Tag: review

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Status Update

This early evening I took a trip out to Rochester Cineworld, next to the river Medway. I don’t have to remember the state of the tide, I’m not even sure when this thing started, because I took a photo.

Medway State Of Tide
Medway State Of Tide

You can clearly see the mudflats and so the tide was not fully in or high or whatever the term is.

After watching a film I normally rate it on the IMDB website and you can read how those ratings work in this communication.

I guess I ought to tell you what I thought! I did give ti a 4/10 which I think means, I stayed just to see how it ended.

This film is, meant to be, a warning about the dangers of social media and the fake or edited lives that you see on them. They didn’t go with a subtle metaphor they just hit you in the face with it. Also, NO ONE GETS HURT IN THE END.

So, answer me this, Batman. Why are pupils in USA schools always in their mid-twenties? The whole school. There were no young kids. None. Just a school for backward twenty somethings who are trying to hold on to their youth for as long as they can while slowly accepting the fate of being grown up.

This film was just cliche bullshit. The jock were bullies. The fat kid was lonely. The swanky new blonde haired kid from California ended up being the most popular kid in town. There were no ugly people.

The bullying was horrific and this film pretty much normalises it along with telling kids that it’s your fault for getting bullied. Don’t tell anyone, don’t get back just sit there and take it. Accept the humiliation. FUCK this film.

This film normalises the pretty girls liking the jocks. FUCK this film.

This film normalises the gay kid being the drama and singing student. FUCK this film.

This film normalises shitty dads being a waste of space. FUCK this film.

This film normalises fighting to solve a problem. FUCK this film.

This film normalises humiliating your friends and closest female friend but it’s OK because after you’ve done that they will come back to you and you get the girl. FUCK this film.

This film normalises chasing and chasing means you get the girl. FUCK this film.

This film normalises that being really popular, a great singer and excellent hockey player will get you laid. The lead character ends up with all he wanted after being a real cock. This film overwrote the pain and suffering with a shitty happy ending. This film says: it’ll all be ok if you hassle people. FUCK this film.

This film was an atrocious piece of white ass trash cinema that normalises all the crappy behaviour that we don’t accept and shouldn’t accept. This film is a sad excuse for being every little small town American cliche.

 

Wow.

Didn’t think this review would go that way. I got all annoyed there. This film is why people have self esteem issues. This film reinforces all of those stupid high school memes about being popular and getting loved. IT ENDS HAPPILY. WITH ALL PEOPLE LIKING EACH OTHER. Fuck it.

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The Post

Yesterday I went to the Rochester Cineworld cinema to watch The Post. Going to this cinema during popular times, Friday evenings and Saturdays, often means a struggle to get parked. There are plenty of spaces but I think some people can’t park straight or in the spaces and then it’s a ripple effect across the car park after that. It doesn’t help that the lines as guidance for parking are virtually indistinguishable from the rest of the surface. It’s best to arrive at the car park just as one film finishes then you get an outpouring of cars and hence spaces.

I went to watch The Post. After the film I rated this movie on IMDB and perhap, you could have a look at the scoring system communication. The application then tweets my result:

This film touches on so many issues that I hope to do it justice. Firstly, this film covers the release of secret documents from the DoD about the Vietnam war and the subsequent publication of them in newspapers followed by the government attempting to silence the newspapers. The newspapers were publishing the papers because they clearly showed that the government was lying to the public about many issues.

As the film is based around the Washington Post there is a small disgruntled group out there that think it trivialises the publication by the New York Times, but that is not the impression I got. It is clear in the film that The Times was publishing before the Post and that they had worked on it for much longer. This story is about power, women, suppression, and integrity.

The duty of the press to report the Truth outweighs their duty to friendships or the state. This film deals with the friendships of the owner of the Post and its editor. They know the main politicians within the plot and there’s the deliberation of them over-coming the friendships to print the story that needs to be in the public domain. This is a struggle but the message is clearly that politicians have always, and still do, cosy up to press barons to ensure a more biased hearing in the print. It happens today. The press seniors want to feel close to the powerful but they get drawn to the dark side.

There are a few scenes where we see Meryl Streep acting the part of a woman in business in the early 70s. She struggles against the object sexism in the boardroom. She is bullied by men who teat her as a lower form of life and force their own greedy ideas on to her. We learn that business is not what she wanted to do but it was forced upon her. Her performance was brilliant, I felt for this woman of the establishment, even though she was part of the establishment.

Watching the scenes where the paper is going to press and seeing the machines used to make newspapers was fascinating. I doubt very much it is done like that now and I’d be impressed to know where they found the machines for this film. I suspect some of the shots were CGI from previous “how it works” films. I love the complexity that humans can create to serve a good purpose.

This film was the story of an over-powered president of the USA bullying and shouting down the newspapers because he didn’t like the truth that they were printing. This was 1971. He hoped to shut down the press using the courts. It turns out that what the newspapers printed didn’t harm the soldiers fighting in Vietnam or damage the reputation of the USA anymore than trying to win that stupid war. The current situation is strange I think. The president in the White House is an over-powered racist with no political knowledge who is trying to shout down the truth the newspapers are trying to print because he wants to be loved and popular and “the best”. The methods have changed, he uses social media to get his ideas out there, but it is the same thing. Except, over the last year there have been SO MANY lies that I doubt the press can keep up and hold the executive in check. Many in the US population don’t care and aren’t bothered but reporting the truth is important. I hope the press continues to do so.

So, we have a film portraying a newspaper informing the public about the lying in the White House and exploring themes of sexism and oppression. Just like the current situation. It is a timely film for Hollywood to make and important to have its place in history. The entertainment world, which is largely not-republican, is fighting back. Notice who gets the awards and for what reason. Hollywood is using its position to push ideas through to the public, to help them see the chaos their country has become.

I gave this film a 10. Which is slightly surprising. I probably won’t watch this film again, but I am likely to follow it with All The President’s Men sometime soon. I gave this film a 10 because I am angry. I am angry at what I see this country, the UK becoming. I am angry at the utter incompetence of the political leaders in this land. The shit and shock of Brexit and the hatred that is being fuelled by social media and some elements of the press. I am angry at the self-destruction. Part of me, every now and then, stands back and says “go fuck yourself UK, you brought this on yourselves. I’ll keep my head down in my own little world and hope I can manage the next 30 years as this fucking stupid shit-show plays out”. I really wish I could pull away and be less caring about society and this country but it turns out I used to like this place. I used to enjoy the fact I could be me in a liberal, progressive country. I think I used to like this place. I liked the freedom to moan about the country without fear of reproach. I liked the freedom to not stand for the anthem. I look around and see a sad little island self-harming in the dark corner afraid to seek help or change its behaviour. My anger meant I want all people to see this film. To see how politicians use the press. To see the self-righteousness of those in power and how fragile they are. Look, I’m just angry at the “system”, the self-serving politicians and how they are destroying this country.

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Darkest Hour

This review is terribly late! I’ve been a little busy trying to watch the National Football League and my team are out. I feel sad. Except that it all starts again in September. On Saturday I went to the Cineworld Cinema at Rochester. I honestly forgot to pay any attention to the state of the estuary as I approached so the tide status will have to be forgiven this time. I was running slightly late and so was more worried about parking than where the saline stuff was. It’s always so busy in the evening at the cinema and the only way to get a parking spot is to arrive just after a film has finished. Mind you, it would help if people could park properly and keep within the guidelines on the ground.

I went to see Darkest Hour and I rated the experience on IMDB following the scheme described in this communication, although I need to update the rules and regs. I then tweeted my rating.

Well, it is safe to say I really enjoyed this film. The acting seemed impressive and while I am unaware of the historicity of it all it was a very good show. Gary Oldman was recognisable at times but you just believed it was Churchill. The relationship with Clemmy was brilliant and showed a tenderness.

Of all of the film I am unsure if Churchill did ride the tube one stop to Westminster but it was good for the story anyway.

An impressive film.

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President – Season 45

The ebb and flow of the tide continues as I watch the latest season of President, the virtual reality television show. This ground breaking production has, over 44 seasons, had its ups and downs. Here’s a small review:

I first became aware of the world of President during season 39. The scriptwriters had been slogging out the device they called the Cold War but the ratings must have dropped so they decided to fill the lead role with someone who was a washed up actor, it was considered as good as the genius of Birdman in its day. Hollywood just loves stories about Hollywood and actors.

Season 40 saw a thawing in the Cold War story and, when viewing figures dipped, the writers orchestrated an assassination attempt, borrowing from some of the highlights of seasons 16, 20, 25 and 35. As a brave turn the writers wanted to include a line about the decay of mental abilities in old age, raising awareness and so had the development of a President in early stage dementia. In a meeting about diversity the writers had created a strong female character but had her only as a senior world leader elsewhere, they didn’t believe the viewership was ready for the idea of a strong woman in the main part of their story. Using the internal rules of the series developed somewhere around season 33 they had to change lead actors and so the next President Season 41 was produced.

A war abroad wasn’t enough of a revolutionary choice to keep Season 41 alive but their special effects of burning oil fires encompassing a whole desert deservedly won awards and helped create a new industry. The audience was tired of wars overseas and the ratings dived. The woman leader of a small island was replaced by a grey, dull man and there didn’t seem to be anything special in the pipeline.

A change of writers saw a new team take the helm of USS White House [the studio’s nickname for the show]. What happened during Season 42 was the creation of a few long burning story lines to arc over many seasons. These initial moves were complete sideline plots. A story about banking regulation and development of a terrorist organisation from the past highlights of secret CIA funding in a sandy country.

These slow fuse stories were kept ticking over while they used the salacious details of sexual abuse of power in the White House to keep the ratings up. They even had 42 in court and accused of lying. Another peace keeping mission in a foreign country kept the gun-nut viewers happy with newsreel shot showing camouflaged men shooting.

The genius of this season was to place the lead character as a caring democratic fan while at the same time writing in an economic boom giving the opportunity for easing of the financial rules and sucking up to big business. The internal struggles of the writers to create a person who could brag about helping and caring while ruining the regulation that keeps the populous safe and licking the dicks [and clits] of rich people showed as they tore themselves apart and a team of new writers was brought in.

The original writers moved to another studio and set up the show “PM” where they created a leader of a small island who, during a financial boom, broke down regulation to allow more financial flexibility for business. Brilliantly, being Hollywood, they created a vain man obsessed with his image in the media. As I said earlier, Hollywood loves stories about Hollywood.

While the anti-climactic ending of this season developed the writers went for familial connections and had President 43 be the son of President 41. He came along to finish the work his daddy had started in season 41.

Only a few months into Season 43 the writers, with the stable old white man in the big job, went brave. They destroyed a group of iconic buildings on the New York set. They killed thousands in a highly rated episode for its terror and horror. These scenes would be played over and over raising so much money for the studio. At the same time they embedded their lead in the place of innocence, a primary school. This superposition garnered many awards, especially with the written reaction of the President, we can see his brain unable to cope with the news that his country is under attack. This story line had started with Season 41 and the war in a sandy place. His daddy’s war.

Now, the audience seemed ready for a long and messy overseas war. The writers worked hard on creating the evidence from past seasons but they just didn’t have the excellence in the team and they fell short. None of the claims made by the lead characters in President or PM [now running a joint storyline] held up to scrutiny when looking at the back story. The public were annoyed that new plot lines just appeared and hadn’t been developed within the franchise. Hollywood was accused of making-shit-up. This is, to be fair, their job but the public still moan about the lies told within the President universe and the way many smaller characters were written out of the series through deaths in those wars in more sandy places. Filming in deserts seems easy enough.

The last ditch attempt to overcome this viewer anger was to create unrest in the President universe by using a new plot device on the actions of financial de-regulation of earlier seasons. A western world financial crash towards the end of Season 43 caused massive personality hardships for the lead characters and a new approach was needed to get the ratings back.

Season 44 was ground breaking. A black actor was cast as President. The writers had discovered a seam of pure viewing gold. Having 44 working tirelessly and seeming to do good in the world, balancing intelligence and humour while being photogenic helped. They even created a lasting, genuine bond between 44 and his second lead, who, to keep the racist viewers happy was white. Keeping the soap opera theme going they brought back the wife of 42 giving the senior characters oestrogen along with colour. Every now and then the racist-side characters would mimic the accusations of some of the viewers and pipe-up in the calling for proof that this man was eligible for the main job. They kept this theme running using ingenious plot devices of stupid business leaders and a dodgy news channel called Fox, because it’s one letter away from Fux, created as an internal joke a couple of seasons ago.

The writers plan was to have the economy improve over time and the wars to end slowly. There was still some torture and wrongful imprisonment, but they figured that it would only raise the viewing figures as people wondered whether the new black demi-god would fall from grace. Unfortunately the viewers don’t like characters being nice, they don’t like stable. The audience wanted scandal. The writers tried to raise figures by killing the leader of the terror attack from the beginning of Season 43 but the studio declared it wasn’t enough.

There were hints of the crazy to come as Season 44 marched towards the now standard season ending climax when the next lead character is revealed. All along the discussion process they had placed a well qualified woman against a fucking moron of a woman-abusing racist. This person had been a low, rarely occurring character during previous seasons best known for excluding black people from his properties during Season 38 and then more recently as an horrific television host with a glamorous wife whose show was glimpsed on the screens in the background of family discussions moving forward the main story line. He had even had some role in the undermining of 44’s leadership as a habitual user of the newly developed plot device of social media.

Only history and the release of minutes of meetings will determine who the fuck ordered the JUMPING SHARK. Someone ordered the writers to appeal to the dumbest arseholes in the viewership by having the orange monkey win the competition to be the next lead in Season 45.

The whole world of viewers, followers, and critics alike raged at the placement of an idiot in charge of the USS White House in the current season. Suspicion is abound that the writers had been meeting with the rival team over at PM and had used their idea of a shitstorm of plots where the small island votes to leave a community and club worth much in financial and social terms to themselves but they were too short-sighted to see it. The PM writers had gone with a script of chaos and the ratings just leapt.

So, now we have Season 45. After jumping the shark the writers are working hard keeping the crazy going. Now, the whole world is watching and the viewing figures are higher than ever. All the talk around the world at the water-cooler, or shared kettle, is about what will happen next in this crazy universe of President Season 45.

To list all the crazy so far would be impossible but having a lying, sexual abusing, bullying racist as their lead means the writers can do whatever they want. The only limit is their imagination. They’ve had the President say that racists are fine people, the President accuse his accusers of lying, a whole range of actors brought in to some senior roles, a dick-size battle played out internationally, collusion and collaboration with a foreign power, speeches of ramblings and unintelligence, bragging of power and general fuckery.

Whatever follows in the next season is going to be a downturn. They can’t maintain this level of crazy for ever. The viewers will get tired of it and this critic looks forward to the next season of President being humdrum and quiet with a return to social caring.

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Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Last night I went to an “Unlimited Screening”. I’m not really sure what that means but I was glad of the opportunist to see this film. As I drove along the riverside road I could see birds standing in groups out on the mud flats. The tide was not in.

Mudflats
Mudflats

So, I went to see Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri. [pause while I look up US states because I only know those on the coast]. I rated this film on IMDB and you should read this communication about the scoring system [although I think it needs updating, the system is slowly failing].

This film shows what can be done in the cinema. We arrive part way through longer story arcs and leave before the finish. The characterisation and humanity in this film is created through dialogue and situations. This film is how it should be done. It shows just how simple and obvious many other films are. It shows how to do “people”.

The story is touching, sad and just works well. The acting is brilliant. The photography is perfect. It all works. This is a film people should see because it exposes the shitness of all the other stuff you watch.

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Paddington 2

The other day I took a trip to Rochester cinema along the esplanade. For some reason these communications now have references to the state of the tide as I visited. I’m not sure when this started but I do know it was used as a coded reference to the time of day I went. So, if you can find my first reference to the tide then you can work out what time I went to see that particular film. Instead of telling you I can show you what the tide was like:

Medway Tide
Medway Tide

Normally all the green in the foreground is covered with water at high tide. Maybe next time I’ll get a shot of the mud flats?

Anyway, I went to see Paddington 2. I haven’t seen the first one, maybe I should watch that now? But I can say I enjoyed this film. Here’s my scoring tweet:

So, I really enjoyed this film. This and Jumanji have helped me get over the December slump and the mess that was Star Wars. Paddington 2 was a delightful little film full of the great and good of British film and television. It was, essentially, a very clever little film using all the techniques and plots from cinema over time. It was a detective story, a story about adoption and family, a story about identity and immigration, a prison break, a musical, a cop caper, and also a train race with a circus and treasure.

The humour in this film was carefully used and suitable for all ages. Overall this was a great little film and deserves to do well.

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Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

I took a trip last night to see Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle last night. I had flip-flopped about going for a good hour or so earlier in the day but decided to get out and stop playing Gran Turismo. I pay money to get to the cinema and so I should go, even if there aren’t really any films I’m that bothered about, December was a bleak month for films on my list.

I don’t recall what the tide was like but I have sought out that information online and let me tell you, the sine curve is lovely.

Rochester Tide
Rochester Tide

I know this doesn’t show the actual day I went to the cinema but just work backwards. I think it only changes by about an hour per day.

HW Times
HW Times

So, on to the film. As is custom within these pages I rated the film on IMDB. See this communication for an explanation of the rating system.

So, I really enjoyed this film. It was enjoyable, funny and well written. It was a little one-dimensional and obvious, but really it’s a kids film so I can let that pass. I do like the fact that the kids in the original film had the surname “Parrish”. They even get a shout-out in this film.

There were a few times when I thought the action was a little over-the-top, but then I realised this is based on a computer game and those things are what you would do in a game. I mean, flying a helicopter forwards at 90 degrees of roll!

I’m happy to say that I really enjoyed this film.

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Star Wars – The Last Jedi

YOU ARE WARNED: There may be spoilers ahead. I don’t know yet. I haven’t written this article!

A few days ago I went to the Rochester Cineworld Cinema by the river Medway to see the latest Star Wars film and I have waited a few days before writing this as it could have been a very negative review and I didn’t want to put my dear readers off the film [unlikely].

I’m not sure about the state of the tide this time as it was dark and I didn’t pay attention as I drove along the esplanade. I have rated this film on the IMDB website and I think it gained two stars from my immediate reaction as I left the theatre. Read this communication to get an idea of scale.

And, on to the important bit:

I walked out of this movie really pissed off with it. In the initial battle [YOU WERE WARNED] why did Dameron continue to attack the Dreadnought? He is fucking stupid and shouldn’t be a leader of troops. Why do space ships have to attack in a straight line? Why didn’t the Star Destroyers just shoot the Rebel ship? Surely you disable the enemy’s escape plan first then finish them on the surface? Why do the bombers drop bombs as if there is gravity? I have so many more questions about the military tactics of the film. It was all very much lambs to the slaughter. If I rated the film when leaving the cinema I would have given it a 4! Hence I wrote this communication.

A day later I spoke to a friend about the film. He said it was pretty good fun. I wasn’t sure I agreed. We ranted about all the stupid plot elements and how much of it didn’t make sense. It took a good 40 minutes of us ranting to iron out the problems with this film. That’s not a good sign. I don’t have the time or inclination to write it all here. Clearly my problems with the opening sequence are pretty bad and I’ve not even put them all down!But, here’s the thing:

IT’S JUST A STAR WARS FILM

It’s not meant to be brilliant. It’s meant to make money. I let go of Star Wars a few years after episodes 1-3 were released because I just couldn’t stand the constant disappointment. I haven’t learnt really either!

So, here’s the best bit:

IT’S STILL MUCH MUCH AND MORE LOADS BETTER THAN EPISODES I, II, and III

I have, over the last week, relaxed in my view of this film. Yes, there was loads of bullshit and plots that were shit. The humour was OK and I quite enjoyed that. I even quite liked the porgs. So, I have rated this film an 8. I will watch it again and try to be less bothered by plot and serious things and just try to enjoy the cinematic experience.

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A Star Wars Film

I have just returned from watching the latest Star Wars movie. This communication is a holding-communication as I have friends who haven’t seen the movie yet. When I do review the movie there will be spoilers. I will also rate the movie on IMDB.

I need to let thoughts settle in my head before I write.

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Iron Maiden – Iron Maiden

This is the next draft in my list but I’m not sure I’ve completed all the Is before this one. However, I don’t care. This album is SEMINAL.

There’s a communication somewhere here called Descent into Metal. I’m not sure if this album appears but I still rate this as the second best Iron Maiden album after Killers. I love the raw sound, the anger and the power behind this album. It’s brilliant.

Prowler – awesome
Remember Tomorrow – shivers down my spine
Running Free – YEAH!
Phantom Of The Opera – Lucozade advert anyone? plus tempo changes and harmonies!

 

 

Transylvania – incredible instrumental
Strange World – mysterious magic
Charlotte The Harlot – what you gonna do?
Iron Maiden – Marvellous.

My CD version also has Sanctuary on it which is a super song. Just brilliant.

Now, I’m not known as a wordsmith, far from it. Hence this communication doesn’t quite match my emotional relationship with this album. I have listened to these songs since I was 14 or 15 and I still think it’s a great album.

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