I’m not a horror movie fan. Mostly because they don’t scare me, I just think they are stupid. Then there’s a film trailer with an interesting guilt start which I thought should be called “We should have gone to Vegas” but was really called The Ritual. That looked hilarious too. AND there was a trailer for a modern Flatliners!!!!!! Along with The Lost Boys, Flatliners is one of the seminal films of my teenage years, it scared me senseless! The new film looks just ok.

IT

I’ve read the book a long time ago. I’m not sure I could tell you a great deal about it. Certain things stick in the memory but who knows? I also watched the original TV series with Tim Curry as Pennywise and remember it being good. I remember the adult characters but not a lot else.

This film turned out to be chapter one. You can’t do a Stephen King film in two hours. Especially It. Mazza and I once watched all of The Stand on video back in 1994/5 and that was a whole evening job, six hours I think. Good but long.

I recall the book being about the adults remembering the summer previously but I could be wrong about that. The overall set up was good. The film was good. Jump scares are boring. For a truly terrifying experience there needs to be a film with little incidental music. As it was so long ago that I read this story I don’t know how faithful it was to the book. It served memory well. Apart from the child orgy.

In the book there is def a thing where Beverly Marsh has sex with all the survivors of the experience. I think it happens in the barrens. It’s written in a very sensible way. This film version avoided that. Maybe the 1990 version did too!

I would be tempted, if I had the time, to go back and read the book or watch the last version of the film. The book is significantly more detailed. But then it would be.

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Cars 3

I went to see if Pixar had restored their story abilities yesterday by going to see Cars 3 at Rochester cinema. The tide was in and the mud flats were hidden from view. I was really disappointed with Cars 2, while it was a fun film it was a shockingly poor sequel to Cars. So, could they do it properly this time?

I was borderline between giving this film a four or a six, see my ratings explanation communication. You see, this film was pretty predictable. It was the same as the first film. I guess that’s the best way to make a sequel, you can just look at The Force Awakens. This film was OK in terms of plot. It seemed a little obvious towards the end, but it worked. I was surprised they bought the voice of Doc Hudson back, but they needed it for the film – just had a quick look and all the quotes were from the first film, so they didn’t need to resurrect Paul Newman.

I liked the idea that Hamilton was played by Lewis Hamilton. There were many other stars of the road included but when you remember this is based on NASCAR you’ll understand why I have no idea who they were.

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Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

So I went to the cinema today to see Valerian etc. The tide was pretty much at its lowest point. I have rated the film on IMDB, which is my tradition, and ideally you would read this communication concerning the system, although I may have to readjust the system soon. I shared my rating on twitter.

So, it turns out I loved this film. It looked exquisite. It looked colourful. It was imaginative. It was fantastic. It was great fun. It was operatic.

I will buy this film and I will watch it again. While it is not as good as The Fifth Element, it is still damn well great. This isn’t a long review. I don’t have a huge amount to say. I don’t have many criticisms, I only have high praise and that doesn’t suit my writing style and words I use!

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Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie

Travelled to see Captain Underpants this morning. I went to Rochester and then after the film I rated it on IMDB. You can read my rules for the rating system in this communication. I posted the rating on Twitter.

I found this film to be very enjoyable. I’d possibly even watch it again if it was on TV and I’d definitely go and see any sequels. The story was silly and stupid but the friendship and humour displayed was truly affectionate. It’s a story about friendship more than anything else and I really liked it.

There’s not really a great deal more for me to say about it. I enjoyed it.

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The Emoji Movie

Dear god help me I went to see The Emoji Movie. I rated this movie on IMDB and you should read this communication for a discussion of my scoring system.

I’m not sure I can tell you what I thought. I can tell you I went to the Cineworld cinema at Rochester and that it was raining when I went and when I returned.

I didn’t walk out but I possibly should have. It was terrible. For ammusement I suggest you read the comments on the IMDB page as I am sure some of these high scoring reviews are just there to take the piss.

Nothing more to say.

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Dunkirk

It’s been a while and so I thought I’d better catch up with some films. There are a few I want to see and Dunkirk is the first of them. It’s going to take a couple of weeks because of prior engagements.

I went to the Cineworld cinema at Rochester along the banks of the river Medway. I rated this film on IMDB and you should read this communication regarding the scores.

Normally when I watch a film I think about what I’m going to write on this website. Certain sentences and ideas strike me and I hope to remember them before I commit pen to paper [in a sense]. I have very little for you from this film.

It was very enjoyable. It was also a reminder of the terrible cost of war.

I liked all of the sequences but I especially liked the aircraft and the flying scenes. It was all very realistic.

The last moment with Churchill’s “Fight Them On The Beaches” speech was chilling and emotional. I also liked the lack of dialogue in this film, it added to the overall feel and emotion.

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War For The Planet Of The Apes

I went to the cinema to see a Planet of the Apes film. It is usual for me to travel to Rochester and I did the same thing for this film. I rated it on the IMDB website and you can read a discussion of how I grade films in this communication.

I wasn’t really sure whether to make this a 4 or a 6. I only went for a six because I thought it better than everything I recorded as a four, but I wasn’t that impressed. I wrote about the previous film here.

This film looked bloody gorgeous. It was beautiful. It was computerised. It was 3D which does fuck all for me. The apes looked great.

Now for the story. It was pretty shit. Maybe I missed loads of deep ape-becomes-man subtext with all the staring shots into Caesar’s eyes and face but I’m not sure. If the director was making large philosophical statements then I missed them. I’m really one for deep and thoughtful metaphors.

This was a slow war. The middle 7/8 of this film was slow and boring. Stuff happened but it didn’t really matter. There’s a virus somewhere. There are humans killing each other and apes because if there’s one thing we do really well it’s killing each other. There’s a prison break out and some stupid comedy. Mostly though, this film didn’t really matter. There wasn’t a meaning in there.

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