I got some Satyricon albums when I was due to see them as part of a festival in 2014. The festival got cancelled and I didn’t end up seeing this band. I might have listened through this once, I’m not sure. I didn’t like it.
Vol. 3: The Subliminal Verses – Slipknot
I’ve had this album playing while I’ve been sorting out my SSL certificate on this website. So, given the music has finished I’ve been working on this for about an hour. I’d like to say I managed to do it all myself but I had to employ some lovely people at my hosting company a few times to guide me through the process. I think it’s something I did about two years ago so it’s unlikely for me to remember all the things I have to do. I also find that terminology changes between help pages and the actual webpages that you are trying to edit so it can be a pain sometimes when you aren’t sure if you are doing the right thing.
This album has some awesome songs on it, mostly I think I know them from the Antennas From Hell live album but they are still good songs. I highly recommend The Blister Exists, Duality, Before I forget.
It’s a Slipknot album. It’s what you expect. Chaos and noise. It’s great.
Uncharted
So I went to see Uncharted at the third attempt! The first time I was due to go I had a migraine and so cancelled the tickets. The second time I thought I had double booked myself and so also cancelled those tickets and finally I went to see it yesterday. I suspect it seems like I was desperate to see this film but really it was the only thing on at the cinema that I even kind of wanted to see. The tide was quite high and coupled with the lovely sunshine the whole scene was particularly lovely, I was slightly annoyed I hadn’t left with more time to walk along the riverside and take some pictures but I was completing licence tests in Gran Turismo 7 and at the moment some things take priority.
After watching the film I rated it on IMDB and there’s a whole other communication somewhere on this site telling you how the rating system works. I then tweet the result at some point depending on whether I have the Twitter app on my phone or not. I am currently in a period of not-having the app on my phone so the tweeting has to wait for me to get to my PC and remember to do it.
I saw Uncharted (2022) and rated it 6/10 – IMDb – https://t.co/JlUhfoX4nc
— Ian Parish (@iparish) March 21, 2022
Now what follows is traditionally where I write about the film and why I gave it the score I did. So I guess I should do that. I didn’t hate this film. I don’t know the game at all so I wasn’t that bothered by it following the storyline of that. There was a point where I was bored of the film and honestly just wanted it to end. I think I decided I didn’t hate the film by the end of it. There’s only so much treasure hunting you can do, especially when it isn’t interesting.
It’s amusing that scammers would be able to figure out where a load of buried treasure would be when academics who have studied these things for years have no idea. At least Indiana Jones was a university dude. I honestly have so many questions about how the movie makers think the world works, but I suspect they would just wave me off with “plot” or something. For instance, GPS underground? Two whole ships in a cave with a tiny entrance? Helicopters carrying said ships? No noise in a C17 with the cargo doors open?
On a larger matter I found it funny that the heroes were both white dudes. The bad people was one Spanish old guy, a Scotsman, and two women, the only women who just happened to be not-white. I’m not entirely sure what this says about the world and what we subconsciously think about it. Except, we most definitely know the world is a racist place.
So, this is communication 2022 and the list of things that happened in that year I guess must come to an end. It is March and we aren’t that far through the year but it’s already really fucking shit. There are some good things, I went to LA with my friends, but mostly it’s all shit. I want to replace the “things that happened in that year” but I’m not sure what with at the moment. I will ponder and let you know.
Vixen – Vixen
It’s been a while since I wrote an album review but I’m tantalisingly close to getting this done. I’ve started to understand the problems with winning a Grand Slam or the World Championships – it’s something you dream about and hope for and work towards, then, once you win, there’s nothing left to aim for, it’s done, all that work is ended. Now, while not a sporting accomplishment, I get that kind of feeling when I finish a television series. The time, the emotional investment, the pain, it all comes down to the final hour of broadcast and then is over. It’s something I simultaneously want to do and yet, I’m worried about what comes next. So, here we are with the album reviews and my around the world flight on X-Plane. Some day these reviews will end. Once I’ve done the A-Z of albums I’m going back to review all the non-metal albums! I’ve already got plans to review all the EBM albums I have, which is pretty much everything I’ve bought over the last ten years. I am mildly terrified what I’ll do once I get back to RAF Valley on my around the world flight. I’m currently in South Korea and still have to get around the Americas but one day that will come to an end.
I do love this album. It’s a product of its time almost perfectly. It’s such an 80s rock sound and is great to listen in the summer. I think it makes perfect BBQ background music, but then I could be wrong about that. I know that whenever I put music on the atmosphere dies so . . . . This album was recommended by Mark H when I was at school. I think he had a copy and so I got it on tape. Music cassettes were the easiest way to transport music and also listen while moving in those days. I don’t think there’s a bad song on this album. It’s brilliant middle of the road tempo rock that works in almost any situation. The fact that it’s recorded by women is secondary to all that.
If you want an album to recreate the worst or best of the 80s without the blatant misogyny then this is a good choice. Women playing hard music and beating the men at the job. I really do enjoy this album. It’s always enjoyable.
This is communication number 2014 and so I write a few things that happened in that year of the common era, all the while knowing that soon I’ll have to make a decision about what happens when I reach 2022.
- Belgium legalises euthanasia.
- MH370 disappears.
- 304 people die when a Korean ferry capsizes.
- Alan Eustace sets a world record highest and longest free fall jump from 135,908 feet.
- Rosetta spacecraft’s Philae probe successfully lands on Comet 67P.
Dog
I went to the cinema to watch the film “Dog”. Let’s get something quite straight here, “Dog” is a shit title for a film. Even when the protagonist calls the dog “dog” all the time. The weather hasn’t been great and so a trip to a warm building to be entertained seemed a good idea. The river Medway was almost as high as I’ve seen it as the tide was high and there was a low pressure over this area of the world, causing tides to be a little higher. After I watched the film I really struggled to work out what score to give the film on IMDB. I had to think about the scoring system explained here and then I ended up giving a 6.
I rated Dog 6/10 – IMDb – https://t.co/PPMV6N1zBu
— Ian Parish (@iparish) February 20, 2022
I’m not entirely sure this film deserves a “six” out of ten but I didn’t actively want to leave the cinema so I think it gets that score by default. I’m still not sure I enjoyed this movie or whether it’s any good. OK, well, it’s not a good film but is it terrible? This was billed as a buddy movie and the fixing of two broken animals. I found the first few scenes quite full of toxic masculinity while the man walked around the Rangers Headquarters which I assume are somewhere in the north west of the USA. I don’t know and I’m not that fussed. It was interesting as people were in all stages of militarisation while also getting ready to be deployed somewhere. I found it quite funny, it’s not how bases work.
Our lead character has brain problems and suffers migraines and fits. He’s desperate to get back to working for a “security company” so that he can earn money because there isn’t a social security net in the USA and they treat their veterans like shit. In my time of dealing with the military it is clear that people in the military love it and also absolutely hate the fuck out of it. Then, when they leave, they miss it and aren’t really supported or looked after. I find it frightening that the state can ask these people to do its bidding for them but then not give a shit afterwards. Very tory I guess.
This film was not as funny as expected, the trailer made it look better. So it wasn’t a comedy. It tried to be a social commentary with the hip Portlanders being funny and people living off grid on a cannabis farm, but it failed at that really. We should have seen our soldier struggling with life and he seemed quite switched on to me. If you want a better movie covering all of these issues then you need to see First Blood. It’s a far better film. Nothing in this film really surprised me or bothered me. It could have been so much better. Oh well.
This is communication number 2013 and so here are some things that happened in that year:
- Chelyabinsk meteor.
- Benedict XVI resigns, fuck the pope.
- An industrial building collapses in Bangladesh and kills 1134 people.
- Super Typhoon Yolanda kills 6241 in Philippines and Vietnam.
Moonfall
Going to the cinema within twenty four hours of a bender weekend in LA might not have been the best of ideas! But I went anyway. I’d like to convince myself that I watched a lot of this movie but, to be honest, you didn’t really have to, so there were definitely parts that I skipped through some voluntary eye shutting.
On the way to the cinema I took note of the tide and it was actually quite high. No mud bank to be seen. The water was a little choppy from the high winds being experienced. Driving over the Medway motorway bridge required more concentration as the car got blown around a little. I think there are storm warnings out for a few days this week. After the film I rated it on the IMDB website and there is a whole communication covering the grading system written here. I then tweeted the result from my PC as I’ve removed Twitter from my phone for mental health reasons [good ones].
I rated Moonfall (2022) 4/10 – IMDb – https://t.co/UeuVHlYzFZ
— Ian Parish (@iparish) February 16, 2022
I knew this film would be terrible but I didn’t really to be as bad as it was. It really struggled with the whole “I know something that everyone else thinks is stupid” thing. Most of the film was irritating. It looked great but that doesn’t really help when the story, plot and script are all pretty shit. At least I knew what I was getting myself into.
I did spend most of the movie wondering who the actress who looked like Halle Berry was and it turned out to be Halle Berry.
This is communication number 2010 and so here are some things that happened in that year:
- The final CRT television is manufactured.
- A magnitude 8.8 earthquake in Chile.
- Deepwater Horizon explosion.
- Germany makes final reparation payment for WW1.
The 355
So I went to Cineworld at Rochester to see a film. It was actual daylight when the film started and the weather wasn’t that bland grey that we tend to have all the time, there was sun. It wasn’t a warm day but it was a pleasant day. So, to help with the records I took a picture of the river and mud banks so I can say that the tide was low. There are other pictures I think and I might even, one day, walk further along the bank to take a picture of the mud banks that I look for. I wouldn’t be surprised if a photograph like that already exists on this site, there’s a lot of stuff on this site that I’ve forgotten exists!
In the photograph you can see the mud banks on the opposite side of the river, clearly showing that the tide is low. Also, if you look at the bridge supports you can see the green slime where the river covers and then exposes the concrete. Hence, the tide was low. Looking at the shadows and area of light on the far bank it is clear the sun is directly to the right of the bridge. The shadows are long. Both of these facts indicate winter – low sun – and time of image – early afternoon – due to the direction of the bridge – a little bit below east.
I went to see the film The 355. I didn’t really know anything about it before going except that it was an action film with women in the main roles. After the film I thought for quite a while about how to rate this film, there’s a guide to the ratings in this communication. I settled on scoring this film an eight out of ten.
I rated The 355 (2022) 8/10 #IMDb https://t.co/pPwo5OHb88
— Ian Parish (@iparish) January 9, 2022
I think I might watch this film again one day. Mostly I will be watching it to figure out what the fuck the plot was and what was happening. There was a general consensus of which city each section of the film took place. There was some aim for each scene to achieve and I think the film got there. What I didn’t really understand was who owned the MacGuffin at various points through the film. I’d quite like to see a diagram of what the film makers thought was happening at each stage.
There’s also been some criticism of this film because the lead actors are women. Well, those so called critics can go fuck themselves. What a stupid world we live in at the moment where people can’t accept the breakdown of traditional gender roles. All the people who think like that can fuck off and die. Well, I guess they will die eventually and with luck those thoughts will die out at the same time. We should be progressing as a society not constantly striving to go backwards.
My suggestion to make the film a little better would be to say that the MacGuffin is a quantum computer. The little USB box that turns any device into a super cracking computer able to shut down aircraft or power stations is just a silly looking USB device. It’s explained at various times that it’s a collection of algorithms or ransomware etc. That isn’t how any of those things work. An easier, and more correct, explanation would be that it’s a quantum computer. Once those babies are made and work all current security protocols are screwed. Everything we think about internet security won’t work. It would have been a more realistic explanation of what the device is.
I found it curious that the film thinks you have to have an actual auction to cover the fact that you are also running an auction on the dark web. Nope. You can just run an auction on the dark web. You don’t even need the product to be nearby. It certainly doesn’t need to be linked to a physical object in a real auction. The people bidding on your MacGuffin clearly don’t need to be anywhere near the real auction. The two events can be divorced entirely. This part of the plot made zero sense. It was worse than terrible.
Now, here’s a little more of a justification for giving this film an eight out of ten. The last few Bond films I have watched I have spent quite a while trying to figure out “why is he going there”, “what is going on”, and more generally “why?”. Plenty of Bond films are just as terrible as this film is with respect to plot devices, MacGuffins, characters, killing random people, shooting up cities in far away places, having coffee in Paris. I couldn’t really see any difference between this film and a Bond film except that I don’t really like Bond anymore. I think I grew up.
This is communication number 2007 and so here are some things that happened in that year:
- The first iPhone is released. It wasn’t actually that good in terms of technical specs.
- Live Earth concerts are held to raise awareness of environmental issues. How’d that work out?
- Start of the financial crisis 2007-2008. The effects are still being felt.
- A cyclone in Bangladesh kills 17,000 people.
Not Another Film Review Communication?
I have decided to start a new film review service but don’t worry I’m not going to be adding these to this website. I’ve found that I often start watching the same film on Netflix or Amazon Prime but I only notice about fifteen minutes into the film. I get quite a few recommendations and neither service particularly remembers which films you have seen before and I don’t really go in for rating those films on those services.
Now, I like space films which are clever or just space films which are well written. I’m not that fussed on how well made they are. I’ve even recently watched a spate of second world war films but not because I’m fascinated with the war but more because of the stories they hold and things I didn’t know about. Most war movies are utterly depressing and full to the brim of the definition of survivor bias.
Anyway, I’ve seen a lot of terrible films on both of these main streaming services so I have created a spreadsheet to start avoiding watching them again. I’ve only just started this so it’ll be interesting to see how long it takes before I’m referring to it before I watch something. I will also add to the list as I discover films I’ve already seen and try to write down what I think. I will not be adding the reviews of these films to this site. I’ve got plenty to write about here once I start heading back to the cinema and once things start happening again.
This is communication number 2005 and so here are some things that I note took place in that year:
- The Airbus A380 makes its first flight.
- The Provisional IRA downs all arms.
- Hurricane Katrina
- Drawings of Muhammad are printed in a Danish magazine.
Vivid – Living Colour
I got this album because Living Colour should be something I want to listen to. I’ve never listened to it.
This is communication number 2004. Here are some things that happened that year.
- Transit of Venus which I remember watching at work.
- Schumacher wins his final F1 title.
- The Millau viaduct opens.
- The Boxing Day tsunami.
Venomous Rat Regeneration Vendor – Rob Zombie
All the Rob Zombie stuff is good. I bought a load before seeing him at M’era Luna a long time ago apparently, I seem to remember it was just the year before last, covid has fucked memories. I couldn’t tell you anything specific about this album. I don’t think you’d be disappointed if you got it.
This is communication number two thousand and two. Here are some things that happened in that year:
- The Euro becomes the currency of those countries in the Eurozone.
- Iraq agrees to disarm wrt UN Resolution 1441.
It’s been curious completing these little lists of things that happened in each year. When I started back in the 1800s I think there were lots of things that stuck out from the rest as I went through the list of events on Wikipedia. I found fires, human rights and climate change things with ease. Now I’m looking at the lists of things from the 2000s it’s becoming harder to find things that resonated with me in that time. The 80s and early 90s were quite clear and events stuck out. But, now, not so much. I wonder if that’s to do with my experience of those years and whether I just wasn’t that aware of what was going on? It will be interesting to see what happens as we come closer to the present day.