Tag: imdb

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Star Wars : The Force Awakens

So, before I start you should be aware that there are going to be SPOILERS in this page. Please go away if you don’t want to read anything about the plot or what I thought about the film.

You have been warned.

As normal I rated this film on IMDB and tweeted my result. You should read this communication about my rating system as it explains quite a bit.

So, I rated this a 10. You MUST be made aware that according to my rating system a film which I will definitely buy or pay money to see again gets a 10. I am going to buy this film on Blu-Ray and I will watch it with my sons. By default this film gets a 10. Not because I thought it was great but because I am going to buy it. Damn.

I went to see this film on Boxing Day [2015] in Milton Keynes. Sally and I went to the 4DX screening, mainly because it would make it more enjoyable for her. 4DX is a cinema system with moving seats, jets of air and water, scents, fog and rattles in parts of the seat.

You can trust me that the experience isn’t really like the promotional picture. It’s quite good fun, it doesn’t add anything to films really. If it’s a good film you won’t really notice the effects and if it’s a shit film then it will still be shit. We first saw Jurassic World in this screen.

If I had to honestly rate this film then I can easily and categorically say it is better than episodes 1,2 and 3. After that I would probably say it is worse than any of the originals, 4,5 or 6.

The film itself looks lovely. It would have been so good if it was the very first film. There wasn’t a great deal of prior knowledge required. I suppose a vague understanding of the family trees would have been helpful but mostly it could stand alone. All of the effects looked organic and the whole feel of the film was one of pleasure for the eyes. Thank god that they didn’t use all the CGI backgrounds, if they did the technology has come on leaps and bounds. The film looked lovely.

Now, here’s the tricky bit. The story itself was bollocks. Yes, it was a Star Wars story and it was always going to make a fuckton of money. But it was a shit story. The further I get away from seeing the film to more annoyed I get at them wasting the opportunity to really add to the Star Wars universe. Let’s just take some of the plot bit by bit, just indulge me, or if your indulgence is not forthcoming then go ahead and read a random communication within this website.

Orphan (?) girl lives alone on a sandy planet making her living in the desert [episode 4].

Cute robot, who everyone understands, befriends girl [episode 4]. Now this is OK, the whole point of the original was that the film was about the robots.

Droid holds secret plans/map to find something important [episode 4].

Bad man in a mask [episode 4,5,6].

Bigger bad man appearing via hologram [episode 5].

Good girl gets interrogated but manages to resist and not give away secret family history to interrogator who is a very close relation [episode 4].

Pimped up light sabre [episode 1].

Giant spacecraft to destroy large things [episode 4].

Shield of giant spacecraft needs to be destroyed and this can only be done from within enemy system [episode 6].

Girl has to be rescued from big bad spaceship [episode 4].

Girl who has the force looks in a basement and experiences the dark side of the force and foreboding [Luke in the cave episode 5].

Big bad spaceship has to be destroyed by a single X-Wing fighter flying through a trench to get to the centre [episode 4 and 6].

Angry teenage boy is annoyed at his parents [episode 4].

Big bad space ship blows up and rebels celebrate [episode 4,6].

Last Jedi who failed in his training of young Jedi disappears off to far flung planet to live alone [episode 4,5].

Bad man who might be dead but probably got away [episode 4 (kinda)].

So, overall the film is just a rehash of the good films from before. It looks beautiful. The story is terrible. I have more moans and groans and things that annoyed me. I will probably keep getting these over the next few weeks so you might find that I add to this page quite a bit.

Kylo Ren is a spoilt child who needs a slap and his allowance should be removed. What an utterly terrible character. He desperately wants to be like the grandfather he never knew. What a twat. I apologise to the actor who played him but he looked really annoying once he removed the mask. He also looked nothing like his parents. NOT SCARY. He could have at least been seriously disfigured in a childhood accident, there could have at least been some form of credible back story to him.

Rey [which I first heard as Ray and thought “oh, that’s a little odd”], grows up on a sandy planet and then escapes with a droid with a secret map. She then discovers she has the force and learns really quickly to use it to her advantage. I am pretty convinced she is going to be the twin sister of Kylo, she wasn’t aware of who her parents were. Boring. It’s been done before. [Jase has just text to say he thinks Rea will end up being Luke’s daughter which does make more sense than my theory].

I did almost audibly cheer when the Millennium Falcon appeared in the film. But WHY oh WHY did they have to include reference to the terrible and incorrect line about making the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs. Everyone knows that a parsec is a unit of distance. Arrrrrgh. I have just looked at Wookieepedia and they use some awesome apologetics (perhaps as good a biblical twats who try to explain why the incorrect stuff in the bible is true) to justify the use of wrong units in the films. I’m not impressed, it’s a clever argument but it’s made after the fact to justify bullshit (again, like the bible and ALL other holy books). Also the Wookieepedia page claims that you have to use distance because of the problems with relativistic time, well, I’m sorry but if you are going to include a correct reference to relativity then all the Star Wars films have massive time dilation issues. It’s classic apologetics, creating an explanation post hoc and then ignoring other factors.

Why was Luke’s light sabre in a trunk in the basement of a bar on a forest planet? How? What?! Also, Rey found it so the entire Star Wars universe is pure coincidence.

I thought the battle scenes looked very good, however, I am somewhat concerned at the g-forces experienced by the pilots of X-Wings and TIE Fighters. They seem to overcome these without any major tech to help them.

When the star is consumed by the new Mega-Death Star shouldn’t everything pretty much freeze straight away? There wouldn’t be any external source of light energy.

Why did R2 suddenly wake before Luke had returned? He seemed to come to life at a random time. Perhaps I missed it but I’m sure that BB-8 had already been near R2.

C3PO has a red arm. What? The rebel alliance are so tight fisted that they have no replacement arms for a historically important droid who was hand made by Anakin?

The military control base for the attack at the end seemed to look a lot like the base at Hoth. I guess we are to assume that technology hasn’t moved on and that it is the best possible organisation of systems.

Finally, for my initial communication about this film I wish to bother you about the communication system the rebels have with the Mega-Death Star. They seem to have a link to the Empire’s secret base and understand its operational procedure because at the end of the film the countdown to firing and status of the weapon is known by the rebel HQ. How do they get this information in real time? At least in episode 4 the count down was provided by line of sight and Yavin being in the way. It was irritating.

 

 

 

So, here’s the thing. It’s a Star Wars film and it’s better than 1,2 and 3. I enjoyed it. It looked good. It just doesn’t make a great deal of sense and has a stupid plot. I would rate this film a 6/10 if I hadn’t already defined my rating system.

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Spectre

I took the plunge. I went to see Spectre at the cinema. The adverts had finally worked and I felt that it was something I ought to do. Before you read further you should ensure you have read this communication concerning my IMDB rating system. Here’s my tweet concerning my rating:

I will admit that this looks a low rating, especially when you see what else I have rated higher and I am sure that some people will be disappointed with my score. Let me explain.

I really liked Casino Royale with Daniel Craig, I thought they had put some energy into the Bond franchise. I wrote about it here on an old website although I haven’t re-read it to see what I thought about it. Quantum of Shit Solace was terrible, I hated it. I would have thought that I reviewed it within this website but a quick search proved fruitless, have a look and see if you can find it here. I just didn’t understand Quantum of Solace, it irritated me immensely and I was very close to letting go of bond, hence it’s taken me a long time to get around to seeing this one.

The opening in Mexico City was pretty good but also pointless. The endless running and shooting and fights. I think I’m just tired of the whole thing. There wasn’t anything that I hadn’t seen before. Except for the helicopter. The helicopter was awesome. The stunt flying was bloody fantastic. Very impressive. The fight in the helicopter was bollocks.

After this we had Bond being told to stand down. This happened before with Timothy Dalton as Bond, in Licence to Kill I think. It didn’t bother me. Why are MI6 people using mobile phones for communication when they know that the new service wants to monitor all information. Arrrrrrrrrgh. It’s annoying. I would also like to point you to a future post discussing why data mining is bollocks.

So, Bond then travelled somewhere after stealing a car and got from London to Rome, driving within 24 hours, which is fine I guess and then he attends a meeting where the head bloke psychically knows he is there. It was utter shite. The idea that criminals are manipulating politics and markets for their own gain is no more credulous than the illuminati doing it for their own purposes. Bullshit.

SO, the clue leads to some woman who Bond beds, obviously. She wanted him after knowing him for minutes. Then he heads of somewhere to find someone who left the group of badies. He kills himself after telling his arch enemy where his daughter is. Why should he do that. His daughter was safe before he told Bond. Off to somewhere in the states where people can pay a fortune to feel better about themselves and Q turns up with an MI6 laptop and is accessing all the data via a wireless network. Bullshit.

A fight on a train, in the dining cart, where everyone seems to have disappeared once the fight starts. A shoot out on a train (the best in Africa) and yet it continues on to its destination. Without stopping or arrests. Arrrrrrrrgh.

There’s so much to moan about in terms of plot and things I want to stop. It was nice to see Blofeld. It’s a shame they didn’t kill him but at least he can escape prison and then become part of future movies.

This whole film was a plot mess and terrible. I will admit that I will go back and watch another Bond movie from the 70s to see if they are just as bad. I disliked this film a lot. I just hope that when I finally get around to seeing the new Star Wars film that I won’t be feeling this bad.

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Steve Jobs

So, took a trip, with Sally, to see the film Steve Jobs at the Cineworld cinema in Rugby [or rather on the outskirts of Rugby].

As ever, I have rated this film on IMDb, but you need to see this communication for an explanation of how the numbers work.

Before I start on the film I would just like to mention some ‘ealth and safety gone mad. There was a popcorn making dude working two popcorn machines in an alcove behind the concessions stand. I kid you not he was wearing one of these:

face-maskNow, I’m not sure what the issue is, as the popping cookers are closed while the popping process is in play but this made me giggle, quite a bit!

So, the film. You can read about it and the synopsis and where it all takes place. My opinion of Apple has always been one of suspicion and, although I am an iPhone whore, I am perfectly aware that Apple always steal other ideas and make them that little bit better. I don’t think they really do for originality. They do great design.

As a film this was very well made. I liked the shooting and the actors. I liked knowing a bit more about the history and seeing the characters over time. I did NOT like Steve Jobs. I had already read about him being an arse and this film [I know it’s fiction] largely represented him as an arse. Do I think he was a clever man? Yes. Do I like Apple products? Yes. Do I have to like him or think he was great? No.

This film is well worth seeing. I enjoyed it. Even though Jobs was an arse.

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Jurassic World

I went with Sally to a 4D cinema to see this film on 25th Aug 2015. In reality I went to see a 4D film and it just happened to be this one. There were other films on but they weren’t very action based or at the right time. Jurassic World it was.

The film itself was poor. I rated it a 4 on IMDB, see this communication about my ratings.

The 4D effects though were quite interesting. The row of seats upon which I sat all moved together, so when the helicopter flew our seats tilted left, right, forwards and backwards. If there was a gust of wind in the film there were (noisy) fans that blew air into us. When the camera got water over it we were sprayed with a fine mist from the chair in front. There were “knockers” in the rear of the seat so I felt like I was punched in the back and there were things that made my trousers move near my calves.

Overall I am glad that I experienced this but I don’t think I would pay to do it again. I don’t even like 3D films, the idea of spending extra money to get kicked in the back doesn’t excite me. If the film maker can’t make a film interesting enough in 2D then it will still be shit in 3 or 4D.

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Mad Max – Fury Road

Went to see Mad Max last night at Rochester Cinema (which is in Strood). I went with Sally and we had dinner before the movie. Well, I say dinner, we ate at McDonalds because we got to the restaurants too late to get food before the movie, mind you it was worth being late.

I rated this movie on IMDB, as I do with all movies I see at the cinema. You don’t get reviews for stuff I watch on the TV though. That would make this site tedious! You should read this communication about my ratings system.

I then thought about the movie some more and I got asked “What didn’t you like about it?”. This made me re-evaluate my IMDB score. So I changed my mind.

So, I should tell you what I thought. I would watch this movie again and that is the main reason for increasing the score from a 6 to an 8. I really liked the way it looked, was filmed and acted. Max didn’t say much, but then, he’s mad. This is, overall, a really enjoyable film.

But there were issues [potential spoilers follow].

The main tribe seem to have mastered modifying cars and trucks and keeping them running in the heat and sand of the desert, but they seem unable to design and build a water distribution device that doesn’t just pour everything in to the ground.

Why did they keep the rig attached to the truck they were driving for all the film. Really? What purpose did they have for it?

The tribes seemed to clear the fallen rocks very quickly and easily without any heavy lifting equipment laying around.

Motorbikes heading for 160 days across a salt lake. That sounds fine until you REALLY think how much food you would need. I’ve owned motorbikes. They run out of fuel after five hours.

If you can suspend the disbelief then this is a gorgeous, great film.

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Boxtrolls

Unsually for me I went to see the Boxtrolls at the Odeon Cinema in Maidstone. My normal cinema is the Cineworld at Rochester. As ever I rated this film on IMDB, see this communication for an explanation of my rating system.

I saw this movie on a Saturday morning kids club event. This meant I only paid £2-50 for each of us to go. Overall this was a perfectly well made kids film. The animation was lovely and the whole concept was typical fairy story. My son really enjoyed it. I will point out that I don’t like overly large machines used in films [like the spider thing in Wild Wild West] there are issues with structural strength and manufacture [flying airbases in Avengers] but the one in this film gets a free pass as it was used well.

I’m not sure I’m that fussed about seeing this film again, I expect my children will want to see it. Hence I gave a 6/10. It’s worth a watch with kids.

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Avengers – Age Of Ultron

So, I went to see this film last night. As ever I rated this film on IMDB, you should read this communication before moaning about my rating system.

Overall I enjoyed this film. I don’t think it was as good as the first film. The action sequences were perfectly fine although nothing really stood out for me. The buddy aspect of the film was ok but the best parts of that were dealt with in the first film.

Look, this is a solid superhero film and works very well. It is probably better than most of the standalone films that have been released, it just wasn’t as good as the first film. Sorry.

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Chappie

I saw this film last night. As ever I have rated it on the IMDB website, or rather the IMDB app.

I think a little next morning rethinking means that I could possibly downgrade this to a 6/10. If you need to understand my rating system then read this communication.

I really enjoyed this film. Within the last six months I watched District 9, made by the same people and I enjoyed it and also found it a very interesting film given the storylines and location. District 9 dealt with the legal repression of a race of beings in South Africa. I thought it was a great film you can sit and watch or an even better critique of the recent past.

Chappie [apart from having an awful title] was quite similar. Many of the locations seemed very similar as it was films around Johannesburg. The laboratories looked and felt similar. I wonder whether the director has the same location or a very distinct look that he wanted for both films.

I would describe this film as a grown up version of Short Circuit. There was so much about it that I liked. There were some science-type issues that I had, but I am willing to let the film have those technological problems for free. This film is worth a watch, just make sure you put the kids to bed first.

An aside is that there was a couple sitting next to me. Before the film they were talking, I was reading a book on my phone, I don’t watch adverts or trailers. The girl asked why the screen was curved. The bloke responded because it makes it look nice. Now that’s not really the case is it? The screen is curved so that all points on the screen are the same distance from the projector so that the focus works properly. I didn’t interject, that seemed rude but I really wanted to. Also, if you have a question like that why don’t you look up the real answer on the internet and learn something. don’t except any answer you hear, even the one I’ve just given, look it up, find out the real reason.

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Focus

So, I went to see Focus, a film with Will Smith and other people. I rated it on IMDB, as ever you should see this communication to explain my ratings.

This was an enjoyable film. It was a pretty standard con movie. There were twists and turns all the way. I very rarely watch con movies more than once, hence this is rated 6 on IMDB. The only con movie I can remember watching more than once was The Usual Suspects, although I guess that’s more of a thriller.

This film was quite good fun. It had all the glamour that you would want and rich people being used. The two main areas of play were New Orleans and Buenos Aires. Both cities looked lovely. Both I think I would like to visit.

The big con was interesting as it involves the world of car racing. There are a number of plot points that didn’t make a great deal of sense but I think I only spotted those because I do like car racing and follow the news and events.

Overall, this film was good.

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