Author: Ian

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Pet Sematary

I’m having a cup of Earl Grey tea as I write this because for some reason I want Earl Grey tea. I’m not sure why but I had to go and buy a box of tea bags just to satisfy this craving.

This afternoon I went to the cinema at Rochester, the Cineworld one, the one I always go to, and I watched another horror film. I’ve a number of things I want to talk about here but first there are some formalities to get through. The tide was quite low and I did’t take a photograph this time but I did look at the lovely murky water as it journeyed past to the Thames Estuary.

I also rated this film on IMDB. I then used the app feature to share my opinion with the world because I know the world wants to know what I think.

So, the things I want to say are in broadly two themes. The first is what I thought of the film the other is why I think I dislike horror movies.

I haven’t read the book and I haven’t seen any other film version. So, this film was a bit shit. But that might because of what I write in the next paragraph. My issues are the following:

  • IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH A PET CEMETERY. A cat nearly gets buried there. That’s it. All the rest of the action happens upon a special fucking hill which people only go and visit when it’s night time because otherwise they’d see it’s just a hill. WITH STEPS. This place you aren’t meant to go has STEPS.
  • This is surely a love story? The ending seemed perfect for a sort of “let’s get together” type of film. I’m not sure I was meant to empathise with  anyone, I didn’t really. I did like John Lithgow though, it’s hard not to.
  • A cat being evil isn’t a surprise. We all know they can be evil fuckers. It didn’t really seem that evil in the end. It just scratched someone.
  • They did kill a kid and well done to the film makers.
  • Trees aren’t scary.

While I was watching this film I was trying to work out why I don’t enjoy horror movies. It’s not like when I was a young teenager and I saw loads of classics and each one affected me quite a bit back then:

  • The Omen (all parts)
  • Poltergeist
  • Amityville
  • And probably a few others

I think I struggle with these themes now because I don’t believe in any form of soul or afterlife. I don’t believe in anything after death. There’s no evidence and all religions which offer the afterlife are cons.

I am subject to jumps and foreboding but I think in horror films it’s not done subtly enough for me. It’s obvious when there’s going to be a pop-scare. The music seems too leading, I guess these slasher flicks seem to grate rather than entertain. I mean, if you lived in this sort of universe you’d fix up all lights and basement rooms during the day time and make sure everything worked well in the house. Who’d walk around a house in the dark when they hear the noises of the undead?

Do you know what I watched last night that was better than the last two films I saw at the cinema:

UNDER SIEGE

It was amazing. I enjoyed every minute of it and I have every time I’ve watched it since seeing it at the cinema in 1992. There might be too many bullets in each magazine but as films go it is great fun. Well done to those who made it. It still works well twenty seven years later [it hurt writing those numbers]. Except Steven Seagal is clearly a nutter now.

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Soulless

I went for a walk through Maidstone yesterday and happened to have a cup of tea at the cafe in the House Of Fraser store at one end of the Fremlin Walk shopping experience. The following photograph was taken through a window while sitting and drinking.

Fremlin Walk
Fremlin Walk

Upon initial inspection the place seems nice and pretty but when you gaze for longer you can see how horrible and soulless the design is. All the buildings are the same, the colours are all pastel shades meant to compliment each other and the trees are evenly spaced. The place has no soul. It has no organic-randomness. It’s a designed space and I think it looks horrible.

Towns are organic growing places where new buildings should have purpose and style along with individuality. We shouldn’t have everything looking the same, it should be interesting and varied. Too much order is a bad thing, although you could argue it is very efficient but at the same time it lacks a certain quality.

Places like this don’t looked lived-in. They look forced. I shall go and find some contrasting pictures over the next week to continue my thesis. I’ve got some ideas of where to go.

Sky
Sky

This view was quite nice [note the lack of buildings though] although I missed getting the best symmetry. Maybe I should return to try again?

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Master Of Confusion – Gamma Ray

In reality this is a Helloween album. I think it’s Kai Hansen playing guitars and then the sound is more “Helloween”.

So, I’ve just been over to Wikipedia and I’m not sure what’s going on. This album is named for Gamma Ray on my music collection but it isn’t in the list of titles by Gamma Ray on their Wikipedia page. This means it might really be by Helloween [which is almost the same thing].

Fuck. It’s not on the Helloween Wikipedia page either. That’s me a bit bollocksed there then. Now the next thing is to search for the title rather than the band name. Perhaps I’ll try Kai Hansen.

Now I’m lost. It’s not on his page either.

The album is playing as I write this and bugger me if they haven’t covered “Death Or Glory” by a NWOBHM band which I’ve heard many times on a album collated by Lars Ulrich. However, the search isn’t going well to figure out this album because now I’ve search for “Death Or Glory” and all I’m getting is a song by The Clash and it’s NOT THAT ONE.

The next song has started and it’s a ballad bullshit thing. It’s called Lost Angels and sounds like it too.

Right, I’ve solved the Death Or Glory problem, it#s by a band called Holocaust, of course it is.

Back to searching for the album artist that I’m listening to at the moment. This review is causing pain and effort. Originally I was just going to write:

It’s typical Helloween and I haven’t listened to it much.

Jesus! That took some time. But now I’ve found it. The album is actually an EP with only a couple of new songs and some live versions of other songs. Here’s the Wikipedia page. Oh, it has three sides to the EP. Because, of course it does.

My next challenge is to try and find the NWOBHM compilation that Lars Ulrich put together as there’s a load of great songs on it.

MasterOfConfusioCover.jpg
By Source, Fair use, Link

On my previous communication I forgot to mention that I have finally completed the L section of the reviews and now I’m on the M bit, I mean I know it’s obvious but it feels like an achievement.

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Maiden England ’88 – Iron Maiden

Honestly, I bought this a few years back because it’s a recording of the first concert I went to. Except it isn’t. I saw Maiden on 10th December 1988 at Wembley Arena and it was spectacular. This recording is them at the NEC in Birmingham. I think I’ve played it once.

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Lego 66 – Magazine Kits

Here’s another couple of Lego models for me to catalogue. These came attached to one of those magazines that cost around GBP5. But I think the models look quite cool.

Dwarf Spider Droid micro edition
Dwarf Spider Droid micro edition
U-Wing micro edition
U-Wing micro edition

It’s probable that the U-Wing is part of the rebellion against the established government of the galaxy. If we use a neo-con view of the world then we would probably think they are rebel scum, all those terrible people fighting for the rights of everyone. Could it be that they are the bad side?

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Lovesexy – Prince

Wow, two albums in the “L” section of this as I trawl through my stuff alphabetically. The main this I remember about this album is that it was recorded on a tape which had Bon Jovi and then went straight into this. I’m not sure they go together but that tape was a product of its time, around 1990 in my lifescale.

There are two songs which strike me as best on this album and they would be: Alphabet St and Lovesexy. I don’t listen to this album often, it is however most definitely a summer sound. It’s worth a listen.

As I had a taped copy of this originally from SR I didn’t know the format of the album and when I got the CD version I was annoyed that the whole album is listed as a single track. I spent quite a while finding software to break the album into individual tracks but I go there in the end. I now have this as a digital copy on the NAS. It’s there forever. Unless there’s an EMP, in which case we are all fucked.

I can remember this tape playing as I drove cadets to a band competition in the late 1990s. I had this playing in the minibus and we were all singing along to Bon Jovi and then Prince started playing. I quite liked the contrast but it was not universal!

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Loveless – My Bloody Valentine

I got this after a friend recommended it as a highly rated album. I knew it wasn’t metal but I wasn’t sure what it was. I can tell you that I would describe it as haunting blurry music with distortion. I can’t decide if it’s actually any good. It sounds like it comes from the early 90s and they are a band trying to make a name for themselves as being different and not the usual Manchester lot.

I guess that first paragraph is rather vague but I have listened to this quite a bit and it might possibly be summer music but it’s not one I rush to. I also haven’t looked up anything on Wikipedia [which I will do after publishing this] so I can’t be held accountable for anything I’ve said which accidentally is true.

It’s worth a listen but probably best while high?

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Not A Neo Con

I found an advert which, I think, lies! I was looking through the newspaper that my parents read and I found the advert below. Now, let me first explain that I do not agree with the “news”paper that my parents read and given my personal politics it stresses me that they still get this heap of shit delivered to their door. I have offered to pay for a different paper but they have refused. I’m not sure why they still read the Express but it is a vile piece of work.

What A Con
What A Con

This advert is along the lines of what started me into this skeptical hole in the first place. Originally my father gave me a magnet that surround the fuel line in a car and then magically makes the car engine more efficient. I’ve written about it here. At first glance it seems reasonable that something might increase the fuel efficiency of an engine, but if it’s that simple don’t you think the manufacturers would do it anyway?

I wrote about a fuel chip I saw advertised in a motorcycle magazine here. It seems that this device is making very similar claims. Notice that if you want, you can get your money back if you aren’t happy with the results. This is a classic scam because no-one cares enough to ask for their money back.

Having looked at the website in this advert and the one for tank chip they both are in association with the same company.

Hamilton Direct

This company is based in Paignton in Devon. They seem to peddle a lot of bullshit. Don’t buy anything from them.

The bike insurance people Bennetts did a proper testing regime on the tank chip and they found it makes no difference. You can see their results here: Bennetts.

If the product seems to good to be true then the chances are that it is.

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An Avatar

I’ll probably mess around and update this one soon, but this is my current Gran Turismo driver:

Kertz
Kertz

I think you can just see two decals for this website as advertising. Pretty poor placement by me and perhaps I should change the colour.

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