I’ve been concerned recently with my lack of emotion and terror at the current Covid-19 and lockdown situation. Even when this started and I self-isolated on 17 March 2020 I was very much “oh well, I’ll have to do that” rather than feeling any particular angst at the need to do that. The last two months have had me working pretty hard remotely and only seeing one particular triangle of Kent. I’ve been to work, the supermarket and dropped the kids off. That is all I’ve done. I’ve not been anywhere else and it seems to feel completely normal. The economy is screwed, people are dying and risk-management has never been more complex and I’m just OK – I’ll get on with it.

I don’t know if this is a particularly British response to things. We seem to be a nation of people who by and large do as they’re told. That’s why we haven’t had political revolution in this country for four hundred years. It’s why, after the first world war, we didn’t have a massive change in society and leadership along with the rest of Europe. It’s probably why we tend to think we are better than everyone else. So, if the government tell us to do something by and large we do it. Sure, there are some groups who don’t understand or don’t care but this country has largely stopped for two months.

We like to think that those in charge are capable of being in charge. It is clear to me that this current government is a far from capable as possible. We would have to go back quite a way before I thought we had a government that actually cared. Those leaders at the top are lying, racist wankers. They have no talents. The people get the government they deserve. If you voted for these scum then you are to blame for the utter lack of planning, caring, organisation and intelligence in leadership at the moment. This makes it even more bothersome that I’m rather calm at the moment.

I do wonder if there is only so much panic and worry the human person can cope with. Eventually that all becomes tiresome and something has to give. It could be your mental health and the panic doesn’t die but other aspects of human behaviour and thought get amplified. This is not a good place to be. I feel that my behaviour has been more of a “oh well, let’s just get on with it” attitude. But not because the government tells me to, but more of a – this is the situation now and so I should do my best to be within that system. I guess I am being that “get on with it” British person. I know the risks to me are quite slim. I know there’s a decent chance I’ll come out of this fine. I am also glad I have a state income at the moment and if that fails then there are much larger problems with society and a lack of money is not going to matter.

I guess humans [extrapolating from n=1 : me] seem to adjust to change quite well and will do as they are told. I will say once again that I do not trust a single word of advice from the government but I also understand risk, biology and mathematics to a certain degree and so am able to understand what to do. I occasionally imagine what it would have been like eighty years ago. In the skies above my village there would have been bombers, fighters and all hell breaking loose. People living in my house at that time might have struggled mentally and might have gone mad, we don’t have those stories. But, those people living in my two up two down might have gone about their daily business thinking that this is what life is like at the moment and we still need to get the bread.

I do have a constant sense of anger at the government and the lies they say along with how terrible they are. The older I get the more I see the inequality and the uselessness of those in charge. I’m not sure I have ever really been so impressed with a government looking back through my time. We’ve had the following prime ministers Callahan, Thatcher, Major, Blair, Brown, Cameron, May and now Johnson. Of those that I remember I think two of them might have been just about OK and did the best they could. I am not endorsing everything they did – illegal wars for one thing and PPI for another – I’m just saying they were less bad than the others. There is far too much that needs to be done and too few people who really see the need. I said to a manager of mine recently that I’m always angry. I am. I’m like Dr Banner but without the green alter ego.